Chapter 19 Awakening from a Dream

The sweet scent of nectar lingered on the peach blossom paper, and Yanru clutched it as she sat before her dressing table. The desk was bare, only scattered with the scraps of flower ornaments. She applied layer upon layer of powder, changed her rouge over and over again, and tried on every pearl and hairpin in her turn, vowing to appear before Ji Mingxiu in her most beautiful and beautiful form, to astonish him and make him regret parting ways with her. She wanted to wear light makeup, to appear casual and nonchalant in front of Ji Mingxiu; then she wanted to wear heavy makeup, to emphasize her rebirth, a butterfly emerging from the cocoon. After a long moment of tossing and turning, Yanru stared at herself in the mirror. Her foundation was so thick it looked like a mask, and her cheeks were a rich rosy pink, more like an allergy from mosquito bites than a rosy complexion. The flowers and birds on her head clung together, overwhelming her thick black hair and making her eyes dazzled.

People don't look human, ghosts don't look ghosts. Women dress to please themselves. These days, away from Ji Mingxiu, she felt lonely and melancholy. She had no desire to dress, and even her makeup skills had faded. Yanru removed her hair, scrambled to her feet, and rushed to the basin rack by the door, burying her face in the basin and rubbing it vigorously. The powder dissolved, turning the clear water cloudy. She wiped away the drops, picked up the mirror, and stood before the candlestick. The bright flames illuminated the hope hidden in her eyes, the longing to see him, and Yanru could no longer contain her desire.

No sleep all night.

After an unknown amount of time, Yanru finally sat down in front of Ji Mingxiu. After much deliberation, she decided to change into the peach-pink dress she had worn at the gathering the day they first met, naturally dressing like the man he had trained her to be. The couple, once lovers of different ages, sat in silence, staring at each other in silence, until Ji Mingxiu took her hand. Yanru squatted down, resting her head on his knees, and pouting plaintively, "I just don't believe you miss me."

Ji Mingxiu didn't want to have any more lingering thoughts, so he pulled Yanru up and sat her down, then got straight to the point: "Yanru, let's just be direct about some things. From now on, we won't have any more contact, and you don't have to write to me anymore."

Yanru looked at him in disbelief: "Why?"

"Yanru, it was indeed my fault for being so unfair to you at the beginning. But I have already brought you to the capital and given you a large sum of money, which is enough for your expenses in the capital. I have done my best for you, so don't write to me again. My wife said that if she finds out that I have any contact with you again, she will just beat me up and throw me out of the pass." Ji Mingxiu said, his hand unconsciously covering his thigh, where Qi Fengning's stick had hit him. After seven or eight days, the bruises were still there and it hurt. He was still in shock and was too lazy to continue playing the role of a helpless lover. He just wanted to cut the Gordian knot and live a peaceful life first: "Yanru, let's put this matter behind us. What matters is that you live your own life. I have already paid for these dishes. You can enjoy them here. I'm leaving first. Wang'er——"

As clever as Wang'er was, he quickly put on the master's coat, gave Yanru a pitiful look, and left with Ji Mingxiu without looking back.

Yanru stared blankly at the table laden with delicacies, exquisite food and wine, frozen in her chair. Perhaps she hadn't reacted, or perhaps she had, but was overcome by grief. She didn't cry yet, but simply sniffed and picked up the roast goose, pork belly, and prawns from the table, shoving them into her mouth one by one. The dishes were exquisite, their colors and shapes beautiful, but on the tip of her tongue, they tasted like chewing wax. Yanru devoured them whole, her chopsticks making a mess all over the plate. She wiped her mouth expressionlessly and strode out of the private room.

Before entering the restaurant, the sun was high in the west, a bright warmth still lingering between heaven and earth. As she emerged, dusk fell, dark clouds descending from nowhere, covering the thin, crescent moon. Yanru, clutching her slightly chilled arms, walked woodenly back to Guanyan Academy. For the second time, twice in a row, after dining with Ji Mingxiu, she had felt detached from her senses, wandering in a daze. Last time in Jinling, he'd promised to send her to the capital, and while she'd been heartbroken, she'd still held onto a glimmer of longing for them both. This time, with their ruthless encounter, she realized that her relationship with Ji Mingxiu was finally, and forever, over.

Although she was walking steadily on the road, she felt like she was wandering in a dream. Every moment of her life with Ji Mingxiu reappeared in this dream: their first encounter in the suburbs, painting together in the academy, chatting under the moonlight... Her love for Ji Mingxiu was indeed tinged with calculation, but love mixed with calculation is still love, the supreme emotion. Now, this love was ending completely in her youth. Yanru accepted this outcome, but also did not accept this ending. She asked herself over and over again: How could he be so decisive? How could he discard such a precious emotion like trash and leave without looking back?

Yanru really wanted to sink into her bedding and sleep soundly. For some reason, after walking for a long time, the academy gate never appeared. It wasn't until she turned into a fork in the road and kicked the corner of a stone, pain radiating from her foot that Yanru finally woke up: the road ahead was unfamiliar, and she seemed lost.

Suffocating! She had just arrived in the capital, and Wang'er had driven to pick her up when she came. Yanru just walked back according to her memory, but she found the wrong way. It was completely dark, and the darkness was so thick that it scared her. Yanru quickly turned around and ran. She ran through several alleys, but still couldn't find the familiar streets. She couldn't help but feel scared, and fear mixed with loss. She hugged her arms and ran aimlessly, but still couldn't get out of the strange dark night. The sky seemed to empathize with her, and thunder sounded sadly in the sky: "Pang! Bang——", and the raindrops fell. There was nowhere to hide. She squatted helplessly on the side of the road, sobbing.

"Miss, Miss—" Suddenly, no more water drops hit her body. A gentle voice rang out, startling Yanru so much that she jumped up from the ground. She wiped the rain and tears from her face and looked closely. It was Liu Xiang from the Imperial College yesterday. He held his umbrella over Yanru's head and asked with concern, "Are you Si Rui's friend? Miss You?"

Yanru replied cautiously: "It's me."

Liu Xiang asked, "Miss, are you feeling unwell? Or are you lost?" Yanru nodded, sniffing. With the man in front of her, her squatting posture was unseemly, so she quickly stood up. Her hasty movements caused her blood to surge, and she felt dizzy and slumped backward, looking extremely embarrassed. Without a second thought, Liu Xiang held out his arm, letting Yanru support him on her elbow as she stood up. He then thrust the umbrella into her hand and said, "Come on, don't stay here. Hurry up! I'll take you back to the academy."

The umbrella handle still held some warmth. Yanru placed her hand over it, the faint warmth driving away some of her panic. She settled down, pressed the umbrella back, and looked at the back of Liu Xiang in front of her. He was not holding an umbrella alongside her, but walking in front of her, leading the way. Before helping Yanru up, he had exposed half of his body to the rain in order to shelter her. Now he was completely soaked, and from time to time he used his hand to shake off the water droplets on his face. Yanru felt a little sorry: "Liu Jiansheng, come over and hold the umbrella too."

Liu Xiang turned around and smiled to comfort her: "Miss, you are as pure as the bright moon. How can I take advantage of the rain to get close to the moon? Miss, hold your umbrella tightly and don't get yourself wet. I'm fine, let's just go quickly."

Yanru bit her lip. She knew Liu Xiang had separated from her because of the strict rules between men and women. She also knew he understood that a woman would be frightened by a man she barely knew being near her late at night, so he deliberately walked ahead of her so she could observe his every move and reassure her. Yanru no longer tried to politely refuse and quietly followed him. The rain had made Liu Xiang's coat heavy, clinging to his flesh, outlining his youthful, upright figure. Yesterday, he had been wearing a loose robe, and Yanru had thought him thin, but she had never imagined his shoulders and arms would have such smooth, taut curves, his waist slender, and his legs strong and slender. Unlike Ji Mingxiu, who had become middle-aged, his flesh was sagging, and his life of debauchery had caused him to swell. Whenever his belt was tightened, his belly would become more prominent, more eye-catching than his talent. Yanru always hugged Ji Mingxiu from behind, her arms always forming a wide arc to encircle that loose mass of flesh. If it was midsummer, Ji Mingxiu would wear cool clothes, and her slender fingers would glide across his silk underwear, the dead skin and hair on his belly rough, caressing her delicate skin.

"Oh my god, it's so good to be young." Yanru stared at Liu Xiang's waist, thin, straight, without a trace of fat, pinched by the belt, like the light and soft branches of the willows in the beginning of spring, the stems of the lotus in the middle of summer, the upright trunk of the maple tree next to him when she first saw him yesterday... She swallowed hard, waking up from the heart-wrenching fantasy of wealth tonight, without waiting for the last cry to express "mourning", and quickly fell into a new dream: wind and rain, a lonely man and a widow, a beauty borrowing an umbrella, a lover seeing her off, Liu Xiahui sitting in her arms without being tempted...

She was better than the old man, more affectionate than the old man. The old man would never get wet in the rain to send her home. He would only say that it was easy to catch a cold in the rainy weather, and asked her to help him burn incense and drink tea. The tea had to be eight-tenths hot. If it was colder, she would get diarrhea.

Pah!

Feeling a bit cold, Yanru returned to the academy and drank a large bowl of ginger tea. Still feeling a bit stuffy, she decided to take a day off. In the evening, Zheng Sirui, who had been busy all day, stole a moment to see her. As soon as she entered, she cried out, "Oh my God, does Ji Mingxiu have any conscience? He at least let the servant take you back. It's a good thing you ran into Liu Xiang. If he was some lunatic, that would be disastrous!"

Yanru didn't want to mention the old man anymore, so she asked tentatively, "How is that Liu Jiansheng? Is he feeling well?"

"He's fine. He can still go to the bookstore with me to work today! He's in good health, but—" Zheng Sirui changed the subject, "The new book he bought at the bookstore yesterday was damaged by the rain. And one of his waist pendants also fell off."

"Really?" Every word fell to the ground, rippling a circle of emotions in Yanru's heart. She recalled what Liu Xiang had been protecting with such care last night. It turned out to be a new book. Oh, how could there be such a fool? These are books that can be printed and bought anywhere, not priceless paintings. Can't he use them to keep out the rain? Yanru felt a little sorry: "Ruirui, what are those books? I'll compensate him."

Zheng Sirui said enthusiastically, "It's not expensive. They're all newly printed in our bookstore. He and I work at the bookstore, so it's cheaper. I'm going to the bookstore later, so I might as well buy it for you and give it to him directly. This way you can save a lot and you don't have to make an extra trip."

How much less can it be? He's so stingy, he's really used to being poor. Yan Ru flatly refused: "Tell me the title of the book, I'll buy it myself and send it to him, that way I can appear more sincere."

"Hmm—Miss You is absolutely right." Zheng Sirui took out a pen and paper, and according to her memory, she listed the titles of the new books and handed them to her. "They are all collections of poetry and prose. Do you know where the bookstore where I work is? Don't get lost again."

"I know, I know." Yanru nodded her head like a whirlwind. Zheng Sirui exchanged a few pleasantries and went back to her room to do her homework, leaving Yanru lying on the bed, rolling around. For some reason, the scene of last night reappeared before her eyes: the wind and rain, the waist outlined by the wet clothes, thin and straight, squeezed by the belt... And those words: "Girl, pure as the bright moon, how can I take advantage of the rain to get closer to the moon?"

Yanru's mouth felt dry. She took a sip of tea and licked her lips. She stopped thinking about Liu Xiang's waist and started thinking about his face. Younger than Ji Mingxiu, more handsome than Lu Zhiling. She'd been laughed at for going out with an old man. Only a man like him could boast—tsk tsk. She'd failed in her pursuit of Lu Zhiling, and then been abandoned by Ji Mingxiu. Now, fate had given her this opportunity, Liu Xiang. She was secretly delighted, her feet raised high on the bed. "Ji Mingxiu, you're right. You've really delayed me. As soon as I left you, I was able to meet a beauty among men. I'll definitely make Liu Xiang my lover. You'll see how good a man I can find without you." Yanru's imagination was wandering, and she was smug, like a male peacock seeking a mate. She had always prided herself on her beauty, a good hunter of men. A student of the Imperial College, right? I'm a goddess of painting, so how can I not win you over?

She suppressed her throbbing emotions and waited until the next day, gathering herself, getting dressed, and slipping off to the bookstore. Zheng Sirui and Liu Xiang were busy in the backyard, while Yanru, who was in the shop out front, hadn't seen them. Following Zheng Sirui's instructions, she bought everything she needed, then turned and headed to a jade shop. "You can't catch a wolf without sacrificing your child!" Among the dazzling array of jade, she discerningly found a moderately priced, uncomplicated, yet not cheap, ring-shaped jade pendant.

Everything was ready, and she walked along the main road, clattering towards the Imperial College. After standing under the Imperial College's memorial archway for a while, she caught Liu Xiang returning from the bookstore.

"Mr. Liu? Your clothes got wet the night before. Are you feeling unwell now?"

[Narrative Thoughts]: So sad, I've discovered how difficult it is to write the plot for a pure love drama after I've fallen in love. Straight women have such a hard time, and men are so cruel, it shatters our imagination of sweet love.

I still hope that everyone will leave more messages of support~ I'm working hard to get on the front page this week, and every day I look forward to everyone's recommendation votes, messages and comments, just like Yanru looks forward to a rich husband and Si Rui looks forward to passing the imperial examination~ Love you!