Chapter 12: Can you please let me go...?

Chu Yun.

Xie Tang hadn't heard anyone mention this name in a long time.

As the hot water washed over her skin, in the rising steam, she seemed to see that radiant figure, as bright as the morning sun, once again.

Chu Yun always liked to ruffle her hair, and when he put the milk tea in her hand, the cup was always just the right amount of warm.

But two years ago, on the night of Qixi Festival, that sun sank forever.

She could never understand why such a cheerful person would be so depressed, until today, she has the answer.

Fu Xiu's voice and text messages flashed through my mind:

On the night before her return to China, Chu Yun was involved in a car accident.

That twisted and mangled car claimed three lives.

[Her lover's watch was found at the scene of the car accident; the dial was stopped at 2:17—the guy was still protecting her with his body until the very end.]

She survived, but she didn't live on.

The doctors restored her heartbeat, but they couldn't mend her broken days and nights.

Nightmares descend precisely on time every night: the sound of metal tearing apart, the smell of blood, and the gradually cooling sensation in my palms.

After two years of psychotherapy, her smile increasingly resembled that of someone who had "recovered."

Until the night of Qixi Festival, Chu Song found three bottles of sleeping pills and a note on her bedside table:

I've tried, but living is more painful than dying.

When Xie Tang turned off the shower, she realized that she had used shower gel instead of shampoo and had forgotten to bring her pajamas.

My eyes were red and swollen when I looked in the mirror.

It took three tries to tie the yukata sash properly.

The moment she pushed open the door, she saw Chu Song standing in front of the French windows, lost in thought. The moonlight cast his shadow long, like a tunnel from which he could never escape.

Fu Xiu said that she was not only his sister, but also—

During his adolescence, he shielded him from his father's raging back; as an adult, he was the only one whose gaze could see through his bravado.

Now that she's gone, like an endless plum rain, seeping into the very marrow of his bones every morning and evening.

He aired out all his memories, but could never wring out the dampness—proof that she had existed, and a wound that would forever fester in his soul.

In those photos of the siblings frozen in time, Chu Yun always smiles brightly, while the light in Chu Song's eyes is forever frozen on the midnight when he received the keepsake.

Xie Tang looked at his slightly lowered eyes and wanted to comfort him, but couldn't find the right words.

As I turned around, a cup of hangover soup was placed on the coffee table, with a few goji berries floating on the surface, still steaming gently.

Actually, she wasn't very drunk; a hot water rinse dissipated most of the effects of the alcohol.

But she was still a little dazed—he was clearly so depressed that he didn't want to talk, yet he was still thinking of helping her sober up.

Even such trivial details are handled perfectly.

Is this person being too gentle? Or are they just playing a role too convincingly?

Xie Tang refused to doubt that it was the latter. She could only feel her heart burning. As if possessed, she reached out and gently wrapped her arms around his waist.

The hug was so light, like a feather falling on the water.

But both of them froze at the same time.

She smelled the faint scent of pine on him, and the collar of his bathrobe was slightly open, a chill suddenly creeping up her back—only then did she realize that he was wearing nothing underneath.

Xie Tang hurriedly pulled away, her cheeks instantly burning.

Chu Song was clearly stunned, and her ears turned red.

The two looked away almost simultaneously and hastily moved apart.

Xie Tang quickly walked to the suitcase, took her pajamas and underwear, and went to the bathroom.

Once they came out, the awkwardness and ambiguity disappeared.

Chu Song silently returned to her room, closing the door so softly it was almost inaudible.

She sat down on the sofa and looked down at the case files.

As the night grew deeper, she worked on the files until late into the night, eventually succumbing to sleepiness and curling up on the sofa to fall asleep.

In a daze, she felt herself being carefully lifted up by a pair of warm arms.

The man's breathing was very light, her head was pressed against his chest, and her heartbeat was unusually clear.

Xie Tang slightly opened her eyes, her gaze falling precisely on his taut jawline, his Adam's apple bobbing, and his lips pressed into a straight line.

She didn't say anything, letting him carry her into the bedroom.

The bed was soft, and he moved very quietly. Just as he was about to leave, Xie Tang suddenly grabbed his sleeve.

"Chu Song." Her voice was still sleepy, but she was more awake than ever.

He froze, looking down at her.

Their eyes met, their breaths mingled, and something silently and wildly grew in the air.

Only one wall lamp was on in the room, its dim light casting a soft glow on his features, yet his gaze was surprisingly intense.

Xie Tang opened her mouth, wanting to say something to comfort him and thank him, but he gently pressed her wrist.

"Don't speak." His voice was low and hoarse, filled with suppressed restraint. "...I'm afraid that if you open your mouth, I won't be able to hold back."

Her heart skipped a beat, and her fingertips involuntarily curled up, but she still didn't let go of him.

The air seemed to thin, and every breath felt intertwined with each other's warmth.

Chu Song's fingertips gently caressed her wrist bones, slowly and persistently, as if testing her or confirming something.

"Xie Tang," he called softly, his voice carrying a dangerous tenderness, "...Do you know what I'm thinking right now?"

Her eyelashes trembled, her heart pounded so hard it felt like it would leap out of her chest, but she still managed to look at him calmly: "...What?"

He suddenly leaned closer, his nose almost touching hers.

“I was thinking…” he chuckled softly, his breath hot against her lips, “If you keep looking at me like that, I might actually kiss you.”

Xie Tang's breath hitched, her ear tips burned bright red, but she still didn't flinch.

Chu Song's eyes darkened, his knuckles gently tracing her cheek, his voice low and almost seductive, "So, are you going to push me away?"

The glow of the wall lamp cast a shadow on his brow bone, and Xie Tang saw the flickering fire in his eyes, which made her fingertips go numb.

"You..." She had just opened her mouth when his thumb touched the corner of her lips.

“You have the right to refuse,” Chu Song’s breath was hotter than the hangover soup he had just drunk, “and you also have the right to remain silent.”

Xie Tang frowned. Was he giving her a choice?

He's a pretty nice guy, isn't he?

She looked up at his taut shoulders and suddenly remembered the first time she saw him wearing a tie; his long, slender fingers twisted and turned, finally forming a beautiful Windsor knot.

Just like now, his restrained breathing enveloped her body.

Sooner or later, they will have to overcome this hurdle.

As she thought this, she bent her knees and pressed them against his chest. "You knowingly break the law, and you still want my opinion?"

He chuckled softly, kissing her trembling hand, his lips meandering up the inside of her arm.

Xie Tang had never experienced such things before, and her body was extremely stiff. In her desperation, she bit his Adam's apple and tasted the salty taste, only to realize that it was the sweat seeping from his neck.

The phone on the bedside table suddenly vibrated, and the bedside lamp reflected their intertwined fingers.

They were covered in sweat.

"Chu Song..." she gasped in the next wave of emotion, "Can you let me go now?"

He bit her earlobe and groaned, "No—you—can't."

He ran his fingers through her loose, long hair. "One more time."

Gasping for breath swallowed up all the unspoken words.

At 3:17 a.m., Xie Tang saw him carry her into the bathroom through her blurry vision.

The warm yellow light in the bathroom casts a hazy, watery reflection on the tiles.

Xie Tang half-closed her eyes, letting the warm water flow over her aching waist.

Chu Song's palm supported the back of her neck, his fingertips gently massaging her tense shoulder line.

She said she has obsessive-compulsive disorder about cleanliness and can't sleep if she's not cleaned properly, so even when she's exhausted afterward, he'll help her clean up.

"Don't sleep." His voice came through the sound of water, his lips brushing against her wet hair. "Your hair isn't dry yet."

Xie Tang lazily lifted her eyelids and saw his tense jaw through the rising steam. There were still red marks on his neck from when she was aroused.

Chu Song seemed to notice her gaze, and suddenly lowered his head to bite her earlobe, causing her to shudder.

"Please let me off this time..." Xie Tang pleaded pitifully.

"Mmm." The monosyllabic word was tinged with amusement.

He carried her back to bed and dried her hair.

Xie Tang fell into a deep sleep, letting him do whatever he wanted.

The bedside lamp was dimmed to its lowest setting, and in the warm yellow light, you could see the shadows cast by her eyelashes.

As Chu Song lifted the covers and lay down, Xie Tang unconsciously turned over and, without thinking, pulled him into his arms.

She was as warm as a heater, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of fondness for her.

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The morning light, like a dull knife, sliced ​​away the ambiguous traces of last night, laying them bare before Xie Tang's eyes.

She paused for a moment, the fragmented images of last night flashing through her mind—his breath hot against her ear, his fingers intertwined with hers, and… the pain that made her dig her fingertips into his back.

"It always seems to hurt the first time." He coaxed her softly last night, his voice hoarse, his fingertips gently stroking her wrist as if to distract her.

But she was still in so much pain that her eyes burned, and she bit her lip, pressing herself tightly against his shoulder.

Chu Song's breathing clearly faltered, but his movements became even gentler. He lowered his head to kiss her eyelashes, repeatedly whispering "relax," but her body tensed even more, her nails almost digging into his skin.

Later... she couldn't remember clearly, only that he carried her into the bathroom, the water temperature was just right, and his fingers ran through her hair, his movements were incredibly gentle.

Xie Tang turned over, feeling a slight soreness in her lower back.

After three years of marriage, they were bound to reach this point sooner or later.

But when it actually happened, she still felt a sense of unreality—how exactly did they start last night?

Was it because of that hangover soup that she wanted to thank him?

Was it because of that hasty hug that he wanted to comfort him?

She raised her hand to cover her eyes; her throat felt a little dry.

The bedroom door was gently pushed open, and a familiar scent approached. Then, a glass of warm water was handed to her.

"Awake?" Chu Song's voice was very low.

Xie Tang slowly lowered her hand and met his gaze.

He stood by the bed, having changed into a black shirt with the collar open, revealing the red marks she had scratched on his neck.

His gaze lingered on her face for a few seconds before quickly shifting away, his ears turning slightly red.

The air seemed to freeze for a moment.

Xie Tang took the water glass, her fingertips touching his. Both of them froze at the same time, then quickly withdrew their hands.

"...Thank you," she whispered, her voice a little hoarse.

Chu Song hummed in agreement, his gaze falling on the red marks on her neck. His Adam's apple bobbed as he reached out to adjust the loose neckline of her pajamas.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked.

Xie Tang gripped the water glass tightly, her ears burning, and after a long while, she gently shook her head.

Chu Song stared at her for a few seconds, then suddenly leaned down and gently kissed her forehead.

"Sleep a little longer." He said, turning to leave, but stopped at the door, his back to her, and whispered another word—

“Last night…I was very happy.”

Then, the door was gently closed.

Xie Tang froze, then buried her face in the pillow and exhaled silently.

—So, he was nervous too.

A note from the author:

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This is a story about two virgins, their first time together.