Dreamland

In a small park in the old neighborhood of Wuxing Street in Taipei City, the setting sun scorches the sky, its redness like flames and the sunset glow like blood.

In the old pavilion beside the banyan tree, the gentle evening breeze was refreshing. Xiangyang's hand was still tightly holding Jin Cang's, and they sat side by side on the cool stone bench.

Xiangyang's voice was gentle as he began to describe the brief but profound, wonderful and precious spiritual interaction between him and Jin Yu.

"Your brother and I..." Xiangyang gazed off into the distance, as if traversing time and space, returning to those days and nights spent online with Jin Yu. "From the time we first met to the time we became inseparable, it was only six months. He produced the music for a film I was preparing. Through the script I wrote and the songs he composed, we...we both saw a different side of ourselves in each other."

Jin Cang turned his head and looked at Xiang Yang's handsome but melancholy face. "What kind of feeling is that?"

Xiangyang turned back, meeting Jin Cang's gaze, and gently pointed at his left chest. "Here, me and him," he pointed a finger at his heart, "are both locked up with too much, too deep darkness. I carry the weight of my brother Xianghai's youth, which abruptly ended before it could truly begin, and he carries the weight of a hometown that has completely abandoned him..."

"We were both exhausted, yet incredibly stubborn. We refused any approach or understanding from the world. Over time, we grew almost numb, oblivious to the gnawing cold and the suffocating loneliness. Until this person," Xiangyang paused, his tone tinged with emotion, "until his appearance, like a thunderclap, abruptly awakened our dormant souls. Only then did I finally have the courage to admit to myself that this illness could be cured."

Jin Cang frowned slightly: "Then... why do you not care whether you meet or not? Half a year is not a short time."

Xiang Yang stared at Jin Cang with a deep gaze and asked, "Do you know that uneasy feeling of 'homesickness'? Because we cherish each other too much, we are particularly afraid. We are afraid that if we get too close and become too familiar with each other, we will suddenly realize that all the beautiful perceptions before were just a false illusion. Therefore, this has become an unspoken and extremely ambiguous tacit understanding between us. We both feel that in order to maintain this hard-earned atmosphere of 'spiritual companionship' for a long time, we... should deliberately maintain our distance."

"I don't understand." Jin Cang shook his head honestly. His world was simple and direct.

A bitter smile played across Xiangyang's lips. "That's because you've never been trapped in that kind of boundless loneliness that makes you want to completely imprison yourself."

"When you're groping along alone in a pitch-black tunnel, feeling desperate and almost suffocating, you suddenly see a faint glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. You treasure that light like a treasure, cherishing it with all your heart. But at the same time, you're filled with anxiety and fear, a dizzying hallucination caused by your loneliness and the near-limit of oxygen deprivation."

Those exchanges and conversations that had been conducted on the Internet with lines of text, may have seemed like fleeting and insignificant moments at the time, but now, they were summoned back one by one in Xiangyang's mind, and every word and sentence carried an unforgettable weight.

Waves of memory washed over Xiangyang's mind. He vividly recalled those late nights, the fragments of "conversations" he had with Jin Yu (back then, he had always thought his name was "A Cang")...

Late one night, Jin Yu had just finished watching the movie "Lan Yu." He was so overwhelmed with emotion that he couldn't wait to tell Xiang Yang, "Don't look for Lan Yu in anyone else." On the other side of the screen, Jin Yu's words were passionate, but his tone was as cold as ever. "That wouldn't be fair to you, or to him."

Xiang Yang was a little surprised: "You finally went to see 'Lan Yu'?"

"You kept bringing it up to me, practically forcing it down my throat," Jin Yu replied. "Not only did I watch Stanley Kwan's film, I also found the original online novel, 'Beijing Story.'"

Xiangyang's fingers danced across the keyboard. "Actually, Lan Yu is just an icon, an ultimate vision of love, a spiritual utopia, a kind of refuge and nostalgia for love."

Jin Yu's answer was tinged with sadness: "Alas, in this world, no utopia can truly withstand the betrayal of lies."

Another time, a simple message from Jin Yu popped up on the screen.

"Happy birthday to me."

Xiang Yang was stunned for a moment: "It's your birthday today? How did you celebrate it? Today?"

"The day I was kicked out of my home happened to be my birthday." Jin Yu's words were calm, yet they revealed a sense of alienation that kept people at a distance. "So, I never celebrate my birthday."

Xiangyang's heart skipped a beat: "So...you came to Beijing?"

"At the beginning of my so-called self-exile, I wandered the streets of Beijing. I happened to hear Mao Buyi's "Horse Herding City." My heart inexplicably warmed up, and I was completely lost. When I came to my senses, I realized that I had found a place to stay in Beijing and settled down."

Xiang Yang asked, "You've been staying here for three years?"

"Do you remember? You wrote this in your novel 'Nezha Men': A parent's bondage is like an icy silkworm string wrapped around their children's necks. The deeper the love, the deeper it pierces their flesh. And the distant places their children yearn for are like the thorns of their parents' backs, the more they try to protect them, the more they try to break free..." Jin Yu's words carry a desolate insight into the world. "That sentence really describes me."

Then, there was their last "conversation" on the Internet...

"If there really is an afterlife," Jin Yu's message sounded like a long sigh, "I'd rather not have to live so bravely, not always be so stubborn, and shoulder everything alone. I hope that there will be at least one person who, when I'm exhausted, will gently say to me: 'Thank you for your hard work.'"

Xiangyang looked at the words, his heart gripped by an invisible hand. He quickly typed the next line: "Why do I have to wait until the next life? I can do it now..."

Just as he was about to press send, a strong urge surged in his heart. Almost subconsciously, he suddenly pressed the "Voice Call" button on the interface, then picked up his phone and clicked on the communication page with "A Cang".

The call was connected, and Jin Yu's slightly hoarse voice came from the receiver, sounding a little surprised, but also a little understanding.

Xiang Yang took a deep breath and tried to make his voice sound calmer. "A Cang, lately, I've been hearing a voice beside my ear constantly urging me to... you... you two are almost there, it's time to meet up."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds. Then, Jin Yu chuckled softly, with some complicated emotions: "Hahahaha, I... I heard it too."

Some cool gentleness like water and some hot warmth like fire silently intertwine and echo in the air.

Jin Cang listened quietly to Xiang Yang's narration, never interrupting. He simply couldn't help but tighten his grip on Xiang Yang's hand. Deep in his mind, the familiar yet vague image of his brother and the affectionate yet weathered Xiang Yang before him suddenly, strangely, merged into one in a trance.

"I admit," Xiang Yang's voice pulled Jin Cang back from his brief trance, "If that accident hadn't happened, your brother and I might have gotten closer. As for what that development would have led to, I can't predict it now. But..."

His voice sank, filled with undisguised pain. "Regrettably... that tragedy did happen after all."

Xiangyang's eyes vividly recalled that night, drenched in sorrow and separation. Outside the neon-lit "Passing By" bar on Beijing's Shichahai Lake, the shrill sirens of an ambulance pierced the night sky. A blood-soaked Jin Yu was carried out of the chaotic bar...

The medical staff hurriedly lifted the blood-covered Jin Yu onto a stretcher.

Just as the stretcher was about to be pushed into the ambulance, Jin Yu, whose consciousness was gradually becoming blurred, used his last bit of strength and tremblingly reached out his hand to Xiang Yang who was standing beside him.

Seeing this, Xiangyang was terrified. Without thinking, he rushed forward, stretched out his hands, and tightly grasped Jin Yu's cold and bloody hand.

Jin Yu's lips moved, his voice so weak that it was almost inaudible, but every word pierced Xiang Yang's heart like a sharp knife: "Xiang Yang... I'm so tired, I... I really... want to go home..."

Then, there was the long and sad night when he made a promise to Jin Yu...

In Beijing, Xiangyang was in his empty and lonely bedroom, his face filled with an indelible sorrow.

He slowly stood up and walked towards the white porcelain jar quietly placed in the corner, step by step.

Xiangyang stretched out his hand, and with extremely gentle and careful movements, he gently placed the cold white porcelain jar into a pre-prepared sandalwood square box.

His voice was low and hoarse, yet it carried a heartbreaking tenderness: "It's okay, don't be afraid, let's go, I'll take you home."

Several street lights beside Wuxing Street Park lit up, and Xiangyang finally finished telling Jin Cang everything that had happened between him and Jin Yu in the past six months.

"Your brother and I," Xiang Yang turned his head and looked into Jin Cang's eyes firmly and seriously, "We didn't have time to become lovers. If, this is the answer you most urgently want to know."

Jin Cang was silent for a moment, his brow still slightly furrowed, as if he were still digesting this bizarre and tortuous past. He raised his head, met Xiang Yang's gaze, and asked another question that puzzled him: "I still can't understand one thing... that is... you and I... our relationship... how could it have happened in such a short time... is that too hasty?"

Hearing this, Xiangyang smiled gently. That smile dispelled the gloom that had long accumulated between his brows, making his face look particularly charming in the afterglow of the setting sun.

"Not short at all," he whispered, his voice so firm. "Do you believe it? Over the past six months, during those long, lonely nights in Beijing, whether I was happy or frustrated, high-spirited or depressed, the one who stayed by my side, listened to me, encouraged me, and listened to my complaints, it was always your face."

As he spoke, Xiangyang took out his mobile phone and skillfully opened the WeChat communication page with Jin Yu.

At the top of the long, densely packed communication record that almost filled the entire screen, was a profile picture of a young, well-defined face with a brilliant smile as dazzling as the sun.

That face, signed "A Cang", was exactly Jin Cang's face.

Jin Cang's eyes were instantly filled with shock and disbelief, "How could it be...?"

Finally, Xiang Yang began to narrate the final piece of the puzzle for him. It was about that rainy night, about the belated yet inevitable "first meeting" between him and Jin Yu.

At night, the rain poured down like a giant rip in the sky. Thunder roared, and pale flashes of lightning occasionally pierced the dark night, illuminating the sky.

Outside the back door of the bar, under the narrow eaves, Jin Yu stood alone, smoking a cigarette during a break in his performance. His tall, thin figure appeared somewhat relaxed in the dim light, yet he exuded an innate sense of alienation.

Xiangyang was holding a black umbrella and wearing a thin long coat as he slowly approached through the misty rain.

"A Cang?" He called out tentatively, his voice a little muffled by the sound of the pouring rain.

Jin Yu turned around when he heard the voice, and saw that it was him. There was not much surprise on his face, but he just silently put out the cigarette that he had just lit on the rain-stained wall.

"A Cang is my brother." His voice came through clearly amidst the clatter of rain and thunder, with an undeniable calmness. "The photo and name belong to my brother. You've been fooled."

Xiangyang stood beneath the umbrella, raindrops dripping down its edge. He wasn't angry, but instead wore a playful smile. "What a loss! Tell me, should I just turn around and leave? Or should I turn around and give you a good slap?"

Jin Yu also smiled, that smile carrying a bit of unruly evilness and a bit of inexplicable self-deprecation: "Whatever you want."

They stood in the heavy rain and chatted, one under the eaves and the other under an umbrella. The sound of rain became the most primitive and majestic background sound of their conversation.

"What a coincidence." Xiangyang's tone gradually became serious. "The online world is originally a vague and illusory world. I didn't expect that we would meet in such a tortuous and bizarre way. What's your name?"

"Jin Yu," Jin Yu replied, his voice calm and composed, like the deep rainy night. "The Yu of Lan Yu. You had just met me, and you kept talking about Lan Yu. I was afraid you'd think I was taking advantage of you, so I borrowed my brother's name. Jin Cang, Cang, Yu, after all, they all refer to the same sky."

Xiang Yang was silent for a few seconds, then he slowly extended his right hand towards Jin Yu. "Hello, Jin Yu, I'm Xiang Yang. Thank you for sharing your heart with me these past few months. It also let me know that I'm not the only one in this world who has to force myself to live bravely."

Jin Yu looked at Xiang Yang's outstretched hand, startled for a moment, then reached out and held it tightly. The rain was a little cold, but their hands, held together, were so firm and warm.

"Hello, me too..." Jin Yu was halfway through his words when he suddenly burst into laughter without warning. The laughter was hearty and clear, dispelling some of the dullness and depression inherent in the rainy night. "Why do you suddenly feel a little corny?"

Xiangyang also laughed out loud, "Hahahahaha!"

Their laughter mingled and echoed in the rain, carrying with it a sense of relief, as if a heavy burden had been lifted, but also a certain indescribable, yet heart-piercing sadness. The 1,696 kilometers of physical distance between Beijing and Taipei, the eternal distance between life and death, seemed at this moment, in this pouring night rain, to have become blurred and unreal.

Xiangyang stared at the young man beside him, Jin Cang, who had similar features to Jin Yu, but was younger and more sunny and cheerful. He felt mixed emotions.

Jin Yu, who was briefly called "A Cang", eventually guided him on a path home in such a strange, sad, yet warm way, allowing him to return to this dreamland where wandering souls could rest and find peace.