Zhan Xinjia was quite certain that he had recognized her.

But after a moment of stunned silence, his first reaction was to frantically push her out the door and slam it shut behind him.

After a long while, his trembling, hoarse voice came from the dimly lit room, as if he were squeezing out a sound through clenched teeth.

"...Miss, you've mistaken me for someone else."

"Lord Shen, Lord Shen... open the door! I was wrong, I'll never leave you again. Please don't be like this, please don't be angry, Lord Shen, I beg you..."

Overwhelmed by fear and despair, and with the fear of being abandoned all alone intensifying, Zhan Xinjia didn't even bother to wipe away her tears, knocking on the door repeatedly as if pleading.

The room was eerily silent. No matter how she pushed, he simply pressed his back against the door and offered no further response.

After an unknown amount of time, so long that Zhan Xinjia felt her tears were almost dry, the young man's voice, feigning composure, finally came from inside the room.

"We have nothing to do with each other anymore. It's cold outside, you should leave..."

"Master Xiao Shen..."

Don't you want me anymore? Haven't you been looking for me all this time? Will you never forgive me again?

With a slight tremor of her eyelashes, Zhan Xinjia staggered back a few steps in disbelief, while the people inside seemed to breathe a sigh of relief upon hearing her footsteps receding into the distance, thinking that she had finally left.

Then came a loud bang, as if something had collapsed.

Zhan Xinjia panicked and, disregarding his resistance, forcibly broke down the door.

The young man in the blue robe fell to the ground in a sorry state, curled up in pain, his face pale and covered in a fine layer of cold sweat. His whole body was convulsing and trembling uncontrollably. He was retching on the ground, and his hand, which he barely managed to raise, was stretched out to reach the low cabinet next to him.

Since his last injury that left a blood clot in his brain, he has been disabled and his chronic illness flares up from time to time.

When an attack occurs, the body cannot be controlled, and medication is needed to barely maintain a normal life. Once the medication is stopped, it is unknown when the patient will become a completely disabled person who cannot take care of themselves and can only wait to die.

This is the side of Shen Suqing that he least wants people to see.

He was always meticulous about cleanliness, even his collar was perfectly combed, and all his stray hairs were tucked into his hair ornament. He was impeccably dressed, like the finest white porcelain, which only needed to be placed high on the altar, pure and flawless.

Now, he could only kneel on the ground in a sorry state, trembling like a monster as he picked up the medicine that had been accidentally knocked over and scattered on the ground, holding it in his trembling palms, and swallowing it hurriedly and vaguely, not caring whether it was covered with mud or dirt.

When his fragmented consciousness finally returned, Shen Suqing's face became even more ashen. He didn't even care about his bamboo cane anymore, frantically groping and pushing around, his tone filled with utter despair.

"Go away, go away, don't look at me here... don't look at me... please, please."

The cotton cloth covering his eyes was soaked, revealing dark watermarks.

He was incoherent, and seeing his most pathetic state in front of the person he cared about most completely broke down his defenses. Even his voice was choked with barely perceptible sobs, and he was in so much pain that he wished he could just die right then and there.

Ah paper, Ah paper…

Please, don't see me like this...

Go quickly, go quickly, I don't want you to come back, I just want to know you're alright...

Even if they never see each other again, he hopes to leave her with a reliable impression so that she can always rely on the Little Shen in her memory, the Little Shen who is always bright and clear, not the one hiding in the dark corner who is no different from a monster.

In a daze, someone hugged him tightly.

Memories of the past surfaced one by one—

【Master Xiao Shen.

【Um? 】

If I were a little beggar, would you still have taken me in?

【certainly. 】

Why, Master Shen?

Let me tell you, a little beggar is someone who has no parents or home, and they might pick up a lot of bad habits outside, like being unclean, stealing, having a bad temper, or being mentally ill and liking to hit people randomly...

Even so, will you still take me back?

The young man smiled, touched her hair, his eyes bright and clear, and answered gently.

It's okay, I'll raise you all over again.

Now, tears kept falling onto their pressed cheeks, spreading a warm bitterness in the cold, lonely winter night.

She hugged him tightly, her voice trembling.

He reassured her again and again, and made promises again and again.

"It's alright...it's alright, Master Shen. I'll raise you all over again."

——

Zhan Xinjia wasn't exactly an expert at washing clothes and cooking, but she wasn't completely clueless either.

After all, their home had been ransacked for years, and there were no servants in the house, so she and her father naturally had to share the housework. However, her mother always complained that she didn't wash clothes properly and that her cooking was bad, so she stopped letting her do these things.

Now, Zhan Xinjia can only learn little by little.

Sitting in the courtyard, rubbing the clothes in her hands, Zhan Xinjia was still thinking about the medicine simmering on the stove. When her gaze inadvertently fell on a few obvious stains on the cuff of her white clothes, she froze.

Her eyes felt warm and sore, and she quickly raised her sleeve to wipe them haphazardly.

Master Shen is a clean freak, but after losing his sight, he can't even wash his own clothes. I wonder how long he's been wearing this stained garment; it must have been very uncomfortable for him...

The more she thought about it, the more heartbroken she became. Zhan Xinjia closed her eyes and quickly washed the clothes, then took them out to dry. Even though he could no longer see, she wiped away her tears to make sure her face was completely clean before going back inside.

"Young Master Shen, tomorrow seems to be the Lantern Festival!!"

The little girl's voice was cheerful and lively, and just listening to it made you feel good.

The dimly lit room was filled with the strong, bitter smell of Chinese medicine. Freshly brewed medicine was simmering on the stove, making a bubbling sound. There were no windows open for ventilation because his body was too ill to be exposed to wind.

The young man, leaning against the hospital bed, coughed a few times, barely managing to smile, his voice weak and feeble.

"Does Ah Zhi want to go play?"

She's still just a sixteen-year-old kid, enjoying the hustle and bustle, unlike him... Ten years have passed, and he's now thirty-two. The gap between them has widened considerably, and he's only holding her back now.

Sometimes he felt very fortunate that the sixteen-year-old A-Zhi had returned to his side, so that he didn't have to guess what she looked like now, but could still comfort himself with the face in his memory.

If Ah Zhi grows up too, and can't see what she looks like as an adult, how disappointed and regretful he would be...

He closed his eyes briefly, suppressing the inferiority complex in his heart.

Zhan Xinjia didn't notice his sensitive emotions. She walked back to the medicine stove, picked up a palm-leaf fan and waved it, then turned her back to him and focused intently on controlling the heat.

"Hehe, Master Shen seems to be in much better spirits today. Let's go play together tomorrow! But there will definitely be a lot of people outside, so Master Shen, remember to buy me candy and hold my hand tightly, or I'll be angry if you lose me."

Although he could no longer see her, Shen Suqing, lying on the bed, turned his head to look in her direction, his heart warmed, and he chuckled softly.

"Okay, Azhi can have whatever she wants."

Silly boy... You said you were holding her hand so you wouldn't lose her, but actually you were worried about how he would walk if he couldn't see...

A dull ache throbbed in his heart. Shen Suqing lowered his eyes, his dull, lifeless gaze like a pair of lifeless, dull jade. This body, unable even to get out of bed, was utterly crippled, a mere burden.

He spoke lightly.

"The water is too cold in winter, so don't go wash the clothes. I'll wash them when I'm feeling better."

"Oh dear, I'm not that delicate. Besides, it's always been Master Shen who does my laundry, cooks for me, and takes care of me. I sometimes want to be considerate of Master Shen like that too~"

The little girl whined sweetly and affectionately.

Fanning the medicine stove, she kept chattering away, trying to keep Master Shen from getting bored, hoping to cheer him up and liven up the humble home, so he wouldn't always show that heartbreaking expression.

"After the Lantern Festival, I can go out and earn money to support my family!"

I'll buy lots and lots of medicine for Little Shen, it'll cure both his illness and his eyes. And after he gets better, will you teach me to write? I promise I'll study hard this time and never slack off again.

The young man on the bed behind him didn't say a word, but Zhan Xinjia knew he must be laughing right now.

Thinking of this, she couldn't help but smile.

"It seems like it's been ten years since we last watched fireworks together. Let's go set off fireworks again when your eyes are better. Waaah, I think you still owe me New Year's money... Oh right, and the engagement letter too. You clearly said you were going to marry me..."

He remained silent. Zhan Xinjia felt a slight sense of disappointment, but she forced herself to continue speaking in a cheerful manner.

"You can't go back on your word, because I love Lord Shen the most. I can't live without Lord Shen. Only Lord Shen can take good care of me, so I'm going to cling to you forever and ever~"

After saying this in a willful manner, Zhan Xinjia picked up the prepared medicine with a damp cloth, stood up, and spoke with a tone full of pride and smugness.

"Yay! The medicine is ready! This time, the dosage and the heat are just right. I really am a little genius!"

"Master Xiao Shen?"

"Are you asleep? No, get up, take your medicine, and then go back to sleep."

"Young Master Shen, please pay attention to me."

She put down the medicine bowl, smiled, lifted the bed curtain, and habitually walked to his side, clinging to him and acting coquettishly. But when her fingertips touched his thin, dry hand, she found it stiff and cold.

She froze, then slowly looked up.

The young man, who had long since passed away, still had his eyes slightly curved, maintaining the posture of looking in the direction where she had been sitting. His face was still gentle and pale, full of doting smiles.

This time, however, he could no longer comfort her, hug her, or respond to her words.

Her consciousness spun around her, and in that instant, the intense pain and despair almost killed her, yet she didn't shed a single tear.

Silently, she took off her shoes and climbed into bed. She nestled into his cold embrace, burying her face in his clothes and placing her hands, which were covered in chilblains from washing clothes in cold water these past few days, into his palms, trying to get him to warm them up again and to elicit a few words of comfort and pity from him.

The north wind was still howling outside, and it was probably still snowing.

People were celebrating the Lantern Festival on the street, their laughter and playful shouts both clear and indistinct.

But it's none of her or him anymore.

Nestled peacefully in his arms, Zhan Xinjia closed her eyes.

For a moment, she even forgot that it was just a dream.