Chapter 20: Don't ignore my love.

On New Year's Eve, Liu Chengxu lay alone in bed. Why was she so sure that Su Zhiluo would come back? She thought she knew Su Zhiluo well. Su Zhiluo wouldn't feel comfortable letting her spend the New Year alone here, because Su Zhiluo cared about her.

Now they have all been overturned.

Su Zhiluo is quite ruthless.

Liu Chengxu was lost in confusion, feeling empty and overwhelmed by a profound sense of loss. She tried to do something to alleviate it, but her body kept breaking down. The only thing she could do was pick up her phone to check the time and keep waiting; as long as it wasn't past midnight, there was still a chance.

As time goes by, the answer becomes clearer: she was slowly tortured to death.

After enduring the pain for a while, she regained a little clarity.

It's good that Su Zhiluo didn't come back; I won't be as clingy as before.

This time it will definitely work.

At this moment in Guangzhou, Su Zhiluo kept staring at her phone. It wasn't that she didn't plan to go back; she had hesitated for a few days, torn between going back or not. By the time she finally decided to buy a ticket, there were no tickets left, not even standing tickets.

This is Su Zhiluo's first time experiencing the Spring Festival travel rush.

After that, she checked the ticket every day, but all the tickets were empty. Sometimes she wondered if this was God's arrangement, that she couldn't buy the ticket so that Liu Chengxu would lose all expectations of her and stop liking her. This was the best ending for them.

Logically speaking, Su Zhiluo should have been able to breathe a sigh of relief. However, she desperately realized that she was afraid of losing something. The more unforgiving fate seemed, the stronger her desire to go back and see Liu Chengxu became.

Thus, she also clearly realized this amidst this pain.

If she loses Liu Chengxu, no one in this world will ever treat her with the same devotion again. No one will remember her, comfort her, or save money to buy her a necklace...

Su Zhiluo repeatedly rubbed the small bead on her neck with her fingertips. This house made her feel terribly stifled. She pushed open the door and walked out, her mind filled with that rented room.

It was freezing cold, and no matter what she said, Liu Chengxu wouldn't listen. She was told not to come pick her up, but he still wouldn't listen and kept standing under the lamp, making her face turn red from the cold.

On New Year's Eve, most of the shops along the street had already closed, with only a few stalls selling Spring Festival couplets and fruit still set up on the roadside. Everywhere you looked was festive red, and the faces of passersby were all beaming with holiday joy.

Su Zhiluo managed to take a few steps forward, feeling utterly exhausted. Her legs felt like they were filled with lead, and every step was incredibly difficult.

She eventually sat down on the edge of a flower bed by the roadside and silently turned on her phone screen.

Liu Chengxu did not send her a message.

It's 11:30 p.m.

Su Zhiluo sent her a red envelope.

11:40.

Su Zhiluo called her.

At first, no one answered for a few seconds, and Su Zhiluo's hand trembled slightly. Just as the call was about to hang up automatically, the call was answered.

Su Zhi choked violently as she swallowed.

There was no sound on the other end. If it weren't for the fact that the call was definitely being answered, I would have doubted whether there was actually anyone on the other end.

Su Zhiluo spoke first, asking, "Why didn't you accept the red envelope?"

Liu Chengxu said in a cold voice, "Isn't it still before the New Year?"

Su Zhi's throat was dry.

She maintained her smile and said, "Is that so?"

After that, a long silence fell.

The sound of firecrackers could be heard from both sides, creating a strong New Year atmosphere.

Liu Chengxu clenched and unclenched her fist, then said, "Is it my turn to ask?"

"Uh-huh."

Liu Chengxu's breathing was clear, with a heavy tremor. She asked, "Have you forgotten me?"

The knife still fell, piercing Su Zhiluo's chest. It was inserted carefully, twisting as it went in. Liu Chengxu said, "How could you leave me here alone, then send me a red envelope as if nothing happened, to confirm whether I'm dead or not, and then continue to be my sister-in-law with a clear conscience?"

"Su Zhiluo, you want me to be happy, right?"

Su Zhiluo hummed in agreement.

"Your refusal is nothing more than a long and brutal torture."

Liu Chengxu had read too many books about love. Finally, she uttered a decent sentence, expressing her feelings and her pain vividly.

As Su Zhiluo listened, her eyes welled up with tears. Feeling wronged, she explained, "No..."

Liu Chengxu said, "I must have put you in a very difficult position, as you can't go home."

After hearing this, Liu Chengxu probably understood why she could never like this place. To her, it was just a rented room; all she saw was mold, dampness, cramped space, darkness, and even the air smelled unpleasant.

For Su Zhiluo, this was her and her sister's love nest. During those times when they were not accepted by others and opposed by their relatives, this place sheltered them from the wind and rain when they were poor. They hugged and kissed here, and together they resisted the humid weather and cold winter nights.

It wasn't that she hated this place; it was that this place was rejecting her.

Liu Chengxu sensed Su Zhiluo's distress and clearly realized the enormity of his sins. His arms involuntarily tensed and trembled. After the trembling subsided, he cleared his mind of all distractions—

She realized that what she really wanted to say was just one sentence:

What's past is past, look at me.

Just as she was about to speak, she heard the crackling of firecrackers and the bursts of fireworks.

It seemed like everything was preventing her from speaking. She thought she heard Su Zhiluo speak, but she couldn't quite make it out. Su Zhiluo must have just said "Happy New Year," definitely not something like "I love you too" or "I'll give you a chance."

In short, there was no joy to be found without Su Zhiluo.

The New Year's firecrackers went on for a long time, and Su Zhiluo knew she couldn't hear them at this point, she said.

"It's not that I don't want to come back, it's that I can't. I can't buy a ticket. I didn't know that it would be so difficult to get a ticket during the Spring Festival travel rush."

She poured out all the longing she had kept hidden in her heart for a year.

Firecrackers have a bit of a personality about them; some impatient ones can't wait until midnight and start popping and crackling, while others slowly drag on until the middle of the night, burning sporadically until two or three in the morning.

As the last firecracker's echo faded, silence returned to the world.

In this sudden silence, they vaguely realized—a year had really passed just like that.

A void also appeared in my heart.

Liu Cheng said, "Happy New Year..." She paused, "Su Zhiluo."

"Fine, if you don't like me, then forget it."

I will still like you this year.

Happy New Year! You are my favorite person in the world. May everything go smoothly for you, and may you have peace and joy.

The night began with the annoying sound of firecrackers, followed by children who seemed to appear out of nowhere, lighting firecrackers one after another, making the whole building explode. Then came the sound of cars, stopping and starting, interspersed with women's complaints and men's insults. Finally, there was the howling of the north wind whistling through the various floors.

Liu Chengxu couldn't sleep, so he pulled the blanket over his head.

On the second day of her winter vacation, the workers came to install air conditioning for them. Su Zhiluo bought it for her, hoping that she would sleep more comfortably. Liu Chengxu used it for the first few days, but later she felt that it was too much electricity for one person. She also liked to run, so she basically didn't need to use it much. Now it was very cold, and her whole body was shivering. The quilt under her felt like it had been soaked in water, cold and wet.

Liu Chengxu felt a spasm of pain in his stomach, and only then did he realize that he hadn't eaten since morning. When he woke up and saw the food prepared on the table, he angrily stuffed it all into the refrigerator.

She would occasionally say nonsensical things, like "I might as well starve to death" in anger. But in the end, she still valued her life.

She cooked the fried glutinous rice she bought with sugar water and ate it while rubbing her stomach and scrolling through her phone. Su Zhiluo had sent her a red envelope, which she never used to accept, but now she would accept the living expenses and holiday red envelopes sent to her.

Originally, she wanted to put the money in a separate account and return it to Su Zhiluo later. But one day, when she looked at the balance and saw her money and Su Zhiluo's money together, she suddenly had a future she could never have imagined.

The more confused we are, the more we love.

Liu Chengxu typed: 【Happy New Year.】

Su Zhiluo replied: 【What are we doing today?】

Liu Chengxu's plan was to spend the New Year with her, watching TV, playing games, going out for a stroll, watching fireworks and visiting temple fairs at night. Now that Su Zhiluo wasn't there, she was alone. She replied: [Let's meet up with Meng Zhenyue.]

Then she sent another message: 【What about you?】

Su Zhiluo: [Drawing blueprints for the new season's spring clothing.]

Liu Chengxu: [Okay.]

The other end remained in "typing" mode. Su Zhiluo wanted to speak but didn't know what to type, so Liu Chengxu helped her continue the conversation: "[It's snowing.]"

Su Zhiluo: [Is it big?]

Liu Chengxu: [Want to see snow?]

Su Zhiluo: [Mm.]

Liu Chengxu walked to the window and took a picture. Outside the window, everything was white, and snowflakes rushed to the ground, looking like fluttering jade butterflies under the streetlights.

She sent it: 【Do you miss winter snowflakes?】

It doesn't snow in Guangzhou. There was a long silence on the other end, as if they were editing something, before finally sending the message: "Why aren't you wearing gloves?"

Liu Chengxu: [Heartless.]

She seemed to be doing it on purpose, scribbling on the railing with her finger, and then took a picture and sent it to Su Zhiluo.

She wrote on the railing: "I miss Su Zhiluo very much."

[Su Zhiluo's love]

Liu Chengxu: [I didn't write my own name. If you really want winter snow, you can save it.]

Liu Chengxu grabbed a handful of snow, held it in his hand, and his frozen, red hands quickly began to warm up.

At that moment, there was a knock on Liu Chengxu's door.

Her heart skipped a beat, and her gaze immediately locked onto the door. She first pressed her hand to her chest, then quickly went into the bathroom to fix her hair before taking a deep breath and opening the door.

Standing outside the door was Meng Zhenyue, shaking the snow off her umbrella. Looking at her serious demeanor, Meng Zhenyue raised an eyebrow in confusion: "Hmm?"

Liu Cheng asked, "Why are you here?"

Meng Zhenyue replied, "You'll be spending the New Year alone this year. I was worried you wouldn't be used to it, so I came to visit."

The disappointment on Liu Chengxu's face vanished, and she smiled and said, "He's not dead."

"What should we say during the New Year?" Meng Zhenyue shivered as she entered. Last winter was colder than this year, but in Liu Chengxu's house, this year was colder than last year.

Their small stove hadn't even been lit yet. Meng Zhenyue put her umbrella in the corner and asked, "Are you cosplaying Chang'e?"

Liu Chengxu didn't understand, "Could you please stop talking like Cha Baomei?"

Meng Zhenyue commented: "It's like the Moon Palace."

Liu Chengxu lived alone at home, so she didn't care much about anything and was quite lax in taking care of herself. Meng Zhenyue was obviously more experienced than her and was used to living alone. She said she felt cold and lit the stove, then took an umbrella and went out. When she came back, she bought groceries and said she wanted to eat hot pot, asking Meng Zhenyue to show off her cooking skills.

Meng Zhenyue maintained her dignity and shared the time when she was empty except for pain.

If Liu Chengxu were to recall this many years later, she would know that she was indeed withering away because she was not nourished by love. She even had the idea of ​​freezing herself to death in that winter. She harbored a kind of malice and wanted to live to die. Su Zhiluo would feel sorry for her.

She maintained a facade of strength every day, but it was almost too much for her. She wasn't as strong as her sister, and unlike her sister, she wasn't a strong person who could shield Su Zhiluo from the wind and rain. She was more like a child, wanting to act cute towards Su Zhiluo and beg her to love her.

But.

She had to keep up the act, otherwise she would be utterly useless.

*

In the third year of junior high school, Chang Ruyin brought fruit and snacks to visit Liu Chengxu and told her about her trip to Guangzhou. Liu Chengxu was unaware of their plans.

She listened quietly as Chang Ruyin spoke, her eyes lowered. After Chang Ruyin finished, she asked, "When are you leaving?"

Chang Ruyin had always felt that she and Liu Chengxu didn't get along. Liu Chengxu didn't like to talk, and she didn't know how Su Zhiluo had ever thought that this sister-in-law was so well-behaved.

Chang Ruyin felt cold standing next to her. After she mentioned the time, she added, "Shall I take you to eat?"

Liu Chengxu said, "No need."

Chang Ruyin stood there uncomfortably, putting down the gift in her hand. As she went up the stairs, she looked back and saw that Liu Chengxu's eyes were red.

Chang Ruyin lived in the dormitory arranged by the factory. She had to move out after submitting her resignation.

She managed to snag a ticket for the fifth day of the Lunar New Year, arriving quite early. She assumed Liu Chengxu was just being polite by asking. On the day she left the factory, she saw Liu Chengxu riding an electric scooter with a box on the back.

Chang Ruyin went over and asked, "What are you doing?"

Liu Chengxu said, "These are things I prepared for my sister-in-law."

Chang Ruyin opened it and took a look. Inside were chopped chili peppers and some spicy sauce.

Su Zhiluo has a strong palate and likes spicy food. The food in Guangzhou is relatively mild. You might even find that the chili peppers you buy in the supermarket seem to be regional specials and you can't taste any spiciness at all.

Chang Ruyin was speechless for a moment, and she began to understand why Su Zhiluo had always taken care of her; she had drawn love from Liu Chengxu. Chang Ruyin was from Jiangxi and could eat a lot of spicy food. For a while, when she sent money home, she mentioned it briefly, and her family simply said, "If you want to eat it, just go buy it," completely ignoring her request.

Liu Chengxu said, "If you can't take it, I'll take you to the train station."

Chang Ruyin said, "Yang Jie took me to the station."

Liu Cheng asked, "What time?"

The train wasn't in a rush, departing at 11:30.

After Liu Cheng finished speaking, she left. Chang Ruyin, holding the box, watched her back and felt a strange mix of emotions.

Yang Jie came over and saw her holding the box in a daze. She asked a couple of questions and, after hearing the answer, felt the same mixed emotions. She said, "She can still do these things?"

"She used to take good care of Zhiluo. Didn't she always cook different dishes for her?"

When Chang Ruyin put the things in the trunk, she checked them again. Besides the chili sauce, there were also things that Su Zhiluo liked to eat.

After putting everything away, Chang Ruyin turned to look at Yang Jie and asked, "By the way, there's something I need to ask you. Do you still like Zhiluo?"

Yang Jie was silent at first, then shook her head. She closed the trunk. "I'm not as persistent or as tenacious as Liu Chengxu."

Yang Jie overturned her initial understanding that Liu Chengxu's affection was not an impulsive act or lingering attachment at age 18.

To simply attribute Liu Chengxu's persistence to youthful impetuosity would be to greatly underestimate this affection. She wasn't just loving Su Zhiluo out of youthful passion; she had clearly given her heart away without reservation. At such a deep level, her love transcended age and worldly considerations, concerning only the most genuine stirrings of her soul.

Chang Ruyin straightened her scarf, looking very formal, and said, "That's perfect. Consider me. I used to be straight, but now I'm not so straight anymore. You're a nice person, so why don't you take a look at me?"

Yang Jie froze, staring at her with wide eyes, clearly quite frightened.

Chang Ruyin wasn't as composed as Su Zhiluo; she couldn't keep secrets and did whatever she wanted, like quitting her job to go to Guangzhou. Su Zhiluo initially hesitated to let her come, fearing instability and financial instability. Chang Ruyin assured her it was fine, as she had brought 200,000 yuan in savings, and Su Zhiluo could use her money if needed.

Chang Ruyin said, "I'm serious. Let's give it a try. I'm not afraid of being ugly, and I'm not afraid of what others say. If you think I'm okay, let's be a couple."

Afterwards, Chang Ruyin traveled by train from the cold north all the way south. The snow outside the window gradually thinned and eventually disappeared completely.

All the suitcases were stuffed under the bed, except for Liu Chengxu's suitcase, which was placed by the bedside. She was afraid of neglecting Liu Chengxu's feelings, and she felt that this suitcase was precious and could not be damaged in any way.

She arrived the next day at noon, and Su Zhiluo took her to the newly rented two-bedroom apartment. The space was much more spacious than before, so she let Chang Ruyin stay there first, while she slowly packed her things and moved in.

The house had been cleaned beforehand, so Chang Ruyin could move in. She put her things in the living room, and Su Zhiluo helped her unpack and put the boxes in the refrigerator. "You delivered this just in time. I was eating it and it was so uncomfortable. The chili peppers here aren't very spicy."

Chang Ruyin said, "This was originally meant for you."

Su Zhiluo assumed that she had bought it specially and said, "You're too kind, it's such a big box."

Chang Ruyin said, "Liu Chengxu heard that I was coming and made this for you, so he specially asked me to deliver it."

Su Zhiluo tightened her grip on the chili sauce, maintaining the position of opening the refrigerator for a long time before finally placing the chili peppers inside.

No wonder Liu Chengxu didn't say he was coming over during winter break; he was probably at home cutting chili peppers and making all sorts of preparations, thinking of giving her something to eat when she got back.

She didn't dare ask on New Year's Eve.

Have you already prepared the reunion dinner and are waiting for me?

Su Zhiluo listened quietly as Chang Ruyin described seeing Liu Chengxu, saying that she looked tall and thin and was very beautiful, and that she was still as quiet as ever.

Su Zhilu put the items into the refrigerator one by one.

Pickled green beans, green pepper sauce, red pepper sauce, stir-fried beef sauce, braised duck parts, fermented bean curd, fried tofu, fried dumplings...

No wonder she didn't come over during winter break; she was at home preparing these things.

Chang Ruyin said, "Your Cheng Xu is really skillful, making so many things, thinking that you can't eat spicy food here."

Chang Ruyin folded the clothes and noticed her silence. She turned her head to look at her and saw that her eyes were very red.

Su Zhiluo slowly squatted down, her whole body trembling uncontrollably. Chang Ruyin was about to step forward to comfort her when she heard her say in a trembling voice, "It's okay...you can continue tidying up."

Chang Ruyin fiddled with the clothes hanger, but couldn't hold back any longer. She went over and hugged Su Zhiluo, patting her, "It's okay, it's okay. If you're upset, just cry. I'm here."

Su Zhilu squatted for a while, then stood up and went back to her room. Chang Ruyin thought she would go over and keep her company later. Just as she hung up the clothes rack, she saw Su Zhilu dragging out a suitcase. She said, "I'll teach you through video calls these next few days."

*

This afternoon.

Liu Chengxu was eating a freshly fried egg pancake while browsing his online classes in the living room.

The door was suddenly pushed open.

A ray of sunlight suddenly pierced her eyes, and she subconsciously turned her head, only to see Su Zhiluo standing at the door with a suitcase, looking travel-worn, as if she had stepped out of a dream.

The light gently rested on her shoulders, where unmelted snowflakes still clung to her hair and shoulders, and her breath condensed into white mist in the air.

Liu Chengxu thought blankly:

Love is a strange thing. First, it makes you overthink, creating unrealistic fantasies. Then it makes you hallucinate, as if you're together all the time. Finally, it transforms the most unreal scenes into an unattainable reality.

Liu Chengxu continued to work on designs.

I check the back-end every now and then to see if any customers have inquired.

There are no customers.

She opened her chat window with Su Zhiluo and wrote down their conversation as before. After revising it, she felt the love was still too intense, so she deleted it all at once. She didn't send everything to Su Zhiluo; after all, loving too deeply would be a burden for Su Zhiluo, and she would cry when she was too sad.

She can't just focus on venting her love and ignore Su Zhiluo's feelings.

soon.

She heard a very soft, trembling sound.

Su Zhiluo's voice was hoarse as she called out, "I'm back."

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[Rainbow praise][Rainbow praise][Rainbow praise] Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes. I had a very happy and wonderful birthday this year. I received many handmade gifts, which touched me deeply. [shy][shy][shy]