It started snowing again outside the courtyard.

As darkness fell, the sky condensed into a thick, hazy blue, with low-hanging leaden clouds that seemed to weigh a ton.

The blizzard seemed to be turning the world upside down, covering everything in the world in a flawless white. The hall, which was without lamps, became even darker and more gloomy, with only a faint snow light reflecting off the pale silhouettes of the two people.

A biting north wind swept through the hall, carrying snowflakes that gently landed on her outstretched hand, still stubbornly reaching towards him, settling into her palm.

It felt slightly cool, but then quickly melted into snow water.

Her fingertips trembled slightly, and she staggered to her feet, ignoring the trouser legs that were still hanging down, and walked towards him step by step.

Something was gradually becoming clear in her mind, slowly revealing a cruel truth.

Zhan Yinshu knew he should turn around and leave now, but his feet seemed rooted to the spot, beyond his control, and he couldn't move an inch no matter what he tried.

Or perhaps, he never intended to avoid it in the first place.

With nowhere to hide, a pair of warm and soft hands trembled slightly as they grasped his knuckles, with utmost care.

In reality, both warmth and softness stemmed from his pathetic imagination—

This disgusting, monstrous mutilated body had long been stripped of its ability to perceive anything.

At this moment, all he could do was pitifully try to recall the warmth these hands should have had. But what tormented him was that the passage of time had blurred his memory, and he couldn't even do that.

His self-loathing and contempt made him tremble uncontrollably. His throat tightened, he gagged and felt nauseous. A violent wave of dizziness almost made him collapse to his knees.

His inferiority complex, like a vine, clung tightly to his no-beating heart, tightening inch by inch.

He clenched his teeth and looked down, meeting the girl's gaze in the dim light.

Those were his own eyes, inherited from his mother, just like hers.

In his memory, those eyes always shone with a light brighter than the stars when they looked at him, so clear and clean that they could reflect his image, and when they smiled, they would curve into two crescent moons.

At this moment, however, those eyes gradually turned red.

She opened her mouth, panting rapidly as if she couldn't breathe, but only broken, futile breaths escaped her throat.

Surprise, sadness, joy, disbelief.

She tightened her grip on his hand, her knuckles turning white. Tears streamed from her red eyes like beads from a broken string, a silent lament. Each drop caused his heart, which had long since stopped beating, to ache as if by a strange, dull pain.

Her lips moved but no sound came out, yet he could clearly see the shape of her mouth.

elder brother--

In an instant, Zhan Yinshu felt the scene before him turn into a void of pure white. His numb and empty pale world collapsed at this moment, and a small pear blossom grew from the desolate ruins.

A series of sharp tinnitus emanated from his ear canals, and a constant cacophony filled his mind, nearly driving him mad.

no…

That's no longer the case.

He finds himself disgusting and unacceptable, so how could he possibly be worthy of being anyone's brother?

He steeled himself and pulled his hand away, only to have it gripped tightly by her again without hesitation.

The little girl was so aggrieved that she was about to cry. She looked at him pitifully with pleading eyes, longing for him, and held his hand tightly in her arms as if she were holding some treasure.

I am terrified that it will be taken away again, terrified that it will be robbed again.

Her slender fingers slowly traced the knuckles of his cold, stiff index finger, where a faint tooth mark was visible.

Waaah! Did you draw the mustache on my face?!

How could you be so mean! I hate you! You made me the subject of Yan-gege and A-Yue's secret laughter all day!

"Come here, let your brother take a look—hey, isn't our little sister cute? Okay, stop crying, or you won't be cute anymore. Look how dirty your face is, come here and let your brother clean it for you."

Also, how many times have I told you not to call other people "brother"? Isn't having me as your brother enough?

"Zhan Yinshu, you're an idiot!"

"Ouch...why are you suddenly biting me all of a sudden? Are you a puppy?!"

"Hmph, I'm never talking to you again, unless you buy me a super-sized bag of osmanthus sugar."

...

Having finally confirmed the matter, she forced back her tears, tilted her head back, and forced a smile that looked even more like a grimace. She clearly wanted to smile at him, but after a long while, only a trembling sob escaped her throat.

Zhan Xinjia thought she should be happy at this moment, but her heart, which was sinking lower and lower, felt as if it had fallen into an even more painful abyss.

The intense pain and oppression made it hard for her to breathe, almost suffocating her. Her forced composure crumbled, and as if all her strength had been drained, she collapsed to her knees, covering her face in despair.

It's just a coincidence, right? ... Please.

I'd rather never find you in this lifetime than see you like this, continuing to "live" in this world in a deformed state that I can't even comprehend...

She even cruelly thought that it would be better if he were really dead.

Why is it like this? Why does it have to be like this?

Please, please don't let me know that you've been living this lonely life all these years, please...

Really, really, I don't want this to happen...

You once said you would agree to anything I asked, you were clearly willing to do anything for me, so please, don't let things turn out like this, don't make me suffer so much, don't make me feel so guilty.

elder brother……

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.

In a daze, a cold hand tentatively touched the top of her head.

She didn't struggle or try to escape, so the hand stiffly stroked her hair twice, as if to comfort her.

Just like when she was little, whenever she felt wronged, her brother would smile and pat her head, staying with her until she was happy again.

"Stop crying, you're not cute if you keep crying."

If it were in the past, Zhan Xinjia would have jumped on his back and forced him to change his words upon hearing this, relentlessly insisting on hearing something like "Our little sister is the cutest!" from him.

But now, she simply clenched that cold hand and pressed it against her face.

It was as if this would transfer body heat and allow him to feel some warmth as well.

It doesn't matter.

I will forgive you as long as you come back.

No matter who you are, what you have done, or what you will become.

Little Paper loves her older brother the most.

...

Zhan Xinjia never imagined that reunion would be more painful than loss.

It sounds a bit childish, and a little embarrassing, but after regaining her memories, she secretly imagined many times what her life would have been like if her brother were still alive.

My older brother is amazing; he can cook a lot of delicious meals, just like Master Shen.

If her brother were here, she and her parents wouldn't have had to eat cold, hard flatbreads after their home was raided.

No, if her brother were here, she wouldn't be left homeless. He would reliably provide her with shelter from the wind and rain, rebuilding a safe home for her like building blocks.

Or perhaps they will continue to live in their house on the outskirts of Beijing, keeping each other company and growing up together.

When she reaches school age, her brother will protect her and stand up for her at the Imperial Academy. What grandson of the Prime Minister, or so-and-so's young master—with her brother there, how dare they bully her?

As he grows older, perhaps his brother will join the army like their father to earn military merit, but she will still worry if he is too far from home.

She might cry every day saying she hates him, cling to him, threaten him, until he helplessly surrenders and agrees to stay in the capital forever.

In her opinion, it wouldn't be bad for her brother to be a sinecure official like Fu Shou'an.

The Six Doors, the Dali Temple... Anyway, her brother is so powerful, it doesn't matter where she goes. He'll be promoted sooner or later, and he'll even secretly bring her delicious food when he comes back from work!

Hmm... Maybe in a few years, my brother will suddenly bring a girl home?

Her parents will be overjoyed, and soon after the celebration, she'll have another sister-in-law to love her too.

Perhaps they'll have a very noisy child?

She would secretly take the child out to play, and then bring him back when he cried, hehe.

Perhaps such a life is very ordinary, but every time Zhan Xinjia imagines this, she can't help but cover herself in bed and laugh happily.

Now, she can no longer secretly have such dreams.

My brother's life ended long ago.