Chapter 40

Yu Congyi finally compromised. Fortunately, whether it was all over or divine intervention, neither the Military Police nor Jiang Fengming showed any sign of needing him. Yu Congyi was alone when he got back. After thinking for a while, he spent almost half an hour standing on the snow outside the detention center, gazing at the clear yellow sun, wondering why he had come to this place for the second time today.

It was nearing evening, and Yu Congyi watched the red sun on the horizon slowly sink below the horizon, vividly witnessing the passage of time. He didn't know why he had been mentally preparing himself for so long, or what was wrong with him.

When he entered cell 107, he saw Tang Zefei sitting on a stool by the window, watching the setting sun. The afterglow generously streamed through the iron bars, forming a clear beam of light in the cell. Tang Zefei sat outside this beam, her hands outstretched and cupped in its warmth, motionless.

He saw Yu Congyi enter from the corner of his eye. He withdrew his hand, stood up, and moved the stool aside. Yu Congyi leaned against the iron gate, glanced at him with a complicated expression, and then came in.

"Have you had dinner?" Yu Congyi asked him. "If not, would you like to go grab something to eat together?"

“Great,” Tang Zefei smiled and squinted at him. “It’s wonderful that you’re back.”

In fact, Yu Congyi did not give a clear answer to the other party before leaving whether he would come back today, but he was just killing time since he had nowhere else to go, he comforted himself with that thought.

With Yu Congyi's authorization as his guarantee, he took Tang Zefei out of cell 107 and to the dining hall on the upper floor of the detention center. In the end, he still couldn't take the prisoner out, even though Yu Congyi had such hope in his heart. He sat in the dining hall with Tang Zefei, and at this time, there were only the two of them in the dining hall.

"Sir, what brings you here?" A waiter in the restaurant recognized Yu Congyi and hurriedly beckoned him to the staff canteen area—because the outer area was where life-sentenced prisoners ate, and it was extremely shabby, filled with rude noise, vulgar curses, and even the sound of tables and chairs being moved. Although it wasn't happening now, there was no guarantee it wouldn't happen later. The apprehensive waiter thought their vulgar behavior would disturb the high-ranking officer's attention, so he hurriedly asked Yu Congyi to follow him to the back of the kitchen.

"Where do you usually eat?" Yu Congyi asked Tang Zefei as they walked toward the back kitchen.

“Sometimes it’s in the cell, sometimes it’s here.” Tang Zefei winked at him meaningfully.

Yu Congyi felt like he had made a joke. Where else could it be besides these two places? He tried to cover up his misunderstanding by saying in a low voice, "You probably wouldn't be used to it." His voice was very soft, as if he were talking to himself.

The two sat down in the staff canteen. Without Yu Congyi giving any instructions, the worker knew what to do and hurriedly ordered the kitchen to prepare the good dishes and wines that the leaders usually used. He was busy wiping the table while secretly glancing at Tang Zefei, not understanding the identity of the tall foreigner opposite Yu Congyi.

If you say he's an officer, what military police officer looks like this? If you say he's a prisoner, he doesn't really look like one. His clothes and his cold and arrogant demeanor and aura don't make you think of someone who's in prison. It's the kind of nonchalant air that you can tell at a glance is from someone who has been living a life of luxury and ease for a long time. So what is this person's identity?

"Commander Yu and this... young master," the man said cautiously, "do you two have any dietary restrictions? I'll have the kitchen bring out the food and drinks right away."

"No more alcohol, just hot water," Yu Congyi glanced at Tang Zefei, "and stir-fry an extra bowl of spinach and beef."

"Did Commander Yu order this for me?" After the worker left, Tang Zefei rested her chin on her hand, looked at Yu Congyi, and a faint smile appeared in her eyes again. "Do they know you? Do you come here often?"

“Not often.” Yu Congyi glanced at him, not wanting to answer the obvious question. He casually said, “Do you come here often? I think that worker just now didn’t recognize you.”

"With so many people here every day, can they really remember every single face?" Tang Zefei looked at his doubts with a helpless expression. "Besides, most of the time, the food here isn't very good, at least not to my taste."

“This is a prison,” Yu Congyi made him realize this fact, “It’s already a blessing to have something to eat.”

Tang Zefei glanced at him, said nothing, and looked almost indifferently dejected. Yu Congyi intended to skip the topic, but after thinking for a moment, he said, "I saw your mother when I went to your house to deliver the letter this afternoon."

"You saw her?" Tang Zefei asked instinctively after hearing this. "How did you see her?"

“I put the envelope in the mailbox and walked to the car,” Yu Congyi said, “I saw her just as she pushed open the gate and walked out into the yard.”

"How is she?" Tang Zefei asked again.

“Everything was normal,” Yu Congyi said. “After she left the yard, she started watering the plants. There were two servants in the yard. They later went to help your mother… Then I drove away, and she didn’t notice me.”

"Her behavior... I mean, her walking and such, seemed quite normal and natural?" Tang Zefei asked again.

“Yes,” Yu Congyi didn’t understand what he meant, “What’s wrong?”

At this moment, water and stir-fried dishes were served one after another. Yu Congyi glanced at the food on the plate. They were all unremarkable Tianjin-style stir-fries, the kind that were colorful and flavorful. They weren't particularly delicious, but the flavor was definitely more upscale than what ordinary prisoners ate. He wondered if they would suit the taste of the young master in front of him.

Yu Congyi watched as Tang Zefei picked up a piece of food with her chopsticks, put it in her mouth, chewed for a while, and commented, "I've rarely eaten this kind of flavor before."

Yu Congyi guessed that the other party's family situation must also involve eating mostly Western food. He thought for a moment, and the words "make do" were on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't know whether to say them or not. However, Tang Zefei praised first, "Very good."

Yu Congyi also took a bite and found that the taste was actually quite good.

“My mother is not like ordinary people, as you should have noticed, that time,” Tang Zefei continued his question, “her mental state was not very stable.”

"Oh, I see." To be honest, Yu Congyi really hadn't noticed it that time at the door. Hearing this, Yu Congyi paused, "I've encountered people with unstable mental states before. I remember when I was in the telecommunications department, I had a colleague with a similar personality. He had a bad temper, was difficult to control, and became unruly when he got emotional."

“However, it’s inevitable for people to have tempers. It’s just that he vents when things don’t go his way,” Yu Congyi said. “Back then, several of us colleagues were yelled at by him when we encountered problems. After things passed, we all understood each other. He explained to us that he didn’t mean any harm and was just acting on impulse.”

"If only that were true." Tang Zefei shook his head almost imperceptibly, understanding that Yu Congyi seemed to be trying to comfort him, but he didn't want to elaborate. No one wanted to accept the reality—that their mother was a complete madwoman—until they witnessed it firsthand. Besides, Tang Zefei had other things on his mind—regarding his mother killing those people, the woman named Jiang Jiejie, ever since she appeared in Yu Congyi's words, had left him with a lingering unease.

Tang Zefei sensed that this seemed to be an extremely secret thread connecting him and Yu Congyi, a thread that might lead their paths to some unknown destination… But this was something he absolutely couldn't bring himself to say. Tang Zefei had already resolved to protect his mother, to keep these secrets buried deep within his heart, never to see the light of day, while simultaneously eliminating any possible threats or obstacles for her—thinking this, he stopped speaking, looked up at Yu Congyi, and changed the subject, "Why haven't I heard you mention your family before?"

Yu Congyi suddenly laughed. Didn't he know their relationship had progressed to this point? To the point where they could peacefully discuss certain family matters? He shook his head. "I only have one younger brother."

"Are you married, or have a fiancée or something?" Tang Zefei looked at Yu Congyi with genuine inquiry in her eyes. "Commander Yu is outstanding in appearance, so he must have many suitors and is certainly not short of marriage partners."

“I told you, I only have one younger brother.”

"Is there anyone you like... I mean," Tang Zefei paused, her words not entirely sincere, "Commander Yu is only in his early thirties this year. Although this matter isn't urgent, shouldn't we start making plans sooner rather than later?"

"Why are you asking this?" Yu Congyi asked, puzzled.

"Have you never fallen in love with anyone in your life?" Tang Zefei pressed.

"What exactly are you trying to say?" Yu Congyi slammed his chopsticks down on the table.

"Nothing, just asking," Tang Zefei didn't know how to phrase it. He only wanted to steer the conversation away from her mother, but unknowingly, he was straying from his original peaceful intentions. He genuinely wanted to ask the other person how he had fared during the seventeen years before their reunion, why he had changed so much, and whether someone else had ever held the same importance in his life as he did. Who was that person? Was it Jiang Jiejie? Who exactly was this woman who had already died?

But he wouldn't ask. He didn't know how to bring it up. His desire to know the truth might inadvertently reveal a flaw, which would be difficult to remedy. The fragile peace he had just established was teetering on the brink of collapse. He knew Yu Congyi probably didn't like this topic, and besides…

Yu Congyi lowered his eyes, knowing it was him. That's why he knew my age so clearly. He was only fourteen when he met that bullied, doll-like little boy, a third-year junior high student at the time. "I'm in first grade of senior elementary school, brother, you're four years older than me," the little boy told him, hiding behind him and counting on his fingers.

How could he still remember...?

Yu Congyi looked up. "Have you finished eating?"

"No," Tang Zefei told him directly, and quickly picked up another piece of food with her chopsticks and put it in her mouth.

"Eat quickly." Yu Congyi turned his face to the side. "I have things to do, so I'll go back after I finish eating."

Walking down the corridor, Tang Zefei finally couldn't help but ask, "Who is Jiang Jiejie?"

His sudden, blunt remark sent shivers down Yu Congyi's spine. The corridor was too quiet, with only the soft rustling of their footsteps. Tang Zefei's voice was low, revealing no emotion; it was an inquiry, but without any hint of probing, merely a question for the sake of asking.

Tang Zefei told himself he couldn't care less, because of his mother, because of the other person, and even more so because he didn't want to anger Yu Congyi, yet he felt compelled to ask. He desperately wanted to know—to know where this woman held in the other's heart, to know how much room he could possibly have left in the other's heart. It was too difficult to explain, too hard to articulate. Tang Zefei didn't understand why his relationship with the other person was entangled with this woman he had never met, creating such an intricate and undeniable bond. And he would gradually realize that this was an unavoidable obstacle between him and Yu Congyi.

Yu Congyi stopped walking. Tang Zefei, who had been walking alongside him, didn't stop and took a step forward due to inertia. When he turned around, he saw the overhead light from the incandescent bulb pouring down on Yu Congyi's head. His lips were tightly pursed, and a tired yet stubborn expression reappeared on his face—an expression Tang Zefei was familiar with. His emotions were obscure and difficult to describe, hidden in the excessive light and shadow.

“I’m nobody to her,” Tang Zefei heard him say. “I’m just an insignificant passerby to her, but I told myself I had to get to the bottom of her death.”

"She's someone you can't let go of," Tang Zefei said softly, walking back to his side. He stopped and leaned closer. "You love her, don't you?"

"What's the point?" Yu Congyi glanced at him, and Tang Zefei, unsure if he saw a look of self-abandonment in those eyes, said, "Of course it's meaningful. You loved her, and that has meaning in both your life and hers."

“Absurd.” Yu Congyi shook his head and made this assessment. He didn’t want to say more. He brushed past Tang Zefei’s shoulder and continued walking forward. Tang Zefei calmed herself down and chased after him. “I want to understand her because I want to know what kind of person the person I admire and think about day and night loves.”

"Why did you do this?" Yu Congyi slowed his pace. "Don't do anything pointless. You are you. Similarly, my decision will not change or waver for a moment. Don't ask any more questions; it's pointless."

"Why is it meaningless?" Tang Zefei asked from behind.

"Then let me ask you, why do you have feelings for me?" Yu Congyi's voice was neither loud nor soft, but his words were as if he were throwing caution to the wind, "What is there about me that you should miss? Or, do you really understand me?"

It was only at this point that Tang Zefei began to realize that in Yu Congyi's view of relationships, he might have a certain degree of inferiority complex and self-loathing.

"Don't do this," Tang Zefei chased after him and pressed his shoulder, "I can say a lot about these things, as long as you want to hear them."

"Alright, that's enough." Yu Congyi made a "stop" gesture. "I'm a little tired, and you probably are too. You can go back now, I won't see you off any further... I'm leaving."

"Why does it have to be like this?" Tang Zefei tightened his grip on Yu Congyi's shoulder, staring intently at his face, his voice lowered to sound less angry. "Why is it always like this? This outcome, what is this, a falling out? And then next time we're all normal, you never know when you'll show up to see me again, we'll say some trivial things, and then I don't know how I'll anger you again... Please, you know, this is not what I want at all."

"Didn't I make myself clear last time?!" Yu Congyi finally showed his impatience, his face darkening as always. His eyebrows furrowed, and he glared at Tang Zefei. "Do you want me to say it again??"

His expression, in Tang Zefei's view, was a stubbornness mixed with weariness and helplessness, an extremely tangled emotion. The icy coldness hidden in his eyes silently dissolved into a twisted struggle that Tang Zefei found heartbreaking.

Tang Zefei couldn't understand what Yu Congyi wanted her to do to truly gain his approval, to make him feel better, and to let him off the hook.

He desperately pressed down on the other's shoulders, wanting to kiss him, to fill the chasm in the other's heart with that kiss. Yu Congyi turned his face away, and the kiss didn't land. He was stunned, because he saw that in Yu Congyi's open eyes, which were looking straight ahead, there seemed to be very thin tears welling up.

“You…” Tang Zefei hugged him tightly, letting his head rest on her shoulder, “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

"How have I treated myself?" Yu Congyi thought to himself, a rare moment of genuine reflection on this question. No one had ever questioned him like this before. Why was he asking this?

But he wasn't a blockhead after all.

Yu Congyi rarely sheds tears, and today he couldn't shed any. He lowered his eyes, blinked, and his tears almost dried up. His body, trapped in Tang Zefei's arms, stiffened unnaturally. He closed his eyes and suddenly felt that the arm was very warm. He wondered if he should just fall asleep like this without feeling anything.

"Let me go." After a long while, he reached out and patted Tang Zefei's body. Tang Zefei released her arms as instructed. Yu Congyi looked up at his eyes, wanting to say something, but hesitated.

He had a feeling that he was about to fall into it.

“You…” Yu Congyi saw the helplessness and tenderness in Yu Congyi’s eyes as he looked at him, so different from what others saw. He didn’t know how the two of them had come to this point. Not wanting to think about it, he said, “Go back.” He almost had the urge to run away. He quickened his pace, wanting to leave first.

"Be careful on your way back," Tang Zefei said from behind. Yu Congyi heard this and quickened his pace even more.

When he went outside, it was already completely dark. Yu Congyi called the driver. On the way back, his heart was still pounding. He didn't know what was wrong with him, but when he thought about Tang Zefei looking into his eyes, he couldn't help but start to panic again. It seemed like the last time he had felt this way was a long, long time ago.

Tang Zefei's gaze, her tone of voice, the force of her movements… Thinking of this, Yu Congyi wanted to sigh. He knew how hopelessly difficult it was for a man to "endure" when facing his beloved; he too had once gazed longingly at that woman's back. But Tang Zefei was none other than one of the suspected murderers of Jiang Jiejie. Yu Congyi had never forgotten that. He didn't waver, but he still wanted to ask himself, how long could he hold out?

He leaned back, collapsing onto the back of the seat, and sighed silently. His vision blurred as the fog gradually thickened on the car window. Something seemed to shatter in the silent air, making a soft, crackling sound. He tried to think about something else, but found he couldn't concentrate at all. Reaching his right hand inside the left collar of his shirt, Yu Congyi pressed his hand against his pounding heart. Thinking of Tang Zefei's face, he simply couldn't focus.