Chapter 36: Whether there is a debt or resentment depends on the person's true heart...

The snow in the pavilion is getting deeper.

In Xiao Wangqing's suddenly opened eyes, the fear and ecstasy that almost drowned him were like a stone thrown into a deep pool, which only caused a momentary ripple before quickly sinking to the bottom.

He blinked, the tiny wisp of moisture clinging to his long eyelashes trembling. His gaze first fell blankly on Shen Zhiwei's hand, frozen in mid-air, then slowly moved upward to meet her beautiful face, so close.

He suddenly took half a step back, his back hitting the cold pavilion pillar with a dull sound. The movement inevitably aggravated his injury, and he drew in a silent breath of cold air.

"Miss Chen." He spoke, his voice still a little hoarse, a little deeper than usual, and there was nothing unusual in his voice, except that his ears were red.

Shen Zhiwei smiled secretly in his heart, retracted his hand and took half a step back, keeping a suitable distance, and swept his eyes across the increasingly dense snow curtain outside the pavilion.

"The snow is getting heavier. If Your Highness is tired, it would be best to return home and rest early."

Xiao Wangqing followed her gaze outside the pavilion. Goose-feather-like snowflakes were blown by the wind, blurring the distant mountains and nearby trees.

He was silent for a moment before saying, "It's nothing. It's just an old injury that's recurring. It'll be fine after a short rest." He paused and turned to look at her. "Thank you for waiting, Miss Chen."

"Not long," Shen Zhiwei shook her head. "I was just about to enjoy the plum blossoms."

The pavilion was silent for a moment. The black cat on the stone bench flicked its tail, jumped off the ground, rubbed against Shen Zhiwei's feet, and looked up at her.

Xiao Wangqing's gaze also fell on the cat. After observing it for a moment, he suddenly said, "This cat... is quite intelligent."

Shen Zhiwei bent down and picked up the cat, digging her fingertips into its warm and soft fur: "It's used to being wild, it just looks well-behaved."

Xiao Wangqing didn't reply, but his gaze didn't shift, still looking at the dark mass nestled in her arms. His eyes were somewhat blank, as if he was looking at something else through the cat.

After a while, he spoke in a very soft voice: "Miss Shen... do you have any brothers at home?"

Shen Zhiwei paused stroking the cat's back with her fingers. She raised her eyes to look at Xiao Wangqing. He was still looking at the wind and snow outside the pavilion, with no emotion visible on his face.

"My family has suffered a disaster, and only my two sisters are left to depend on each other," she said slowly, "I have no brothers."

"I'm sorry for being so abrupt," Xiao Wangqing apologized first, pursing his lips. "It's just... I've been dreaming about an old friend lately, and I've been feeling a little emotional, so I said something out of turn."

"Oh?" Shen Zhiwei's heart stirred slightly, but she kept a straight face. Her fingertips combed the black cat's fur intermittently. The furry ball squinted comfortably in her arms, purring in its throat. "I wonder what kind of old friend could have entered the Third Prince's dream."

He shook his head, frowning slightly, as if he was not used to such a confession, but he did not stop talking: "I can't remember clearly, perhaps he can't be considered an old friend. The dream was vague, I only vaguely remember that his surname was also Shen, he was thin, and his temperament was... very good."

He seemed to not know how to describe it. After thinking for a long time, he could only say "excellent and precious".

"Excellent temperament?" Shen Zhiwei was amused and raised his eyes and smiled, "For His Highness to use the word 'excellent', he must be a gentleman of noble character."

Xiao Wangqing was taken aback by her question, as if he hadn't thought deeply about this either. He was silent for a moment. "Perhaps... I'm not a gentleman."

Shen Zhiwei paused slightly as he stroked the cat.

"The man in my dream always seemed to have a frown on his face," Xiao Wangqing continued, his voice a little vague, as if he were talking behind someone's back about their guilt. "He wasn't exactly gentle in his dealings with others, and was even a little unkind."

He pondered for a moment, as if searching for more precise words. "But he has a kind heart. He can't bear to see the innocent suffer, or the weak bullied. Even when he can't protect himself, he always wants to protect others."

Shen Zhiwei lowered her eyes and twirled the cat's soft ears. The black cat tilted its head back comfortably and rubbed her wrist.

"You sound like a contradictory person," she said softly.

"There are some contradictions," Xiao Wangqing nodded and smiled. The smile briefly dispelled the gloom from his brow, but it also added a hint of bitterness. "Sometimes I feel that his thoughts are deep and difficult to fathom; sometimes I feel that... they are so simple that I can see through them at a glance."

"It's just that I always make him angry."

Shen Zhiwei raised his eyes.

Snowflakes drifted in from outside the pavilion, landed on the shoulders of his cloak, and melted in an instant, leaving behind dark water marks.

"Why do you think so, Your Highness?"

Xiao Wangqing's gaze shifted from the falling snowflakes outside the pavilion to the lazy black cat in her arms, as if to avoid looking directly at her. "I don't know. Maybe I always do stupid things and say stupid things in my dreams, which makes him unhappy."

He paused, as if weighing his words. "Or maybe, it's because I always want to protect him, but I can never do it, and instead... I tire him even more."

He spoke the last few words very softly, but with a heavy sense of powerlessness.

Shen Zhiwei continued to caress the cat, her fingertips feeling the warm pulse beneath its fur. She recalled the last few years of her previous life. Xiao Wangqing, already the emperor with immense power, would still enter her medicine-scented chamber late at night, dismissing his attendants just to tuck in the corners of her quilt, or sit silently by her bedside until dawn.

At that time, his eyes were calm and his emotions were expressionless, but she could always glimpse a similar, deep-seated sense of powerlessness and regret in them.

Listening to it now, it seems that this regret was planted even earlier.

"If you can't protect someone, then you shouldn't protect them?" She thought for a moment, then looked up at him. "If you truly want to protect someone, then do your best. Whether you succeed or not is sometimes beyond your control. If the other person knows your feelings, they won't blame you."

Xiao Wangqing suddenly turned his head to look at her, his lips moved slightly, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end it just turned into a sigh.

"Miss Shen...it's easy to say," his voice became increasingly low, "but what if the price is the other party's unforgiving disgust?"

Shen Zhiwei chuckled when he heard this: "The old friend in your Highness's dream doesn't sound like a narrow-minded person. He probably wouldn't do such a thing as holding a grudge against someone just because they treated him well."

The black cat in her arms seemed startled by her laughter, and rubbed her chin with its head raised.

Xiao Wangqing followed her smile with his gaze, and after a moment's hesitation, he whispered, "Miss Chen seems to understand people with this kind of temperament very well?"

"Not really," Shen Zhiwei shook his head, tapping the tip of the black cat's nose with his fingertips, "I just feel that someone who is willing to let His Highness care about him so much in his dreams can't be someone who can't tell right from wrong and repays kindness with hatred."

Her tone was relaxed, as if she had just said it casually. His expression at that moment vaguely overlapped with the young king in his memory who had been depressed for several days because of a harsh word she had said.

"Unable to distinguish right from wrong... repaying kindness with enmity..." Xiao Wangqing repeated these two words in a low voice, as if savoring their meaning. "Of course he wouldn't do that. It's me who's unworthy."

These words are extremely serious.

Shen Zhiwei frowned. She didn't like hearing people belittling themselves like this, especially not Xiao Wangqing. He'd been like this in his past life, taking on many sins that weren't his fault, silently bearing them, even carrying the burden of her own death.

"Whether it's worthy or not, is it up to Your Highness to decide?" She said in a lighter tone, "If the other party thinks it's worth it, then it's worth it."

The cloak on Xiao Wangqing's shoulder had been soaked darkly by the snow water, but he seemed unaware of it. He just stared at Shen Zhiwei. His eyes, which were always as calm as an ancient well, were now churning with indescribable complex emotions, as if there were thousands of words stuck in his throat, but he couldn't utter a single word.

After a long moment, he looked away, his voice vague and dreamlike: "What if he... never felt it was worth it?"

"Your Highness is not him, how can you know what he is thinking?" Whether it is worth it or not, it has long been unclear. She never understood why Xiao Wangqing was hurting himself, and her eyebrows jumped when she heard this.

"Dreams are just dreams after all, and should not be taken seriously. Perhaps he has already let it go, leaving Your Highness to dwell on it."

"But I… owe him a lot."

Death is like the extinguishing of a light; it's pointless to dwell on past grudges. Furthermore, in this life, Xiao Wangqing is still young and hasn't experienced those heartbreaking choices. He's more like a scarred young animal, yet still trying to maintain its pride.

"Third Prince," she rubbed her forehead, feeling her fist stiffen, "dreams are unreliable. Perhaps it's just that what you think about during the day turns into what you dream about at night. Your Highness has been exhausted recently, and his old injuries haven't healed yet, so it's normal for him to be restless."

"As for whether I owe you anything... If the person in my dream is truly as Your Highness describes, a truly compassionate and sincere gentleman, then I'm sure he acts solely for peace of mind and wouldn't necessarily be obsessed with whether others express gratitude or not. So, Your Highness, why worry about this?"

Xiao Wangqing's body stiffened for a moment. He slowly turned his head and his eyes fell on Shen Zhiwei's face again. This time he stared at her for a long time.

"Miss Shen..." His Adam's apple rolled and his voice was hoarse, "Sometimes the way you speak is somewhat similar to the person in my dream."

"Really? That would be my honor. Unfortunately, I am unlucky and do not have the 'excellent' temperament of the old friend in your Highness's dream."

The self-mockery in her words was just right, lightly covering up his similar words.

Xiao Wangqing, however, was not distracted by her, still gazing at her with a deep gaze. "Not only his demeanor... but also this... his reluctance to acknowledge affection, his tendency to evade important issues, is similar."

Shen Zhiwei’s hand that was stroking the kitten finally stopped.

She raised her eyes and met Xiao Wangqing's gaze. His dark pupils reflected the gray sky outside the pavilion, as well as her own reflection. He was neither aggressive nor probing.

She chuckled inwardly. In this life, Xiao Wangqing was even more perceptive than she'd expected, or perhaps even more stubborn. Even the dream, so illusory, he could connect it to a real person.

However, since he dreamed of Master Shen, his memory was probably still confused, and he did not associate her with the sickly and frail Donggong companion in his previous life, which saved him a lot of trouble.

"What do you mean by that, Your Highness?" She took a deep breath, the crisp winter air seeping into her lungs and clearing her mind somewhat. "I have never met the person in your dream before, so how can you say that he is like me? Do you think that I have some connection with that person?"

Xiao Wangqing was stunned by her straightforward question. The trance in his eyes quickly faded away, replaced by a trace of embarrassment. He realized how abrupt and rude his words were.

"That's not what I meant." He turned his face slightly to avoid her gaze, and the redness on his ears deepened a little. "It's just that the dream was too real. When I occasionally see someone with a similar temperament to the person in the dream, it's inevitable... to have wild thoughts. I hope Miss Shen will forgive me if I offended you."

He apologized directly and sincerely.

Shen Zhiwei stopped when he saw that things were going well, and his expression eased slightly: "Your Highness is overthinking something. Dreams are bizarre and can't be taken seriously. Your Highness needs to take care of your health and not indulge in them."

Xiao Wangqing looked at her for a long time. It was so long that Shen Zhiwei almost thought he would not answer. Then he slowly spoke, his voice low and clear:

"Miss Shen is right. It's just that some dreams, even if you know it's a dream, after waking up, it still feels like a piece of your heart has been hollowed out, and you feel lost and it's hard to let go."

"If it were Miss Shen, would you resent someone who... wanted to be good to you but always messed things up?"

Shen Zhiwei didn't expect that he would ask her directly.

She lowered her eyes and thought for a moment, then raised them again: "Whether there is resentment or not depends on the person's true heart."

"If one's intentions are good, but one's strength or methods are inappropriate, even if the results are not good, there is no reason to feel resentment."

Xiao Wangqing's eyes were fixed on her, as if he wanted to find even the slightest hint of perfunctory or evasiveness on her face, but there was none.

"My strength is insufficient, my methods are inappropriate," he repeated in a low voice. "What if my original mind...isn't entirely bright, but is mixed with selfish desires and delusions?"

"No one is perfect. It's normal to have selfish thoughts and distractions. As long as those selfish thoughts don't actually harm the people you want to protect, it's not a big mistake."

"On actions... not on heart?" he muttered, slowly straightening up. "What if that person's actions ultimately become shackles that bind him, making him... unable to be free, or even suffering?"

Shen Zhiwei sighed when he heard this.

"Your Highness, what you said sounds like the story of a lovelorn man and a resentful woman in an opera."

"In this world, who can truly bind who else? The so-called shackles are mostly one's own reluctance to let go. If a person considers them shackles, then everything others give them is naturally a burden. If they find it enjoyable, then even mountains of swords and seas of fire are nothing."

"Just like parents and children, teachers and students, strict discipline may be for their own good, but if the methods are inappropriate and become a shackle, it is common to provoke resentment. But does this completely negate the original intention? It seems not."

Xiao Wangqing listened in a daze. The heavy debt in his dream, the feeling of powerlessness that seemed to always fall short no matter how hard he tried, seemed to have found a vague outlet at this moment.

"What if I... never gave the other person a chance to choose?"

“…”

"Your Highness always seems to think the person in your dreams is too fragile, and you yourself are too important. It's as if every action you take can easily determine his happiness or sorrow, life or death."

Xiao Wangqing was speechless after hearing her words.

He opened his mouth to retort, but found he had no idea what to say.

"Maybe... I'm too conceited." He finally whispered.

"It's not arrogance," Shen Zhiwei corrected, his gaze returning to the lazy black cat in his arms, "it's obsession. Your Highness is trapped in the emotions brought about by the dream, infinitely magnifying the feelings of the dreamer and his own guilt, and in turn, he can't see the simplest facts."

"The simplest truth?"

"That is, no matter what the dream may have been, in reality, Your Highness and that old friend have long since parted ways. If he's fine, Your Highness's brooding over him is only self-inflicted; if he's unfortunate, dwelling on the past will serve no purpose," she said, her tone rarely so calm. "Your Highness should take better care of yourself now. The Northern Frontier has just been stabilized, and the situation in the capital is still uncertain. As a prince, Your Highness shoulders heavy responsibilities. You shouldn't waste too much time on a fleeting dream."

Xiao Wangqing was silent for a long time.

"Miss Shen always seems to hit the nail on the head," he said in a low voice, "which makes me seem... overwhelmed by trivial matters."

Shen Zhiwei nodded: "I spoke nonsense, Your Highness, I hope you don't blame me."

"How could I blame you?" Xiao Wangqing shook his head and smiled bitterly, "It's just... although the truth is clear, the knot in my heart is hard to untie. Perhaps it's really like what Miss Shen said, that I am too obsessed."

"If... I mean if, I have the chance to see the person in my dream again, what do you think I should do, Miss Shen?"

"If we are destined to meet again, Your Highness might as well ask him if he has any regrets."

"regret?"

"Ask him if he regrets meeting Your Highness, if he regrets taking that path. If he says no, Your Highness will be relieved; if he says he does..."

"Then Your Highness should be relieved."

"Because someone who truly regrets their past would never want their friends to be stuck in the same place because of them, unable to move forward."

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The author has something to say: Miss Shen is much gentler in this life

Because they were not familiar with each other, even if Xiao Wangqing could not tell whether she was indeed the young man in her dream, even if she knew that Xiao Wangqing would not be angry about it, even if her anger gradually grew

It also somewhat suppressed the urge to slap him in the face.