Chapter 57: Jealousy

Looking back now, wasn't that just a love letter?

Su Zhiluo remembered clearly a passage on the candy wrapper, which she initially thought was an excerpt from a novel, written awkwardly and strangely: "[A lychee is like a heart, its outer shell rough and thorny, but its inside crystal clear and sweet. But once dug out and exposed to light, it begins to spoil.]"

Su Zhilu commented quite seriously at the time: "Although it is written in a convoluted way, when you think about it carefully, it seems to make some sense."

Lychee Lychee

My God, this is simply... an absolute crush!

Su Zhiluo had been living in Guangzhou, which is very close to Shenzhen. She and Chang Ruyin had been there together. The city was bustling, with neon lights that never went out, and it was incredibly lively. At the time, she had even planned to go with Liu Chengxu when he came, but unfortunately, the two of them parted ways later.

She opened her chat window with Liu Chengxu and typed: [Hey, I have something to tell you. It seems like you had a crush on someone when you were little...]

Her thumb hovered over the send button, but the movement suddenly froze. She stared at the unsent message, feeling that something was amiss.

Upon closer examination, it wasn't the words that were off, but rather my mindset.

My fingers unconsciously scratched at the side of the phone, the sharp edge pressing against my fingertip, leaving several marks.

She bit her lower lip, and finally deleted the entire line word by word.

Forget it. I don't want to post it.

Why didn't she want to post it? She leaned back in her chair, probably because... Liu Chengxu was now her girlfriend.

But it's clearly an old story. They've been together for many years.

But why, when I think back now, does my heart feel like it's blocked by something, a dull ache, and an indescribable feeling? Was it because we were separated for so long, and I felt uncomfortable?

She put down her phone, the screen went dark, revealing her slightly furrowed brows and somewhat confused face.

After finishing lunch, Liu Chengxu went back to work.

This matter had been on Su Zhiluo's mind, and that inexplicable little knot in her heart just wouldn't go away. Nuannuan woke up and nuzzled her leg with its head. Su Zhiluo took a piece of freeze-dried food and fed it to the kitten. Seeing the kitten's satisfied look, she felt a little relieved.

She took out her phone, snapped a picture of Nuannuan, and sent it to Liu Chengxu: [Look, she woke up and immediately came over for food, isn't she cute?]

The message was sent, and it quickly showed "typing...", but after waiting for a while, no new message popped up.

Su Zhiluo stared at the screen, unable to stop herself from looking. This had happened before; sometimes Liu Chengxu had something come up unexpectedly, and she never thought much of it.

But now, that amplified emotion resurfaced. She couldn't help but wonder: Could it be... that girl who likes her has come looking for her?

Logically speaking, it's normal for someone to like her, and it shouldn't really affect their relationship. But even this slight possibility made Su Zhiluo feel a little uncomfortable. She couldn't remember when she had become so petty, and she tried hard to suppress this awkwardness, telling herself to be more magnanimous.

She got up and went to the kitchen to heat up breakfast. She took it out of the refrigerator and put it in the microwave. During the few dozen seconds she waited, she leaned against the counter, listening to the hum of the machine, her gaze drifting to her phone on the island. The screen was still dark.

After eating the warm food, her stomach felt a little more at ease. She washed the dishes and returned to the living room, where Nuannuan was already curled up on the sofa, fast asleep again. The house was quiet, which made the turmoil in her heart all the more vivid.

She picked up her phone and opened her chat window with Liu Chengxu again. The last message was still the same photo she had sent.

Almost an hour after the message was sent, Liu Chengxu replied: [The partner just called suddenly and I have to go there urgently. Have you had lunch?]

Su Zhiluo immediately replied: 【I've already eaten, I'll go to the studio in a bit.】

She thought for a moment, then typed another message: "Is today just a full day of work?"

Liu Chengxu replied quickly: [Yes, I need to meet with the landlord again.] Then he sent a sighing emoji: [Sigh, there's no way around it, this battle is a bit unavoidable.]

Then she launched into a rapid-fire complaint: the style had been agreed upon, but the employer found some new designs online and insisted on changing them, causing communication costs to skyrocket. The only consolation was that they paid her readily.

Su Zhiluo stared at the long strings of text that kept popping up on the screen, as if she could see her frowning and fingers flying across the keyboard. She smiled and replied, "Okay, then you get busy."

Then he added a kissing emoji.

Liu Chengxu replied instantly: 【Darling!】

[Open mouth waiting to be fed.jpg]

[As soon as I finished my work, I rushed back begging to be fed. Isn't that adorable?]

Su Zhiluo sent a message: 【Eat.】

Liu Chengxu: [I'm also Mom's good dog.]

Su Zhiluo: [???]

Liu Chengxu: [Newly learned.]

That's just how big cities are.

"???"

Aren't we living in a big city now?

The unease that had been lingering in Su Zhiluo's heart was swept away by Liu Chengxu's funny GIF. Su Zhiluo chuckled at the screen, and all those messy guesses and frustrations from before suddenly seemed rather amusing.

In the afternoon, she drove to the studio and sent a message to Chang Ruyin on the way.

She's now determined to stay in S City and develop her career, preparing to open her own studio. The old-fashioned, unregulated growth model is no longer viable; nowadays, the prices of fabrics and labor are all rising, and platform traffic is precious, making the low-profit, high-volume approach simply unsustainable. After discussing it with Chang Ruyin, they decided to transform their business, hoping to find inspiration from ethnic culture and create something with a solid foundation and distinctive style.

Chang Ruyin took this matter very seriously, dragging her husband Yang Jie around to take a lot of photos and materials. In the end, she concluded: it's not enough to just look at second-hand materials; the designer has to immerse themselves in it personally to truly understand it.

With nothing urgent at the studio, Su Zhiluo took a few of her young employees out for a casual meal. They were all girls younger than her, their eyes filled with the naiveté and drive of someone just entering the workforce. Looking at them, Su Zhiluo couldn't help but think of Liu Chengxu when she first came to S City to make her way in the world. She considered whether she should set up a small kitchen in the studio and hire a cook, so that everyone wouldn't have to worry about ordering takeout for lunch and could save the kids some money.

Thinking of this, she casually sent a message to Liu Chengxu, asking for his advice on how to design the kitchen. Liu Chengxu quickly replied: [Kitchen design no problem, leave it to me. But I'm about to have dinner with Xu Lizhi right now, negotiating a big contract. If we can land it, the design of the entire building will be our team's responsibility!]

Su Zhiluo stared at the screen, her fingertip lingering on the name "Xu Lizhi" for half a second.

She took a soft breath. Her heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of that name. She replied, "Good luck! We're waiting for your triumphant return."

She put down her phone and looked out the window.

As dusk settled, the city lights gradually came on.

She suddenly felt that feeling coming back.

She texted: "Show me what you're eating."

Liu Chengxu: [She's coming soon. She'll text you when she arrives.]

The two arranged to meet at a barbecue restaurant. If they could close this deal, Liu Chengxu would indeed be able to catch his breath and rest for a while.

Su Zhiluo replied with an "okay," initially feeling calm and believing she had completely let go of the past. A while later, Liu Chengxu sent a photo of sizzling meat on a grill.

Liu Chengxu didn't pay much attention when taking the photo, but the edge of the lens still faintly captured the person opposite him. Su Zhiluo immediately recognized that the other person was a strikingly beautiful woman.

She texted me: "Is it good?"

Liu Chengxu: [I ate almost everything; she barely touched her chopsticks, which made me feel quite embarrassed.]

Su Zhiluo: [Then why did you arrange to have dinner together?]

Liu Chengxu: [Well, when it comes to discussing business, there always needs to be a proper setting.]

Su Zhiluo: [Then order her a drink.]

She regretted sending the message as soon as she did.

She has a habit of taking care of others, but she feels a little uncomfortable having Liu Chengxu do the same for others.

Liu Chengxu: [Okay.]

Liu Chengxu is outstanding in appearance and highly capable, so she has never lacked admirers. Su Zhiluo understands this, but understanding it is one thing, feeling it is another.

She stared at the photo, zooming in involuntarily, looking at it over and over again, much like a detective.

She stared intently at Liu Chengxu's fingers resting on the table. Something felt off, and her mind was in turmoil. The girl next to her, who was on a diet, ordered apple cider vinegar. She took a sip and winced at the sourness.

Su Zhiluo stared at the cup.

The junior employee said, "Hey, is it too sour? Shall I get you another one?"

Su Zhiluo's irritable mood, which had been bothering her all day, became clear at this moment. She had to admit that she seemed to be jealous.

At first, you're not aware of this feeling, but as it becomes clearer, you start to care about it and want to be by her side.

After finishing her meal, Su Zhiluo drove back.

Not wanting to bother Liu Chengxu directly, he turned to Chang Ruyin and sent her a message, asking her what was going on and whether he was overthinking things.

“You mean peach blossoms?” Chang Ruyin replied quickly. “I know them all too well. Yang Jie’s peach blossoms are endless, one after another. Good education, reliable person, popular, sigh.”

Do you get upset too?

“It’s more than just upsetting,” Chang Ruyin sent a table-pounding emoji, “it’s extremely upsetting.”

Su Zhiluo felt exactly that way. It wasn't distrust, just a strange irritability, an inability to stop thinking about it. Occasionally, strange tears would well up, a knot twisting in her heart: Why...? Was it envy? Envy that they were the same age, having more in common?

Chang Ruyin asked, "Are you jealous?"

Su Zhiluo was too embarrassed to admit it directly.

Chang Ruyin continued, "The feeling of being jealous is unpleasant. It feels like your whole chest is sour, and even your breath tastes sour."

“Yes,” Su Zhiluo finally relented, “that’s it.”

"I knew it! You wouldn't admit it just now," Chang Ruyin laughed at her.

Su Zhiluo couldn't muster any enthusiasm for anything right now; her mind kept revolving around that one thing. She even wondered if it was because her period was approaching and her emotions were acting up during her luteal phase. But while she was rational, her emotions were irrational—she just felt uncomfortable, and she just didn't want to see Liu Chengxu with another woman.

Su Zhiluo suddenly remembered something.

It was a jar of paper stars that Liu Chengxu had received before, hand-folded, filled to the brim in a clear glass jar. When he brought it home, Liu Chengxu casually placed it on the bookshelf. Su Zhilu saw it and wondered to herself: Does this kid have someone pursuing him?

But at the time, she thought she should give Liu Chengxu some space and self-respect, so she didn't ask any more questions.

Later, when we moved, this jar of stars was packed up and shipped with other odds and ends. Now it sits on top of the cabinet in the living room. Su Su stepped on a stool to take it down. The glass jar was cool to the touch and had a certain weight to it.

She remembered these little stars; they usually had words written inside them.

She herself had seen others fold and give away these things when she was young, and she knew that hidden in each stroke of the pen often contained the unspoken heartbeat.

She unscrewed the cap, and a faint, musty smell of paper wafted out. She reached in, her fingertips sifting through the dense array of stars, and finally picked one out.

It's light blue and folded very carefully.

With just a gentle pull, it can be opened to reveal secrets that may belong to someone else (or to Liu Chengxu from a certain point in the past).

Her fingers hovered in mid-air, holding the star, for a few seconds.

Then, she sighed almost inaudibly, carefully put the star back into the jar, and tightened the lid.

Never mind, she thought.

Su Zhiluo squatted in front of the large storage box that Liu Chengxu had placed in the corner. The lid was open, revealing some outdated folders and old books on the top shelf. She casually moved some aside, revealing a tin biscuit tin underneath. Opening it, she found nothing special inside—just a few old photo albums and a stack of postcards tied with a rubber band. But just as she was about to close it, she noticed several candy wrappers pressed into the corner of the box. They weren't just carelessly tossed aside; they were carefully smoothed and folded neatly.

She picked one up. On the translucent glass candy wrapper, a few lines of small writing were pendant, the ink slightly faded:

The clouds today look like the cotton candy you ate yesterday.

I fell asleep in physics class and dreamt that you were waiting for me at the back door.

Typical, clumsy yet sincere love confessions from a young person.

Holding the candy wrapper, Su Zhiluo experienced for the first time clearly what it meant to feel like her heart had been filled with a whole bottle of sulfuric acid. Why did she keep it? Sigh, didn't she know?

It bubbled up finely and continuously, slowly corroding the inside. It was uncomfortable, a sharp discomfort, but this emotion couldn't be shown in the light. To say it out loud would make me seem petty and calculating.

So she had no choice but to swallow this discovery, along with the corrosive, astringent feeling, all by herself.

Feeling extremely uncomfortable, Su Zhiluo carried Nuannuan downstairs for a walk. Although it had only been twenty minutes, the time seemed to stretch on endlessly. Everything seemed scattered, and her thoughts kept revolving around those few words.

So this is what jealousy is. She confirmed it with a bitter taste in her mouth.

Lying in bed that night, she tried to distract herself with a novel, which happened to be a book about a true love story. After only a few pages, her thoughts drifted back to Liu Chengxu.

Liu Chengxu returned later than expected, saying the traffic was terrible. Su Zhiluo waited until she finished showering and came out, still damp, before casually asking, "What did you two talk about today? Did you talk about your old classmates?"

Liu Chengxu dried his hair with a towel. He was quite happy to meet his old classmate and said with a smile, "We chatted a lot, but it's been too long since we talked about high school, so I can't remember much. Thinking about how we used to eat snacks in class and those messy flower classes, hahaha."

Su Zhiluo said "Oh," her fingertips unconsciously clenching the blanket. She was unaware of all this. Liu Chengxu then started talking about their past walks.

After a few seconds of silence, she heard herself ask softly in an almost unfamiliar, tentative tone, "So... thinking back, was it better to be with your classmates, or... to be with me?"

The words had barely left her mouth when she felt so ashamed she wanted to bury her face in the pillow. It was so childish, so unlike her.

Liu Chengxu was hanging up a towel with his back to her and didn't notice anything unusual. He replied, "How can that be the same?"

She said, "Of course you're the best."

Su Zhilu smiled and asked, "Did you go out to play?"

Liu Chengxu: "No, it's crowded after get off work."

Su Zhiluo watched her retreating figure as she walked towards the wardrobe, her heart pounding wildly. Her courage deflated like a punctured balloon, but her resentment and anxiety only grew stronger. She bit her lower lip, her voice even softer, "Next time I go, I'll play with you. Have your classmates changed?"

Liu Chengxu thought seriously: "No, right? But now that she's wearing makeup, I really wouldn't recognize her if she walked down the street. After traveling abroad, she... seems to look better than before. It's just that she's into art, which makes me feel quite pressured. I don't know how to design an art exhibition. The dress she wore today was quite nice. She said she bought it in France. I'll send it to you later. The design is good."

Su Zhilu hummed in agreement. That's how girls are.

Actually, she was thinking at that moment.

Liu Chengxu, tell me, sister-in-law, you are the most beautiful.

Because the conversation couldn't continue, Liu Chengxu naturally didn't notice, and Su Zhiluo asked, "Where's the ring?"

Liu Chengxu turned around, still holding the pajamas he had just taken off in his hand. Hearing this, he paused for a moment, then naturally replied, "I took them off and put them in my pocket when I was working, afraid of bumping them or losing them."

As she spoke, she walked to the desk, took out the plain ring from the pocket of the coat she had worn during the day, and showed it to Su Su Luo in her palm.

Su Zhiluo's gaze lingered on the circle of silver light for a moment, then she suddenly reached out and lightly touched Liu Chengxu's wrist with her fingertips: "Give it a kiss... then put it on."

Liu Chengxu was slightly taken aback: "Hmm?"

“Kiss the ring,” Su Zhiluo lowered her eyes, trying to sound normal and speak in her usual tone, “Then wear it when you go out tomorrow. Put it in your pocket, wouldn’t it be even worse if you lost it?”

Only a bedside lamp was on in the room, its dim light casting Liu Chengxu's shadow on the wall. Liu Chengxu didn't speak, but simply lowered her head and gently kissed the ring on her palm. Then she picked it up and slowly slipped it back onto her left ring finger. The metal was slightly cool, gradually warming with her body heat.

After doing all this, she looked up at Su Zhiluo.

Su Zhiluo suddenly wanted to reach out and pull the person into her arms, "Make sure you wear it properly tomorrow."

"good."

It's like eating apples all winter long, which then slowly ferment into vinegar in your heart, making your throat tight and your chest feel stuffy.

Liu Chengxu hadn't yet discovered the problem. He turned on his computer, discussed the details with Xu Lizhi, and looked for a few case studies.

Su Zhi lay in bed for a while, but no, she had to resolve this matter.

She poked her head out again, her tone serious, and said, "Little Cheng Xu!"

"Huh?" Liu Chengxu was startled, his eyes fell on her face, and he stopped working.

"From now on, you must wear your ring when you go out." Su Zhiluo's voice was extremely serious. Liu Chengxu reacted slightly and subconsciously twirled the pen in his hand. "Put the pen down and I'm talking to you seriously."

"So... do you think it looks good?"

The bitterness still lingered in her chest, humiliation enveloped her, and she wished she could disappear into a crack in the ground, yet she couldn't help but want to ask her lover, to hear the words she longed to hear. She sat up straight, serious.

"You...tell me if you love me or not."

She wanted to fly there to find her right now.

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Have you read the two chapters about their story in "The Legacy of My Deceased Mother"?