sorry

The room was completely quiet, with only the intertwined and gradually steady breathing of the two people and the occasional sound of wind blowing through the window.

Lin Xiyan was tired of crying, and she leaned exhaustedly into Jiang Yibai's arms, her eyes red and swollen, her consciousness drifting between sleep and wakefulness. Jiang Yibai's arms were still tightly wrapped around him, as if afraid that if he let go, the person in his arms would dissipate like smoke. He adjusted his position slightly to make Lin Xiyan more comfortable, his chin gently resting on the top of his head, his eyes fixed on the thin red mark that had stopped bleeding but was still glaring.

Every time I look at it, my heart feels like it's being pricked by a needle, and a thin and dense pain spreads.

Why hadn't he noticed it sooner? Hadn't he been more careful? He'd clearly noticed his mood wasn't right, and he should have... stayed close to him.

Self-blame and fear wrapped around his heart like vines, tightening ever tighter. But he didn't dare show any of it, simply hugging the person in his arms tighter and more tenderly. His Xiyan was already fragile enough, and couldn't be affected by his emotions anymore.

The body in my arms moved slightly and uttered a very light, nasal mumbling, as if it was sleeping restlessly.

Jiang Yibai immediately lowered his head and responded very softly: "Hmm? I'm here."

Lin Xiyan didn't wake up, but unconsciously rubbed deeper into his warm embrace, seeking more security. The strands of hair on her forehead brushed against Jiang Yibai's chin, bringing a slight itch.

Jiang Yibai's heart instantly softened. He patted Lin Xiyan's back very gently, like coaxing a baby, humming a tuneless syllable until the person in his arms breathed evenly and slowly again.

He held him like this, sitting in the darkness for who knows how long. Until the sky outside the window began to change from a thick, inky black to a grayish blue. The coldest part of the early morning had passed.

In the dim morning light, he could see Lin Xiyan's pale face more clearly, the dark circles under his eyes, and the scar across his wrist. A strong desire to protect him and an indescribable heartache surged in his heart again.

He couldn't leave his Xiyan alone anymore. Not even for a moment.

The eyelashes of the person in my arms trembled, as if his sweet dream was disturbed by the gradually brightening sky, and his brows were unconsciously furrowed.

Jiang Yibai immediately reached out and lightly covered his eyes to block out the light. His other hand continued to rhythmically and gently pat his back.

Lin Xiyan's frown slowly relaxed, but he didn't fall back asleep. He slowly opened his eyes, his gaze blank at first, drowsy and misty from just waking. However, when his gaze focused, and he saw Jiang Yibai's face so close to him, and felt himself still being held tightly, all the memories of last night instantly came back to him.

His body suddenly stiffened, and his eyes flashed with panic, helplessness and deep shame. He subconsciously wanted to break free and hide his injured wrist.

"Don't move." Jiang Yibai's voice was low, yet filled with undeniable tenderness. He tightened his arms around him, preventing him from escaping. He lowered his head, resting his forehead lightly against Lin Xiyan's. His purple eyes looked deeply into his, without a trace of blame or disgust, only full of heartache and tenderness after exhaustion. "It's still early, sleep a little longer."

They were so close, their breaths mingled. Lin Xiyan could clearly see the bloodshot under Jiang Yibai's eyes and the lingering weariness on his face. He hadn't slept all night for her...

His heart felt like it had been struck hard by something, a bitterness and guilt surging over him. He stopped struggling, only lowered his eyelashes, and said in a hoarse voice, "...I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" Jiang Yibai used his fingertips to gently brush away the loose hair on his forehead, his tone as soft as cotton candy, "I should be the one to say sorry, I'm too late."

He paused, then lifted Lin Xiyan's injured wrist, his fingertips gently and carefully rubbing the skin around the scar, as if he were handling a rare treasure. "Does it still hurt?"

Lin Xiyan shook her head. That tiny sting was nothing compared to the turmoil in her heart.

"Next time..." Jiang Yibai's voice suddenly lowered, with an imperceptible, suppressed tremor. "Next time, if you feel uncomfortable again... if... if you want to do something stupid again..." He took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice steady, but a hint of fear still leaked out. "Look for me first, okay?"

He raised his eyes and looked at Lin Xiyan with an almost pleading look, like a little animal afraid of being abandoned: "You can scold me, hit me, or... let me hold you like this. Anything is fine. Just don't... don't carry it all by yourself anymore, don't hurt yourself anymore."

He grabbed Lin Xiyan's hand and placed it against his cheek, feeling the coolness of her fingertips. His voice was so low it was almost a whisper: "I can't stand this. Xiyan, I really...will go crazy."

Lin Xiyan's fingertips felt the warmth and a subtle wetness on his cheek. His heart felt like it had been struck hard by the softest thing, aching and swollen. He looked at Jiang Yibai's reddened eyes, those filled with fear and deep affection, and all the words were stuck in his throat.

He nodded very lightly.

Jiang Yibai finally breathed a sigh of relief, his entire body relaxed. He hugged Lin Xiyan tightly again, buried his face in the crook of his neck, took a deep breath, and uttered a muffled voice: "Be good."

The morning light grew brighter, filtering through the gaps in the curtains and casting a hazy band of light in the dim room.

Jiang Yibai seemed to have remembered something. He suddenly raised his head and looked at Lin Xiyan with sparkling eyes. His tone regained some of his usual energy and coquettishness. "Are you hungry? I'm a little hungry. What do you want to eat? I'll go buy it."

Lin Xiyan had no appetite and was about to shake her head, but Jiang Yibai had already started planning: "How about some hot porridge? It's good for your stomach. And a basket of xiaolongbao? Or siomai? You're too thin, you need to eat more."

As he spoke, he carefully helped Lin Xiyan to lie back on the bed, tucked in the corners of the quilt carefully, and even covered his shoulders tightly, leaving only a pale face exposed.

"Just lie still, I'll be back soon." He stood up, stretched his numb limbs, bent down to pick up the knife on the ground, his eyes darkened for a moment, and then he stuffed it into the deepest part of his pocket as if nothing had happened.

When he reached the door, he glanced back worriedly. Lin Xiyan lay quietly in the quilt, looking at him with open eyes. The look in her eyes seemed to be one of dependence, but also of fear that he would never come back.

Jiang Yibai's heart softened, and he quickly walked back, squatted down beside the bed, and leaned over to give him a quick kiss on the forehead. The action was so fast that it seemed like an illusion, and they separated in an instant.

"I'll be right back." His ears were a little red, but his tone was calm. "Close your eyes and sleep a little longer."

After saying that, without waiting for Lin Xiyan's reaction, he stood up and walked out quickly, carefully closing the kicked door ajar.

The room became quiet again.

Lin Xiyan lay there in a daze, the slight numbness on his forehead from the gentle touch seemed to be spreading. He raised his uninjured hand and gently touched the place where he had been kissed. His cheek began to feel hot belatedly.

Jiang Yibai's scent seemed to still linger in the air, mixed with the smell of the coat he had held all night, forming a reassuring sense of presence.

He slowly turned sideways and buried his face in the pillow. There seemed to still be the dent and warmth from Jiang Yibai's sleep last night.

Outside the window, there was the faint sound of birds chirping.

A new day has begun.

Although my heart was still heavy and the fog hadn't completely dissipated, it seemed... no longer as suffocatingly cold and hopeless as it was last night.

Because someone had forcibly torn open the darkness, rushing in with a chill and an irresistible warmth. Clumsily and stubbornly, they tried to pull him out.

He closed his eyes very lightly and listened to his heartbeat gradually becoming steady.

Again and again.