Chapter 37: I like you. "It's not guilt, it's that I like you."...

The little snake cries like a kitten, or a child.

Sobbing and throbbing.

Hearing her sobs, Xie Shijin felt his heart clench silently. Helplessly, he reached out and hugged her, saying, "Why are you crying, Cheng Shiyun?"

It was too dark in the house. She stayed at home all day, unable to go anywhere, and no one talked to her.

The house was empty and pitch black, and she was afraid.

When she was in junior high school, Cheng Jinghua and Ran Hongyin had to supervise evening self-study sessions and wouldn't return until 11 p.m., leaving her alone at home. She actually disliked this empty feeling; it made her feel abandoned. But in all those dark, empty nights, she had never felt so afraid.

I've never cried like this before.

She didn't cry when she was reborn as a cat and had her ears stapled through, nor did she cry when Xie Pingxue threw her to her death. But now she just really wants to cry and can't stop.

She always felt like a burden, burdened by Xie Shijin's inability to die, and burdened by the young man's obligation to earn money to support her.

"Are you hungry or feeling unwell?" She just cried and didn't speak, so Xie Shijin didn't know what was wrong with her.

The little snake's scales were icy cold, and its touch felt like jade. It whimpered as it nestled in his neck. The boy's heart softened, and he stroked the snake's body, whispering comforting words, "Don't cry, little cloud."

He called her by her nickname, but it had the opposite effect; the little snake in his arms whimpered even more fiercely.

Cheng Shiyun sobbed in a muffled voice, "...You're not allowed to shout."

Her voice was too muffled, as if it had been soaked in water vapor. Xie Shijin said softly, "Little Cloud, I didn't hear you clearly."

His prominent Adam's apple slid up and down with his speech, almost touching his face.

Cheng Shiyun wanted to bite his neck, but considering that she was poisonous, she put away her fangs and gently bit his Adam's apple, as if threatening him, but also as if coquettishly saying, "You are not allowed to call me by my nickname."

Xie Shijin's breath caught in his throat from her sudden touch, his Adam's apple bobbing uncontrollably: "Can't I call out?"

His voice was low and hoarse, with a slight vibration in his Adam's apple, and it was very irritating to the ears. Cheng Shiyun only realized it belatedly...

She actually bit Xie Shijin!

Did Xie Shijin discover it?

It seems not.

The little snake that had been clinging to him like a boneless creature seemed to freeze, becoming stiff. Xie Shijin sat down on the edge of the bed and touched her: "Little Cloud?"

Cheng Shiyun snuggled out of the boy's arms, wrapped herself around his wrist, and slapped his lips with her long, thin tail.

Xie Shijin: "?"

...It's a little itchy.

Cheng Shiyun covered his mouth: "I told you not to call me that."

Xie Shijin plucked off its tail and held it in his palm.

The snake's tail is thin and long, with a sharp barb at the end, and it is very soft when it is not attacking.

"Why?"

His palms were very hot.

The heat made her flinch slightly. The tail is one of the most flexible and sensitive parts of a snake, used for maintaining balance, controlling direction, and mating.

If Xie Shijin keeps pinching like this... if he goes a little higher, he will touch her cloaca.

This area can only be touched when mating with a male snake.

Cheng Shiyun quickly curled up her tail, refusing to let him touch it.

...It's not that you can't call it that.

However, whenever he called her by her nickname, she felt very wronged and wanted to cry even more.

She knew he was just trying to comfort her, but the moment the boy's voice came out, it was like a floodgate had been opened, and all her emotions were about to burst out. It was so embarrassing.

"Why so many whys?" Cheng Shiyun threatened, opening her small, blood-red mouth. "Hiss—! No means no."

Xie Shijin looked at her, tilted his head and blinked slowly, showing no sign of being frightened.

Fearing he would pry, she could only add, "...Only my family can call me that."

Family members.

Like being doused with a bucket of cold water out of nowhere, the burning and surging emotions in the boy's eyes vanished instantly.

After a two-second silence, he responded softly, "Okay."

Xie Shijin patted her gently, soothing the sulking snake like a child, and really didn't call her by her nickname anymore: "Cheng Shiyun, why are you crying?"

"How dare you ask?" Cheng Shiyun clung to him, refusing to get down, and accused him in a muffled voice, "You came back so late and didn't even turn on the light for me. Once it's dark, you can't see anything in the house."

She's not human, she doesn't have hands, she can't reach the switch no matter how hard she tries.

"That's all?"

"Hiss~" Cheng Shiyun was extremely dissatisfied. "What do you mean 'just like this'? You have no idea how dark and terrifying this room is when it gets dark!"

Xie Shijin smiled slightly and said, "I'm sorry, I forgot." He apologized sincerely.

Cheng Shiyun hissed twice.

He's already apologized, so what else can we do but forgive him?

"What kind of job did you find that keeps you working so late?" She was terrified to be alone in the dark room.

Xie Shijin said, "It won't happen tomorrow. I'll come back early."

He subtly changed the subject: "Why haven't you eaten any of the meat in your bowl? Is it not good? Are you hungry?"

"I'm not hungry." She didn't want to eat anything right now; she just wanted to bury her face in Xie Shijin's neck and inhale the scent of his neck.

How can someone smell so good?

Cheng Shiyun took two deep breaths of the boy's clean scent, then suddenly paused, sniffed carefully again, and asked, "Did you go to the hospital?"

Xie Shijin smelled of disinfectant.

Looking at his injured left hand, the bandage hadn't been changed.

Cheng Shiyun asked curiously, "What are you doing at the hospital?"

Xie Shijin blinked: "The pet hospital bought baby mice."

He discovered in the morning that Cheng Shiyun didn't really like eating chicken and rabbit. He consulted a veterinarian and learned that snakes should be fed live prey, so he specifically bought pinky mice when he came back. They are cleaner than rats and Cheng Shiyun can eat them.

Xie Shijin carried her out.

Cheng Shiyun clung to his arm, saying, "You lied to me."

Xie Shijin had a strong odor, which indicated that he had been in the hospital for a long time.

Xie Shijin seemed not to hear her and carried her to the living room: "Want to try it? I didn't buy much. If you like it, I'll go buy more."

Pinky mice are baby mice that haven't grown up yet. They are often used to feed pet snakes, especially young snakes or snakes with weak digestive abilities, as the delicate pinky mice are easier to digest than adult mice.

However, snakes are exotic pets, and the number of people who keep them is small. There aren't many pet stores that sell pinkie mice, and he had to visit three stores before he was able to buy one.

"Why did you lie to me?" Cheng Shiyun didn't care about the rats or anything like that. Like a wife who had caught her husband cheating, she sternly questioned him, "Who did you go to? Guo Xuan? Guo Renyi?"

Xie Shijin opened the styrofoam box on the table, and five or six baby mice were squeaking and squeaking inside, huddled together like a bunch of pinkish fat worms. Cheng Shiyun glanced at it, her scales almost bursting open: "Take it away, take it away, it's disgusting."

She would rather starve than eat this kind of thing.

The boy pursed his lips and lowered his voice: "How about trying a frog?"

"Even more disgusting," Cheng Shiyun pressed. "I'm asking you a question. Who did you go to the hospital to see?"

Cheng Shiyun wouldn't eat them, and Xie Shijin didn't know what to do with the baby mice, so she could only keep them for the time being.

The pet store gave him some food, so he went to the kitchen, grabbed a small bowl that wasn't used much, opened a bag of food, poured it in, put it in a styrofoam box, then went to the bathroom to wash his hands and came out to ask Cheng Shiyun, "What do you want to eat? I'll go buy it now."

Cheng Shiyun finally understood what it meant to talk to a brick wall. She was both anxious and angry, wishing she could bite him hard: "I don't want to eat anything. If you don't tell me, I won't eat anything. I'd rather starve to death. Anyway, I don't want to live."

The boy who was squatting on the ground clearing away her bowl turned around, his brows furrowing, his lips parting, his voice tense with disbelief: "What did you say?"

"...You don't want to live anyway?"

Xie Shijin's face darkened, his brows furrowed, his dark eyes peeking out from his disheveled hair, his lips pale, and his gaze toward her was somewhat cold and sickly.

Cheng Shiyun was startled: "You're glaring at me?"

Xie Shijin actually glared at her.

Cheng Shiyun found it unbelievable: "You think you have eyes? You think you have big eyes? I've waited for you for so long, and now you glare at me because of one sentence, and talk to me in that tone."

Xie Shijin choked for a moment: "...I didn't."

"You didn't? Then am I seeing things? Are you taking advantage of me because my eyes are small now that I've turned into a snake?"

"Cheng Shiyun—"

He tried to explain, his voice becoming a little urgent.

"Why are you yelling at me? Why are you shouting at me? Why are you being so aggressive?"

As soon as he raised his voice, Cheng Shiyun felt incredibly wronged: "You lied to me! I'm not even angry, why are you angry?"

This is unreasonable and utterly incomprehensible!

She slapped her tail on the table with a thud, acting aggressively and utterly unreasonable.

Xie Shijin's spine was slightly hunched, and his long, straight eyelashes were lowered. After a long while, he said in a low voice, "No, I didn't scold you, I wasn't angry."

"I won't be angry with you."

That's a lie.

His face was so sour; he didn't even look this bad when the boys in his class were making sarcastic remarks about him.

"Never mind..." Cheng Shiyun said.

She suddenly realized.

She seemed to have no right to demand that Xie Shijin be honest with her.

She persisted in asking questions even when the other person didn't want to answer, which made her seem aggressive and bad-tempered.

But she was definitely throwing a tantrum just now.

The closer she is to people with whom she has a good relationship, the more she likes to act aggressively in front of them, wanting them to coax her and go along with her.

But she forgot that, apart from her loved ones, who would indulge her little temper?

Xie Shijin is nobody to her.

After a moment of silence, Cheng Shiyun said, "I'm not angry with you, I just..."

I'm afraid of seeing him covered in injuries again, like last time.

She was terrified whenever Xie Shijin wasn't around.

That's strange.

Cheng Shiyun never expected that she would become so dependent on him.

This kind of dependence is not a good thing.

This also made her feel helpless.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, then just pretend I didn’t ask.” Cheng Shiyun tried her best to remain calm and announced in a relaxed tone, “But I have something else to tell you.”

Just now, she made this decision with a heavy heart.

“I feel like I’ve been bothering you for a long time, so…”

Xie Shijin met her eyes and looked at her silently.

Cheng Shiyun hesitated. She had been living too comfortably lately and had forgotten what it felt like to have her ear pierced, to be chased by stray dogs, and to be pelted with stones by children—but this was the life she was supposed to live.

Therefore, Cheng Shiyun now dares not imagine what would happen if she left Xie Shijin.

But after thinking it over carefully, she still felt that she couldn't delay Xie Shijin any longer.

We can't let him get hurt again.

She said.

"Xie Shijin, I want to go home."

"...Go back to my own home."

...

It felt like my eardrums were being pierced by steel needles, and the sharp pain stabbed all the way to my heart.

Xie Shijin stared at her for a long time, the light in his eyes gradually dimming, as if a long autumn and winter had passed, before he finally spoke: "...Go home."

His voice was calm and slow, as if he had long expected this day to come.

All the pre-set scenarios had been rehearsed in my mind a thousand times.

But when she actually said those words, there was still a hidden pain in her chest.

Finally, she said it.

Cheng Shiyun felt a great sense of relief: "That's right, my mom is just allergic to animal fur."

She's now completely hairless, and has no reason to continue staying at Xie Shijin's house.

If she were an ordinary cat or an ordinary snake, Xie Shijin probably wouldn't even give her a second glance.

It was only because Xie Shijin witnessed her death and felt guilty towards her that she accepted this guilt with a clear conscience and even had the audacity to let someone else support her for so long.

She took other people's polite words to heart.

Treating someone else's home as your own.

Cheng Shiyun laughed self-deprecatingly, feeling that she was both foolish and greedy.

A few seconds of silence.

"Professor Cheng... is still in Beijing." Xie Shijin closed her eyes, her voice trembling slightly.

Of course she knew that Cheng Jinghua was still in Beijing, and no one was home. She couldn't even get in the door and could only stay in the stairwell, just like before, feeling the cold wind.

"So what?" Cheng Shiyun said, feigning calmness. "Do you think I can't survive on my own?"

"You look down on me that much?" she pressed.

Xie Shijin did not answer her. His thin lips were pressed tightly together, and his face was expressionless, even indifferent.

It's like a troublesome classmate who's been staying at his house is finally leaving.

Cheng Shiyun's heart skipped a beat.

But Xie Shijin didn't seem happy either.

Cheng Shiyun didn't want to guess whether he was happy or not, and her tone became uncontrollably cold and hard: "I admit that you have been supporting me all this time. You can cook and make money. You are very capable, but don't underestimate me. Before I came to you, I was doing just fine."

"You don't think I can't live without you, do you?"

The room fell silent.

Cheng Shiyun choked up.

No.

That's not what she meant.

She wanted to thank the boy for taking care of her, but she didn't know why things had turned out this way.

It was such a small problem; she shouldn't have said it so harshly and unpleasantly.

Never mind, let Xie Shijin think what he wants.

Cheng Shiyun stopped looking at him and naturally didn't see the undercurrent surging in the boy's eyes.

It's going to rain again.

This summer, Yichuan has experienced a lot of rain. It rained the day before yesterday and it's raining again today; it just won't stop.

The wind, carrying moisture, pattered against the window, making a soft, mournful sound. The darkness spreading outside was like thick ink, drowning out all restless emotions.

The gardenias on the balcony haven't been moved inside yet; if they get soaked in water, their roots will rot.

After a clap of thunder, the boy who had been squatting on the ground got up, closed the balcony window, and moved the gardenia to the dining table in the living room.

He pulled out a chair and sat down opposite Cheng Shiyun.

Xie Shijin looked at her with a burning pain in his eyes: "Do you really have to leave?"

When are you leaving?

That's really true...

I wish she would disappear immediately.

It was like finally settling a troublesome matter that I had to deal with.

Cheng Shiyun turned her head away, somewhat afraid to look at Xie Shijin's expression.

Relief? Disgust? Liberation?

Maybe both.

If Xie Shijin hadn't witnessed her death, how could things have turned out this way?

Xie Shijin helped her because he was kind.

And she was, to begin with, a burden.

She should have left long ago.

But Cheng Shiyun seemed unable to even say goodbye. She swished her tail a few times in frustration and jumped off the chair.

The boy's pupils trembled with panic, and he instinctively reached out to grab her: "Don't go."

Cheng Shiyun dodged it.

It was a completely subconscious action, but the boy interpreted it as resistance.

Xie Shijin stood up abruptly. He was so anxious that his knee slammed heavily against the table leg with a dull thud.

Cheng Shiyun's heart skipped a beat.

Xie Shijin was breathing heavily, gripping the edge of the table, his chest heaving violently as if he couldn't breathe, and even a fine layer of cold sweat appeared on his forehead.

"Don't go... Cheng Shiyun."

The boy spoke, his face pale.

His eyes were filled with panic and pain, as if she had threatened him with what he cherished most.

He was at a loss and could only pray softly.

The usually calm and composed boy now seemed to have all his strength drained away, leaving him only a helpless and pathetic state. He could only lower himself and repeat, almost pleadingly, "Don't leave me..."

For a fleeting moment, Cheng Shiyun had the illusion that time had turned back.

She must have seen that expression somewhere before.

His eyes had never looked so sorrowful.

Through him, Cheng Shiyun seemed to see a boy she had met in an alley five or six years ago, a boy who was surrounded, insulted, and shoved by a group of older boys.

Cheng Shiyun complained, "Ugh! Why are you in such a hurry? Don't you even know where you're going?"

It must have hurt her terribly just listening to it.

Xie Shijin knelt on one knee and pulled her into his arms, his voice sounding like he was in agonizing pain: "...Cheng Shiyun, don't go...please don't go?"

He said it many times.

The hoarse voice entered my inner ear, resonating and vibrating.

"...I didn't say I was leaving now."

Seeing him trembling in pain, Cheng Shiyun's heart skipped a beat.

She felt a little bad, and could only cover up her guilt by scolding the boy: "It's so late, if I go home now, am I just asking to get run over by a car? Do you think I'm that stupid?"

"I'm just... sleepy, I want to go back to my nest and sleep. You, you're so stupid, I've never seen anyone as stupid as you."

"Don't leave tomorrow, never leave," Xie Shijin said.

She was so small that he could barely feel her when he held her in his arms; the boy could only tighten his arms around her to feel her.

He hunched his shoulders, his collarbones were thin, and he hugged himself like a small child.

Weak, fragile, and helpless.

It seems like they're really afraid of being abandoned.

A sudden wave of soreness welled up in Cheng Shiyun's eyes. It was embarrassing to admit, but she didn't really want to leave either.

She was just a small snake, with no ability to survive in the wild, and dared not eat this or that.

Even chickens would peck at her like she was an earthworm!

But of all her things, her words were the most stubborn: "If I don't leave, I'll just stay at your house, how can that be..."

“Okay,” Xie Shijin interrupted her.

"You can stay as long as you want." Don't leave him, don't abandon him.

The room was so quiet that only the boy's breathing could be heard.

Cheng Shiyun looked dazed for a moment, then froze, her mind seemingly devoured by a zombie, before letting out a confused "...Hiss?"

She can stay as long as she wants?

Xie Shijin must have lost his mind.

Cheng Shiyun squeezed out of his arms and touched his forehead with her head.

...and she didn't have a fever.

What nonsense are you talking about?

There's no reason to let someone stay in your home forever. She's just a little snake. Keeping her around won't help you at all, and it'll cost you a lot of money.

His eyes were tinged with a thin layer of red. He wasn't crying, but his eyes were moist, as if if Cheng Shiyun said "no" again, his tears would flow out and overwhelm her.

She was thinking that she couldn't let Xie Shijin get hurt or be sad anymore, but seeing the boy so upset made Cheng Shiyun feel like she wasn't a good snake.

"Xie Shijin."

Cheng Shiyun couldn't quite understand: "Why... are you so good to me?"

Lending money to their family, adopting her, and helping her find the driver who caused the accident—was it really just... out of guilt?

But he is the one who should feel the least guilty.

The boy struggled to lift his eyes, his dark pupils churning with an undercurrent of emotion. His burning gaze barely landed on her, but then, as if burned, he hastily looked away.

He wanted to see her, yet he dared not look at her.

Pulled and struggling, yet utterly powerless to resist.

The boy swallowed hard, trying to swallow back the words that were about to come out of his mouth.

But those emotions that he had suppressed, restrained, and endured for many years finally found a breakthrough, stubbornly bursting out of his chest like new shoots breaking through the soil.

He said, "...It's not guilt, it's because I like you—"

"Knock knock—"

At the same time, a knocking sound came from outside the door.

"What did you say?" His lips moved slightly, but his voice was so soft that Cheng Shiyun didn't hear him.

Xie Shijin closed his eyes tightly: "..."

"Is Xiao Xie asleep?" the person outside the door asked.

Xie Shijin wanted to take off her hearing aid and throw it away.

"Xiao Xie?"

Cheng Shiyun said, "It's Uncle Lin. Is it urgent that I'm calling you so late?"

The boy took a few deep breaths to suppress the slight embarrassment from being interrupted, got up and walked to the door, his voice regaining its usual calm: "Uncle Lin."

"You're not asleep? That's good. I saw the light was still on in the room, so I figured you might not be asleep either." Uncle Lin smiled and pushed open half of the door, handing over a bulging bag. "These are local specialties from my hometown, lotus leaf cakes. They can be steamed for ten minutes and eaten. If you can't finish them, freeze them."

Xie Shijin took it and said in a hoarse voice, "Thank you, Uncle Lin."

"Don't mention it, it's raining again. Aren't you going out tonight?"

Xie Shijin shook his head: "I'm not going."

"Oh, okay." The boy's spirits have improved a lot these past few days, and Uncle Lin is happy for him. "It's getting late, you should get some rest."

Uncle Lin gave a few more instructions and then went back inside.

After closing the door, Xie Shijin went to the kitchen, put the local specialties in the refrigerator, and then cleaned up the food that the little snake hadn't finished eating.

Cheng Shiyun popped out from behind the gardenia and followed her into the kitchen: "What did you say you liked? I didn't hear anything after that."

“…You misheard me.” Xie Shijin avoided her gaze and turned on the tap to start washing the dishes.

Cheng Shiyun sat curled up on the faucet, propping her head up to look at him: "Hiss~ Excuse me, where on my face are the words 'I'm easy to fool' written?"

The probability of Xie Shijin saying something wrong is greater than the probability of her mishearing.

“I like…” the boy paused for a few seconds before slowly opening his lips, “being kind to others.”

"..."

What kind of quirk is this?

After looking at him for a while, Cheng Shiyun said, "The things you like... are quite unique, huh?"

Is he kind-hearted, or just naive and simple-minded?

Blindly being kind to others is actually compromising your own well-being.

But no matter what, it's a fact that Xie Shijin is good to her, and he has already said that she can stay as long as she wants. If she refuses again, it would seem pretentious.

“…Since my dad is still in Beijing, I’ll wait until he comes back before I consider whether I should go home.” Cheng Shiyun added guiltily, “There are a lot of bad people in this world, so I don’t want you to be nice to everyone and get deceived.”

After a few seconds of stunned silence, the boy said, "Really?"

Cheng Shiyun was speechless at the questioning: "When have I ever lied to you?"

Xie Shijin curved her lips slightly, hummed in agreement, and said, "Then thank you in advance."

"No need for thanks, I'm just being kind." Hehe. Cheng Shiyun was as generous as ever.

"I went to the hospital to see Guo Renyi today," Xie Shijin said, lowering his eyes and changing the subject. "I found some clues."

Cheng Shiyun was taken aback.

really.

She knew it.

Xie Shijin was not so easily deterred.

She sighed softly, "Didn't you promise me you wouldn't look for them anymore?"

The boy lowered his eyelashes and remained silent.

He has been searching.

-----------------------

Author's Note: A man's tears are a woman's stimulant. [Glasses]