Chapter 73 P - Unbearable

Outside the window, the sky, which had been pressing down for half the day, began to patter softly.

Chu Beiling quickly put down her phone, ran around and closed all the windows in the house. Soon, dense water droplets splattered on the glass, blurring the lights of thousands of homes outside into colorful jagged edges.

The room was dimly lit, and shadows were moving on the glass. Chu Beiling guessed it was probably the happy family of three from across the hall, enjoying their warm evening interaction.

He couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen them interact.

For a long time, after dinner, he would stay indoors with Xing Yu. He would sit in front of the easel and paint, while Xing Yu would play the cello behind him, each focused on their own task.

There was no interaction, yet it masked Chu Beiling's envy of the warm and loving family of three across the street.

The sound of rain gradually intensified, and the white noise was suddenly shattered by a car alarm. Chu Beiling snapped back to reality, sat back down at her easel, and tried to distract herself by painting.

He couldn't keep thinking about Xing Yu.

Chu Beiling grasped the paintbrush and began to sketch.

Half an hour later, the scene was half completed. Unlike the warm family of three across the street, there was a primary school student downstairs. Every time they helped with homework, chaos ensued, with shouting and crying echoing in the hallway.

It seemed like they were starting their homework again; the noisy, chaotic sounds came down and grew louder and louder, giving Chu Beiling a headache.

Without turning his head, he said directly, "Xing Yu, don't stop, play a more aggressive tune, it's so noisy upstairs."

After waiting for a while without any response, Chu Beiling turned around, only to find no one behind her.

His mind went blank for a moment.

The next second, an angry shout came from upstairs: "It's nine o'clock and you still haven't finished writing. What are you doing, dragging your feet?"

Chu Beiling stared blankly at the picture for a long time, intending to wait for the cursing from upstairs to stop before continuing to draw, but her mind was hopelessly occupied by Xing Yu.

It's too noisy, it's giving him a headache, and he can't concentrate at all.

When they stopped, it was always Xing Yu.

No matter what I do, it's wrong.

Chu Beiling irritably threw the pen into the bucket, grabbed her phone, and stared at the screen for a long time—

He then sent Xing Yu a message: "Your cello is with me. Shall I bring it up to you?"

Just after sending it out, Chu Beiling didn't know what she was thinking and quickly withdrew it.

Meanwhile, Xing Yu's chat bubble on the other end read: "I'll go down and get it."

Chu Beiling: "..." After a while, he replied: [Mm.]

Just moments later, there was a knock on the door. Chu Beiling first wondered why he was knocking when he had a key. Then, his mind went blank, and he got up to open the door.

I dared not and was afraid to think about it further; I felt both fortunate and disappointed.

The motion-activated lights in the stairwell were off, and the warm light from inside the room shone out, forming a triangular geometric shape on the ground, dividing it into two sides, one bright and one dark.

Their eyes met, and neither of them spoke. In the quiet space, only the sound of rain and heavy breathing could be heard.

After an unknown amount of time, Chu Beiling stepped aside to let Xing Yu in.

He followed behind Xing Yu, watching him turn on the study light, place the cello case he had brought down on the desk, turn around, lift the neck of the cello, take the heavy cello off the stand, and put it into the case.

In the empty study, there was the rustling sound of tidying up, followed by the dull creak of a zipper.

Then the sound stopped, and apart from the sound of rain, there was no other sound.

Chu Beiling watched without blinking as Xing Yu packed up his cello and walked up to him.

Chu Beiling met Xing Yu's dark, inky eyes, which held a complex mix of emotions that were hard to describe. Chu Beiling couldn't help but want to look away, yet he was irresistibly drawn to them.

He opened his mouth, wanting Xing Yu to put the cello down and not take it away.

But, but, but, he should go back to where he started with Xing Yu and become friends again.

He couldn't keep thinking about Xing Yu; he couldn't help but want to get closer to Xing Yu.

We should keep our distance from Xing Yu.

What should he do? Who can tell him what to do?!

The door was blocked by Chu Beiling, preventing him from leaving with his cello on his back. Xing Yu stared at him with displeasure and asked, "You won't let me in?"

He slightly raised his eyes, then quickly looked away, neither answering nor moving.

Under the warm light, Chu Beiling's face was unusually pale. He bit his lip hard with his sharp canine teeth, almost drawing blood.

Xing Yu frowned slightly, raised his hand and pinched his lower lip, forcing him to let go.

As soon as he let go, Chu Beiling bit him again, so Xing Yu had no choice but to continue: "Stop biting."

Chu Beiling seemed to be going against him; he wouldn't allow it, but he insisted on doing it anyway.

The two were silently competing with each other.

He can't accept it, but doesn't he feel angry and sad too?

He was the one who started distancing himself from him without saying anything, but in the end, he was the one who looked like he had been bullied badly.

Xing Yu thought he was just one step away from going crazy. Afraid of upsetting him, he had been holding back and restraining himself, but he was about to reach the breaking point and couldn't hold on any longer. Seeing Chu Beiling like this, Xing Yu really wanted to question him and ask him what he wanted from him.

But he couldn't bear to force Chu Beiling, nor could he, and he would feel sorry for him because of his appearance.

He was even more reluctant and unwilling to expose his feelings to Chu Beiling, so that he could understand, adapt to, and accept them.

Xing Yu paused, then finally smiled wryly and self-deprecatingly: "Stop biting me, does it hurt?"

Xing Yu's words were like a dull knife cutting into his heart; it couldn't cut through in one stroke, but it kept grinding and cutting, causing him pain so intense that he was almost losing consciousness.

—It was just a simple question, "Does it hurt?", but Chu Beiling felt as if Xing Yu was saying, "I love you so much."

Chu Beiling slowly released his mouth, and Xing Yu released his hand at the same time. He turned to the side to let Xing Yu go out.

He had only taken a couple of steps when he reached out and grabbed Xing Yu's sleeve.

Xing Yu lowered his eyes: "You..."

Chu Beiling withdrew her hand as if she had been electrocuted, lowered her eyes, and said nothing more, nor did she look at him again.

Seeing his expression, Xing Yu took a deep breath and had no choice but to turn around and leave.

On Sunday, Xing Yu went to Grandma Chen's house across the street again, had lunch with her, and then returned to school. Usually at this time, Chu Beiling would be sitting on the sofa eating fruit.

The fruit was all prepared, but Chu Beiling was late in coming up. They waited and waited, and it was almost time to eat, but he still hadn't come.

Grandma Chen went to the kitchen and asked, "Why isn't Fanfan up yet? He didn't come over yesterday."

Xing Yu: "He went back to school first."

Grandma Chen said, "What happened? Why did you suddenly go back to school without waiting for me?"

After a moment of silence, Xing Yu replied, "I want to go back and paint as soon as possible."

Grandma Chen laughed, "You've been stuck at school drawing for over a month, and you still haven't drawn enough!"

Xing Yu pursed his lips: "How can doing what you love be tiring?"

Grandma Chen nodded kindly, and after a while asked again, "You two didn't have a fight, did you?"

Xing Yu stopped what he was doing, then after a while, he started fiddling with the spatula again. "No."

Grandma Chen thought for a moment and said, "That's strange. Why did you suddenly go back to school without waiting for me? I'll call and ask if something else happened."

After saying that, he took out an old-fashioned mobile phone from his pocket.

Xing Yu stopped her in time: "Grandma Chen, please don't."

Grandma Chen had never seen him react so strongly before, and looked at him in confusion: "What happened?!"

Xing Yu pursed his lips and remained silent. He didn't know what to say; he truly didn't know what to say.

He couldn't tell Grandma Chen what had happened between him and Chu Beiling, or seek her help.

This is his own business, and he doesn't want to pressure Chu Beiling.

During this period, Xing Yu asked himself countless times.

After what happened with Su Beichen and Shen Zhi, he had another layer of doubt and worry about whether he truly loved Chu Beiling to the point of dragging him down with him.

Does he have the ability to protect Chu Beiling from worldly influences and pressures?

Xing Yu had no answer; he didn't know.

Precisely because he doesn't know and is uncertain, he shouldn't be selfish, make biased decisions, or try to get Chu Beiling to accept him.

Therefore, Chu Beiling's escape was the right thing to do. Disdain, fear, and avoidance are all normal emotions.

Xing Yu could understand.

Moreover, they have precedents to learn from.

They already knew what happened to Su Beichen and Shen Zhi—disgusting, perverted, these kinds of discussions were heard countless times in the following days.

Even after they left, things didn't end well for them.

I heard that Su Beichen was packed up and sent abroad by his father overnight, while Shen Zhi was taken to a mental hospital by his parents for treatment.

Xing Yu himself was fine with it, but he couldn't bear to see such words attached to Chu Beiling, and he didn't want to make things difficult for him.

He only hoped that Chu Beiling could be happy and focused on painting, using his brush to depict the colors of the world and create everything he desired.

If it's still possible, I'll stay with him forever, that's all.

“Chu Beiling and I have recently encountered some issues, but there’s nothing particularly serious, and we can resolve them ourselves,” Xing Yu said.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and Xing Yu is that child who never cries. He also rationalizes the behavior and demands of others. Even if he has great grievances and sadness, he always swallows them down and never speaks up, nor is he willing to trouble others to seek help.

Grandma Chen sighed: "Fanfan is a kind and good child. I don't know what happened between you and Fanfan, but I know this matter must be complicated and may be difficult for you to resolve."

She reached out and took Xing Yu's hand in her palm, gently rubbing the back of his hand with her rough, wrinkled hand: "Don't be afraid of problems, don't be afraid of grievances, Grandma Chen is here."

Xing Yu's nose tingled with emotion, and he immediately nodded: "Thank you, Grandma Chen."

Grandma Chen patted the back of his hand: "I should thank you for being willing to keep an old woman like me company. Okay, let's not talk about this anymore. Let's eat first. When you get back to school, take the jujubes and blueberries to Fanfan. He likes them."

Xing Yu responded softly.

More than a month had passed since he returned to school. Xigao was still the same as always, but a tremendous change had taken place between him and Xing Yu.

Normally, after finishing their art studio classes at this time, he and Xing Yu would return to Zhalongkou to have lunch with Grandma Chen, rest for a while, and then return to school together.

After finishing her morning classes, Chu Beiling went home to pack her luggage. Only after getting on the subway did she send a message to Xing Yu saying that she was going back to school first.

He didn't say much, just sent a message: "Okay."

Apart from him and Xing Yu, everyone else in their dorm entered the school gate just in time. Now, he was the only one in the dorm. Chu Beiling quickly packed his luggage.

Just as he was about to go out to sketch with his sketchbook, he looked up and saw his and Xing Yu's pillows, which were almost touching, even though they were separated by a railing.

Countless nights before, before falling asleep, he would reach through the gap in the railing to touch Xing Yu's face and pinch his earlobe to fall asleep.

Xing Yu's earlobes almost became his "Abebe".

Xing Yu would let him do whatever he wanted when he was in a good mood, but when he was in a bad mood, he would grab his hand and hold him in his arms so that he couldn't move.

Young Master Chu would get upset and pull his hand away if he couldn't get a pinch from Abebe, and then the two would start a contest, which would only stop when Ke Jincheng and Xue Ziang from the lower bunk kicked the bed board.

But Xing Yu always compromised first.

As soon as he got close to Xing Yu, his hands seemed to be at his beck and call, always unable to resist touching Xing Yu.

It's clearly not the right time now, and he needs to get things back to square one.

After hesitating for a while, Chu Beiling climbed onto the bed, took the pillow back to the side without the guardrail, stared at the pillow for a long time, bit his lip, and pounded the pillow with his clenched fists to vent his anger.

So annoying, so annoying, so annoying.

Why is it so annoying?

Chu Beiling bent down and buried her whole body in the pillow. "If only I were a girl, or if Xing Yu were a girl."

I don't know how much time has passed—

Chu Beiling got up from under the pillow and was about to get out of bed when she bumped into Xing Yu, who was tiptoeing out of the dormitory.