Abused Protagonist, Don't Be Afraid, Your Cool Is Here

Arrogant, dramatic, and abstractly cool Gong X Sliced Shou (Shu Bai).

Li Yuheng, the Crown Prince of the Underworld, is forced to bind to a quick transmigration system. His mission is to act ...

Chapter 2 Vulgar Choice 2

(Shu Bai and Li Yuheng spoke at the same time, their speech so fast that it almost overlapped)

Shubai/Liyuheng: A.

(After speaking, the two paused for a moment, looked at each other, and then quickly looked away.)

Locomotive: (Almost chokes on his saliva, coughs violently a few times) ...Cough! Wait! Did I hear that right? You two are so synchronized and quick this time?! (His eyes dart back and forth between the two) Looks like you've got a lot of experience...

Li Yuheng: (Instantly reverting to his smug, irritating expression, he pushes up his sunglasses and puts his arm around Shu Bai's shoulder) Of course! That's called a united couple! Right, Xiao Bai? (After being silently elbowed in the ribs by Shu Bai, he groans, but his smile remains unchanged) ...Ahem, anyway, there's no need to hesitate about this kind of question! Of course, it's A! It must be A! Forbidden? That's the suppression of humanity! It's a desecration of instinct! Yes...

Shu Bai: ...Next question, hurry up.

Locomotive: OK, OK, brother. Question 8! Suppose you must choose one superpower to apply to the other person:

A. Force the other party to tell only the truth.

b. Make the other person weak in the knees the moment they get close.

(The atmosphere suddenly became subtle)

Li Yuheng: (stroking his chin, his eyes gradually becoming dangerous) B! It has to be B! That way, that stubborn little cat won't be able to pretend to be passing by every time I want to be affectionate! (Glancing triumphantly at Shu Bai)

Shu Bai: ...Looks like you want to sleep in the hallway forever. I choose A. It'll be good to hear what else is in some people's heads besides garbage.

Li Yuheng: (His face instantly falls) No way! Absolutely not A! What if you ask me how many bags of potato chips I secretly ate last night?! (Hugging Shu Bai's arm) Honey! Choose B~ Even if my legs go weak, you can do whatever you want! I promise I won't resist!

Shu Bai: (ruthlessly withdraws her hand) ...Looks like you really did sneak a bite. Next question.

(The locomotive, suppressing a laugh, frantically scribbles in its notebook) Question 9! I'd rather see the other person:

A. Wear your shirt (oversized, barely showing).

b. Wearing nothing

Li Yuheng: b! Do I even need to choose?! Primitive! Pure! The ultimate aesthetic! My eyes are the ruler! — Ouch! (Gets precisely hit in the face by a pillow from Shu Bai)

Shubai: (Withdraws hand) ...A. At least it can cover something, so that certain people won't get aroused anytime, anywhere.

Li Yuheng: (Peeking half his face out from behind a cushion, looking aggrieved) ...Wife, you've misunderstood me. That was genuine appreciation, a resonance on an artistic level...

Locomotive: (Quickly interrupts) Question 10! A free point! Prefers the other person:

A. On top (actively)

b. Below (passive voice)

Li Yuheng: (Sits up straight instantly, clears his throat, adopting a dominant male lead posture) Ahem, this kind of question… theoretically, I respect all free will and the right to choose. But practically… either way is fine. (Hengzi likes them all)

Shu Bai: ...I don't care. Next question.

Locomotive: (Looking at the answer to question 10, his lips twitching) ...Gentlemen, this question is very important, please answer it carefully and choose one...I want to write it down... (Locomotive's expression changes: Tell my mother! I'm not a coward! I must figure this out!)

Li Yuheng: (Shrugs, looking like it's no big deal) Didn't you just say it was just a formality? If you insist on writing it... then write "It depends on my mood, I'll adapt to the situation, and I'll emphasize flexibility and adaptability." After all, he's the male lead, he can handle any role.

Shubai: (coldly added) Or write "It depends on whether his behavior that day is offensive."

Locomotive: (Feigning reluctance) ...Fine, you win. Next question: You must choose one of two! Imagine you're trapped in a room where you can only do one thing. Choose:

A. Fight until one side admits defeat.

b. ...do something else until one side begs for mercy.

Li Yuheng: It has to be B! Fighting hurts feelings! We should solve problems with love... no, with a more harmonious way!

Shu Bai: (Pressing down the restless Li Yuheng) A. Quick and decisive, knock Qingjing unconscious.

Li Yuheng (after a moment of deep thought): ...What if you can't beat me?

Sparse white: stand—

Li Yuheng (interrupting spellcasting): Next question! Next question!

Locomotive: ...Question 12! It's not a choice between two options, what would the other person do to make you instantly soften/harden your heart? (Interpret based on the situation)

Li Yuheng: (Instantly) He doesn't need to do anything. He just needs to stand there, and I... (After being glared at by Shu Bai, I quickly corrected myself) Cough, I mean, he occasionally... very occasionally! When he shows weakness, like when he secretly rubs against me, or when he's so tired that he unconsciously snuggles into my arms... Whether he's hard or not is another matter, but my heart is absolutely soft.

Shu Bai: (After a moment of silence) ...When he shut up and stayed quiet. (It's not a matter of being soft-hearted or hard-hearted, it's mainly about saving trouble.)

Li Yuheng: (Very confidently) Shu Bai, you have such low expectations of me! I can do something even more to please you, like showing you a special skill right now? (Starts making faces)

Shu Bai: (Raising her hand to cover his face) ...That's really hard. (The kind of hard that makes you want to hit someone)

Locomotive: (Her hand trembles slightly as she takes notes) ... Question thirteen! If the other person has amnesia and doesn't remember you, what would you do?

A. Force him to remember everything (including using various methods).

b. Pursue him again and make him fall in love with you once more.

Li Yuheng: (stroking his chin, revealing a triumphant smile) How about combining A and B? First, force him to get used to my scent, my touch, my… Okay, B! I choose B! With my charm, making him fall in love with me again is a piece of cake, right? Then I'll make him love me even more than before! Crying and begging for it—(silenced again)

Shu Bai: (Releasing his hand, coldly) ...A. I don't have time to play repetitive dating games with him. If he doesn't remember, I'll beat him until he does.

Li Yuheng: (rubbing his cheek that was pinched so hard) ...Wife, you're so violent! But I like it!

Locomotive: (Clears throat, trying to look professional, though inwardly laughing hysterically) Ahem… Question fourteen! It just popped into my head, kind of a special question, four choices, which I prefer:

A. (The sentence is incomplete and lacks context.)

b. Will keep coaxing

c. It will stop if you don't coax it.

d. Knows how to coax and stop

Li Yuheng (blinks, leans forward slightly): ...In what aspect? Tell me more.

Locomotive (expressionlessly pushing up non-existent glasses): It's what you're thinking of. While cooking. Understand?

Li Yuheng: ...You might need to change your name. For example, Yellow Car Head would be very suitable.

Shu Bai (nodding expressionlessly, in a flat tone): I think so too.

Locomotive (righteously): No way! I'm lacking fire in my destiny, that can't be changed. Hurry up and choose!

Li Yuheng (stroking his chin, eyes darting around, a smile involuntarily creeping onto his lips): ...Does this even need a choice? Of course it's B. She'll keep coaxing me, absolutely! Coaxing is fun, keeping it up is skill. Both are indispensable! Perfect!

Shu Bai (glancing at him coldly): ...d. Knowing when to stop is a virtue. (Pauses)

Li Yuheng (immediately turns his head, looking at Shu Bai in disbelief): D?! Wife, are you serious?! You're going to stop?! This is practically a questioning of my abilities as the male lead! It's a test of our deep affection! No way, I demand a re-selection! It has to be B!

Shu Bai (expressionless): ...If you keep making noise, I'll choose C.

Li Yuheng (instantly shut up, making a zipping motion to his mouth, but his eyes were still full of obsession with option B and heartache for option D)

Locomotive (shoulders trembling from trying not to laugh): ...Good, very good. Question 15! Suppose you must work together to complete a challenge, choose:

A. Assemble an extremely complex model together (without using abilities).

b. Perform a chest-breaking boulder act together in a busy street (you can use a little bit of your ability).

Li Yuheng (feigning helplessness): Option B. Sigh, it's time to show my manliness. I can lie down and let Shu Bai shatter it; don't worry, I can handle it! Guaranteed to be explosive!

Shu Bai (facepalm): ...A. At least it can guarantee world peace and quiet, and your safety.

Li Yuheng (leaning closer): Honey~ Are you worried about me? Don't worry! I'm super patient—(Shu Bai pushes his face away with her hand)

Shu Bai: ...I'm worried about the stone slab. Next question.

Locomotive: Question 16! Easy point... well, maybe not really. Prefers the other person:

A. Wearing military uniform (uniform fetish)

b. Wearing pajamas (soft and vulnerable)

Li Yuheng: ...If I had to choose, I'd pick B, preferably the silk kind. (Actually, I like them both, but I prefer the convenient one.)

Sparse and white: ...A. At least dressed neatly. (This can last for a few more minutes)

Locomotive: Question 17! Assuming you had an argument (though it seems unlikely you'd actually argue), you'd prefer the other person to:

A. He takes the initiative to kiss you to make up.

b. I'll cook you a big meal to make peace.

Li Yuheng (instantly): A! Kiss! A kiss is a must! What meal can compare to a kiss? Ideally, a deep French kiss, the kind that leaves you breathless, and all your anger will vanish!

Shubai (calmly): ...A. (Simple and convenient)

Locomotive (trying to control his expression): Question 18! What would the other person do that makes you find them "cute"? (Note: Please answer carefully, it's about your image)

Li Yuheng (instantly perking up, listing off examples): There are so many! The times he clearly cares about me but insists on keeping a straight face! The times his ears turn red from my teasing but he tries to remain calm! The times he's exhausted and unconsciously snuggles into my arms! And—(suddenly falls silent, because his slender white hand is already on the back of his neck, applying slight pressure)

Shu Bai: ...When his IQ occasionally drops, when he thinks he's being funny. (Pauses) ...And when he's asleep.

Li Yuheng (feigning shyness): Oh dear, this is so embarrassing!

Shu Bai (shifting his gaze): ...It's ridiculous.

Locomotive (pen flying): Question 19! Enjoy it even more:

A. A long and lingering foreplay

b. Straight to the point

Li Yuheng (raising an eyebrow): This question... what choice would an adult make? I want both. If I had to choose one... A.

Shu Bai (with a cold snort): ...It seems you have some misunderstanding about 'long'. (He always reveals his true colors in less than three minutes) ...I choose B.

Li Yuheng (clutching his chest): Shu Bai, you're questioning my professional competence! I demand proof in real combat!

Shu Bai (standing up): The interview is over. Goodbye.

Locomotive (hurriedly pulling him back): Wait, wait, wait! The last question! The twentieth question! The ultimate question! If you could only praise someone in one sentence, what would you say:

A. You are very capable (in all aspects).

b. You are delicious (literal or figurative meaning)

Li Yuheng (almost shouting):b! It has to be b! From the inside out! From head to toe! It's so sweet! So fragrant! Delicious! Absolutely delicious!

Shu Bai (stunned by the sudden outburst and silent for two seconds): ... (rubbing his temples) A. At least that sounds like a human being.

Li Yuheng (adjusting his sunglasses, suddenly becoming serious): Yeah. That's right, I'm really amazing. Extremely amazing. Universe-level.

Shu Bai: Shut up. (Stands up, looks at the locomotive) Is that enough?

Locomotive: (Closes notebook, suppressing a laugh) Okay, okay, thank you both for your cooperation (mainly thanking Shu Bai for being tolerant of Hengzi). I wish you both... uh, a happy life.

Li Yuheng: (Stands up, puts his arm around Shu Bai's waist, and waves at the locomotive) Enjoy! Absolutely enjoy! Remember to book my VIP private session in advance for the next interview! Bye-bye!

(Shu Bai dragged the human-shaped pendant on his body and left quickly without looking back.)

Locomotive: (Shaking his head and sighing as he watches the two figures tug at each other as they walk away) ...So full of energy! Alright, the cheesy "either/or" dilemma born from the card review process is officially over.