Chapter 48

Zhang Xiaotian didn't remember how he got into the house. When he came to his senses, he was already standing in the living room.

I seem to have forgotten to say goodbye to Lu Bai just now.

Zhang Xiaotian sighed. It looked like Lu Bai wouldn't be able to come to his house tomorrow. He wondered how his mother would react when she saw all those snacks.

There was only one floor lamp on in the room. No wonder he and Lu Bai didn't notice that someone was home at the first time. When Zhang Xiaotian entered the room, his mother didn't react. He felt a little guilty for some reason, cleared his throat, and asked:

"When did you come back?"

No one answered him.

Zhang Xiaotian felt a little awkward. He wanted to pour a glass of water, but as he touched the kettle, he remembered he had been away all day and no one had boiled water. He carried the kettle to the water purifier, glancing furtively at his mother as he filled it.

Mother Zhang has been standing by the window since Zhang Xiaotian saw her outside the door. The light from the floor lamp in the living room can only barely reach her feet. She has her back to the warm yellow light, and her expression cannot be seen clearly. She just keeps looking outside through the window.

By this time, Lu Bai should have left.

Zhang Xiaotian was startled when the cold water suddenly poured on the back of his hand. He didn't know when the kettle was filled.

Even though he knew his worries were unnecessary, Zhang Xiaotian was still nervous for no reason. He poured out some more water, pressed the heating button, and asked again, "Mom, when did you..."

"Did you have fun today?"

Mother Zhang asked him.

"...Not bad." Zhang Xiaotian evaluated her tone and chose his words carefully. "I went out shopping with my classmates today. I thought it would be inappropriate not to go and pay New Year's greetings...I didn't know you were back..."

"That's right." Mother Zhang turned around and walked to the sofa and sat down. "I saw what you bought. Maybe the nanny wasn't thoughtful enough and bought something you don't like. I'll talk to her later."

"No..." Zhang Xiaotian opened his mouth and sighed helplessly, "I won't eat those anymore. You don't have to tell Auntie."

"Why? Aren't those your favorite foods?" Mother Zhang looked at him. "If you didn't like them, why would you go all the way to the supermarket to buy them? The food the nanny makes every day is nutritious enough, and Secretary Wang is watching over other daily necessities. Logically, you shouldn't let the little things in life distract you."

Zhang Xiaotian didn't know what to say. Mother Zhang's voice and the hum of the kettle mingled in his ears, making them ring. He squeezed his eyes shut and sighed.

He could guess what his mother was going to say without having to listen.

"It's just New Year's Eve today, so it's okay to relax once in a while." Mother Zhang continued, "I'm not saying you shouldn't socialize, but you have more important things to do right now. You should focus on improving yourself and stop wasting your precious time on irrelevant people..."

"Lu Bai...is not an irrelevant person."

Zhang Xiaotian instinctively thought he shouldn't talk back, but since she was talking about Lu Bai, he couldn't help it.

"He helped me with physics last semester. He's... very nice and loves to study."

Mother Zhang was a little unhappy.

"You brought him home, more than once, I guess. Lu Bai, is that his name?" She leaned back on the sofa and spoke to Zhang Xiaotian as if she were talking to a subordinate, "I saw your class's report card, and his grades are pretty good. Mom doesn't object to you interacting with good kids. But you've been interacting with him too much."

"I've only been back a few times, and I see him every time. Xiaotian, even if you want to develop your social skills, you won't get anywhere if you only interact with the same person. Being too close to someone will only make you dependent on them. You're still young and may not understand this. Making friends is about making friends broadly, not deeply. Don't spend all your time trying to maintain a relationship with someone; just make the most of their value..."

Such words might have been infuriating the first time you heard them, but the more you heard them, the more you felt they were absurd and powerless. Zhang Xiaotian was about to sigh, but then he realized he'd been sighing too often since he'd entered the room.

"Okay, I understand."

The sound of boiling in the kettle gradually subsided. Zhang Xiaotian poured a glass of water and brought it to his mother. "Let's not talk about this anymore. Drink some water."

Mother Zhang didn't answer the phone, but gave him a strange look.

"Are you really worried about me being thirsty, or are you trying to shut me up?"

"...What?"

"I can't go home very often, and it's so rare for me to see you. I want to talk to you for a few more words, but you're always annoying." Mother Zhang frowned. "Why? Is it because of what I said about your classmate?"

"What does this have to do with him? What the hell is going on..."

Zhang Xiaotian wanted to sigh again. He placed his water cup on the coffee table, and it made a soft sound when it touched the glass countertop. "You want me to focus on improving my grades and have fewer friends, but I only have one friend now, and you say I can't develop my social skills. I've been doing everything you say, but you never seem satisfied."

"What do you mean? Are you questioning me?" Mother Zhang's eyes were sharp. "I am your mother after all. It's fine if you don't listen to me, but now you want to criticize your mother?"

"If you were truly someone I could be proud of, would I have left you here to train? I would have kept you with me a long time ago!" Mother Zhang grew increasingly agitated as she spoke. "Instead of looking for faults in yourself, you're blaming the people who nurtured you. You're wasting your precious time and energy hanging out with someone you've only known for two years. You're wasting precious time and energy. You're missing the point, not knowing what's good for you! I even went home specifically to spend New Year's with you, but when I entered the house, there wasn't even anyone there. After you finally came back, you kept talking to a stranger. This is how you repay me..."

"Okay, stop talking!"

Zhang Xiaotian said loudly, interrupting his mother's rambling outburst.

"I've said many times that I know what I'm doing, I'm not wasting my time and energy, and I know what's most important right now."

"Oh, I don't see you clearly."

Mother Zhang seemed very concerned about her own loss of composure. She took a deep breath and regained her earlier calm and dignified demeanor. "I will continue to observe you. Based on your performance, I will carefully consider your future and intervene promptly when necessary. Xiaotian, you are my son after all. If you don't disappoint me too much, I still want to keep you by my side and raise you."

"You don't have to worry about it. I will consider my own future." Zhang Xiaotian did not respond to her.

"Don't be so stubborn. In this regard, I have more foresight than you, a child who has not grown up." Mother Zhang didn't want to say anything more. She turned and walked into the room. Before closing the door, she said, "Don't let me down again, Xiaotian, and don't try to lie to me. You know I'm always watching you."

Zhang Xiaotian watched the door close in front of him and felt something was wrong.

He had always hoped that he could truly leave and live his own life, but with his mother's current attitude, did he really have a chance to leave this home?

Despite a happy beginning, this New Year's Eve was still as disheartening as previous years. No matter how good his intentions were, as a student still underage, he didn't have the ability to live independently. Zhang Xiaotian decided that even if he gave up hope, he would have a good talk with his mother before the college entrance examination.

It would be best if we could reach a consensus, but if not, we can think of other ways.

Mother Zhang and Zhang Xiaotian parted on bad terms on New Year's Eve, and left again early the next morning, as if they were just there to inspect the work, completing their mission with a year-end review. When Lu Bai came over a few days later, he asked him:

"Where's Auntie? Are there any relatives left at home?"

Zhang Xiaotian opened the door for Lu Bai and explained, "Go back to work. Chuyi left early."

"Leaving now?" Lu Bai gave a thumbs up.

Zhang Xiaotian had been either studying or pondering what his mother had said on the night of the 30th. Every day was a chore, and now that Lu Bai had arrived, he felt better. He went to the refrigerator and took out a few of the things he had bought last time. He glanced at Lu Bai, who had thrown himself onto the sofa as soon as he entered the room, and said, "You bought so many snacks, but you're not here to eat them. If you don't come, I'm going to sell them off."

"Second-hand snacks? Who would buy them? This isn't a foreign country."

Lu Bai got up, picked up something at random, opened it and started eating: "You didn't eat it? You didn't save it all for me, did you?"

"I didn't eat much." Zhang Xiaotian leaned on the sofa and looked at him.

"Damn, you really saved some for me? Come on, eat it!" Lu Bai quickly took out some and handed it to Zhang Xiaotian's mouth. "I gave you your share when I bought it. Why don't you eat it? You won't have any offspring if you keep it."

Zhang Xiaotian dodged for a moment, not opening his mouth, but instead took it with his hands before putting it into his mouth. Seeing him eat it, Lu Bai looked a little happy and continued:

"I almost thought you didn't like it. I think you just wanted me to eat with you."

Zhang Xiaotian chewed it without making any comment.

"I also think that food tastes better when there are more people around. I can't even taste the flavor when I eat alone."

"I haven't seen you eat much less."

"You're just insulting me."

Lu Bai wanted to open another bag for Zhang Xiaotian, but Zhang Xiaotian didn't take it. He turned and went into the house to do his exercise book, leaving Lu Bai alone in the living room to eat and play. The two of them were busy with their own things for the whole morning, but they actually complemented each other very well.

Zhang Xiaotian wrote for a long time, and when he stood up to relax, he remembered that there was a big Buddha statue at home. He was just wondering why the ancestor was so quiet when he heard footsteps in the living room.

"Have you finished learning?" Lu Bai honked before he even entered the house. When he came in, his eyes were as bright as the headlights on a car. "If you haven't learned anything yet, come out and play with me for a while?"

"What are you playing?" Zhang Xiaotian turned his neck and followed Lu Bai back to the living room.

Lu Bai pressed him onto the sofa with both hands and sat down next to him. He flipped through his phone with one hand and stuffed the TV remote control into Zhang Xiaotian's arms with the other.

"Turn on the screen projection and let me find some resources." Lu Bai didn't even raise his head. "I'm watching a movie. Let's watch it together."

"Movie? What kind?"

Zhang Xiaotian turned on the TV's projection mode as instructed and watched Lu Bai fiddling with his phone.

"I'm not sure. I saw it on some random list, and it seems to have a pretty high rating." Lu Bai brought up the video and turned to look at Zhang Xiaotian. "Actually, watching a movie isn't the point. I just wanted you to get out and move around, do something else to change your mind. You've become so absorbed in what you've been studying, you know that?"

Zhang Xiaotian was delighted when he heard this.

"Me? No, how can I enter a state of meditation with you here?" He stretched out a finger and pointed at himself, and that finger was held by Lu Bai again.

Lu Bai held his hand and put it aside: "You know nothing. I've sneaked past your door several times, and you didn't notice once, right?"

"Is this true?"

"It's fake, believe it or not." Lu Bai let go of Zhang Xiaotian's hand and adjusted the volume with the remote control. "I wanted to take you out to play, but it's so cold out. Let's go to a movie. We haven't seen a movie together yet."

Watch a movie. Zhang Xiaotian's heart skipped a beat, and then he slightly condemned himself.

It's just a movie, I don't know why I'm so excited...

It seemed like an old foreign film. The opening music and exotic natural scenery played, followed by a bunch of people. The camera zoomed out, and a confusing title popped up. Zhang Xiaotian rarely watched anything at home, but this was something Lu Bai had found specifically to relax him. Thinking of this, he felt that even if this was a terrible film with countless flaws, he could still enjoy it.

He slid down the sofa back and glanced to his side. Lu Bai didn't look like someone who would be interested in this kind of film, and at the moment he looked a little bit distracted. But it seemed that he was the one who started it, so for the sake of face, he had to stare at the screen and not play with his phone.

"This music is quite nice." Lu Bai made small talk.

"Yeah, it's okay." Zhang Xiaotian nodded. "Do you always watch this kind of movies?"

"Hmm? Hmm." Lu Bai pretended to stroke his hair. "You can't tell, I'm just a literary youth."

"Ha!" What the hell is this literary!

Zhang Xiaotian laughed speechlessly after hearing this. Just as he was about to complain, Lu Bai couldn't help laughing himself.

"What are you laughing at!"

The long passages of dialogue made people dizzy, and neither of them spoke.

Zhang Xiaotian picked up a snack from the coffee table and watched the people talking and arguing on the screen. He was a little distracted and suddenly remembered what his mother had said to him.

Don't waste your time!

You have to do what you have to do!

Don't let me down again!

He probably considered it a waste of time and disappointment for Zhang Xiaotian if he did anything beyond her request. Sometimes, Zhang Xiaotian really wanted to know what kind of people were in her current family that made her look down on him so... much. But he simply didn't care to be looked down upon by those people.

If they really lived together, who knows how frustrating it would be.

Zhang Xiaotian suddenly wanted to laugh.

How does that saying go? People who truly care about you only want to ask if you're tired from flying. Lu Bai might be the one who asked if he was tired. Moreover, he would not only ask if you were tired, but also bring you food, buy snacks, play games, chat, and occasionally arrange some entertainment activities.

For example, forcing yourself to play the role of a literary youth.

Zhang Xiaotian glanced at Lu Bai out of the corner of his eye.

Lu Bai was holding up his head, not moving at all. If you didn't know, you would have thought he was watching very seriously, unless you saw him secretly touching his phone.

The pretense is quite convincing.

Zhang Xiaotian leaned on the armrest and held his chin with his hand, peeking out, wanting to see how long Lu Bai could hold on.

But after watching for a while, he realized that he might be the one who couldn't hold on any longer.

The reason is simple: this movie is actually a gay movie.

Although the two male protagonists hadn't taken any concrete action yet, Zhang Xiaotian could see their eyes were already drawn to each other, as if they were about to find a secluded corner for a passionate kiss, perhaps even a passionate, soul-deep physical exchange. Zhang Xiaotian didn't dare to look at Lu Bai's reaction. He was so embarrassed that he couldn't sit still. He just wanted to find a reason to ask Lu Bai to stop watching the movie. As he was thinking of the reason, he heard a light snoring next to him.

Perhaps he was tired from helping out at home these past two days, and Lu Bai fell asleep without knowing when.

Zhang Xiaotian picked up the remote control, turned down the volume, and turned to look at Lu Bai.

This was the first time Zhang Xiaotian had seen Lu Bai so quiet. Lu Bai was always active, alert, and enthusiastic, but people have more than one side. The more you understand one side of someone, the more interested you become in their other sides. Therefore, Zhang Xiaotian cherished every opportunity to observe Lu Bai carefully.

Lu Bai slept soundly, his head drooping. The little weight he'd gained during the Lunar New Year holidays had formed a small double chin in his throat. Near his carotid artery, there was a subtle black mole. Lu Bai lived so recklessly when awake, yet so docilely in sleep, it was hard not to want to tease him.

Zhang Xiaotian reached out and gently tapped the mole on the side of his neck. Lu Bai stirred in his sleep, not even a frown on his face, as if he naturally trusted others, honest and natural. Lu Bai lived like this, unconsciously, happily.

Zhang Xiaotian thought, how great, he is completely different from me.

There was no time to think about many things when he was with Lu Bai. Only when he could calm down like this did Zhang Xiaotian have time to sort out his thoughts bit by bit.

A helpless family, a confused and numb life, why was it him and not others who had to go through all this? Why could others live a simple life, while he had to endure all this torture? Zhang Xiaotian couldn't understand it at first, until he met Lu Bai, and he began to feel fortunate that Lu Bai didn't have to go through this.

There shouldn't be another dull person like him.

Just like aquatic plants in a gutter need sunlight, falling in love with Lu Bai was no accident. Zhang Xiaotian harbored those feelings that he couldn't express to others, and through countless moments of loneliness, he relied on the sweet memories to get through. He never dreamed of a future with Lu Bai. Since that day in the library, he knew that he would probably never test Lu Bai again. All he should do was play the role of Lu Bai's friend and always stay one step away from him.

But Lu Bai always went a step further, using aimless actions to lure him, tease him, and make him unable to calm down.

If Zhang Xiaotian didn't know what kind of person Lu Bai was, he would have thought that Lu Bai was deliberately playing tricks on him.

That’s too much.

Zhang Xiaotian poked the mole again as if in revenge, and Lu Bai dodged again. He reached out and scratched it twice, leaving a few red marks there.

The plot in the movie is exactly the same: two people sit facing each other, one listening to the other pour out his or her heart.

""I should have gone through life half-awake, if you'd had the decency to leave me alone.""

If you hadn't appeared without warning, if you hadn't approached me so unreasonably, I would have continued to live in numbness and chaos.

The red mark on the side of his neck was like an ambiguous hint. Zhang Xiaotian once again felt the temptation that Lu Bai had once given him.

Lu Bai was still asleep, with no intention of waking up.

Zhang Xiaotian was tempted like before and moved closer uncontrollably. When his lips touched that small piece of skin, he suddenly understood what it meant to drink poison to quench thirst.