I'm thinking of you

The room fell completely silent.

That silence was different from usual. Not the tired quiet after finishing a homework assignment, nor the tacit understanding of two people reading separately. This was a kind of... hollow, echoing silence. Even Bai Yan seemed to sense something and stopped circling around his feet. Instead, he jumped onto the windowsill and looked down, the tip of his tail wagging gently.

Lin Xiyan stood there for a long time, until her legs felt numb. Then she slowly, almost dragging herself to the bed, sat down. The mattress beneath her seemed to still hold the warmth and weight of another person. The air seemed to still linger with that familiar, clean, and comforting scent, mixed with the burning, desperate scent left by the kiss.

He raised his hand, his fingertips touching his lips once again. The slight stinging sensation was still there, a clear reminder that what had just happened was not an illusion. Jiang Yibai held the warmth of his face tightly, his rapid breathing, the deep, surging purple in his eyes, and the last hoarse words, "Wait for me."

Every detail was seared into his memory like a red-hot iron.

My heart felt like it was being gripped by an invisible hand, aching dully. Not the heart-wrenching kind, but a slow, persistent dull ache, accompanied by a huge, disoriented emptiness.

He looked around the room. On the desk, the pen Jiang Yibai often used to explain his problems to him was gone; the thermos cup on the bedside table, which always had an extra one specially prepared for him, was also gone; even the pervasive, intense presence of Jiang Yibai in the air seemed to be withdrawn as the door closed.

This place suddenly feels... so strange.

He curled up, hugged his knees, and buried his face in them. In the darkness, his senses became extraordinarily sharp. He could hear the faint sound of traffic on the distant street outside the window, the ticking of the second hand of the wall clock, and even... his own slightly too loud, choked breathing.

He thought he could accept the separation calmly. It was only a few days, after all. But when that person truly turned and left, when he was the only one left in this space, that familiar, cold feeling of being abandoned by the entire world began to creep up from every part of his body.

It turns out that habit is a truly terrifying thing. Getting used to always having someone by your side, getting used to being meticulously cared for, getting used to that close, almost suffocating embrace and dependence... once you lose that, even temporarily, it's enough to devastate you.

I don't know how long it was before the phone in my pocket vibrated.

His body trembled slightly, and after several seconds, he slowly took it out.

It was a message from Jiang Yibai.

There were no words, just a single photograph. It was taken from the window of a high-speed train carriage, with a blurry cityscape zooming by at night, and the faint reflection of the photographer, a phone in hand, reflected in the glass.

No words were said.

But when Lin Xiyan looked at the photo and the blurry, familiar shadow on the glass, the sharp sourness and emptiness in his heart seemed to be suddenly gently supported by something.

He knew. Jiang Yibai was telling him that he was on his way. In this way, he was also confirming his existence.

Lin Xiyan stared at the photo for a long time, then clicked on the dialog box. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, typing a few words and deleting them. He repeated this several times before finally sending out a simple message:

【Um. 】

He knew Jiang Yibai understood. He understood his uneasiness, his reluctance, and all the emotions he couldn't express in words.

Almost the moment the message was sent, “The other party is typing…” was displayed at the top of the chat interface.

A few seconds later, a new message popped up.

【Jiang Yibai: We’re home.】

Lin Xiyan was stunned for a moment before realizing that he was talking about arriving at his temporary home at school.

【Lin Xiyan: So fast?】

Jiang Yibai: Yes. High-speed rail is faster.

Another silence fell. Lin Xiyan looked at those few simple words, as if she could imagine Jiang Yibai standing in an unfamiliar dormitory, frowning and typing impatiently. Perhaps there was a new roommate making a lot of noise nearby, and he just wanted to put an end to the noise as soon as possible and contact him.

The dull pain in my heart seemed to be eased a little by this clumsy report.

Jiang Yibai: Where is Bai Yan?

【Lin Xiyan: On the windowsill.】

He picked up his phone, took a picture of Bai Yan curled up on the windowsill, and sent it.

After the photo was sent, there was silence for a while. Then,

【Jiang Yibai: It sleeps soundly.】

There seemed to be a subtle hint of… complaint in his tone. Perhaps he was complaining about being alone in a strange place, while he and the cat were in their familiar home.

Lin Xiyan could almost imagine Jiang Yibai frowning slightly, looking a little unhappy at this moment. He couldn't help but smile very lightly. The corner of his mouth curved slightly, but it dispelled some of the haze between his brows.

【Lin Xiyan: It might... be thinking of you too.】

After saying this, Lin Xiyan's ears turned red. He actually wanted to say "I miss you too", but when the words came to his lips, he chickened out and had to use Bai Yan as a shield.

There was complete silence on the other end of the phone. The message "The other party is typing..." flashed a few times before disappearing. It was as if they were deliberating, or as if they were stuck, unsure how to respond.

Lin Xiyan held onto her phone, feeling a little anxious as she waited. Was it...was it too blunt?

Just as he was hesitating whether to withdraw, the news came.

Not text.

It's a very short voice message.

Lin Xiyan's heart skipped a beat for unknown reason. He clicked on the phone and put it to his ear.

Jiang Yibai's deep, hoarse voice came from the receiver. There seemed to be a slight wind in the background, perhaps from the balcony or the corridor. His voice was very low, with a sense of fatigue, but more of an unquestionable certainty. It penetrated the long distance and directly hit Lin Xiyan's eardrum:

"Just tell me if you miss me."

After a pause, he added three more words, his tone hard but filled with scorching heat:

"I want to, too."

The voice has ended.

Lin Xiyan held the phone in a daze, the low and hoarse voice still echoing in her ears, especially the last three words, which were like an electric current, numbing her earlobes all the way to the softest part of her heart.

His cheeks instantly burned, even hotter than when he was kissed just now. He put down his phone abruptly and buried his burning face in his knees, his heart pounding in his chest like a frightened rabbit.

This person...how could he...be like this from such a distance...

He was extremely ashamed, but his heart felt like a jar of warm honey had been overturned. A sticky and sweet warmth spread freely, diluting the cold emptiness and uneasiness.

It turns out that being a straight ball is not just about being coquettish and clingy.

There is also this kind of honesty that is so accurate and makes people's heart beat disorderly even across mountains and seas.

After a long moment, Lin Xiyan finally dared to pick up his phone again. He stared at the short voice message, his finger hovering over it. He hesitated again and again, but still didn't have the courage to listen to it again. He was afraid his heart couldn't bear it.

He clicked on the typing box, his fingertips trembling slightly as he typed:

【knew. 】

After thinking about it, I deleted it. Change it to:

【You... go to bed early.】

send.

This time Jiang Yibai replied quickly.

Jiang Yibai: Yeah. You too.

【Jiang Yibai: Don’t stay up late.】

Look, here they are again. Even though the person is no longer around, they still give me the instructions.

Lin Xiyan looked at the brief text on the screen, as if he could see Jiang Yibai frowning as he typed it. He pursed his lips, the sweetness and warmth in his heart gradually overcoming the bitterness of parting.

He put down his phone and lay back down on the bed. The quilt still seemed to smell like Jiang Yibai. He pulled the quilt up, buried himself in it, and took a deep breath.

Outside the window, the night deepened.

The first day of separation didn’t seem as hard as I had imagined.

Because he knew that in that strange city, there was someone who was looking at the same night sky as him, and telling him in his clumsy and direct way:

I'm thinking of you.

And we will see you soon.

The journey is separate, but the destination always converges.