pain

A week later, at the morning meeting, the sky was barely light. The evergreen branches in front of the teaching building were still clung to remnants of snow. The wind blew, sending flakes of snow flakes cascading down like fine salt, landing on the students' collars and causing them to shiver. A group of people gathered to read the newly released report cards. "Li Huaizhou, Class 21, Senior High School, ranked 324th"—the words rang clearly in his ears. He blinked at first, as if unresponsive. Then, like a cat that had snuck some candy, the corners of his mouth curled up uncontrollably, and he glanced at Xie Mo, who was standing diagonally in front of him.

Xie Mo seemed to have sensed it and turned his head almost the moment he looked up, a faint smile in his eyes. Li Huaizhou was about to grin when someone suddenly slapped the back of his neck, making it numb. Ji Jiancheng, holding up a wrinkled report card, practically jumped over and shouted loudly enough to startle the students in the front row: "Brother Zhou! Did you secretly cheat? Last time, you were in the bottom 500 in the monthly exam, and this time you jumped straight to over 300?"

The classmates around him burst into laughter. Li Huaizhou's ears felt hot instantly. He reached out and took Ji Jiancheng's arm away. "I almost live in the library. It's only natural that I'm awesome." After he finished speaking, he couldn't help but glance at Xie Mo. Xie Mo was already firmly in the first row. The words "first in grade" were clearly and neatly written. He thought of those nights in the library. Xie Mo sat opposite him, gently pushing the draft paper filled with problem-solving steps towards him. His fingertips occasionally touched the back of his hand, with a slightly cool temperature. His voice was soft, and his heart felt like a piece of warm candy.

Xie Mo walked over and gently rubbed the snow foam in his hair with his fingertips. His movements were natural and intimate, and there was a subtle smile in his tone: "It's really amazing, better than I expected." Li Huaizhou was about to say something to brag, but the head teacher came out of the office holding the lesson plan and cleared his throat. "Li Huaizhou, come up." The head teacher's voice was no different from usual. Li Huaizhou was stunned for a moment, and walked forward with his report card in hand. He saw the head teacher holding his report card in front of the whole class, "Li Huaizhou's progress this time, from the bottom of the grade to the middle, in just two months, this is the result of hard work! Very impressive!"

The last class in the afternoon was a self-study class. The classroom was quiet, with only the rustling sound of pens scratching across paper. Xie Mo had just finished solving a big physics problem when he was called to the office by the monitor, saying that the teacher wanted him to help organize the final exam papers. Before leaving, he turned his head and glanced at Li Huaizhou. Li Huaizhou raised his head and watched him leave the classroom before lowering his head and continuing to lie on the table.

Xie Mo didn't come back until the end of get out of class. Li Huaizhou thought about going back by himself. After packing his schoolbag, he sent a message to Xie Mo to say that he was going back to "Neon" first. As he approached the alley, Li Huaizhou saw the famous rich second-generation boy in the class standing there. The playful look in his eyes was like a sticky spider web, staring at Li Huaizhou intently: "Hey, you come to work right after school? Li Huaizhou, I heard that Wen Juzhi treats you well and even helps you to solicit customers. Is that true?"

"None of your business." Li Huaizhou took two steps back, his back pressed heavily against the cold brick wall. The cold air from the wall seeped in through his thin school uniform, making him shiver. "Just say what you want to do, don't be so sarcastic."

"I don't want to do anything, I just don't like you." He Yanbin scoffed and snapped his fingers. The three boys around him immediately surrounded Li Huaizhou and cornered him. Li Huaizhou was a formidable fighter, but this time, the opponent was holding a steel pipe, gleaming with cold light, clearly prepared. He had just dodged the incoming steel pipe when he was met with a vicious kick in the lower back. The force was so strong that he fell forward, slamming his knee into the icy puddle. The biting cold instantly shot from his knee to his heart, mixed with the excruciating pain that made him gasp.

"You still dare to hide?" He Yanbin walked over, stepped on the strap of his schoolbag, and pressed his heel down hard. "After hanging out with Xie Mo for a few days, you really think you're a good student? Let me tell you, at heart you're still a bastard who makes a living by selling your body. You'll never change!"

"What the hell did you say?" Li Huaizhou raised his head suddenly, his eyes burning with anger. He clenched his fist and was about to swing it at He Yanbin's face, but the yellow-haired boy next to him grabbed his arm and pressed it hard against the wall. The moment the steel pipe hit his left arm, there was a dull "bang" sound. He could even hear the dull pain in his bones, as if he was hit by a heavy hammer. The pain made his eyes go black. He struggled to raise his legs, kicked away a boy next to him, and spat out a mouthful of blood. The anger in his eyes almost overflowed: "You are not much better. You rely on the two pieces of money in your family. Do you really think you are a superior person? To put it bluntly, you are an uneducated waste!"

"You're being stubborn." He Yanbin was irritated. He bent down and grabbed his schoolbag. The zipper burst open with a "clatter", and the books and stationery inside were scattered in the snow water. The cover of the math workbook was stained with dark brown muddy water. The handwriting of "key question types" marked by Xie Mo in red pen was blurred into a blurry red in the water; the pages of the English notebook were stomped with mud, and the sticky note written by Xie Mo to him floated into the dirty water; the most precious math key notes, which Xie Mo stayed up late to help him organize, had a deep crease on the hard cover by He Yanbin's heel. The snow pear candy wrapper sandwiched between the pages also fell into the dark brown snow water, and the originally light yellow color was stained beyond recognition.

Li Huaizhou's eyes suddenly turned red, and the moisture in his eye sockets welled up uncontrollably. Those were not ordinary books. They were the proof of his countless late-night sleep, the love Xie Mo had written down stroke by stroke, and the confidence he had in wanting to be close to Xie Mo. Now, they were trampled in the mud, just like his pitiful self-esteem, which was crushed and then trampled into the dirt. He wanted to rush over to pick up the notebook, but the two boys held his shoulders tightly. The pain in his arm became more and more severe, almost making him kneel down. But he still gritted his teeth and stared at the trampled notebook, his eyes full of unwillingness.

"Oh, you love studying so much?" He Yanbin squatted down and rubbed the math notebook with his toes. Every time he rubbed it, Li Huaizhou's heart ached. The sarcasm in He Yanbin's tone was like a needle, piercing his eardrums. "I thought your schoolbag was filled with things for guests. It turns out you have these 'treasures'. Is it because of Xie Mo? Two men together, isn't it disgusting?"

Li Huaizhou didn't even react when the slap landed on his face. He only felt a numbness in his cheek, followed by a burning pain. The corner of his mouth was instantly broken, and the taste of blood spread across his tongue, bitter and astringent. He Yanbin pinched his chin, forcing him to look up, the disgust in his eyes almost overflowing: "Do you want me to give you some money? It just so happens that I haven't played with a man yet. You look pretty good, so you should be worth a lot of money, right?"

He slammed a stack of brand new banknotes into Li Huaizhou's face. The edge of the banknotes scratched his cheek, leaving a thin bloodstain mixed with the smell of copper, and a burning pain. The money was scattered in the snow water, some soaked in the mud, and some blown away by the wind. Li Huaizhou looked at the money and suddenly felt very tired - when Wen Juzhi pressed on him, he also thought so, what's the point of resisting? It's better to accept your fate, at least you can get a meal and survive. This money is enough for him to have a good meal today.

He slowly raised his head and grinned. The blood on his fangs was very dazzling, but the hostility in his eyes was gone, leaving only a numb obedience: "Thank you, Mr. He."

He Yanbin seemed to be disgusted by his appearance and frowned. He spat on the ground and kicked the book at his feet away. His tone was full of disgust: "It's so fucking disgusting." After that, he turned and left. The three yellow-haired boys followed him and left. The footsteps gradually disappeared at the entrance of the alley, leaving Li Huaizhuo alone, lying in the cold snow water.

The alley was completely silent, with only the heavy metal music from the "Neon" bar, shaking the walls slightly, and the laughter of students leaving school on the distant street, crisp and loud, like a dull knife, cutting Li Huaizhou's heart again and again. He slumped to the ground, his left arm numb and unable to feel, only the dull pain reminding him of the beating he had just received. The bruises on his body burned with pain, exactly the same pain he had every time he was forced by Wen Juzhi. The humiliation and pain that penetrated deep into his bones left him unable to move even a little.

He stared at the books scattered in the mud, and slowly stretched out his fingertips, wanting to touch the dirty math key notes. But just as his fingertips touched the hard cover, he suddenly heard hurried footsteps at the alley.

Are He Yanbin and the others back? Li Huaizhou looked up suddenly, a hint of vigilance flashing in his eyes, and his nerves tensed instantly. But the moment he saw who it was, he froze. It was Xie Mo... He was wearing that gray down jacket with the zipper unzipped. The collar of his white school uniform shirt was stained with snow. His hair was very messy, and the strands of hair on his forehead were stuck to his forehead. It was obvious that he had run all the way here. Why did he come here? Wasn't he going to the teacher's office to organize the papers?

Xie Mo stumbled, his breathing trembling violently as he ran to Li Huaizhou. His chest heaved. He squatted down and reached out, wanting to touch the wound on Li Huaizhou's face. As soon as his fingertips touched the bloody mark left by the banknote, his eyes instantly turned red, and his voice trembled: "I'm sorry... I ran here as soon as I finished organizing the test papers. I'm still late. I'm sorry..."

The repeated "I'm sorry" pierced Li Huaizhou's heart like a needle. He looked at the pain in Xie Mo's eyes, and his red eyes because of anxiety, and suddenly felt extremely embarrassed - he didn't want Xie Mo to see his miserable appearance, didn't want Xie Mo to know that he had really thought about asking for the money, didn't want Xie Mo to know that he was really dirty. He wanted to push Xie Mo away, but his arms were as heavy as lead, and he didn't even have the strength to lift them.

"Don't touch me." His voice was very soft, as if it would be blown away by the wind, with a little imperceptible sob, "Leave me alone."

"How can I ignore you?" Xie Mo stretched out his hand, trying to pull him up from the ground. As soon as his fingertips touched his wrist, Li Huaizhou pulled his hand back suddenly as if he was burned. The back of his hand hit the brick wall hard, and he frowned in pain.

Li Huaizhou lowered his head, looking at his muddy hands. Those hands still bore the wounds from the fight, stained with dirty snow water, ugly and embarrassing. What separated him and Xie Mo was never the difference in grades, but their shameful past, the books trampled in the mud, the indelible stigma on him, the secrets he would never dare reveal to Xie Mo. He wanted to remain in Xie Mo's heart forever the boy who sang "Look Up" in the bar, the boy who stubbornly said "I'm awesome" when he received his report card, the boy who could walk side by side with Xie Mo in the sunshine, not the monster he was now, curled up in the alley, covered in wounds, his self-esteem crushed.

The cold wind blew snowflakes onto his face, like countless needles piercing his face. Li Huaizhou slowly raised his eyes, looked at Xie Mo's red eyes, saw the undisguised heartache in his eyes, and his throat seemed to be blocked by something, and he uttered a few words laboriously, word by word.

"Let's...break up."