liquor

The smoky aroma of the barbecue restaurant, laced with the fragrance of cumin and butter, crashed into the October evening breeze. When the glass door swung open, a bustle of activity, carrying the smell of playground grass clippings, poured in. Class 8 sat shoulder to shoulder, their school uniforms casually draped over the backs of their chairs, their sweat-soaked foreheads brimming with joy—they'd raced from last to second in the athletic meet, thanks to Li Huaizhou's 3,000-meter gold medal. This joy was enough to make everyone forget their evening study sessions, huddling around the grill, grabbing skewers, clinking glasses, and making a lively noise.

Li Huaizhou was pressed into a booth by the wall by Ji Jiancheng. As soon as he settled into his seat, drops of iced cola dripped onto his gym shorts, causing him to flinch. "You have to drink this!" Ji Jiancheng slammed his beer down on the table, the label crumpling. "Celebrate Brother Zhou's first place, and celebrate us shaking off the last-place ranking." The crowd erupted in cheers, the boys pouring their drinks for each other, the foam overflowing their glasses and leaving a small wet mark on the greasy tabletop.

Xie Mo sat next to him, his school uniform jacket folded over his knees, his white T-shirt sleeves rolled up to his forearms, revealing the pale blue veins on his wrists. He rested his fingertips on the edge of the unopened orange juice in front of him, not joining in the fun. He simply tilted his head to glance at Li Huaizhou's beer, his brows furrowing slightly before quickly relaxing. He then stared at the sizzling pork belly on the grill, his voice so soft as if he was afraid it would be blown away by the wind.

"Drink less, you will feel uncomfortable"

Li Huaizhou was clinking glasses with Chen Qitang and paused when he heard this. When he turned his head, he bumped into Xie Mo's drooping eyelashes - long and thick, casting tiny shadows under the warm yellow light, like pencil marks on draft paper. His heart softened, and he put the beer back to his lips, rubbing his fingertips across the cold bottle: "Just... a little bit." But Ji Jiancheng had already put the glass to his lips, "Come on, Brother Zhou! Just a token of my appreciation! You've been a great contributor." The cold liquid slid down his throat with a slight bitterness. The moment Li Huaizhou frowned, he saw Xie Mo quietly push the orange juice towards him, and the bottom of the glass rubbed against the table, making a small sound.

The noise gradually rose. Some people didn't care that oil splashed on their school uniforms when they were fighting over the skewers. Some people held up their mobile phones to take videos and shouted "Let's strive for first place next year". The girls gathered together and chatted. Li Huaizhou was forced to drink several glasses of wine. His cheeks were hot and his vision began to blur. The sounds around him seemed to be separated by a layer of water. The surrounding noise was intense, but Xie Mo's movements were clear: he quietly put the crispy chicken wings into his bowl, handed him a tissue when he coughed, and when Ji Jiancheng wanted to pour more wine, he quietly moved his glass to the side and rubbed his fingertips against the back of his hand, which made him tremble with coldness.

It was already past ten o'clock when the show was about to end.

"More!" Ji Jiancheng's face flushed with drink, his eyes wide open, he raised the bottle to pour it into Li Huaizhou's cup, but was stopped by Xie Mo. Xie Mo didn't look at him, his eyes fixed on Li Huaizhou's red earlobe, his voice a little deeper: "He doesn't want to drink anymore" Ji Jiancheng was stunned, and suddenly put the bottle on the table, not caring about the wine splashing on the back of his hand, and yelled with his neck stiff: "Brother Zhou, I'll take you home" He staggered as he spoke, and reached out to grab Li Huaizhou's arm, but he didn't hold it firmly, and almost fell under the table

"Oh, Jiancheng, you can't drink that much!" Zhou Ye came over quickly, held Ji Jiancheng's arm, half dragged and half pulled him to the side, and said in a joking manner: "You can't even stand steadily, and if you pull Brother Zhou down, let the academic bully take him home." Ji Jiancheng was still struggling, muttering "I'm not drunk" and "I can take him home", but Zhou Ye held his shoulders tightly and moved him to the door. Before leaving, he turned back and shouted: "Brother Zhou... go to bed early! Xie Mo, don't bully him!" The whole room laughed, but Xie Mo didn't laugh. He just lowered his head to help Li Huaizhou straighten his crooked collar, and his fingertips rubbed his hot neck. The movement was as light as the autumn evening breeze.

——

The night wind blew on his face with a cool feeling, and Li Huaizhou shivered. When Xie Mo helped him stand up, his steps were so weak that he almost bumped into the corner of the table. Xie Mo put his hands on his waist and pulled him to his side. Li Huaizhou felt a little unnatural. Even though he was drunk, he was still conscious. Two grown men hugged him like this... It was really strange, but his head was dizzy, and the alcohol kept rushing to his brain, making him uncomfortable... Xie Mo noticed his stiffness, tightened his hand on his arm, and lowered his voice: "What's wrong? Are you feeling unwell?" Li Huaizhou shook his head, buried his face in Xie Mo's shoulder, and said vaguely: "It's okay, let's go."

The two did not take the main road, but turned into a narrow alley. There were no street lights in the alley, only the neon signs of bars on both sides of the alley, and the red and purple lights swayed on the ground, like broken glass spilled all over the floor. Li Huaizhuo's footsteps became heavier, not because he was drunk, but because he was getting closer and closer to the "neon" deep in the alley - the room with a small window at the back of the second floor was his "home", but also a cage where he could not see the light. Xie Mo supported him and could feel that his hands, which were clutching his sleeves, were shaking, his knuckles were white, as if he was afraid of something, but he did not ask much, just brought him closer to him, bent down and put the school uniform jacket around his waist to cover his exposed thighs.

"Almost there...just ahead." Li Huaizhou's voice was as light as a sigh, with a subtle resistance. When he saw Xie Mo's profile in the neon light, he suddenly panicked - he didn't want Xie Mo to see this, to see him sneaking into a room reeking of alcohol and cigarettes, doing disgusting things. But before he could make an excuse, he was already standing at the door of the bar, the shutter halfway closed, and the deafening music mixed with the men's laughter and the women's coquettishness poured out, like a net, trying to pull him back in.

"Huaizhou is back?" The boss behind the bar raised his eyelids. When his eyes swept over, the light that fell on Li Huaizhou was a little sticky and playful. When he looked at Xie Mo again, his eyes quickly sank - the ill intention hidden in his eyes was like a venomous snake spitting out its tongue, flashing by. He stood up while wiping the cup, walked slowly towards this side, and stretched out his hand to pick up Li Huaizhou: "Drink too much, right? I'll help you upstairs. Is this your classmate? Go back early, I'll take good care of him." It seemed that he deliberately emphasized the word "take care of".

Just as the hand was about to touch Li Huaizhou's arm, Xie Mo suddenly took a half step to the side and quietly protected Li Huaizhou behind him. He didn't look up at the boss, but just lowered his eyes, his fingertips clasping Li Huaizhou's wrist - the force was not strong, but with unquestionable determination, his voice was as cold as the wind in the alley.

"No, I'll just take him upstairs."

The boss's outstretched hand froze in mid-air, and the smile on his face faded a little, but he didn't insist anymore. He just slowly turned the cupcloth in his hand, and said with a hint of a smile: "Okay, then be careful, classmate, the stairs upstairs are steep." As he said this, his eyes swept over Li Huaizhou again. The threat in that look was very familiar to Li Huaizhou - it was reminding him "don't forget" and not to make his "benefactor" unhappy.

Li Huaizhou didn't dare meet his boss's eyes, and buried his face even lower. He was almost half-supported and half-helped by Xie Mo as he walked towards the stairs. There was no light in the stairwell, and he walked up the handrail with a familiar touch. His fingertips brushed against the sticky dust on the handrail, as if he was walking a path engraved in his bones. Every time his boss dragged him up the stairs, he wanted to escape, but he couldn't. Later, he became numb, and even the fear became dull.

The second-floor corridor was narrow, filled with a mixture of musty smells and alcohol. Every door was closed, yet he could hear panting and laughter from within—sounds that had made him huddle and tremble under his covers countless nights. From the initial struggles and cries to the subsequent silence and numbness, he had long since learned to plug his ears and close his heart, like a soulless puppet. Reaching the innermost room, Li Huaizhou paused. As he fumbled for his key in his pocket, his fingers trembled violently. The small bell on the keychain jingled, but he couldn't get it into the keyhole. It wasn't because he was too drunk to move, but because Xie Mo's breath on the back of his neck reminded him of the nights when his boss pinned him against the wall, and his body instinctively resisted.

"It's okay...it's me."

Xie Mo's voice sounded behind him. He didn't touch his hand, but just leaned over slightly, looking at the key in his hand with the help of the neon light coming through the window. Li Huaizhou's back was as tense as a rock. He could feel Xie Mo's shoulder close to him and could smell the clean scent of soapberry on him - this smell was out of tune with everything here, like a beam of light that fell into the mud, making him want to grab it but afraid of getting it dirty. With a "click", the key was finally inserted into the keyhole.

Pushing open the door, the room was pitch black, with only the occasional neon light from the window glimmering through, revealing the shabby furnishings inside: a large double bed, the room's finest feature, a peeling wardrobe, and a half-empty bottle of mineral water on a small table by the window—that was all his belongings. Xie Mo helped him in, and just as he was about to touch the switch, Li Huaizhou suddenly held his hand. "Don't...don't turn on the light," he said in a low, trembling voice. "This is fine...it's fine."

Xie Mo's hand paused beside the switch and did not move. The room was very quiet, with only the faint sound of music from outside drifting in, and the sound of two people's breathing, one fast and one slow, colliding with each other. Li Huaizhou leaned against the door panel and slowly slid to sit on the ground, but Xie Mo pinched his armpits and picked him up like a child, and then gently put him on the bed - the aftereffects of the alcohol surged up, but more of it was the grievances that had been suppressed for too long, drowning him like a tide. He remembered that he was only six years old when his mother passed away, and his mother's cries penetrated through the thin door panel and into his eardrums, stinging him; he remembered that his father beat him when he was drunk, and took out all his anger for losing money on him; he remembered that when he fainted from hunger on the side of the road, he thought that being "rescued" by his boss was the last straw, but he didn't expect it was jumping into another abyss; he remembered countless nights, washing his body in this small room, looking at himself in the mirror, he felt strange and disgusted.

"It's okay." Xie Mo's voice rang out in the darkness, gently caressing Li Huaizhou's ears, but it was like a thunderclap that broke the not-so-quiet environment in the house. He raised his head and saw Xie Mo squatting in front of him in the neon light, his eyes full of emotions he couldn't understand - but there was no disgust, no eyes full of desire from those former guests. Li Huaizhou opened his mouth, wanting to make up a lie, but his throat seemed to be blocked, and he could only let the tears fall, hitting his knees, leaving a small wet mark.

"Xie Mo...I feel uncomfortable." Li Huaizhou's voice was hoarse as if it had been rubbed by sandpaper.

Xie Mo didn't say anything, but just reached out and gently grasped his wrist, his fingertips carefully rubbing the scar, as if he didn't want to hurt him. Li Huaizhou wanted to retract his hand, but Xie Mo held it tightly - not forcing him, but cautiously testing him. "It's okay, I'm here." Xie Mo's voice was a little shaky, but every word was clear.

“You’re not wrong”

This was the first time someone said to him "It's not your fault". Li Huaizhou was stunned for a moment, and his tears fell even harder. He leaned in Xie Mo's arms, his shoulders shaking violently, and all the grievances, fears, and numbness were cried out under the influence of alcohol. Xie Mo patted his back gently without saying a word.

The music outside was still playing, and the neon lights were still dazzling, but in this small room, there was a different temperature. Li Huaizhou was tired of crying, and slowly fell asleep in Xie Mo's arms. Xie Mo stood up with him in his arms, put him on the bed and covered him with a quilt, then walked to the window and looked at the neon lights outside, his eyes gradually becoming colder.

He stood in the room for a long time, confirming that Li Huaizhou was sleeping soundly, and then he gently closed the door. When he went downstairs, he deliberately glanced at the owner behind the bar. His eyes were filled with cold warnings. Without saying a word, he turned and walked into the night at the alley. In the room, Li Huaizhou turned over, and the corners of his mouth rose slightly - in his dream, he saw the white figure with arms outstretched at the finish line again, and heard the words

“It’s not your fault”