Chapter 32

When Tang Yuchuan came out of the ward, it was already dark.

The corridors of Ruixin are still the familiar white color. The smell of disinfectant mixed with the coolness of the fluorescent tubes makes it difficult to distinguish between day and night.

He walked slowly, as if he was afraid of disturbing something, or as if he was waiting for his emotions to slowly subside.

When I arrived at the gate, the wind from outside blew in my face, bringing with it a bit of autumn coolness and dampness.

He looked up at the sky. The clouds were very low, just like Tan Jing's expression just now. It was impossible to tell whether it would be sunny or rainy, but it always made people feel heavy in their hearts.

The driver asked, "Going to the company or back to the apartment?"

Tang Yuchuan shook his head, his voice so low that it was almost blown away by the wind: "Go to Renji Hospital."

The car drove out of Ruixin and crossed the overpass.

Night slowly fell, the hospital's white lights gradually fading. Outside the window, the city began to flow, red lights, green lights, neon lights, like page after page of unrelated illustrations. He leaned back in his chair, his mind still lingering on the ward.

Today, Tan Jing possessed a certain calmness that made it nearly impossible for him to analyze her. He felt he was losing sight of her. Her gaze was like the deep sea, calm on the surface, but if he stared at her for too long, he'd wonder if he was being pulled down.

Tang Yuchuan closed his eyes, feeling an inescapable pressure in his chest. He knew that if he tried to persuade her alone, she wouldn't be able to get out of it.

As the car turned the corner, we could see the Renji building in the distance. Unlike the bright lights of Ruixin, the light at Renji was softer.

Tang Yuchuan pushed open the car door and got out. The turbulence in his heart seemed to have found an outlet.

He walked straight in, gave his name, and was led to a familiar corridor by the nurse.

At that moment, he even had an illusion: he walked out of one ward and into another, only the people were different and the air smelled different. But he knew in his heart that he was not here to see a doctor.

When I knocked on the door, I heard the sound of shuffling papers from inside.

Lu Zhe looked up and saw him, his smile a little helpless: "You've been to the hospital more often recently than I've been on duty. What's wrong with you?"

Tang Yuchuan pulled out a chair and sat down, "It's not me today."

He paused, as if trying to organize his words, and then spoke, "It's Zou Ping's mother. She was diagnosed with early-stage liver cancer at the Sixth Hospital a while ago. I want her to be transferred here for further treatment, and I'd like to ask if you can help her find the most suitable doctor."

Hearing this, Lu Zhe's expression calmed down a bit, and his tone became serious. "Early stage is a good thing. Don't worry, I'll recommend a suitable specialist for you. I'll handle the hospital matters, you just need to bring the medical records."

Tang Yuchuan nodded without saying thank you, but he breathed a sigh of relief at that moment.

"You made a special trip just to say this? A phone call would have been enough, and Miao Zhan greeted me in the afternoon. You are not usually such a talkative person." Lu Zhe secretly observed Tang Yuchuan, and there was a bit more inquiry in his expression.

"Indeed, there is more than just this one thing. The main reason I came here today is to ask you to recommend a psychologist for me." Tang Yuchuan pulled a wry smile at the corner of his mouth.

Hearing this, Lu Zhe frowned and paused for a moment, "What's wrong with you? Have you been under too much pressure recently? Tang Yuchuan, if you really don't feel well, don't force yourself."

Tang Yuchuan shook his head, his expression calm: "It's not me."

Lu Zhe was stunned for a moment, and subconsciously thought of another person: "Zou Ping?"

He remembered clearly that Tang Yuchuan had mentioned before that the girl was hospitalized due to nightmares and fever, and might have lost a childhood memory.

At that time, he did not recommend direct psychological intervention. For a moment, he was a little worried that there was something wrong with his judgment and that the condition had worsened.

"What? Has the situation worsened?" Lu Zhe asked, his tone carrying a hint of the nervousness typical of a doctor.

"No." Tang Yuchuan whispered, "She's fine." He paused, as if to take a detour, before adding, "But I think it might not be a bad idea to check it out together. Even if it's not that serious, it's always good to take precautions in advance."

Lu Zhe looked at him, his eyes gradually darkening. Tang Yuchuan's words were too general, as if he was trying to hide some real concern under the guise of "in passing".

"Hey, if you don't explain yourself clearly, how can I recommend a suitable doctor for you?" Lu Zhe put down the pen in his hand, his tone was a little impatient, but it seemed more like suppressed worry.

Tang Yuchuan was silent for a few seconds, as if he was considering his words, and finally spoke: "Tan Jing... tried to commit suicide a few days ago. She just woke up not long ago."

Lu Zhe was stunned for a moment, his brows furrowed tightly together: "...her?"

Tang Yuchuan nodded. "Well, at the moment, her physical indicators are still normal, and all the tests after the rescue showed no major problems. But when we talked, although she looked the same as always, I could feel that she was very negative and had no vitality at all. She neither accepted nor rejected the doctor's advice, more like she didn't care. The way she looked out the window... it was as if she had nothing to do with the world anymore."

Lu Zhe leaned back in his chair, tapping the table lightly with his fingers. His eyes turned cold and hard. "Why are you still involved with a woman like this? When she chose your father, she ruined her life with that one move. If you ask me... death might not be such a relief."

"Lu Zhe." Tang Yuchuan interrupted him, his voice lowered, with a rare sharpness, "Don't say such things."

The air suddenly became tense. After a moment, Lu Zhe withdrew his gaze and turned professional. "Okay, okay, I won't say anything. So what do you want to do? Psychological treatment isn't just about medication. She has to be willing to do it, too. Only if she's willing to speak up and see a doctor can the doctor be effective. But she used to be that kind of person, so opinionated. How can you convince her? Now she's half dead, and she won't listen to your arrangements."

Tang Yuchuan nodded, a serious look between his brows: "That's why I came to you. At least, can you recommend a suitable doctor for me? Whether she is willing to see it or not is her business. But as long as she nods, I hope to find someone."

"Okay." Lu Zhe said in a deep voice, "I'll help you contact them. But Yu Chuan, you have to be mentally prepared. If she really doesn't cooperate, there's actually very little you can do. You can't treat her illness for her, and you can't live her life for her."

"I know." Tang Yuchuan responded softly, his expression indescribably complicated.

The solemnity in the air lasted for a long time. Lu Zhe turned his pen twice on the table, his eyes passing from Tang Yuchuan's face and then returning to the table.

He sighed, then suddenly laughed with a hint of chillness: "Yuchuan, for so many years, there have only been two women around you. One has nightmares and has lost her memory, and the other may have been depressed and attempted suicide. Isn't that a coincidence?"

Tang Yuchuan didn't respond, but just lowered his eyes and gently rubbed his knees with his fingertips.

"Don't blame me for being harsh." Lu Zhe raised an eyebrow, but his tone was calm. "You're such a weird person. Others who encounter this kind of thing would have already pushed it away completely, for fear of getting into trouble. But you, on the other hand, always take the blame for anyone's trouble. Yu Chuan, are you sure this isn't some kind of 'unlucky romantic luck'?"

Tang Yuchuan raised his eyes, his expression calm: "This has nothing to do with romantic luck."

"What is that?" Lu Zhe asked with a hint of inquiry in his tone.

"It's responsibility." Tang Yuchuan answered softly but firmly, "They are both by my side. One has lost her memory, and the other wants to end her life. Anyone who encounters this situation should intervene. Even if it's not because of love, I can't pretend not to see it."

Lu Zhe leaned back in his chair, half sighing, half teasing, "But can you manage it? Your shoulders are so broad, and a lot of burdens are thrown on you. I feel tired for you."

Tang Yuchuan raised his eyes, his expression calm, yet with a certain certainty: "Since he has fallen down and is someone close to me, I naturally have to take care of him."

Lu Zhe was choked up, and after a while he shook his head, unable to help but laugh again: "Alright. With your temper, you really should go to the psychiatric department. If there's a diagnosis of 'excessive empathy', you'll probably be given it."

Tang Yuchuan smiled lightly, as if trying to lighten the mood: "Then please help me write an order."

Lu Zhe looked at him and suddenly felt a little blocked in his heart.

Outsiders only saw Tang Yuchuan's calm and controlled side, but few realized that this calmness, if maintained for years, could easily lead to his downfall. It was like an ancient stone tablet, standing unmoved by wind and rain. But over time, cracks would gradually spread from within until the entire tablet collapsed.

He opened his mouth but ultimately didn't continue the conversation. "I'll contact a few doctors for you. As for Tan Jing...even though I don't like her, a patient is still a patient. I've come to realize that this isn't something that can be resolved with a simple 'let her die'. If she refuses to speak, we'll try to keep her alive first, and we can deal with the other things later."

"I know." Tang Yuchuan lowered his eyes, his voice low and clear: "I have repeatedly reminded her that someone should watch over her 24 hours a day and not leave her side. As long as a person is alive, there is still hope. Whether it is an illness or a knot in the heart, there is always a chance of recovery. But once dead, there is nothing left."

Lu Zhe was silent for a moment after hearing this, then whispered, "You're right. When a person is alive, at least there are variables, but when they die, they become constants."

He paused. "But sometimes I think, for some people, death isn't necessarily the end. It might be the only choice they can control. Do you understand? In desperate situations, life is passive, and death is their last chance to take action."

Tang Yuchuan raised his eyes, his gaze steady and sharp. "But this kind of initiative shouldn't come at the cost of destroying oneself. People are not pawns, nor are they data. She chose death, which is equivalent to erasing all possibilities. This is not initiative, it is despair."

The air was silent for a moment, with only the ticking of the clock as the sound.

Lu Zhe sighed, "You say that nicely. But Yu Chuan, not everyone is as stubborn as you. You can cover for others over and over again because you are willing to live and bear the consequences. But what about Tan Jing? If she really feels that everything is meaningless, you can withstand her once, but can you withstand her forever?"

Tang Yuchuan's fingers paused lightly on his knees, but his voice remained calm: "I can't hold it back forever, but as long as I'm here, I'll do my best to hold it back every time. In matters of life and death, even a single step can lead to a different outcome. If I pull her back today, she'll have tomorrow. If I pull her back again tomorrow, there'll be the day after tomorrow."

His eyes were firm, yet with an almost stubborn certainty: "I can't live for her, but I must at least give her a chance to live."

Lu Zhe looked at him with a complicated expression in his eyes: "Is this a belief or an obsession?"

Tang Yuchuan lowered his eyes and whispered, "Do we have to be so clear about the difference? If she can come back in the end, that's faith. If she can't come back in the end... then consider it my obsession."

Neither of them spoke again.

The sound of wind coming in from outside the window is like an invisible river flowing quietly in the distant night, and the dividing line between life and death is also looming in it.

Lu Zhe leaned back in his chair, looking at Tang Yuchuan, and suddenly felt an indescribable emotion.

In the hospital, he'd seen countless patients and their families: some collapsed, some fled, some chose indifference. It was rare, yet terrifying, to see someone like Tang Yuchuan shouldering the fate of others as if it were his natural duty.

A doctor's duty is to do their best to treat a patient, and then learn to let go when they feel powerless. But Tang Yuchuan is different. He's not a doctor, but he's more stubborn than many. He never asks, "Is it worth it?" but only "Can I try again?"

Lu Zhe knew that everyone could only and should be responsible for their own lives, but paradoxically, it was precisely because of the existence of people like Tang Yuchuan that some people would always be pulled back to the side of life.

"Responsibility" or "obsession"? The answer may not be important.

What’s important is that in the face of death, there are people who are willing to reach out again and again.