Chapter 195 Shen Jin is the lover I can never have.

"Thank you," Shen Jin said casually.

"I'm glad you like it." Yan Yu smiled and replied.

Shen Jin didn't say anything more, but turned around to leave again. Yan Yu quickly followed and walked with Shen Jin.

The two walked side by side without saying a word, yet the atmosphere between them was somewhat subtle.

Soon, Yan Yu and Shen Jin caught up with the tomb raiders, and the group continued their journey to the next mountain.

It wasn't until evening that the group finally emerged from the mountain and arrived at its foot.

“We hid the car outside the mountain before, now let’s drive to our destination,” one of the tomb raiders said.

Everyone responded.

Afterwards, everyone went to the place where the cars were hidden. There were several cars there, just enough for them all to get in.

Shen Jin, Yan Yu, and two other tomb raiders got into a car and headed towards another mountain.

In the car, Shen Jin and Yan Yu sat in the back seat, while the two tomb raiders sat in the front. The group chatted together, and the atmosphere was quite pleasant.

Shen Jin lay down in his seat, feeling a little tired, and began to sleep. Yan Yu wanted to talk to Shen Jin, but seeing that Shen Jin had closed his eyes to rest, he didn't disturb him.

In fact, Shen Jin was not asleep at all; he was just pretending to be asleep with his eyes closed.

A moment later, Shen Jin felt a weight on his body; Yan Yu had draped his coat over him.

Although he wasn't cold at all, Yan Yu's action still made him slightly distracted.

In the end, Shen Jin pretended to be asleep and didn't make a move.

"Is your destination a cemetery?" Yan Yu asked, feeling a bit bored, and started chatting with the tomb raiders.

"Yes, you know what we do, of course we're going to the cemetery," the tomb raider driving the car replied with a smile.

Yan Yu nodded and said nothing more.

At this moment, the tomb raider sitting in the passenger seat turned around, smiled at Yan Yu, and began to chat with him.

"The cemetery we're going to this time isn't an ordinary cemetery; it's an ancient tomb from a very, very long time ago, and it belongs to the royal family," the man said to Yan Yu.

"Is it from the royal family?" Yan Yu asked instinctively.

“Yes, we’ve been interested in this tomb for a long time.” The man nodded.

Yan Yu thought for a moment and then asked, "Whenever you go tomb raiding, does Chen Jin go with you?"

He only managed to find out about Shen Jin's situation while Shen Jin was asleep; otherwise, if Shen Jin were awake, he definitely wouldn't have let him ask.

He remembered that he had tried to ask these tomb raiders about Shen Jin, but Shen Jin stopped him and got angry.

Upon hearing Yan Yu's words, the tomb raider chuckled: "What? Concerned about him? By the way, what exactly is your relationship with Ah Jin?"

They've been concerned about this issue for a long time, discussing it every day, but haven't reached a conclusion. They feel they're in a romantic relationship, but they're not sure.

Yan Yu paused for a moment, then subconsciously glanced at Shen Jin.

"Oh, just tell us! He's asleep right now, he won't know. We'll keep it a secret for you," the tomb raider quickly said to Yan Yu.

Curiosity was really making him miserable.

Even the tomb raider who was driving was particularly interested in this topic, casting some glances over, ready to hear Yan Yu's answer.

Even Shen Jin, who was pretending to be asleep, became a little nervous.

Yan Yu remained silent for a long time, then chuckled. The two tomb raiders were stunned, wondering why Yan Yu had suddenly laughed.

“Shen Jin… is the person I like…” Yan Yu smiled and replied.

"The person you like?" one of the tomb raiders asked.

Yan Yu smiled, but there was one thing he hadn't said yet—Shen Jin was the lover he could never have.

"Yes," Yan Yu replied, knowing full well that everyone could guess what was going on, but it was all unspoken. "Meeting him was the greatest stroke of luck in my life."

Upon hearing Yan Yu's words, Shen Jin, who was pretending to be asleep, was stunned for a moment. He felt a strange feeling in his heart, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.

"Then..." It took the two tomb raiders a while to come to their senses, and for a moment they didn't know what to ask.

So their previous guess was half right? That Yan Yu had a one-sided crush on Shen Jin, but Shen Jin didn't like him?

Yan Yu chuckled again, looking at Shen Jin beside him.

“I didn’t know how to cherish him before. Now that he’s still by my side, I’m already very content,” Yan Yu said with a smile.

Hearing Yan Yu's words, the two tomb raiders were somewhat moved.

After a long silence, the tomb raider in the passenger seat reached out and patted Yan Yu on the shoulder as encouragement: "Keep it up."

Yan Yu nodded and said, "You must keep this a secret for me. Don't tell Shen Jin, or he'll be angry."

The two tomb raiders quickly nodded in agreement.

However, no one noticed that Chen Jin's fingers were trembling slightly.

At that moment, the car suddenly jolted.

Caught off guard, Shen Jin fell straight towards the car window. Yan Yu quickly reached out and caught Shen Jin's head, which hit Yan Yu's palm without causing any pain.

So, Chen Jin continued to pretend to be asleep.

Seeing that Shen Jin had not been awakened, Yan Yu breathed a sigh of relief.

Then, Yan Yu carefully moved Shen Jin's head and placed it on his shoulder.

Shen Jin felt a little awkward, but made no move and continued to pretend to be asleep.

It wasn't until almost dark that the group reached their destination, the mountain.

After hiding the vehicles at the foot of the mountain, the tomb raiders began to climb up.

As it was getting dark and the mountain path was difficult to walk at night, Yan Yu led Shen Jin along.

"Be careful, all of you!" the tomb raider leading the way said to the others as he turned around.

Everyone responded in unison.

Yan Yu and Shen Jin were still walking at the very back. Yan Yu was afraid that Shen Jin would fall, so he stepped on each stone himself first to make sure that the stone was not loose before letting Shen Jin step on it.

Shen Jin didn't say anything about Yan Yu's behavior.

It wasn't until evening that we finally found a spot.

"This is probably the place," one of the tomb raiders asked.

Another tomb raider took out a map from his backpack and looked at it, while the other tomb raiders looked at it and discussed it together.

Finally, everyone determined that this was the approximate location of the cemetery, but they couldn't pinpoint exactly where it was.

After all, so many years have passed, and many things have changed, so it's even more difficult to know where it is now.

Finally, the leader of the tomb raiders instructed everyone: "It's hard to search at night, so let's stop and rest for now, and continue tomorrow morning."

Everyone else readily agreed.

So, everyone found a suitable place to rest and sat down, putting their things down.

Since everyone had traveled a long and arduous journey, and had finally reached their destination, they decided to hold a bonfire party tonight.

Soon, a campfire was lit, and everyone gathered together to eat and drink. Some of the tomb raiders even started dancing to add to the festivities.

Shen Jin sat quietly by the fire, watching them play around with a smile.

Yan Yu sat down next to Shen Jin and tried to start a conversation with him: "Um, do you like this lively atmosphere?"

Upon hearing Yan Yu's words, Shen Jin turned to look at him and remained silent for a long while.

Finally, Shen Jin simply replied to Yan Yu's question: "It's alright."

Afterwards, Yan Yu kept trying to find topics to chat with Shen Jin, but Shen Jin just gave him a few perfunctory replies.

It was late at night when everyone was tired from playing, so the bonfire party came to an end, and everyone prepared to go to sleep and rest.

Shen Jin found a piece of dried tree bark, laid it on the lawn, and lay down to prepare for sleep.

At this moment, Yan Yu also came over carrying a piece of tree bark and stopped beside Shen Jin.

"Can I sleep with you?" Yan Yu asked Shen Jin.

Shen Jin glanced at Yan Yu, then turned around, his back to Yan Yu.

"No need, I want to sleep alone," Shen Jin said, refusing Yan Yu's request.

Yan Yu's expression changed after being rejected by Shen Jin.

Then Yan Yu continued, "You're still sick, so I'll sleep with you. That way, I can take better care of you."

Upon hearing Yan Yu's words, Shen Jin remained silent for a moment, then turned around and looked at Yan Yu, who cautiously met Shen Jin's gaze.

"No need, I'm almost fully recovered. You don't need to think about me anymore, and I'm quite lucid now, so you don't need to worry about me anymore." Shen Jin directly admitted that he was already lucid.

He felt that Yan Yu should have figured it out by now, and there was no point in pretending anymore, so he might as well just admit it directly.

"I..." Yan Yu was stunned for a moment, staring blankly at Shen Jin. His expression changed, and he was a little embarrassed. He did not expect Shen Jin to admit it so directly.

So, what is Shen Jin really thinking right now?

After hesitating for a while, Yan Yu cautiously glanced at Shen Jin's expression. Shen Jin was staring at him without saying a word.

"I'm sorry." After a moment, Yan Yu apologized.

Upon hearing Yan Yu's apology, Shen Jin silently withdrew his gaze without saying a word.

"Don't be angry," Yan Yu quickly said, afraid that Shen Jin would get angry.

Shen Jin sighed, his feelings a jumble of emotions, so jumbled that he didn't know what words to use to describe them.

"It's alright, I'm not angry." Finally, Shen Jin said softly to Yan Yu.

After saying that, Shen Jin closed his eyes and continued to sleep, lying on his side with his hand under his head, seemingly not wanting to talk about this topic.

Yan Yu could tell that Shen Jin didn't want to discuss this topic with him, so he wisely kept quiet.

Then, Yan Yu took the piece of bark from his hand and lay down not far from Shen Jin.

Yan Yu kept looking at Shen Jin, unable to fall asleep, wanting only to keep watching Shen Jin.

Shen Jin also tossed and turned, unable to sleep. He was already very tired after a long day and wanted to sleep, but now he couldn't fall asleep.

Finally, Shen Jin lay there staring blankly at the stars in the night sky.

"Shen Jin, are you asleep?" After a while, Yan Yu suddenly called out to Shen Jin.

"Not yet," Chen Jin replied.

Upon hearing Shen Jin's reply, Yan Yu remained silent for a while.

"After that avalanche, was your life difficult after they rescued you?" Yan Yu asked Shen Jin after a long silence.

Shen Jin remained silent for a long while, his thoughts seemingly drifting away.

"Aren't you tired of running around with them every day? Can you adapt to this kind of life?" Yan Yu continued to ask.

Shen Jin looked at the bright stars and blinked.

"It's alright, they're all okay. They've been very kind to me. Although it's a bit tiring, it's still quite fun." After a while, Shen Jin answered Yan Yu's question in a low voice.

When he was first rescued, he was still very weak, and they took good care of him, not letting him do any particularly heavy work.

So Shen Jin felt that this kind of life was acceptable.

"I see..." Yan Yu replied blankly after hearing Shen Jin's answer.

Shen Jin didn't say anything more.

After a while, Yan Yu started talking to Shen Jin again: "Do you remember the village we stayed in before?"

Upon hearing Yan Yu's words, Shen Jin was stunned for a moment, and his indifferent expression finally showed a hint of emotion.

In the darkness, Yan Yu couldn't see Shen Jin's expression, but he continued, "Xiao Qing and Grandma miss you very much."

These words made Shen Jin's heart soften a little.

“They all thought you were gone, and they were all very sad,” Yan Yu continued.

Shen Jin listened quietly to Yan Yu's words, his heart filled with many emotions.

After hesitating for a long time, Shen Jin slowly asked, "Are they... alright?"

Upon hearing Shen Jin's words, Yan Yu was momentarily stunned.

Then, Yan Yu chuckled.

It turned out that Shen Jin hadn't forgotten; he still remembered the people in the village, the old lady, and Xiao Qing. Yan Yugou couldn't help but feel a little gratified.

"Yes, they're all doing well," Yan Yu replied to Shen Jin.

Shen Jin lowered his eyes and said nothing more.

After a moment, Yan Yu continued, "When you went out before, I waited for you to come back, and I was really scared that something might have happened to you."

“I remember you had amnesia back then,” Shen Jin said, hearing Yan Yu’s words. “You were completely stupid.”

When he first saw Yan Yu, he knew that Yan Yu had regained his memory, but he never asked.

"Yes, later I fell and hit my head, and then I remembered everything." Yan Yu was silent for a while before answering Shen Jin.

Shen Jin responded but did not speak.

“When I had amnesia, I didn’t know why you hated me. I thought you wouldn’t come back, but when I found out you were back, I was really happy.” Yan Yu continued, his voice low.

It sounded like she was talking to Shen Jin, but it also sounded like she was talking to herself.

Shen Jin listened to Yan Yu's words, but did not say anything.

"Later I ran out to look for you, but then there was an avalanche... I was so devastated at the time that I didn't know what to do. I wished I was the one buried underneath." Yan Yu recalled what had happened.

As Yan Yu recalled the scene, his voice trembled slightly.

Shen Jin paused for a moment, as if he could see Yan Yu's helplessness back then.

After a moment, Shen Jin shook his head, trying to clear his mind of these thoughts.

Yan Yu didn't expect Shen Jin to answer him, but just kept chatting with Shen Jin.

"Later, people from the village came to the snow mountain to rescue people, and many people were found. Some people were already dead when they were rescued. I was really scared at the time. The longer it went on, the more scared I became... I had no idea what to do to save you."

“I searched in the snow for days. They all said you were dead, but I didn’t believe it… Later, I only found bloodstains on one of your shoes. I really hated myself then. Why was it no use? I couldn’t find you.”

Hearing Yan Yu's words, Shen Jin remained silent, saying nothing.

"I couldn't find you after that. Even in spring, when the snow-capped mountains were covered in blooming flowers, I still couldn't find you," Yan Yu continued softly, his voice tinged with grievance and sadness.

Shen Jin remained silent for a while, then frowned: "Do you often go to the snow mountain?"

"Hmm." Yan Yu nodded and replied, "I go to the snow mountain whenever I have free time, probably every day."

He sat on the snow-capped mountain talking to Shen Jin, thinking about him.

Shen Jin hesitated for a moment, then remained silent.

“Back then, I often wanted to walk with you, so I wouldn’t miss you, and I would be free,” Yan Yu said suddenly after a moment of silence.

Upon hearing this, Shen Jin was stunned for a moment.

"But I'm unwilling to accept it, and I don't want to believe something happened to you..." After a moment, Yan Yu's gaze drifted into the distance, "I was thinking that maybe one day we'll meet again..."

"You see me now, don't you?" Shen Jin said in a low voice, his tone somewhat stiff.

Yan Yu was slightly lost in thought, then chuckled.

"Yes, I finally saw you. I was so happy! I never thought I'd see you again. I feel like I'm incredibly lucky to have met you again," Yan Yu replied with a smile.

Now, when he thinks about the scene when he sees Shen Jin again, he feels that he is very lucky. He only had half a year to atone for his sins before he saw Shen Jin again.

Shen Jin glanced at Yan Yu but said nothing.

"And that box containing two butterfly specimens was also dug up in the snow," Yan Yu suddenly added.

Hearing Yan Yu mention the two butterfly specimens, he was momentarily stunned.

At this moment, Yan Yu had already stood up and walked towards Shen Jin, lying down beside him. Shen Jin glanced at him but didn't say anything.

Then, Yan Yu took out a box from his clothes and handed it to Shen Jin: "Look, these are your two butterfly specimens."

When Shen Jin saw that Yan Yu actually carried this with him, he felt a little awkward and did not reach out to take it, but instead avoided his gaze.

Then, Shen Jin remembered that on the way today, Yan Yu asked him if he liked butterflies and offered to catch some for him.

So it was because of these two butterfly specimens?

Shen Jin's heart suddenly became chaotic, so chaotic that it was like a tangled ball of yarn, knotted everywhere, and impossible to untangle.

A moment later, Shen Jin took the box from Yan Yu's hand, held it in front of his eyes, and glanced at it by the moonlight.

Even the box was spotless, showing that Yan Yu really cherished it and wiped it down every day.

Then, Shen Jin opened the box and looked at the two specimens lying inside. The two butterfly specimens were still very beautiful, just as beautiful as when he bought them. He remained silent for a long time, and unconsciously thought of some past memories and scenes.

After looking at it for a while, Shen Jin closed the box containing the specimen and said, "I bought this because I thought it looked pretty."

Afterwards, Shen Jin returned the box to Yan Yu.

"What have you been carrying around all this time? Do you like it?" Shen Jin hesitated for a moment before asking.

"Hmm." Yan Yu looked down at the box, smiled, and said, "I like anything you buy."

"..."

Chen Jin was speechless for a moment.

The two remained silent for a while.

Yan Yu reached out and gently touched the box, a hint of sadness in his eyes.

After stroking it for a while, Yan Yu chuckled.

"If something really happened to you, this is the only thing you left me with. I have nothing else," Yan Yu said softly.

He really had nothing else besides this.

Therefore, he really treasured these two butterfly specimens, looking at them several times a day and never letting anyone else touch them.

Upon hearing Yan Yu's words, Shen Jin was stunned for a moment, his expression somewhat moved, and he couldn't help but raise his eyes to look at Yan Yu.

As soon as they looked up, their eyes met.

Shen Jin was stunned for a moment, and then turned away awkwardly. After that, Shen Jin turned over and faced away from Yan Yu, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

After a moment, Shen Jin said in a muffled voice, "I'm still alive now, so let's just throw this butterfly specimen away. It's worthless anyway."

Upon hearing Shen Jin's words, Yan Yu immediately shook his head and carefully put the box back.

“This is yours. I will definitely keep it safe,” Yan Yu replied.

Shen Jin remained silent and did not speak.

After a moment, Yan Yu asked again, "Since you're alright, why don't you go to the village to check on them? Xiao Qing and the others miss you very much."

Upon hearing Yan Yu's words, Shen Jin remained silent for a long time.

Yan Yu lay down next to Shen Jin, looking at Shen Jin, who had his back to him.

After hesitating for a long time, Yan Yu reached out to hug Chen Jin, but in the end he didn't dare and withdrew his hand.

Finally, Shen Jin answered Yan Yu's question: "Because a long time had passed, and I knew that everyone thought I was dead, my reappearance would only disturb them, and besides, my physical condition at the time did not allow it."

Upon hearing Shen Jin's words, Yan Yu was momentarily stunned.

"Were you very weak back then? I... I couldn't be by your side, and I felt really bad," Yan Yu said softly, sounding distressed.

"It's nothing. All the hardship is over now. I've gotten used to being alone all this time," Chen Jin replied.

"...You still have me in the future." Yan Yu said after a moment of silence.

Even if Shen Jin never forgives him again, he will always stay by his side. This time, he will never let go, no matter the cost, even if it means eternal damnation.