Longing

Before You Huan, Zheng Miao had never known how much harm language could cause, nor did she believe that there were parents who didn't love their children at all.

You Huan felt like she was living on a deserted island. Her parents used language to mold her into a different person, leaving her isolated, helpless, and unable to speak her mind.

Zheng Miao witnessed firsthand how You Huan's mother, with snot and tears streaming down her face, complained to those around her about how annoying and disobedient You Huan was. You Huan's father, on the other hand, seemed like a kind-hearted man, always cheerful in public, never getting into conflicts with anyone, and everyone who spoke to him praised his good temper.

So no one would question the words of such a kind and gentle couple. When talking about Youhuan, they would always shake their heads and frown. When walking on the street, they would also advise Youhuan to be more obedient and not make her parents angry.

Even if Zheng Miao tried to defend You Huan, she would be told, "What does a child know?", "She's still young and her perspective is too narrow," and "Don't play with You Huan too much, she'll be corrupted." Zheng Miao felt a sudden sense of helplessness, completely empathizing with You Huan. She was already speechless and unable to defend herself, let alone You Huan, who was at the center of the storm. She hadn't done anything wrong, yet she was being branded with such unfounded accusations.

You Huan could do nothing but silently endure it. Just like that day when Zheng Miao found her with the New Year's money that rightfully belonged to You Huan and said, "My mom said I can't play with you, but I don't think there's anything wrong with you. So can we still be friends?" You Huan's face showed that hesitant expression again, and she whispered, "Do you believe me?" In that way, she accepted everything, including the fact that no one believed her.

Zheng Miao simply handed the New Year's money forward and asked her, "Why aren't you taking it with you?"

You Huan pursed her lips: "That's not mine."

Later, Zheng Miao learned that one year, You Huan visited relatives, and one of the relatives secretly gave her a red envelope, saying it was for her to spend and not to tell her mother. Children don't understand the intricacies of social obligations; sometimes, a red envelope is just an excuse, implying, "Look, I did you a favor, you have to repay it." You Huan didn't understand the implications and believed it was genuine, thinking the red envelope was for her, and obediently didn't tell her mother.

After a long time, seeing that Youhuan's family hadn't made any gesture, the relative privately brought up the matter of the red envelope with Youhuan's mother. Youhuan's mother was caught off guard and felt ashamed. When she got home, Youhuan gave her a severe scolding and a beating.

It was only then that she realized that she couldn't just accept red envelopes casually.

None of those belong to her.

But Zheng Miao simply stuffed the New Year's money into You Huan's arms and made a final decision: "Take it if I say it's yours, then it's yours!"

She entered You Huan's life in the same way, becoming her only friend.

When the neighbors first noticed that Zheng Miao was walking with You Huan, they subtly reminded Zheng Miao's parents to keep a closer eye on her and prevent her from making the wrong friends.

Zheng Miao's parents are open-minded people and don't restrict her too much, but they are also afraid that she will make the wrong friends and pick up some bad habits, so they are quite earnest when they advise her.

Zheng Miao had a brief argument with her parents, and when You Huan found out, she was clearly familiar with this kind of situation. She didn't want to implicate Zheng Miao, but Zheng Miao didn't think she had done anything wrong. So You Huan thought for a moment and suggested that Zheng Miao not get too close to her in public, and their friendship would then go into the shadows.

Changshi was too small; everything spread easily, and You Huan was isolated at school. She had never had any friends; Zheng Miao was her first and only friend. Even though it was a friend she couldn't openly befriend, You Huan was still very happy.

In reality, Zheng Miao was unaware of You Huan's pain. After all, there is no true empathy in the world; you can't feel how much pain you feel unless you're the one being pricked.

To an outsider, every incident seems trivial. It's just being beaten by parents, being verbally abused, or being isolated.

Yet all of this constitutes You Huan's world, and she lives in this kind of life all the time. All the "just" weighs on her, making it hard for her to breathe.

Until that day, Zheng Miao saw the scars on You Huan's hands. They weren't normal scars; some were long, some short, but all were neatly defined, making it clear at a glance that they weren't accidental injuries.

Feeling Zheng Miao's gaze, You Huan unconsciously touched the scar on her wrist, and then nervously pulled up her sleeve to try to cover it up.

Zheng Miao looked at You Huan's lukewarm appearance and couldn't say anything. She realized that what she saw was only the tip of the iceberg of You Huan's painful emotions.

She endured far more than she imagined.

It was only then that Zheng Miao vaguely realized that beneath You Huan's submissive exterior lay an emotional monster, a monster that stirred within her, occasionally poking its head out to devour her.

Zheng Miao knew there was little she could do to help, because no matter what outsiders did, they couldn't defeat the monster in someone's heart. All she could do was encourage You Huan and provide her with energy so that she wouldn't be defeated.

So Zheng Miao began to describe to You Huan what a wonderful life would be like if she left Changshi—escaping the quagmire of her original family, away from violence, to a place where no one knew her, and truly being herself.

Whenever You Huan heard Zheng Miao's descriptions, her eyes would light up. With Zheng Miao around, she was willing to believe that life could still get better. Zheng Miao was a lifeline she clung to.

And so, Zheng Miao dragged You Huan along, from elementary school to junior high, and together they got into Changshi No. 1 Middle School, finally escaping as they had hoped.

Although You Huan's emotional turmoil hadn't completely disappeared, Zheng Miao felt that You Huan was much better. She believed that once they left Chang City, You Huan would eventually recover. Zheng Miao was willing to hold her back and support her, believing they could be together for a very long time.

You Huan has clearly escaped her predicament. She has broken free from that cage and escaped the violence. She can now support herself. She has already graduated from university and started her internship. Her life has just begun. Zheng Miao has already brought her here.

But You Huan still died, at the age of twenty-two.

“We had arranged to go out for hot pot that day, but as it was nearing the end of the workday, my department head said we had to have a meeting… I’m a new intern, and I often don’t have a choice when it comes to work… By the time I finished, it was long past our agreed time, and I had a missed call from Xiao Huan on my phone…” Zheng Miao took a deep breath, trying to control the trembling in her voice, but as soon as she opened her mouth, she almost broke down in tears. “I kept thinking afterward, if I had answered that call, would Xiao Huan have…” Her voice trailed off in a sob.

Zheng Miao's eyes were red, and she held back her tears.

Countless nights she dreamt of regretting not receiving You Huan's call. She couldn't help but imagine that if she had received that call, You Huan would surely have won the battle once again, just like before.

But why that one time in particular? Why didn't she receive You Huan's final plea for help?

In the end, we still couldn't finish the meal properly.

Zheng Miao completely lost her appetite, and Wen Ya and Si Mucheng remained silent. Meanwhile, the female ghost You Huan paced anxiously beside Zheng Miao.

She looked at Si Mucheng, seeking help: "Brother, can you help me persuade her?"

You Huan's obsession was Zheng Miao. Zheng Miao was deeply troubled by You Huan's death, feeling uneasy and regretful every day. In the end, she couldn't even stay in the city where she and You Huan lived anymore. She couldn't work or live peacefully. She could only return to her hometown, but upon returning to Changshi, Zheng Miao discovered that Changshi had countless flaws, yet she was even more unable to let go of her resentment.

Zheng Miao used to dream of escaping from here with You Huan, but after going around in circles, she discovered that Changshi was their past, and You Huan was everywhere here.

You Huan also became Zheng Miao's obsession.

Si Mucheng took a deep breath and looked into Zheng Miao's eyes: "You Huan said that her death has nothing to do with you. She was just asking you when you would get off work on that phone call. She wasn't having an episode then. Whether you answered that call or not, she would have died."

Zheng Miao frowned slightly: "But if I hadn't worked overtime and had gone there earlier, I could have saved her!"

Si Mucheng remained expressionless and said, "There's a saying that life and death are predestined. Zheng Miao, I know I shouldn't presume to judge someone's life or death, but You Huan's death shouldn't be your burden. To be honest, you've already borne too much."

Zheng Miao was stunned.

Where she couldn't see, You Huan was watching her, and "she" spoke to Zheng Miao through Si Mucheng's words.

"Why do you have to bear the burden of You Huan's life? You've already done so much for her, you've helped her so much, why do you have to bear the burden of her death as well?"

"This is her life, and she is very grateful for everything you have done for her, but you can't stay stagnant forever. You also have your own life to live."

“Nothing stays the same forever. Even Lao Chang’s snacks have changed. Zheng Miao, you’re not going back. You’re smart enough to know that you have to keep moving forward and live a life without You Huan.”

"Take her part with you and go see the future you've described."

After Si Mucheng finished speaking, and after You Huan finished speaking, the atmosphere became quiet.

Wen Ya remained silent; she trusted Si Mucheng.

After a long silence, Zheng Miao finally shed tears. She nodded and choked out, "I understand."

The three of them ate, but in the end, the food was barely touched. Zheng Miao packed it up, carried the takeout container, and walked out of the small restaurant.

By now, she had calmed down considerably and seemed more energetic, unlike her previous lifeless state. Si Mucheng thought that Zheng Miao should be able to let go of her inner turmoil, and You Huan's obsession should also dissipate. However, he hadn't expected You Huan's life to turn out this way, but he felt that You Huan had already tried her best. "She" was just sick; "she" hadn't given in, but simply hadn't been able to overcome the illness. He suddenly felt a sense of regret.

But regrets are a normal part of life.

Si Mucheng glanced at Wen Ya, whose expression was indifferent. She was probably thinking to herself that he was meddling in other people's business again.

Just as they were about to say goodbye to Zheng Miao, she looked at them with clear eyes and said softly, "There's something I want to confirm."

Si Mucheng asked, "What?"

"Is Xiao Huan... here?"