Chapter 15: Can't I Just Forget It Slowly?

When the platform announcement came on, Liu Chengxu's tears finally broke free. She watched helplessly as the train carriage disappeared at the end of the tunnel, and the newly arrived train lit up with an unfamiliar line number—no longer the place she was going.

The wind whipped up by the train stung her face, mingling with her tears as they streamed down her cheeks. She opened her mouth in vain, but no sound came out, not even a cry.

Liu Chengxu cried for a while but then couldn't cry anymore, because the person who could pamper and comfort her was gone, and crying would only make her a laughing stock. She tried her best to hold back her tears.

The train sped along the tracks. Su Zhiluo looked out the window and the first thing she saw was her own red and swollen eyes. Then she lowered her head, her eyes drooping, and tears fell onto her phone screen.

The farewell wasn't particularly dramatic; both of them kept their sobs to a minimum, keeping their reluctance bottled up inside. They knew better than anyone that the shoulder they could lean on to cry on was gone today.

Perhaps it was a tacit understanding, but they both recalled that New Year's Eve, when Su Zhiluo was sobbing uncontrollably because of her sister's death, and Liu Chengxu comforted her word by word. They became each other's support.

Liu Chengxu wiped her face hard and walked out of the station. This time, she looked up at the weather and saw that the sun was shining warmly on her. For the next few days, she could no longer sense the weather; her body had completely lost its senses.

Liu Chengxu had classes in the morning, so she took leave and went to the train station. When she got back, she lay on the bed and kept checking her phone. There were no messages or words of comfort afterward.

Before he knew it, he lay numbly until nightfall. Su Zhiluo's train to Guangzhou wouldn't arrive until the next day, a journey of nearly 20 hours. At 5 a.m., Liu Chengxu typed with trembling hands: 【Has it arrived yet?】

Su Zhiluo replied: 【Soon.】

Liu Chengxu: [Let me know when you arrive.]

Su Zhiluo: [Up so early?]

Liu Chengxu: [Running.]

Liu Chengxu didn't disturb her roommate. She got up quietly, brushed her teeth and washed her face, and started running with her phone in hand. She hadn't eaten yesterday and had insomnia, so she wanted to run herself into a stupor, even if it was just low blood sugar and everything went black.

However, half an hour later, apart from feeling even more uncomfortable, she felt no other discomfort. Liu Chengxu sat at the bottom of the dormitory steps, panting, and had to admit that she had toughened herself up too much during this period.

Su Zhiluo: [Take care of yourself.]

We've arrived at our destination.

Liu Chengxu patted his face, which was filled with a bitter smile, his eyes so dry that he couldn't cry.

Every day she was caught between two extremes: thinking of Su Zhiluo and hoping that Su Zhiluo would come back because she couldn't let go of her. Then, when she got really angry, she became selfish and narrow-minded, and she started to hate Su Zhiluo for working so hard to get into a prestigious school.

She hated that she abandoned her, and she hated that she wanted to end their bond with separation.

Liu Chengxu continues to choose to stay busy.

Part-time job, studying at home in the library.

She went to the literature section and found several books about love. Without exception, all the protagonists who had lost love were like a warrior: It's just love, it's just love, it can't hurt me, I've defeated it, I scoff at it, I'm invincible.

But.

Liu Chengxu wanted to say.

You only conquered love, not that person.

Love may be a fart, but that person is a taboo that can never be touched.

Liu Chengxu spent a week like this, during which time she developed hearing problems and kept hallucinating her sister-in-law calling her: Chengxu, Chengxu.

She had secretly looked back many times, but behind her, apart from the trees that were gradually turning green, reminding her that summer was just around the corner, there was nothing else.

Love wounds don't show on the surface. As long as you pretend carefully, others won't really see through it. Meng Zhenyue and Cha Baomei just thought she was going to have her period and was feeling down during her luteal phase.

Liu Chengxu channeled his pain into anticipation; Labor Day was just around the corner, and once Su Zhiluo was settled, he would take her over to visit.

*

After arriving in Guangzhou, Su Zhi first found a hotel to stay in, then rested for a day. She took the subway and bus to the Thirteen Factories area and wandered around.

There are many factories here, so there is no shortage of work. She found a clothing factory nearby and planned to work there for a month to familiarize herself with the process, find a place to eat and drink, and then look for suppliers in the area.

Normally, she would talk directly to Chang Ruyin about anything that came up.

Many times, she wanted to ask Chang Ruyin to help her check on Liu Chengxu, but she hesitated to say it for fear of giving Liu Chengxu false hope.

She thought that since she had already come this far, she couldn't give up now.

During this period, the two had very little contact, so little that they would send each other messages every day just to confirm whether the other was still alive.

*

On May Day, Liu Chengxu packed his things and went home.

This was the first time Liu Chengxu had returned since Su Zhiluo left, and she had been looking forward to seeing Su Zhiluo as soon as she opened the door.

When Liu Chengxu arrived home, she carried her bag upstairs and saw the closed door, a sharp pain shooting through her chest. Reality was cruel, she told herself. It was normal; the trip back home took a long time and the fare was expensive.

Mingming and the little girl in the skirt were doing their homework by the door. Mingming looked up and greeted her, but Liu Chengxu seemed not to hear her. She held the key, her fingers trembling, and tried several times but couldn't get it into the lock. Her backpack slipped off her shoulder, and she kicked it in frustration.

The door opened, and she turned to look at Mingming. "What is it?"

Liu Chengxu had a fierce look between his brows, and the two girls were quite afraid of her. Mingming slowly replied, "When Sister Luoluo left, she sent some ribs to my house and asked my grandma to take care of you. My grandma said that when you come back, you can eat at my house."

Liu Chengxu's tightly pursed lips moved slightly, but she didn't smile. She shook her head and said, "No need."

What's the use of it?

What's the point of asking someone else to take care of you?

Isn't that the same as abandoning your own parents?

Liu Chengxu doesn't care about it at all now.

Closing the door, looking at the suddenly empty and desolate room, she realized for the first time that this small, dilapidated house, which she always found cramped, could actually be so big that it made her bones ache.

The clothesline on the balcony swayed empty, the rope now hanging loosely.

The floor felt wider than ever before, the distance from the doorway to the bedside seemingly stretched out invisibly. The folding table in the corner was half-folded, revealing the lighter-colored paint that had been hidden for years. It turns out that when a person's trace disappears, even poverty can feel so empty.

She hurried to the bedroom and put away all the sheets on the bed, leaving only the empty bed frame.

Liu Chengxu opened her bag. Her sister-in-law hadn't left her anything, but she still brought her a lot of food. Matcha cake, her sister-in-law's favorite, the newly popular mochi... She lay on the empty bed and checked her phone again; it was empty too.

Liu Chengxu lay down until three o'clock in the afternoon, opened the refrigerator and cooked herself some eggs. Now she understood why Su Zhiluo had forced her to learn to cook in the first place. From the very beginning, Su Zhiluo had no intention of spending her life with her.

Aunt Zhang knocked on the door several times, calling her to eat, but she didn't answer. After finishing her eggs, she replied to Meng Zhenyue's message that she would be working part-time during the May Day holiday.

In the evening, Liu Chengxu bit his lip and sent a message to Su Zhiluo. She didn't dare to directly confront him, so she asked tactfully: "Are you still working during the May Day holiday? Are you being exploited this much? Isn't it like this at home?"

Su Zhiluo: [No, I need to find suppliers at the market. Last time I posted a link, and two people placed orders.]

Liu Chengxu reads the text word by word.

Su Zhiluo didn't tell her to come over.

Having come this far, Liu Chengxu had no choice but to give up. That night, he dragged his own bed over and put it next to Su Zhiluo's.

She hated it from beginning to end, but in the end, she decided not to hate it anymore.

She dared not hope for a response from Su Zhiluo, only wishing that the person could say another word to her. Even just a few words would be like taking an antidote, temporarily healing the wound in her heart—even if the pain returned after the effects wore off.

It has nothing to do with whether or not you love someone.

She was afraid of being completely free of all ties.

Su Zhiluo thought that not seeing each other would calm her down and reduce her love. Unfortunately, Liu Chengxu was uncooperative. During this separation, she longed for her scent and fragrance even more, as if bewitched, and deepened her love to another level.

She locked herself in the closet, immersing herself in Su Zhiluo's last fragrance. She even slept in this small closet, feeling hot and almost getting heatstroke, but she couldn't bear to climb out.

During the day, she and Meng Zhenyue went to comic conventions and took photos at tourist attractions.

For the first three days, we were so busy that we didn't even have time to eat. When we got home at night, we saw that everyone on the street was celebrating the holiday, and we all got hungry. So we each chipped in 50 yuan to go to a street stall to eat crayfish and barbecue.

Liu Chengxu ordered a beer, poured himself a glass, and drank it.

Meng Zhenyue spent every day with her and noticed her emotions. At first, she didn't ask her much, thinking that Liu Chengxu could get through it. But clearly, Liu Chengxu had simply walked into a dead end.

She sighed softly and patted Liu Chengxu on the shoulder.

Liu Chengxu's eyes instantly reddened, and she cried miserably. She bit her lip tightly, but Meng Zhenyue pried her lower lip open. Even so, she couldn't say who she liked.

Everyone felt sorry for her, so they thought of her closest person, her sister-in-law, and comforted her by saying that her sister-in-law would come to pick her up. Liu Chengxu's lips twitched, "My sister-in-law went to Guangzhou."

Meng Zhenyue and Cha Baomei were both stunned. Liu Chengxu said, "They've been gone for a long time."

Then she added, "I want to change jobs and earn more money. She said I could take the postgraduate entrance exam."

These were indeed what Su Zhiluo said. During this time, they talked about working hard and studying hard.

At first, they thought that Liu Chengxu liked a couple they knew, Xue Qiu Ri. Xue Qiu Ri had the kind of looks that many people liked, with a gentleness hidden beneath her cool demeanor.

Meng Zhenyue doesn't interact with strangers. People who don't know her assume she comes from a wealthy family and is inherently arrogant. Cha Baomei, on the other hand, is lively, loves photography, and has many suitors. However, she seems oblivious to these things, like a carefree child, giving everyone who pursues her a "friend zone" card.

However, looking back on their college years, it was Cha Baomei who first noticed that Liu Chengxu liked her sister-in-law. On that very night, Cha Baomei felt that Liu Chengxu's love was abnormal, and she would cry very emotionally whenever her sister-in-law was mentioned.

Liu Chengxu, drunk, leaned on Meng Zhenyue's shoulder. Cha Baomei pulled out a tissue to wipe her down. The two of them took her home, and it was already very late. They stayed at her house for the night.

The next day was the longest phone call Liu Chengxu and Su Zhiluo had ever had. Su Zhiluo told her to treat her friend well and that they could go grocery shopping together and cook hot pot at home.

Liu Chengxu was particularly good at adjusting herself. She began to blindly believe that her sister-in-law did not not love her or abandon her, but that her sister-in-law had to leave because her family came looking for her.

She first killed herself with hatred, and then used this strange formula of "emotion" to rekindle her love.

*

After the May Day holiday, the remaining holidays became less important. Su Zhiluo seemed to be very busy every day, and her busyness revolved around one main theme: "e-commerce." She had indeed not forgotten her promise to Liu Chengxu, and it seemed that she had never lied to Liu Chengxu from beginning to end.

Of course, Liu Chengxu wouldn't tell her that the clothes in front of her were bought by a netizen she found online, and she paid for them; the clothes were a free gift.

No matter what kind of clothes it was, Su Zhiluo would send her a set first. Liu Chengxu would wear it and have Cha Baomei take pictures of him, then send them to Su Zhiluo to be uploaded to the webpage. She was beautiful and had a good figure. With Cha Baomei's skills, she had a surge in orders in June, selling 600 orders.

Su Zhiluo earned seven thousand yuan. As usual, Su Zhiluo transferred living expenses to Liu Chengxu every month. In the past, Liu Chengxu would not accept it because she had her own money. Now she accepted it because she was afraid that if he didn't accept it, the two of them would really get separated in the vast sea of ​​people.

Previously, Su Zhiluo gave her 1300 yuan a month for living expenses, but now she gives her 1600 yuan. When business is good at the store, she will give her more, which can be close to 2000 yuan.

Summer vacation is coming, and Su Zhiluo sent a lot of dresses to Liu Chengxu. She would also give Meng Zhenyue and Cha Baomei a set, saying that they were new products to sell. The group took several photos and sent them to Su Zhiluo as display pictures. Later, they found out that Su Zhiluo did not actually sell this style, because the price was too high and it did not sell well.

The three of them were close, and sometimes the other two could figure out that Su Zhiluo wanted to buy it for Liu Chengxu, but couldn't find a reason, so she sent it to all three of them.

Meng Zhenyue thought it was because Liu Chengxu was too frugal, Su Zhiluo was afraid that she wouldn't dress like that, and Cha Baomei felt something was off every time she thought about it, but she didn't dare to think about it too deeply.

With summer vacation approaching, Meng Zhenyue and Cha Baomei started discussing where to find summer jobs. They spent the whole morning researching in their group chat, concluding that going to a comic convention would be best, as it would be cooler. Bars would actually be the most stable option, but Cha Baomei was too proud and couldn't stand being bossed around. If Liu Chengxu hadn't joined them, they might have done some odd jobs.

They tagged Liu Chengxu together.

Liu Chengxu replied: "I need to think about it."

Cha Baomei: [Missing your sister-in-law? I have a strange feeling that you treat your sister-in-law like your mother.]

Liu Chengxu: [No.]

Meng Zhenyue: [@Cha Baomei, her sister-in-law is very young, only 25. No one would be someone's mother at 25; she should be treated like an older sister.]

Cha Baomei: [Oh.]

On the first day of her holiday, Liu Chengxu carried her suitcase downstairs. She sat by the flower bed when Meng Zhenyue came over to use the washing machine and asked, "Is your sister-in-law coming to pick you up?"

Meng Zhenyue put the sheets and duvet cover into the washing machine and came out to look for her. When she turned around, she had disappeared. Meng Zhenyue thought her sister-in-law had come because she was running so fast.

Su Zhiluo didn't come to pick her up; she waited from day to night, but she never came.

The previous week, Liu Chengxu stayed at home and worked as a customer service representative for Su Zhiluo's shop, helping her reply to messages.

The two women's conversations revolved around the shop. As the number of orders in the shop increased, a single link could generate hundreds of orders, and they added several styles to their shop.

E-commerce is just starting out, and the quality of products online varies greatly. Su Zhiluo isn't that greedy. For the same style, she looks for products with good quality and design, and after deducting costs, she makes whatever she can to earn, hoping to build up some repeat customers.

That evening, the two of them made a phone call.

Su Zhiluo squatted on the ground packing express deliveries.

The orders came in so many days ago that I had to stare at the computer screen almost constantly, whether it was inquiries or purchases, my eyes couldn't leave for a moment.

Liu Chengxu collapsed onto the bed, exhausted.

Su Zhiluo said, "Why don't you go and relax with your friends?" Knowing that her friends were all doing other part-time jobs, she said, "Just go over and have some fun and a break."

Liu Chengxu did not reply to her.

After Su Zhilu made money from her online store, she went to a phone repair shop and bought a second-hand tablet. She looked back at Liu Chengxu.

Liu Chengxu used a computer video, with the camera pointing far away. He lowered his voice and said, "I'm very scared being alone at home. I'm facing the wall every day. Actually, I don't really like this place. It's just because you live here. This is my first time here. I thought this place would collapse. I feel terrible every day since you left. I'm sorry... I'm really sorry."

Did Liu Chengxu really discover nothing?

Su Zhiluo didn't take anything that belonged to her, but she did take the photo of herself and her sister.

Liu Chengxu was even more heartbroken. "Su Zhiluo, I'm still very sad. We lived together for six years, and you didn't miss me at all. My sister didn't have many belongings. Why... why couldn't you take me with you as part of her legacy?"

Liu Chengxu couldn't hold back any longer. She kept wiping her tears with her arm and said, "I've tried so hard not to like you anymore. You said you'd call once a week, so I did. I didn't go looking for you after you left, but... Sister-in-law, please have pity on me and let me slowly change. I'm trying not to like you."

"Just give me an address, I'll sneak over to see you, I can't take it anymore... Please don't be so cruel to me..."

Liu Chengxu was wearing a white T-shirt with a Doraemon print, a discounted short-sleeved shirt that Su Zhiluo was using to attract customers. How could Su Zhiluo not feel heartbroken? Liu Chengxu trembled as she cried, her voice choked with sobs. She wasn't accusing him, but saying she would change. Su Zhiluo's heart ached, and she began to have difficulty breathing, as if she were experiencing respiratory poisoning.

So this is how painful it is.

Su Zhiluo's lips moved slightly, her voice hoarse, "Let me think."

She really thought about it seriously, then she took her phone away, bit her arm, and tears streamed down her face.

Does she really not want Liu Chengxu?

How could that be? When she first arrived, she couldn't sleep at night. She kept thinking about whether she was doing well and whether she was crying. Then, she discovered, even more painfully, that she really liked the unattainable future that Liu Chengxu planned for her every day.

The tears have all been shed.

Her voice was hoarse. Su Zhiluo didn't want her to notice anything amiss. She wanted to soften her heart, but she didn't dare to back down. She continued to hold her arm tightly, and the only thing she could say was, "Cheng Xu, I don't know."

————————!!————————

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, my wives!