Chapter 46

She was indeed in that room. I stopped at the door, and she smiled gently at me, holding her daughter.

The ceiling panel collapsed, lying between her and me. A faint gray haze blocked my way.

I said, as calmly as possible, "It's dangerous to stay inside. Can you come out?"

The windows didn't block out the sounds of the earthquake, the meteorite crashing into the house, or the screams of the crowd. She couldn't possibly have missed them.

She looked at me blankly, her smile unchanged. Her mouth opened and closed slightly: "Excuse me, what are you saying? I'm deaf, I can't hear."

...

Even assuming she couldn't possibly not have sensed the tremors.

“Are you talking about the people running outside the window?” She gently held the child tighter; the sleeping girl’s face was serene. “I want to see the strange phenomenon before they do. I believe in you; to run up here in this situation to try to save people, you must have a kind heart. Perhaps you’ve seen me somewhere before? Maybe in a fortune teller’s crystal ball, tarot cards, or a magician’s dreamscape. In the water, or in a dream at night.”

Seeing my pause, she smiled knowingly and said, "It seems you've seen the future."

...

I don't know what she's talking about.

What is the future? How can the future be predetermined? Why can't I just be meeting someone I barely know in a dream? How can she remain calm in the face of this situation as if it were a mere dream?

“You don’t need to be angry. Please don’t worry.” Her voice was gentle. “This doesn’t mean the end of a world. That’s why I didn’t run away.”

I'm not angry. The flames will reach here soon; she should escape quickly. We can talk about anything else once we're outside. I wanted to say this, but she couldn't hear me. I couldn't be bothered to argue with her anymore. I stepped over from the ceiling and stopped in front of her. She seemed completely unsurprised by my actions, simply saying, "I won't die. I'm here just waiting for you."

"Please rest assured. You will not be able to sense the flames outside while you are here. The high temperature cannot reach here, and the person in your dream is not the same as me. I have been dying and being reborn, and each time it is not the person others see me as. Now, you are seeing a completely new woman."

I hesitated for a moment, then typed: Mayfly?

“Since you are willing to think that way, I can naturally become that identity.” She gently stroked the child’s long hair and spoke softly, “But in fact, I was born only to atone for my sins. I am the desire for repentance, the collection of apologies to this world. When a person’s repentance recedes, I die once; when a person’s repentance grows, I come back to life.”

She looked out the window: "Therefore, at least I will not die today."

Countless people outside the window were wailing and crying, desperately dialing numbers that wouldn't go through. Tears, sadness, anger—all the emotions they couldn't control were unleashed. Today, yesterday, the words they hadn't said were finally spoken.

There were also words of advice for family members: Today, tomorrow, you must live your life well; I love you so much; I'm sorry I can't keep the promises I made to you; you must be happy.

I glanced at my phone; there was no signal.

“You see, their apology is composed of regret and expectation,” the woman said to me softly. “These kinds of feelings are often profound and heavy, and my children and I rely on them so much.”

“Please go back,” she said. “You absolutely mustn’t become part of me. Don’t worry about here, the rescue team is right across the street, and there are your very important and powerful friends there.”

Mo Huaizhen was still outside. He didn't jump in after me because he had suddenly become an unofficial member.

“We will meet again, please don’t think this is goodbye forever.” She hesitated for a moment, then, under my horrified gaze, lifted the child high in the air and smiled at me. “Now, do you think I look so much like her in my dreams?”

"Of course I know you. Whether I am dead or alive, I know your name with such respect."

"Please dull your soul a little. So that it doesn't need to shine. It seems I've been influenced by this, and therefore I don't want you to end up the same way."

I didn't understand what she meant; I only knew that the scene kept changing. Her face was sometimes smiling, sometimes tearful. Sometimes she was on the city wall, sometimes rolling on the ground. Her hands were always outstretched, as if to touch someone, or raised upwards, as if to pierce the veil of heaven. I must first admit that I had never seen her, and then I must admit that facing her, I felt an overwhelming sadness.

It's like we've met somewhere before.

I witnessed her end, and she witnessed mine.

When I came to my senses, I had already staggered home. My two children looked at me with concern, and from their expressions, I could tell that I looked like a terminally ill patient. I gave them a reassuring smile, stumbled to the sofa, and sat down, belatedly realizing that my brain was buzzing.

I don't know what will happen to the others there. Will the rescuers be able to save them all? Will the person who fell into the fissure have a chance to get back to land?

It was just a crack, the signal went from there to nowhere. Mo Huaizhen wasn't following behind me; was it because he couldn't get in, or was it truly impossible?

I stood up, grabbed You who was about to water the flowers, and also stopped the girl who had been sitting next to me watching me with concern, and asked heavily, "When you two were at home, did you sense anything unusual?"

He paused again, put down the spray bottle, and placed his soft, dry palm on the back of my hand that was gripping his clothes: "We didn't notice. Are you facing some difficult problem?"

Hua shook his head: "Nothing's wrong, Brother Qinghe."

Their eyes were clear; I couldn't find any trace of deception. My lips trembled, and I kept having questions in my mind, but in the end, I couldn't say anything.

He was getting anxious again, his eyes wide open, his pupils almost distorted: "If you encounter any difficulties, you can come to me anytime. Please don't make yourself too upset."

"I'm fine," I said, feeling extremely tired. I touched his hair, and he instinctively squinted in my hand. "I saw an accident on the way here, and I was a little worried about you. I'm sorry."

Hua clung tightly to my arm. He was stubborn; he wouldn't give up easily until he got what he wanted. When Hua was healthy, he was adorable, showing none of the ruthless cruelty he displayed when he was ill. I looked at his still slightly chubby face and gently patted his cheek: "Good boy, good boy... It's alright, don't worry."

"When you are out and about, please be careful. If anything seems amiss, you must run. During an earthquake, do not look back. Run to a safe place and do not turn back. ... Professionals will come to rescue you."

I have to admit, I've become selfish. Or perhaps, I've developed more complex relationships? Before, I wouldn't care about others; now, I don't care about anyone outside my immediate circle. I don't want them to suffer any mishaps, not even a little bit. So be it, are there few selfish people in the world?

Looking back on the time when I first came into this world, it feels like a lifetime ago. Fortunately, I am quite satisfied with my life now.

I like the peace and tranquility I have now.

I tried to ignore the horrific scene I had just experienced.

"You must be careful," I earnestly instructed them again. "It's the same at home and outside. Listen carefully, be careful of accidents... Don't get distracted. Good children." I repeated this over and over, incoherently, holding them tightly, as if only in this way could I calm my restless heart.

“We’ll be good, Qinghe.” He patted my back again, stroking my fur like a cat. Judging from their appearance, they weren’t very old, just teenagers, but about my size. His voice lingered in my ears, echoing quietly. I couldn’t remember the last time someone spoke to me like that.

“We will protect you too,” Hua said. His voice was clearer, as if he hadn’t gone through puberty yet; it was soft, but surprisingly firm.

"Alright." I smiled and pushed them away, gathering my thoughts. "How old am I? Do I still need you two kids to comfort me? Go do your own thing, and get some rest when you're done. Sleep well tonight. Is there anything you want? If it's on my way home from school tomorrow, I'll buy it for you."

Before I could say anything more, Hua pushed me into the room with a stern face. I saw his legs twitching back and forth between the thought of kicking me out and the thought of getting me out first. Then I ended up on their bed.

He pushed me down, then lay down next to me, his bright eyes looking at me, curled up like a kitten. I chuckled and struggled to get up: "Am I dirty? If you want to sleep, you can sleep by yourself, or do you want your brother to stay with you? I'm going to my room..."

He pushed me down again, sitting beside me in a superior position: "Qinghe, go to sleep. As for him, whatever."

I was completely bewildered, and I soothingly stroked the back of his hand: "Okay, okay, then I'll wash your sheets and duvet covers tomorrow. I'll sleep, and we'll both sleep, okay? Don't be angry anymore, okay?"

Hua lay down contentedly, this time grabbing my arm.

He's still a child. I thought to myself, feeling a pang of emotion, when I felt another weight beside me. I turned to look, and then lay back down with a smile.

"Goodnight," he mouthed to me. I didn't understand the rest; was it "you" or "Qinghe"? Anyway, I wasn't really happy with either; neither of the kids were behaving respectfully.

He held onto me, holding my hand. The blanket was warm, but I felt that the two children's hands were even warmer; the warmth flowed into my heart from where we touched.

I'd better wake up in the middle of the night and send Mo Huaizhen a message to let him know I'm safe. He can't worry.