Chapter 35

Asking about Killua was just a spur-of-the-moment thing; the question actually meant nothing to me.

“It just suddenly occurred to me,” I blinked, retracted my question, and looked back into the distance, “...We really haven’t seen each other in a long time.”

When was the last time we met?

At the gates of the Zoldyck family's underworld, I glanced back one last time. Killua stood far at the back of the crowd, his hands in his pockets, looking at me with a detached expression and dark eyes.

He didn't say goodbye to me.

When Illumi stood beside me, when Kurt followed Mrs. Zoldyck with a lowered head, and when Mrs. Zoldyck waved her fan and asked me to convey her greetings to her mother.

Killua stood alone at the very back of the crowd, quietly watching me leave.

...

Adrian Manor is not near the sea, but the city we are in has a bustling trading port.

When I was young, gang fights were commonplace, and the losers and victims of these fights usually ended up resting in that port.

My older brother, whose face I can no longer recall, was one of them.

And the place where my father was finally exiled was also that port.

His mother had the opportunity to execute him herself, but she gave it up.

I once thought that might be proof that there was still some genuine affection left between my parents, but my mother's words later shattered my illusion.

She said her father was nothing to fear; his existence was merely to deter disloyal relatives and make them see clearly who would ultimately rule the throne, something even the former leader couldn't change.

Her kindness toward her father was the arrogance and cruelty of a victor, not love and affection.

To me, my mother is like this boundless sea, seemingly calm, yet turbulent in an instant.

Unfathomable, cold and heavy.

From a young age, my father would scrutinize me with a critical eye.

At first, the scrutiny was behind appreciation; later, the meaning in that gaze turned into cold hatred.

—Perhaps, as Jake Freecss said, I am the daughter of the sea, inheriting the coldness, ruthlessness, and fickleness from that woman.

As the voyage drew to a close, I got closer to my father. What started as an indifferent, even somewhat weary attitude gradually turned into restlessness and anxiety.

My mother had little affection for me, and my father was probably no different. Moreover, he had long ago concluded that I inherited more of my mother's ruthlessness.

This inexplicable anxiety was quickly noticed by the boy next to him.

As the voyage was about to end, he asked me:

Where is Ray going?

"I'm looking for my dad." I casually gave the honest answer, even though it sounded like a joke.

He opened his eyes wide.

“It’s true,” I forced myself to smile, even when things were unpleasant, and said nonchalantly, “Our family is quite famous… My father was kicked out of the family by my mother a long time ago, and this is the first time in all these years that I’m going to see him.”

He seemed to be thinking about something, his brows furrowing slightly, revealing a subtle expression that was somewhere between contemplation and daze.

"I wonder if he'll recognize me," I continued.

“It definitely can,” the brown-haired boy said.

"Who knows?" I didn't have much hope for it.

“Sure.” The boy finally frowned deeply, his expression stubborn and serious. “If he doesn’t recognize him, I’ll punch him for Ray.”

Hearing this, I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows, and even my voice became tinged with laughter. This was the first time I had ever found his strange words so amusing.

"Well...he's still my dad, after all," I reminded him. "Is this something I can just say?"

"Anyway—" The boy suddenly became sullen again, puffing out his cheeks as he said to me, "If it's Dad's opinion, then he should recognize you."

I didn't reply, but for some reason I suddenly felt a little better.

...Hmm, thinking about it carefully, what Jay said isn't wrong.

It's not my fault that I'm not expected or loved by my father or mother.

If something happens that I can't accept, punching him would be a bit much—but turning around and walking away is still an option.

Anyway, I only planned to see him once. Given his current situation, he definitely wouldn't be able to take me in to fight against my mother or the Zoldycks.

That's settled then.

I just wanted a little bit of freedom before my life completely sank into Zoldyck, to make up for the regrets of my childhood.

Having sorted out my thoughts, I shook off my unease and stepped lightly off the ship. Following the clues I had obtained from my father's former subordinates, I wandered through the city, searching for the ship my father had been hired by.

The brown-haired boy followed silently behind me.

This is a bustling city, with crowds flowing endlessly, shoulder to shoulder. I tried my best to avoid contact with pedestrians, but I still inevitably bumped into someone coming from the opposite direction.

Before I could even respond, he hurriedly apologized to me repeatedly, insisting that it was purely unintentional... but I found it hard to focus my attention on him.

In the instant I was bumped into and turned around, I suddenly noticed a string of familiar-looking verses embedded at the bottom of a billboard high up by the roadside.

It was that person... who read the poem to me.

I was lost in thought for a moment before realizing where I was. I looked away and replied to the passerby who was apologizing beside me, "It's okay."

The unexpected incident should have ended there, but once the thought took hold, I couldn't help but become suspicious, and then I was uneasy to discover that... the city seemed to be filled with the shadows of old friends everywhere.

Billboards, posters, hidden corners of walls... text, patterns, unique designs...

All these coded messages ultimately pointed in the same direction, and this direction happened to coincide with my current travel plans: it revealed the name of the ship my father worked for.

Is it a coincidence?

New questions kept popping into my mind. I slowed down, hesitated for a long time, and walked toward the shop by the roadside under the puzzled gaze of the brown-haired boy behind me.

"Hello," I said, pointing to the billboard hanging high in the air, "when was that advertisement put up?"

The shop owner poked his head out, glanced in the direction I was pointing, and had a very indifferent expression.

"A long time ago, I think." He didn't give a definite answer, replying vaguely, "The location wasn't good, and the ad hasn't been changed since it was posted."

A young shop assistant, busy in the store, interjected: "No, I heard that the sign has already been bought out, and no one else can even try to put it up there."

"Ha," the shopkeeper said dismissively, "that would cost a fortune."

They got into an argument about their views on money, so I thanked them and left the shop.

...Whether it's a coincidence or not, I will eventually walk this path.

However... these unexpected discoveries, like pebbles thrown into water, still created ripples somewhere.

I couldn't help but start letting my mind wander:

Has that person walked this road too?

What were his feelings and what circumstances led him through this?

Did he foresee all along that one day I would also embark on this path?

My mind was racing, but the questions remained unanswered. I could only wander aimlessly, leaving everything else behind, with only one thought in my mind:

I want to go to my father and uncover all of this.

This is a story about exploring my existence and whether someone is expecting me.

The route given by my father's former subordinates was very clear. I followed his directions faster and faster... The ship I was looking for happened to be docked today, and I found it without any trouble.

“I am Kane’s daughter,” I stated my father’s pseudonym directly, and asked, “Is he here?”

The crew member who worked with him looked surprised, sized me up, and repeated himself meaninglessly:

"Kane's Daughter"

"Yes," I said.

He stared at me for a while, then suddenly laughed: "So he really does have a daughter! That young man must be your boyfriend."

"...What?" I didn't understand what he meant.

He shook his head, refusing to continue, and simply smiled as he pointed out the location to me:

"Go this way, Kane is on deck now, he's been waiting for you for a while."

But I'd just decided to look for him, so why was he waiting for me?

...Has someone been here before me?

My heart started pounding at the thought of that possibility.

I almost forgot that Jay Freecss was following behind me, and I was eager to go find my father, until I heard the crew member ask in confusion:

And who are you?

He was talking to Freemasons.

“He’s my friend.” Given that the brown-haired boy had said he would help me beat up my father to vent my anger—though I wouldn’t do that, I was still satisfied with that, so I unusually took a liking to him and helped him out of the predicament, tacitly allowing him to follow.

The crew member responded and made way.

I didn't turn back, but continued walking towards the kitchen.

As I drew closer to the final place, I slowed my pace and hesitantly turned to look at the boy beside me.

"He should be able to recognize me, right?" I asked.

He nodded without hesitation, giving an affirmative answer.

“But you’re not him, how do you know?” I asked again.

He said in a serious tone, "I know what a [father] should be like."

I asked, "What if he's not the type you know?"

“We need to meet him first,” he said. “Isn’t that precisely the reason we absolutely must see him?”

“Go inside,” he encouraged me, “I’ll stay with you.”

...It's strange, this is the first time in so many years that I've felt such an urgent urge to remember my father and to see him.

The person who stayed by my side to comfort and support me was actually this boy, whom I didn't know well and was practically a stranger to.

“If he recognizes me,” I asked Gon, “can you leave here pretending you know nothing and never talk about me with Killua or anyone else again?”

After a pause, I added:

"I want to start a new life... try to stop resenting anyone's life."

Over the years, the one who has borne the brunt of my unbearable, overflowing hatred is Killua.

He knew all too well about this, yet he chose to condone my misdeeds. He wouldn't ask me what happened between me and Illumi, nor would he ask me why I, despite being afraid of Illumi, always went against his wishes and stayed with him.

Even today, though Killua could have easily handed me the phone and questioned me about why I misled his friends and messed up his new life, he never did.

He always stood alone at the very back of the crowd, silently and quietly watching me.

He indulged me almost self-punishingly, bearing the overflowing resentment I felt outside of Illumi.

I pretended that I didn't harbor that hatred, and when our eyes met, I coldly questioned him why he hadn't rescued me from Illumi's abyss... or when he backed down, I reached out and gripped the hem of his clothes.

—You absolutely cannot leave me.

If even you leave, I will fall into the abyss.

Using this reason, I tied him to the edge of a cliff called Illumi and left him teetering on the brink of collapse for over ten years.

I will let go... I want to let go.

If, this time, I am finally able to be free, I will definitely let go and let him go.

I want to live a new life where I don't have to resent anyone.

—If my father could give me enough strength to climb out of the abyss.

With trepidation, I took one last look at the boy beside me.

It will succeed.

He noticed my gaze and spoke with such youthful energy and positivity.

Don't worry.

—You can leave.

I almost had a delusion:

From today onward, everyone will have a bright future.

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Thank you so much for your support! I will continue to work hard!