Chapter 82

What is like?

Having been single for over twenty years, I never understood the definition of love until I met him.

Love is when you set a bunch of rules and regulations to restrain the people who approach you, and he is the only exception.

But later I realized that one person's love is useless. I thought that I could impress someone by liking him/her seriously, but that was just what I thought, because there is no way to warm a heart that you don't love.

"I had a dream last night. I don't know when in the dream, I added Mr. Shi's WeChat again. I hesitated for a long time, but finally couldn't control myself and made the call I had been wanting to make for a long time."

"A girl answered the phone. I heard their conversation coming from the phone, which was particularly happy. He asked the girl who was calling, and the girl said that there was no one on the other end."

"In the dream, I was so trembling at that moment that even now, after coming to my senses, I still feel extremely desperate. My hands were shaking as I tried to hang up the phone, but the button kept going off. In the end, I didn't say a word until the other party hung up."

On the way to Jinshan Temple, Miss Su and I talked about the dream I had the night before. I don’t know why, but I seemed particularly calm at that time. I thought about it for a long time. I guess it was because the pain in the dream last night was too severe, so when I recounted it, it had become dull.

Perhaps it was influenced by this dream, but after returning to Jinshan Temple, my heart became as calm as water in just one night, and when I looked at Mr. Shi again, there was no longer any ripple.

"Have you really let it go?" Classmate Kan was still a little unconvinced. As one of the people who had eaten melons at the time, she knew very well what happened between me and Mr. Shi, so I told her confidently, "Yes, my greatest strength is that if the person I like has someone else they like, I won't like him anymore."

Not to mention that two days later, I unexpectedly met Mr. Mai again on the green vine.

"I found that I can't help myself from boys with round faces." On the first night I met Mr. Mai, I excitedly announced this news to the group of netizens.

So not surprisingly, Mr. Mai also has a round face.

Among the group of people eating melons, Mr. Zhang said: "I have a round face too."

Maybe I was in such a good mood after meeting Mr. Mai, so I jokingly said to Mr. Zhang, "That's different. You're not handsome."

Mr. Zhang expressed his dissatisfaction and strongly requested that I fight my crush. How could I do as he wished? I said, "I no longer have a crush. If I must say I do, it's only Lan Xichen."

Mr. Zhang said almost at the same time as I said this: "Your charity."

I was a little stunned. I didn't expect him to mention Mr. Shi, but like I said before, I had let it go, so when I saw a certain word again, I was indifferent.

"It's over. I don't like him anymore."

At that moment, I really felt that way.

But what I thought was just what I thought, just like what I thought could move a person if I liked him seriously was just what I thought, what I thought was not liked was still what I thought.

Just like what was written in "The Wind Rises and Stops": "This is probably genetic love. Your genes like him, so when you see him, you do things that go against your instinct."

I finally understood the pain Miss Su felt when she first learned about Mr. Zhang (not the same Mr. Zhang as before), but I lacked the determination she had back then.

"When I saw the message, my hands were shaking and I couldn't hold the phone. My only thankful thought was that another colleague and I were in our own small meeting room. I was afraid he would hear, so I bit the back of my hand to stop myself from making any sound. I could only cry non-stop."

When I was talking to Miss Su, my heart was filled with anger and sadness. I felt like a joke and a clown at that moment.

He comes from the sea of ​​people, bringing wind and rain when he comes, making it impossible for people to avoid him; when he leaves, he disrupts the four seasons, making people sick for a long time and difficult to cure.

This is the sentence that suddenly popped up in my mind after listening to the follow-up story of Miss Su and Mr. Chen yesterday. It unexpectedly fits the situation between Miss Su and Mr. Chen before last night, and also unexpectedly fits the situation between Mr. Shi and me.

It turns out that I really haven't let it go yet.

"Don't you think Mr. Mai and Mr. Shi look a lot like each other? If you hadn't told me they were two different people, I would have thought they were the same person, except that one was Mr. Shi during his school days, and the other was Mr. Shi after he started working." Classmate J's words from a week ago echoed in my ears again.

"Mr. Shi has a girlfriend?"

"no."

But it’s better if he has a girlfriend.

"I asked another friend to like her photo before, and today at noon, my friend told me that he liked her photo back at 12:56."

It's ridiculous. The reason he rejected me was his sister, and my friend is only 24 years old.

"I feel like I'm a joke. He said he feels there's a ten-year age gap between him and me mentally. He said he doesn't want a sister, but he liked my friend."

"She's just my sister. She said purple has a very charming feel~"

I'm about to sing.

Miss Su was also a little bit unbelievable, "Hasn't your friend ordered him a long time ago? He turned back and ordered again. He ordered someone from a month ago, so he must have been turning over and over again."

I don’t know if this is what Miss Su guessed. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.

"When I was chatting with the matchmaker yesterday, she said, 'You and this boy seem like a good match, why didn't it work out?' Just this one sentence brought my thoughts back to the past," I explained to classmate J on the phone.

Student J was stunned for a long moment before he asked awkwardly, "Mr. Zhang and the others gave you this idea last night. Why don't you try it?"

The idea she was talking about was nothing else but a truncated version of the so-called new love replacing the old one.

But what she didn't know was that I was feeling extremely uncomfortable yesterday, and on impulse, I had already put into practice the idea proposed by Mr. Zhang and others.

At 11:45 PM, I sent a letter to Mr. Fu:

"Mr. Fu, good evening. I'm sorry to bother you so late at night. I have a very immature idea I want to tell you, but I'm afraid you'll want to kill me after I tell you."

"Here's what happened. Tonight, the matchmaker asked me out for a chat. It wasn't anything special, but she suddenly asked me why I had always rejected her introductions to Mr. Shi. Since the matchmaker wanted to see his photo, I didn't think it was a big deal, so I gave it to her. But then she said, 'You and this guy look like a good match, why didn't it work out?'"

"Because of this sentence, the withdrawal I thought I had completed suddenly rebounded. I was so irritable, and I felt sad, ashamed, vicious, and conflicted."

"What's sad is that I can't even call myself heartbroken, because I've never even been in love, yet I can't let go. What's ashamed is that I'm so superficial, a face-obsessed person. What's vicious is that I suddenly remembered the wish I made when I went to Jiming Temple more than three months ago. I hoped that Mr. Shi would be a widower for life. If not a widower for life, five or six years would be fine. But now my viciousness has deepened. I hope that he finds his key inside the door when he comes home, gets bumped when he goes out, and chokes on his food."

"The paradox is that I also hope he finds a girlfriend quickly and officially announces his relationship, because the best thing about this guy is that once the person he likes has someone else they like, he no longer likes that person anymore."

"Ah~ah~ah~the water of West Lake~my tears~why is he still single~"

"I went to a pub today and the gossip from my friends couldn't help me get over my emo side. Then Mr. Zhang and the others came up with an idea. They said the reason I couldn't quit Mr. Shi was because I had never seen a guy more handsome than him."

"So... oops, I deleted my WeChat account too early. I looked through my Moments and realized you're the only one who seems better looking than Mr. Shi. So... Mr. Fu, good people... can you do me a favor?"

"Is there a Starbucks near you? I'd like to buy you a cup of coffee on Saturday. Don't hit me, I really just want to know if I've seen anyone more handsome so I can quit smoking successfully."

After reading the screenshots of my chat, classmate J was deeply shocked.

She asked me, "Could this Mr. Fu be the same Mr. Fu from The Wind Rises and Stills?"

I didn't understand what she meant by asking this, so I just said, "Yeah, what's the problem?"

Upon hearing this, classmate J gave me eight words: "No one in the world can surpass him."

"If you really trust your friend, why not ask her to find out about Mr. Shi's situation." Probably because she saw how sad I was, Miss Su suggested to me.

I remember my friend panicked and said to me at noon today: "It's over, your buddy liked my post, and now it's mutual, can he see me? Ahhhhh, I want to unfollow him."

I came to my senses and replied to Miss Su, "She said she wants to unfollow me now. I asked her to wait a little longer and help me look at it for another day. I don't have any more notes today, so I'll talk to her tomorrow."

What should I do? I suddenly feel so spineless. If it were Miss Su, she would have let it go.

I also remembered what Mr. Zhang did when I helped Miss Su to order what he liked... I was so angry, I'd rather not talk about it.

"I really want a meteorite pill to cut off all love and destroy myself." I said a little irritably.

"Give up on him." Miss Su advised.

I was in tears. It was not easy to let go.

I have been trying to let it go, but for some reason I always think of it unexpectedly.

I tried hard to let go, so I met Mr. Ji, but just because he mentioned that "there is an Anhui University of Science and Technology near my home", my emotions suddenly rebounded, I realized the difference between habit and liking, and gave up Mr. Ji.

I tried hard to let go, so I went on blind dates, but it turned out that I felt they didn't have the charm that Mr. Shi had, so the blind dates failed.

I tried hard to let go, so I got to know Mr. Mai again, but I didn't expect that I would subconsciously choose Mr. Mai, who looked very similar to him.

I tried hard to let go, so I went to Jinshan Temple and came back calmly. I thought I had let it go, but just seven days later, my heart was stirred again because of a word from Aunt Hongniang.

What should I do? I just can’t muster any interest in other gentlemen right now, and I don’t know if it’s because most of the gentlemen I’ve met on Qingteng are Capricorns, but most of them don’t like to take the initiative to talk.

"There are also those who take the initiative, mainly because you don't like their looks." Miss Su hit the nail on the head.

When I saw Miss Su's words, I couldn't help but think of the time when Mr. Mai didn't log in to Qingteng a few days ago. I was so annoyed that I wanted to give up, and thought about choosing a short transition to relieve my mood.

Miss Su responded: "First one."

"I turned him down."

"And the second one?"

"He had already bought the train ticket and wanted to come see me, but I turned him down."

"So what about you...what about the third one?"

"Senior, we automatically disconnected after chatting. The last time we chatted was a month ago."

I was in agony. “Why am I so superficial?”

Miss Su comforted me: "People only look at appearances, it's not your problem, baby."

Having said that, when I think about how others say to let go, but I haven't let go for several months, I really feel like a loser.

"I feel so ridiculous. Why would I like someone so much when I haven't even met him a few times?"

"Because you're sincere."

But sincerity is useless, because no matter how sincere you are, a heart that doesn't love someone cannot be warmed.

"I said I regretted meeting him, but I didn't regret it. It's just that this result doesn't match my determination to do what I knew was impossible. So when it was broken, I was stuck in the same place."

Just like Miss Su said, it’s too difficult to like someone.