Chapter 58. "I never imagined I would miss you this much."

“In the future,” Song Huai swallowed hard, “you will find someone better than me…”

"I'm sorry, Bai Xiao." Song Huai knew his words were weak, and his voice grew weaker and weaker until it was barely audible, like the buzzing of a mosquito.

Bai Xiao, consumed by rage, laughed in his fury and nodded, saying, "Fine, good, very good..."

"I... I'll be moving out in the next couple of days. Find some time when you're free, and we'll go get the divorce certificate." With each additional word he spoke, Song Huai felt more tormented, but he still managed to say it all at once.

"Whatever." Bai Xiao coldly tossed out a sentence, unable to bear the cramped little room any longer, and strode away.

After this unpleasant parting, their relationship plummeted to rock bottom.

The next day, Song Huai began to hurriedly pack his luggage. His right hand was quite weak, making it extremely difficult for him to carry his suitcase from upstairs to downstairs. He almost missed a step while going downstairs.

Bai Xiao sat on the sofa the whole time, watching coldly, only slightly losing her balance when Song Huai almost fell down the stairs.

After much effort, Song Huai finally packed everything up and stood panting at his doorstep, taking one last look at the home he had lived in for almost a year, and wiping the sweat from the corners of his eyes.

After a long while, he finally spoke, bidding his final farewell, "Bai Xiao, I'm leaving." He used all his strength to force a smile, trying to make his expression look better.

The person on the sofa glanced at him quickly before turning their gaze back to the computer in front of them, as if they hadn't heard anything.

Song Huai waited at the door for a while, but Bai Xiao still didn't react. He gave a wry smile, picked up his luggage with one hand, and turned to leave.

Upon entering the courtyard, Song Huai paused, his steps halting as the deep blue roses bloomed in the sunlight, still dazzlingly beautiful.

He stood still, quietly watching the flowers.

It wasn't until the sound of a loudspeaker came from the courtyard gate that Song Huai came to his senses and continued walking forward with his luggage.

Step by step, he walked out of the home where he and Bai Xiao had spent every day together.

Liu Weitian hurriedly took the luggage from Song Huai's left hand and put it in the trunk, then drove away with him.

After Song Huai left, Bai Xiao, who had been sitting blankly on the sofa all morning, stood up and slowly walked to the French windows.

He saw Song Huai standing in the courtyard, he saw Liu Weitian who came to pick up Song Huai, he saw Song Huai get into Liu Weitian's car, the car started and drove away into the distance.

He didn't remember how long he stood by the window. He only remembered that soon after, the sun was covered by dark clouds, and then a strong wind picked up and a torrential rain began.

The roses, carefully planted by the owner, were bent over by the raindrops and blown about by the wind, their petals scattered in disarray, turning the lawn into a mess in an instant.

Suddenly, a flash of white light appeared in the sky, followed by a thunderclap.

Bai Xiao's heart clenched instantly. He subconsciously tried to find someone's figure, but after a long while, he realized that the person who would tremble with fear on thundery days was gone. That person... would never need his company again.

He shook his head and smiled faintly.

--

Outside, the rain was pouring down and thunder was roaring, but the people inside were completely unaware of it.

In Song Huai's studio, the windows were tightly closed, the curtains were drawn, a loud symphony was playing from the stereo, the aroma of fried chicken filled the air, and the cola in the cup was bubbling away.

"Come on, let me toast you!" Liu Weitian raised his Coke and clinked glasses with Song Huai, displaying extreme generosity.

Song Huai smiled and clinked glasses with Liu Weitian, but there was always a hint of melancholy in his smile. He hadn't enjoyed junk food so much in a long time; lately, Bai Xiao had been forcing him to eat Aunt Liu's nutritious meals, to the point that he was almost losing his sense of taste.

The two of them ate fried chicken with gusto while chatting casually, just like when they were back in college.

"Have you booked the plane tickets?"

"It's booked, August 11th."

"Okay, I'm also going to Y country to film in October. Remember to pick me up then."

"Don't worry, I will definitely go to the airport early to welcome Director Liu."

A moment later, only a pile of lonely chicken bones remained on the table. Song Huai had eaten and drunk his fill, and his eyelids began to droop.

Liu Weitian suddenly asked, "So, it's over between you and Bai Xiao just like that?"

Upon hearing the name Bai Xiao, Song Huai instantly snapped to attention and came to his senses.

"Hmm..." he mumbled in response.

Liu Weitian sighed wistfully, "Fine, fine..."

Liu Weitian had witnessed Song Huai's deep affection for Bai Xiao over the years. He had seen it all. In this one night, he suddenly had an epiphany, and he didn't know whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.

Liu Weitian stayed at Song Huai's place until very late before finally getting up and leaving.

As soon as he opened the door, Song Huai was startled to find that it was pouring rain outside, with thunder rumbling in and out of the distance.

After seeing Liu Weitian off, Song Huai closed the door again and turned on the deafening music to block out the thunder outside.

But the rumbling sound kept echoing in Song Huai's mind. He hugged his head, trying to drive the sound away, but it was as if it had taken root and sprouted in Song Huai's mind, and he couldn't get rid of it no matter how hard he tried.

He curled up on the sofa, his whole body trembling. He began to long for the embrace that would hold him tightly when thunder roared, that person would hold him with both arms and gently stroke his back with their hands, and sometimes even hum a song to him to distract him.

It's a pity that out of so many notes, not a single one was in tune.

Song Huai reached out his trembling hand, picked up his phone as if grasping a lifeline, and opened the chat window with Bai Xiao.

I miss you so much.

After typing those four words, fearing he might accidentally send them out, Song Huai quickly deleted the line.

There's no turning back once the arrow is released; this is the path he chose, and he's determined to see it through to the end.

He then slammed the phone to the ground, and instantly several cracks appeared on the screen.

To stop himself from being afraid, he wanted to fall asleep quickly, so that he would know nothing more.

However, even though he had closed his eyes, his mind remained perfectly clear for a long time.

He couldn't take it anymore, so he sat up abruptly in bed, pulled out a sleeping pill he'd bought ages ago, swallowed it with cold water, and lay back down.

Before long, drowsiness came over him, and Song Huai fell into a deep sleep, thus spending his first day without Bai Xiao.

A few days later, Song Huai invited Bai Xiao out, and they went to the Civil Affairs Bureau together to register their divorce.

Upon meeting, Bai Xiao tossed Song Huai a stack of documents.

Song Huai was completely bewildered. He took the documents; the top one was a divorce agreement. Scrolling down, he found Bai's share transfer agreement, and numerous property transfer agreements…

Song Huai's heart sank further as he looked on. He looked up at Bai Xiao, who had remained expressionless throughout, and his face showed difficulty. "You..."

Bai Xiao frowned, a hint of impatience rising within him. "Hurry up and sign it. We agreed that what's yours is yours."

Finally, Song Huai carefully signed his name.

After going around in circles, they finally returned to where they started.

After leaving the Civil Affairs Bureau, Song Huai stared blankly at Bai Xiao, moved his lips, but made no sound.

Bai Xiao didn't even bother to look at him again and walked away without turning her head.

Only after Bai Xiao had walked several meters away did Song Huai finally remember what he wanted to say. He murmured to Bai Xiao's retreating figure, "Bai Xiao, goodbye..."

Bai Xiao continued walking quickly forward, soon got into the car, started the engine, and disappeared from Song Huai's sight in the blink of an eye.

That day, Song Huai stood in front of the Civil Affairs Bureau for an entire afternoon. He saw many young couples walk in hand in hand, their happy smiles impossible to hide.

Song Huai had taken a taxi, but he didn't want to take it back. For some reason, he just wanted to walk around by himself. Although his studio was far away, he walked back step by step until his legs were almost numb.

He didn't notice that afternoon, a car drove a long way away and then turned back, hiding in the traffic and slowly following him until he got home and turned on the warm yellow lights, at which point the car left.

--

After receiving the divorce certificate, Song Huai never contacted Bai Xiao again.

After handing over the final tasks, he buried himself in the studio, closing the doors and windows and drawing the curtains, as if he had become a vampire who never saw the light of day.

In the dim light, he repeatedly opened the chat box with Bai Xiao, typing out many messages:

What are you doing? Are you still working?

Have you eaten properly while I'm away?

If you really can't cook, you should hire a housekeeper. You can't always eat out.

I miss you so much. I never imagined I would miss you this much.

I know I'm a very conflicted person, and I'm really sorry.

After I leave, you must take good care of yourself. If you meet the right person, treat them well and don't waste any more time on me.

Haha, am I just imagining things...?

However, without exception, he deleted all of these words.

Sometimes, he really didn't want Bai Xiao to fill his mind anymore. He thought, why not just delete Bai Xiao as a friend? But in the end, his hand hovered over the two red "delete" words for a long time, and he still couldn't bear to press it.

Sometimes, he even considered canceling his flight a few days later. He didn't want to go abroad anymore. To hell with work and directing; he just wanted to go back to Bai Xiao's side.

Song Huai spent his last few days in China in a daze.

On August 11, fearing traffic jams, Song Huai got up early and got ready.

He checked several times to make sure he had locked all the doors and windows before dragging his luggage out the door.

As soon as I stepped outside, I was suddenly struck by the sound of a horn.

Song Huai looked toward the source of the sound and saw a familiar car by the roadside. The car window slowly rolled down, and inside was the person he had been thinking about day and night.