The biggest winners of today's gathering are not the duo of the Dragon and Tiger brothers.

The real dark horse was actually my cousin.

Can you believe that?

Last year, it was still a group of four single men.

In just one year, he rose like a rocket.

They completed the major life events of blind dating, marriage registration, and childbirth at lightning speed.

Moreover, he was born with a son, a "construction bank" (a reference to a Chinese bank that provides financial support), making him a true winner in life straight out of a wish-fulfillment novel!

So, while the leeks were all there for dinner, he carried his sleeping son and strode towards the leek field—well, his relatives and elders—with an air of indifference.

There's no way to compare them; they're not even on the same track. How can you compare them?

In these New Year's reunion dinner occasions, children are like walking red envelope harvesters, much more popular than adults.

Even Hu Xinxin couldn't resist giving out a red envelope, even though you don't have to if you're not married.

However, Hu Xinxin wanted to share in the good fortune of this "quick-draw" man, so she gave it to him.

If Zhang Long knew what his girlfriend was thinking, he would definitely say, "That's unnecessary, because he's afraid that his son will be mentally impaired by this good fortune."

He looked at the baby in his cousin's arms with a complicated expression.

Just thinking about what he saw back then made him lose his appetite.

It turns out that when he came to the party during the Chinese New Year in 2023, he saw this little guy playing with a dog. The two of them were eating a sausage, taking turns eating it and enjoying it. At the time, he didn't pay any attention to it.

But what he never expected was that the little guy would end up with a dog...

The subway, the elderly, the expressions on their faces while looking at their phones? That was the truest reflection of his mind at that moment.

My cousin, relying on his son's debut, made a remarkable run through the crowd of relatives, receiving so many red envelopes that his hands were sore from accepting them.

Regardless of how much money is in the red envelope, the sheer amount is enough to make you stand out from the crowd.

This made several of his cousins, who also have children, extremely envious.

They wish they could pack their own child back in and start all over again.

The little ones: Meow meow meow?

The reason is simply because the timing was wrong. Before that, my older cousin was still hanging out with a few perpetual bachelors, so he didn't need to give them red envelopes every year.

Once his younger cousins ​​have all given birth, it will be his turn to reap the rewards.

That's why I'm able to receive so many red envelopes all at once.

Many of the older cousins ​​were already quite annoyed with this shameless eldest cousin, but who knew that this shameless guy would actually start counting those huge stacks of red envelopes.

He smiled broadly as he pointed at the red envelopes, and proudly told his son in his arms, "Son, Dad will keep these red envelopes for you and save them for when you get married."

"If you can't speak, Dad will take that as a yes!"

Without waiting for his son's reaction, he quickly stuffed all the red envelopes into his pocket. He was so fast that even the Flash would have to offer him a cigarette before leaving.

After collecting the red envelopes, the older cousin turned to look at the indescribable expressions on the faces of his relatives—no, his "red envelope harvesting experts"—and decided not to stay any longer.

We'll take the little guy to his grandma's house before coming back for dinner, since today's meal was quite plentiful.

Adhering to the principle of "if you don't eat, you'll be a fool," they returned in no time.

After all, his wife lives nearby, so it's normal for him to be fast.

But he never imagined that today would be his day of social humiliation. He wondered if he would regret it later and slap himself a few times...

After a while, the older cousin, carrying a large stack of red envelopes, hummed a little tune and strolled over to the table next to the children's table.

He clearly had some self-awareness, but what he didn't know was that there were already two half-corrupted sources of evil watching him with ill intent.

He was oblivious to his own mortality and went over there anyway.

There's an old saying that goes, "You have a path to heaven but choose not to, you have no way to hell but choose to walk into it yourself!"

After scanning around, the older cousin spotted Ah Wu and Ah Peng, two brothers in the same boat. These were perfect material for him to brag about.

So he decisively went over and first pretended to wipe away non-existent sweat.

"Hey, what are you two doing at this table? Is there no room for the two of you at the next table?"

"Haha, even Zhang Hu has a girlfriend now, you guys really need to work harder."

"Since I'm in a good mood today, I'll teach you a few tricks that will guarantee you a successful blind date every time."

His hypocritical act, like that of a drama queen, directly angered the two guys who were in the process of turning evil.

Hmph, since we can't deal with Zhang Long, we'll start by targeting you, the "early bird."

The two brothers were already in a lot of pain, and you, the other half of the culprit, came to join in the fun, and you even kept reopening old wounds.

Well, there's an old saying: "If you don't act recklessly, you won't die!"

So the two wicked guys started enthusiastically urging the older cousin to drink, one glass of wine after another, without eating a single bite of food.

Before he knew it, his older cousin had been tricked into drinking four cans of beer.

If there were adults around, they would definitely stop him from eating some food before drinking, but there are children all around now.

Who cares whether you drink or not? As long as you don't interfere with their eating, that's fine.

"Yes, that's how blind dates are, you guys need to be careful... *burp* *pfft*..."

Goodness, my cousin really drank too much this time. He let out a burp, which clashed with the alcohol he had just drunk, and it came out of his nostrils.

Perhaps the mouth saw that the nose had taken over its job, and then, not to be outdone, a white "fountain" shot out of its mouth like a high-pressure water gun. The scene was truly "shocking" to the entire audience.

Watching my older cousin perform such a "spectacular" human fountain show for all the children in front of everyone.

Instead of applause, there was crying and commotion everywhere.

The adults at the next table quickly put down their bowls and chopsticks and rushed over after hearing the child crying.

Upon seeing this chaotic scene, the adults who had rushed over fell silent.

The adults were silent, the children were crying, and the older cousin was coughing, creating this strange scene.

Then, one of my cousins ​​burst out laughing, and the place turned into a sea of ​​joy.

Only the older cousin's mother didn't laugh, since it was her son who had made a fool of himself.

Now, the two instigators burst into laughter, almost laughing until tears streamed down their faces.

The resentment that had been building up inside vanished like a balloon being popped, and the joy level even overflowed.

Completely ignoring her older cousin who was already in deep trouble, she laughed so hard she almost fell over.