021 | Chapter Twenty-One - Depression

Chapter Twenty-One - Depression

Now that things have come to this, what am I, really?

Winters on the East Coast are particularly cold. On this day that symbolizes the New Year and new hope, fireworks light up the night sky across the country, but this luxurious private apartment is shrouded in a gloomy haze.

Xiaoyue, diagnosed with depression by Saien, felt as if she had been sentenced to death.

The dazzling fireworks outside the large floor-to-ceiling windows shone brightly, but their light, filtering into the dark bedroom, only made her feel colder, devoid of any interest in watching. The medications on the bedside table reminded her of how she had pushed herself to the bottom; she was supposed to be a "mother," yet she didn't even have the strength to take care of herself…

During this time, she didn't know what Diaz was busy with, and as he had promised, he didn't bother her anymore. Only when the call bell rang by her bedside could she see his tall, tired, and indescribably disheveled figure.

Weeks passed, and her belly grew even larger than when she gave birth to Mark, and her morning sickness became even more severe.

Whether it was due to the medication or simply a lack of energy, she spent most of her time lying in bed, unresponsive like a doll with its strings cut. She would fall asleep and wake up, then feel sleepy again, inexplicably feeling exhausted and devoid of motivation.

She would always look at her phone late at night, even though Diaz had already "cleaned up" everything on it. But she could still clearly remember the vibration that popped up on that day.

The thought of those moans so close to her, the woman's frantic declarations and the sounds of their collisions, filled her mind with a jumble of noises, making her clutch her head and pound her temples in confusion.

"No... please don't let this happen again..."

Accompanied by scalding tears, she would always soak her pillowcase at night, then fall asleep exhausted, hugging her arms.

The bedroom was a complete mess, and Xiaoyue herself looked like a homeless person who had stumbled upon the place, disheveled and lifeless. Even though Diaz would occasionally come to the bedroom out of concern to check on her and the child, he showed no impatience upon seeing this chaotic scene. He simply picked up her clothes one by one and led her to take a bath.

"What's the point of doing this...?"

The sound of running water filled the air. Diaz rolled up his sleeves, tested the water temperature, and gently picked up a bath sponge. He softly scrubbed her back, even though it had become emaciated. He didn't utter a single word of complaint or blame.

There was only silence, as usual.

"I don't love you anymore, Diaz." Xiaoyue sat on the chair in the shower, her eyes showing obvious bruises. Her tone was flat, as if she were giving a mundane report.

Upon hearing this, he paused slightly, his calm face seemingly deep in thought, his brown eyes trembling slightly as he replied in a low voice, "...I know."

She thought that saying those words would be a relief, or a kind of pleasure akin to revenge.

But when I actually said it out loud... it hurt even more than I had imagined.

The refreshing scent, along with the rich foam, clung to her skin. The temperature-controlled bathroom didn't make her feel cold, but her fingertips still trembled slightly uncontrollably.

Water droplets slowly fell from the ends of his hair onto his suit trousers. His usually neatly styled slicked-back hair now had a few strands hanging down. This was the closest she had ever been to Diaz recently... Had he become so disheveled?

Several wrinkles appeared on his face, and his skin was no longer as elastic as before. It was even rough and covered with stubble. His eyes, which were always as sharp as a hawk's, had lost their luster.

"...Is all of this because of me?" she asked herself unconsciously.

Diaz gently washed every inch of her skin, becoming even more careful as he passed over her slightly protruding belly, a hint of pain and hesitation flashing in his eyes.

The silent air was filled with rising steam, and the splashing water created an irregular rhythm. He gently rinsed away the foam, occasionally reminding her to close her eyes, and that was all.

However, in the past few weeks she has been pushing him away, trying to find some peace in that suffocating accusation.

She should only feel relaxed when Diaz isn't around...

But seeing his haggard appearance, her heart softened a little. She felt a strange fear, a misconception that Diaz might leave her because of this.

"Vincent..."

Finally, she couldn't hold back any longer and whispered his name.

When he heard Xiaoyue call him "Vincent" instead of "Dias", he stopped halfway and moved the showerhead aside, squatted down and looked at her quietly without saying a word.

"My feelings for you..."

"What exactly is it?"

She tightened her fingertips, her nails digging into her palms. Her lowered blue eyes made it impossible to tell whether they were filled with tears or mist, but a feeling she couldn't suppress was like a taut rope, warning of an impending dam break.

"I don't have a good figure... nor am I particularly beautiful." Perhaps she didn't notice, but her shoulders were slowly trembling, and all these subtle reactions were fully observed by him.

"She's not good in bed, and her figure is out of shape after giving birth..."

"Even when her own husband is in trouble, she can't help him at all..." As she spoke, her head drooped lower and lower, her voice grew weaker and weaker, tinged with a sob that sounded like she was about to break down.

Diaz didn't urge her to finish; he simply put down the showerhead and kept looking at her intently.

Those brown eyes held only her, never wavering for even a moment.

"You're rich, have a great figure, and are very skilled in bed... You're popular with women wherever you go, but I'm just a woman who redeemed herself from a brothel. What right do I have—" Tears welled up in her eyes, her breathing became rapid, and the tip of her nose gradually turned red from holding back her emotions. Her damp hair hung down in front of her forehead, but it couldn't hide any trace of inferiority or doubt.

At this moment, Diaz finally moved.

His rough hands slowly rested on her knees. He lowered his head with an almost reverent yet helpless expression, gently resting his forehead on her leg, and spoke in a barely perceptible tremor—

"You silly woman..."

Diaz's Adam's apple bobbed, his hand gripping her knee trembled slightly, and his voice choked with emotion.

This vulnerable side of hers, even after nearly two years together, was something Xiaoyue had never seen before...

In the steamy bathroom, it seemed that only in this extremely private and hazy space could he take off all his disguises and armor and truly reveal his inner self.

"Why do you think... I won't let you get involved in gang matters?" He didn't raise his head, but knelt in front of Xiaoyue, resting his face on her legs. "All I've ever wanted to do is protect you from anyone."

"In the underworld, there's only filth and bloodshed, and you're the closest I've ever come to 'purity' in my life... How could I possibly let you come into contact with that filth?"

"I don't care about your technique or your figure... You're my woman. Anyone who dares to say you're not good enough for me because you're a prostitute, I'll send them to meet the King of Hell."

"I'm the head of the family, the godfather of the gang... It's not that you're useless, it's that I won't allow you to see me in a weak state..."

He paused here, his eyes slightly open as he looked at the floor.

No… He couldn’t forget his purpose because of this. He couldn’t abandon all the preparations he had made just because of her words.

He knew time was running out, but if he softened and spoke up now, she would be the one to suffer for the rest of her life.

"Who do you think you are?" Diaz raised his head, his smile tinged with a bitterness that was hard to decipher.

"You are my woman."

"Mark's mother."

The sentence I've never said is that one—

"My life."

Diaz slowly stood up, not caring that his clothes were soaked. He simply grabbed a towel from the side, wrapped it up properly, and gently dried himself off.

"I know you haven't forgiven me yet, but I don't ask for anything, I just ask that you take good care of yourself and the children." His voice was firm, yet it gave people a strange sense of doubt.

After hearing these words, the black thorns that filled Xiaoyue's heart seemed to be gradually withering and decaying.

However, his face remained calm and expressionless.

The only time she frowned slightly was when she heard the words, "Take good care of yourself and your children."

After Diaz finished making arrangements for Xiaoyue, he went to the dressing room, casually changed into a comfortable set of home clothes, ordered someone to bring him dinner, and then left the bedroom.

"Eat well, and ring the bell if you need anything." He gently stroked Xiaoyue's head before turning and leaving.

As he left, a chilling sensation once again enveloped her from her spine, and even the most delicious food seemed to lose its appeal.

"strangeness……"

She frowned slightly, seemingly surprised by the change.

"I could only eat when I didn't see him."

"Why is he gone now...?"

"I actually...can't eat anymore?"