Chapter 12 12. Ode to Nineteen

It was only at dawn that Zhuang Yongyuan walked out of the police station.

When Xie Kang saw Zhuang Yongyuan, he quickly put away his cell phone and mineral water on the passenger seat. Zhuang Yongyuan glanced at him, opened the car door and sat in the back seat.

Zhongyou asked, "Why did you take so long to come out?"

Zhuang Yongyuan yawned and said, "The police have a lot of questions. The drug test results will probably be out this afternoon. If there are no problems, Qi Ji will be able to come out. Have you issued the clarification statement I asked you to issue?"

Zhong You nodded. "It was posted on Weibo, but..." He looked at Zhuang Yongyuan's arm in a cast. "The suspension announcement hasn't been released yet, and several partners have already contacted me to go through the breach of contract process."

Previously, Zhuang Yongyuan took advantage of Lily Heart's popularity to accept a large number of commercial performances and advertisements. Now that he is injured and cannot perform on stage, Lily Heart is forced to take a break.

Zhuang Yongyuan was startled and lowered his head. "I'm sorry, it's my fault. I'll be responsible for the losses caused by the breach of contract."

Ah Dian nudged him with his elbow and said, "Who asked you to be responsible? Are you rich?" He then tapped Xie Kang on the shoulder and said, "Drive, drive to the hotel."

Xie Kang nodded hurriedly and started the car. The roads were empty on that holiday morning, and they arrived at the hotel in no time. During the brief ten minutes in the car, the three people in the back seat were constantly answering and making phone calls.

Xie Kang wanted to help, but there wasn't much he could do. After walking them upstairs, he bought them breakfast and brought it up: rice cakes, noodle soup, and soy milk, all steaming hot on the table. Ah Dian, who was on the phone, mouthed "thank you" to him, but didn't keep him.

Xie Kang walked out, facing the room and slowly closing the door. When there was only a palm's width left in the door, Zhuang Yongyuan suddenly looked up and his eyes met Xie Kang's.

When Xie Kang turned his head away and pretended nothing happened, Zhuang Yongyuan called him.

"Thank you, Kang."

Xie Kang said, "Do you want me to stay and help?"

Zhuang Yongyuan continued to look at him, and after a while, as if realizing something was wrong, he abruptly looked away and said, "Thank you for your hard work, busying around with us. I'll have Adian transfer your labor fee to you later."

Xie Kang gripped the door handle tightly and forced a smile: "Okay, then I'll come over this afternoon to run errands for you."

"I rented a car, you don't need to come."

"Then, then remember to eat breakfast." Xie Kang pointed to the breakfast on the table.

Zhuang Yongyuan said, "What I mean is that you don't have to come here anymore. I won't bother you anymore."

"Oh, oh." Xie Kang nodded dazedly, "Then you should take good care of your injuries."

After he finished speaking, he closed the door, walked quickly to the window at the end of the corridor, sat cross-legged on the carpet, took out a cigarette, lit it, and took several rough puffs.

He sniffed the smoke in the air, pondering a question for which he had no answer. Upstairs in Zhuang Yongyuan's house, before the police car arrived, he lay beside him. For a moment, he felt Zhuang Yongyuan close to him, their skin touching, their warm breath blending together. The room was pitch black, and Xie Kang had no way of confirming if this was a hallucination, nor did he dare to turn on his flashlight; he was afraid to face the answer.

Very close.

Would hugging him still feel the same as before? Xie Kang seemed to still remember the sound of his breathing, a more intimate sound than the sound of footsteps. Was his birthmark still there? His appearance and temperament had changed, but a closer look at his features seemed similar to before.

"Hello sir, we don't allow smoking here."

Xie Kang opened his eyes, stubbed out his cigarette in the trash can, apologized profusely to the cleaner in front of him, and slipped out of the hotel back to his car.

The constant beeps from his phone not only reminded Xie Kang that his family was looking for him, but also that it was time to return to his reality. Something had happened to Lily Heart, and his despicable wish was out of place. Zhuang Yongyuan and the others would soon leave Pingnan, and he couldn't fit into the world he had already left.

Xie Kang drove home and stood at the door for a while before sending a message to Adian: "Don't leave Zhuang Yongyuan alone. I'm afraid he'll act impulsively again."

Before sending the message, Xie Kang deleted the word "I," hesitated for a moment, then deleted the entire message. He put his phone in his pocket and took out his keys to open the door. Ah Dian wouldn't have guessed that he was being too self-indulgent when he said that.

He just said to Yang Ruihui and Xie Tao, who were full of questions and anger, "I drank too much at a friend's house last night," and then went back to his bedroom, locked the door, lay on the bed and fell asleep in a daze.

It was already evening when Xie Kang woke up. He got up, changed into clean clothes, and walked into the living room to apologize to his parents. He said he wouldn't worry them anymore. He brushed his teeth, ate dinner, and sent messages to his students' parents, urging them to complete their homework and check in. He had dinner with his uncle's family that evening. After sending everyone home, he worked overtime preparing lessons. The next day, he officially went back to work. Because of the holiday adjustment, he only had Sunday off this week. He prepared for the first monthly exam of his freshman year.

On which day did Zhuang Yongyuan pass away?

It might be many years before he comes back again.

Lily Heart issued a statement announcing the suspension of the group.

One day, Xie Kang finished his morning study session and had no classes, so he was correcting homework in the office. Teacher Zhang came over with a cup of tea and said, "I didn't expect you, Xie, to have such artistic talent. How come you were asked to perform at a party before, and you said you couldn't do anything?"

The head of the grade heard this and looked up and said, "Teacher Zhang, you were transferred here later. I didn't know that when Xiao Xie was in our No. 1 Middle School, he played in a band with his good friend. They played so hard that they skipped classes. They were really crazy."

"Just kidding." Xie Kang laughed.

Teacher Zhang sighed and said, "I never could have guessed how stable Xiao Xie is now."

The head of the grade said, "Before, he was so popular that we teachers were worried that he would fall in love too early and harm girls. In this regard, he was reassuring. I didn't expect him to go too far and now he is still a single dog."

He turned to Xie Kang and continued, "I'm just kidding you young people, not insulting you. I'll list the program for the year-end party, so start thinking about the songs you want to sing. But don't be too individualistic. Be more proactive. I see that the songs you perform always seem to be dead and alive. Don't choose that kind of song."

Xie Kang couldn't refuse, so he smiled and nodded: "Then I'll go back and think about it."

Some students even asked him, "Teacher, you used to be in a band? Can you give us some guidance?" Xie Kang responded with a stern face and a vague response.

After the first monthly exam, the teachers were busy grading papers and preparing lessons on wrong questions, and the students were busy dealing with parents and correcting wrong questions, so no one mentioned this matter again.

After the monthly exams, the district's innovation competition came around. Xie Kang's parents had set a goal for him: to earn a first-level professional title within the next two years. At the dinner, his parents had already led Xie Kang through the administration staff, toasting each other. The vice-principal, half drunk, asked the waiter for a piece of paper and pointed out several prestigious competitions for Xie Kang, promising him spots. Then, still tipsy, he asked someone to help him with his research project. Xie Kang nodded repeatedly.

The competition required a paper, and Xie Kang had been working on it in his spare time. After revising the paper to the tenth draft, it finally passed the Vice President's review. With only a week left until the midterm exam, Xie Kang had a rare moment of free time.

After a rain, the temperature in Pingnan finally dropped, and the taste of winter began to take hold in early November.

It was a beautiful Wednesday afternoon, with warm sunlight streaming in through the windows, illuminating the entire office. Xie Kang had no classes that afternoon, so he checked his watch after waking up from his lunch break. If he drove to Qigongshan Cemetery now, he'd still have time to clock out when he got back.

Xie Kang didn't come to the cemetery very often. He first went to see his grandparents, put his hands together and bowed in front of the tomb where they were buried together. He stood there for a while before walking to the path next to it, passing through a small bush, climbing a few steps, and arriving at another tomb.

Li Xiuyu's parents did not let him, Zhuang Yongyuan and Du Jiahao attend the funeral. Du Jiahao disappeared. Xie Kang and Zhuang Yongyuan searched the cemetery again and again before they found Li Xiuyu's grave.

There are several lines of words engraved on the white marble tombstone: Tomb of beloved son Li Xiuyu, 1992-2011, father Li Wen'en and mother Li Lijun stood in tears, and a lot of red paint on the engraved words had fallen off.

Li Xiuyu looked at Xie Kang seriously in the black and white photo. When Xie Kang was in high school, he thought Li Xiuyu was more mature than everyone else, and he always seemed to be at ease in everything he did. But from Xie Kang's 28-year-old eyes, Li Xiuyu, who died at the age of 19, looked just like any of his other students, a bunch of childishness.

He was really too young when he died.

The cemetery recently implemented a policy of civilized tomb sweeping, prohibiting the burning of paper money. The large bag Xie Kang had prepared was confiscated by security at the entrance. Feeling embarrassed to arrive empty-handed, he went to a nearby convenience store to buy cigarettes and alcohol.

Li Xiuyu was the first among the three of them to start smoking and drinking behind their parents' backs. If he were alive today, he would probably be the first to quit.

Xie Kang placed cigarettes and alcohol in front of Li Xiuyu's tombstone, then took out a vinyl record from his bag, stood against the tombstone, squatted down and looked at him in the photo.

"I'm sorry I haven't come to see you." He scratched his chin and said the opening words, "I don't know if you can see me from heaven, but Lily Heart is quite famous now. This album was released last year, you should give it a listen."

"I ran into Du Jiahao a while ago. He opened a food stall, and it's now an internet-famous place. Business is booming, and I've been there several times. He...he said he's married and has children. I don't know if it's true, but I thought I'd let you know. You're not going to curse him in your dreams, are you?"

"Me? I haven't been with Zhuang Yongyuan for a long time. After graduation, he came back to teach at No. 1 Middle School. The songs on the album were all written by him. They have nothing to do with me."

"Being a teacher is okay. The students are all pretty cute. But there are too many annoying things. There's this punch-in, there's that competition. People keep asking me to go on blind dates."

"After meeting Du Jiahao, I was actually quite scared. I was afraid that one day I wouldn't be able to handle the pressure and end up like him."

Xie Kang smoked and let out a long breath. "I sometimes wonder what it would be like to get married and have children. I get scared the moment I think about it, but it seems like it's only a matter of time. Everyone around me is pushing me."

"Zhuang Yongyuan came back for the National Day event. We met, and I thought he was doing well, but he wasn't. He tried to hang himself at home, but luckily he fell down and was fine except for some broken bones."

Xie Kang reached out and touched Li Xiuyu's chin, saying, "Du Jiahao doesn't look happy either. We're all having a hard time. Are you the only one who made the right choice? You're the smartest and most capable. You might have thought further than the rest of us and knew we would become like this when we grew up. But you're sick. If you weren't sick and those things hadn't happened, what would you be doing now?"

"I also feel that I'm pretty useless. I do regret it, but if I could go back to when I graduated from college, I would still come back. I'm still afraid."

Xie Kang arched his back, buried his head between his legs, and sobbed a little: "I'm afraid that if I continue living like this day after day, I will become a different person in the future. I've thought about it. In fact, our parents, grandparents, they must not be like this when they were teenagers. They changed day by day. Will I become like that in the future?"

"I... I really miss you guys so much. I miss the days when we practiced together and talked nonsense every day. I also miss Zhuang Yongyuan so much. I couldn't bear it the first time I saw him. Seeing him was painful, and I felt even more painful when he left. Why is it so painful?"

"Li Xiuyu, I can't stand it anymore."

A sudden downpour, not heavy enough to warrant shelter, but not light enough to ignore, began to fall. The rain first soaked Xie Kang's hair and collar, then seeped through the cracks onto his face and legs.

The air was filled with a strong earthy smell and the sky was gloomy. Xie Kang felt as if he was being suffocated and his internal organs in his chest and abdomen were tangled together, causing waves of pain.

He kept thinking about the past, chaotic images flashing through his mind. It wasn't until some time had passed that Xie Kang realized the rain seemed to have stopped, no longer falling on him.

Xie Kang raised his head, but he could clearly see rain falling on the tombstone. The rain was heavier than before, and the fine and cold rain curtain made it impossible for him to see Li Xiuyu's face.

He was so cold that his teeth were almost chattering. He stood up trembling, wiping the rain from his face as he turned around.

Zhuang Yongyuan was wearing a black leather jacket, with one hand in his pocket and the other holding a large black umbrella. Because he was standing very close, he also shaded Xie Kang under the umbrella.

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I've revised the previous article, deleted some parts, added some plot points, and slightly adjusted the top and bottom characters. Those who have read the previous version may find it a little different. Sorry, TAT. I should be updating relatively steadily in the future!