Chapter 19: What does madness matter if you are always with me?

Severe pain swept through Shen Zhiwei's remaining consciousness.

She could feel herself being held tightly in a trembling embrace, warm liquid dripping down her cheeks, mixing with the blood flowing from her own body.

Someone was calling her Awei, someone was telling her not to sleep.

She had never heard the panic and desperation in that voice before.

In her impression, Xiao Lingjun was always calm and composed. His Royal Highness the Crown Prince had achieved success at a young age, and Shen Zhiwei rarely saw him lose his composure, let alone like this...

hysteria.

What were you doing this morning?

She wanted to force a smile, to tell him that there was no need for this, that she had expected this day to come, but she hadn't expected it to come so soon, or in this way. But every breath she took was accompanied by a tearing pain in her waist and abdomen, making it difficult for her to even open her eyes.

She thought his archery was still as accurate as ever, but his mind was in turmoil. If he really wanted her to pass away without pain, he should have aimed for her heart, but that arrow had missed by far.

Are you soft-hearted?

This thought lightly passed through her chaotic mind, bringing a strange sense of calm.

She never blamed him.

This life was originally saved by him from death row. The extra years of life he had lived, the roads he had walked with him, and watching him step by step rise to the pinnacle of power were already an extra reward.

She knew that her broken body was already at the end of its strength, and that it was only a matter of time before it ran out of energy. Now, perhaps it would be a good idea for him to do it himself.

It's just that the method was a bit brutal and scared him.

She tried hard to raise her hand, to touch his cheek and tell him not to be afraid, but she couldn't move even a finger, and all her strength was drained away bit by bit with the blood.

"...Your Highness..." She finally managed to squeeze out a weak sound, desperately trying to raise the corners of her lips, but in fact she didn't know whether she was smiling or not, "...I don't... blame you..."

The arm holding her suddenly stiffened, then tightened even more.

"Don't talk...Awei, don't talk...Imperial Physician! Where is the Imperial Physician!" He roared, his voice broken, completely losing his former grace and demeanor.

Chaotic cries merged into one, but she felt the sounds were getting farther and farther away, becoming increasingly blurred. Her only perception was that embrace, and the scalding liquid that continued to fall on her face.

...It must be tears.

Her Highness can actually cry too.

I thought people like her and Xiao Lingjun would be more decent when they parted ways.

Before the last trace of consciousness faded, Shen Zhiwei heard him whisper in her ear, in a voice that only the two of them could hear, "...I'm sorry...Awei...I regret it...I shouldn't...hold on...Please..."

Then, there was complete darkness and silence.

…

When Shen Zhiwei regained consciousness, the first thing he felt was a tearing pain that spread from his waist and abdomen to his limbs and bones. The strong smell of medicine and blood lingered at the tip of his nose.

She couldn't get up, so she struggled to open her heavy eyelids. Her vision was blurry for a long time before it gradually became clear.

What came into view was the familiar cloud-patterned ceiling and Xiao Lingjun's face close at hand.

He was still wearing his silver-white riding uniform, but now it was stained with dark blood and dust. His golden crown was slightly tilted, and a few strands of black hair hung messily in front of his forehead. His usually gentle and calm face was now frighteningly pale, and his eyes were bloodshot as he stared at her without blinking. The madness in his eyes was so intense that it made Shen Zhiwei unfamiliar.

Seeing her open her eyes, Xiao Lingjun's pupils shrank suddenly. He spoke cautiously, his voice hoarse: "Awei..."

He tried to hold her hand, but his fingertips suddenly retracted just before touching hers. He then tightened his grip with trembling hands, "Don't move... Xu Shugang has already stopped the bleeding and pulled out the arrow..." His Adam's apple rolled violently, and every word seemed to be squeezed out from between his teeth with difficulty, "...It's my fault."

Shen Zhiwei's gaze slowly focused on Xiao Lingjun's tightly clenched hand. Her dilated pupils twitched slightly, and the corners of her mouth twitched. This tiny movement agitated the wound, causing her brows to tighten suddenly, and cold sweat instantly soaked her temples.

"...Your Highness..." Her breath was weak, her voice so low that it was almost inaudible, "Your archery skills... have regressed..."

The last bit of blood color on Xiao Lingjun's face faded away.

He stood and sat down again, not knowing where to put his hands as he tucked the corner of the quilt for her. Even though it was already tucked in, he just touched it again.

"I originally thought... that the moment the horse stepped on air, it would be the most decisive... I didn't want you to..." His voice choked, and he continued after a while, "But I regret it... I regretted it the moment the arrow left the string... Ah Wei... I almost..."

I almost killed you with my own hands.

He couldn't say this, but Shen Zhiwei understood.

She looked at him in silence, seeing the panic and vulnerability in his eyes that had never been there before. It turned out that even the Crown Prince, who was so capable of planning and strategizing, could sometimes lose his composure and control.

Again, what was she doing before? If she had known that such a day would come, she would not only rush forward to meet the arrow and be pierced through, but at least she would not dodge like she did before.

No mention of discussing it with her.

"Xiao Wangqing..." Her mind was a little slow, and she suddenly remembered the Third Prince who had also fallen off his horse.

This has to die.

Unexpectedly, Xiao Lingjun's eyes darkened, his expression tense, and his tone annoyed: "He's lucky. He was caught by a branch when he fell from his horse, and only broke a few bones. The imperial physician said that his life is not in danger."

"No... cough cough..." She was choked by the blood foam in her throat.

Xiao Lingjun was almost hating her to death, but he moved quickly. He stood up and helped her up a little to prevent pressure on the wound. He fed her water with one hand and patted her back with the other.

"I won't do anything to my third brother anymore, you don't have to..."

"...That shouldn't be the case," she said, feeling the warm water flow down her throat. She managed to regain her voice and hesitantly lifted her eyelids to glance at him. "When I saw him...his face was pale and gray...his chest wasn't moving...he must have been dead for a while."

Then she saw that her highness's mood was even lower.

"You were right. He should have been dead. My people confirmed he was dead, with no pulse." He rested his chin on her shoulder, his voice low. "But when we were disposing of the body, he was breathing faintly again. Xu Shu said it might be some rare form of suspended animation, coupled with the violent impact... Even the experienced guards were deceived."

Therefore, not only did Xiao Wangqing not die, but because of this resurrection, he was completely out of the range where Xiao Lingjun could easily attack him again.

It was a fact that the third prince fell off his horse and was seriously injured in public. If another accident happened, everyone would be suspicious, especially the suspicious emperor.

Shen Zhiwei really wanted to scold him for not discussing it with herself, but when she thought about the result after the discussion, it would probably be that she was stabbed through and Xiao Wangqing was still alive.

That’s not a bad idea right now.

"...It is fate," she stared at the rooftop, recalling the previous experiences. She completely changed her understanding of the Third Prince, and breathed weakly, "Your Highness, please stop."

Either he is very cunning, or he is just too lucky.

I've missed the chance to kill him, and now there's no better way.

Xiao Lingjun didn't answer immediately, and Shen Zhiwei didn't urge him, but just lowered his head to drink water.

It was a long time before she heard the crown prince's "OK" squeezed out from between his teeth.

Shen Zhiwei's injuries were extremely severe; the crossbow bolt had nearly torn her internal organs apart. Court Judge Xu exhausted all his strength, using countless rare medicinal herbs, to barely pull her back from the brink of death.

What followed was a long and painful recovery period. She was drowsy most of the time, and the occasional moments when she was awake were spent in the torment of taking and changing medicine.

Xiao Lingjun moved his government affairs to her outer warm room. After finishing his official duties, he would stay by her bedside, personally feeding her medicine and wiping her body, taking care of everything himself. The scarlet and panic in his eyes gradually faded, but a more paranoid gloom settled in, especially when he heard any news about Xiao Wangqing.

Xiao Wangqing was indeed lucky. Although his injuries were serious, he gradually recovered under the careful treatment of the imperial physician.

When he was able to get out of bed and meet the emperor, he dragged his still-ill body and kowtowed deeply before the emperor, requesting to go to the bitter cold land of the northern border to guard the border for his country.

He said that after this fall from his horse, he felt deeply weak and had failed the dignity of the imperial family. The prosperity of the capital would only wear down his will. He was willing to go to the border to gain experience, to be ready at all times, to atone for his past mistakes, and to protect the country for his father and brother.

His words were sincere and his attitude was humble.

The request was quickly granted.

Before leaving, Xiao Wangqing actually sent a letter asking to see Shen Zhiwei, the companion of the Eastern Palace.

Shen Zhiwei felt that there was something missing in his brain.

Jing Shu tremblingly handed the post to Xiao Lingjun. He only took a glance at it and said coldly, "Tell him that Ah Wei is still seriously injured and not fit to see guests."

She was now able to sit up from the bed. After a moment of silence, she softly spoke to Xiao Lingjun, who was feeding her medicine: "Your Highness, let me see him."

Xiao Lingjun's hand holding the spoon paused, and his eyes suddenly turned darker.

Shen Zhiwei raised his eyes: "There must be a conclusion. Let him go to the border peacefully. Wouldn't that be better for His Highness?"

Xiao Lingjun stared at her for a long time, until the medicine in the bowl was almost cold. Then he suddenly put the bowl down on the small table beside the bed with a crisp sound. He stood up, his back to her, and said in a cold and hard voice: "One stick of incense."

When Xiao Wangqing was helped in, he saw Shen Zhiwei half-leaning on a soft pillow. She was so thin that she looked unrecognizable, but her eyes remained cold and calm, as if they could see through people's hearts.

Shen Zhiwei spoke first: "Your Highness the Third Prince is about to go on a long journey, so I came to say goodbye?"

Xiao Wangqing nodded with difficulty and was supported by the eunuch as he was about to salute.

What was the point of him and herself bowing? Shen Zhiwei's heart skipped a beat: "Your Highness is not well yet. The border is bitterly cold. Take care of yourself."

Xiao Wangqing froze mid-sentence, finally bowing his head deeply. He struggled to stand, his injured leg trembling slightly. "Yes... I've come to say goodbye to Master Shen. The journey to the northern border is long, and I'm afraid we'll never meet again."

"Master Shen...are you feeling better?"

"Thank you for your concern, Your Highness. I'm fine now." Shen Zhiwei looked at him and smiled, as if the spring hunt that day had never happened.

"The border is bitterly cold, but the world is vast." Xiao Wangqing took a few steps forward, his voice rising. For the first time, he had the clarity of a young man. Shen Zhiwei couldn't read the emotion in his eyes. "It's not as good as the capital, but perhaps, it's more suitable for me."

"On this journey, I will guard the borders of the country for my brother, the Emperor, and train a cavalry that can truly protect the country. By then, the country will be peaceful and tranquil, and perhaps... perhaps no villains will be able to disturb... the nobles of the capital anymore."

Shen Zhiwei's eyes narrowed slightly. She could tell that this was not a simple expression of loyalty or farewell, but she didn't understand anything deeper.

"It is very good that Your Highness has such ambition." So she just responded indifferently, treating it as just his youthful spirit, nothing more.

Xiao Wangqing looked at her deeply for the last time, then said no more, bowed with his hands, and saluted with difficulty but solemnly.

“Mr. Shen… take care.”

He turned around, and with the help of the eunuch, he moved out of the inner room step by step, his back determined and he never looked back.

Shen Zhiwei stared at the empty doorway for a long moment, then slowly leaned back on the pillow. Outside the window, the sky was gray, and it looked like another snowstorm was about to arrive.

It's clearly spring now.

Xiao Lingjun walked in quietly and handed her a bowl of freshly boiled medicine.

"He's gone?" His tone was emotionless.

"Yeah." Shen Zhiwei took the medicine bowl, his fingertips touching the warm porcelain wall.

"What did you say?"

"It's nothing more than a farewell. I'm willing to guard the border for Your Highness." She lowered her eyes, looking at her blurry reflection in the dark brown medicinal soup, holding the spoon and smilingly pointing to the door. "If he has second thoughts, Your Highness can send a few people to follow him."

Xiao Lingjun stopped questioning, simply watching her quietly. Shen Zhiwei picked up the medicine bowl and, just as she had done the past ten years, slowly drank the liquid. The bitter taste and the strange fragrance lingered in her throat, bringing with it a familiar burning pain.

She handed the empty bowl back and, looking up, met Xiao Lingjun's deep, unfathomable eyes. He reached out and gently wiped away the medicine stain from the corner of her lips with his fingertips, his movements gentle and affectionate.

"Awei," he whispered, like the most affectionate whisper of a lover, "we will be together forever."

Shen Zhi smiled, not showing any disgust, just teasing.

"You're a little crazy."

"Mad?" Xiao Lingjun also laughed, chewing over the words, his fingertips moving down to touch her still throbbing neck pulse, "If I have you by my side forever, what does it matter if I go crazy?"

He leaned over, resting his forehead against hers. Their breaths mingled, and his voice was so low that only they could hear each other: "Ah Wei... from the moment I held your hand in the dungeon, we were destined to be entangled for a lifetime, until death."

"Please don't abandon me."

The author has something to say:

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Shen Zhiwei: What are you mumbling about?

I found that I would take a look at it from time to time and change something if I set it to save.

When I wrote this chapter, it was raining outside, pouring rain, which was quite appropriate.