Cloud Girl Chapter Twenty-Four

Xu Xiaomeng had a high fever for two days, but insisted on not going to the hospital.

Chen Nanyi had no choice but to act as his caregiver, looking after him until his fever subsided.

Chen Nanyi initially found a few sets of clothes that suited her – because she wanted to save the money she would have spent on clothes to buy more good food for Chen Yijing, so she mostly wore her father's old clothes.

Chen's father was a high-ranking official, but he wasn't particularly robust. He had many nice clothes that were well-suited to tall people like himself, and they were also quite suitable for Xu Xiaomeng.

These past two days, Xu Xiaomeng has been lying on her bed, his clothes soaked with sweat, so much so that Chen Nanyi had to wipe his body down again and again.

She shouldn't have taken advantage of him like this after she rejected him before.

But Chen Nanyi thought that she had already helped him change his clothes the night before, when the situation was urgent, so there was nothing wrong with helping him now.

Over the next few days, Chen Nanyi changed into many wet clothes. Being a clean person, she washed a lot of them, but the weather was overcast and they couldn't be air-dried, so she had to dry them one by one.

Chen Yijing was originally making a fuss about Xu Xiaomeng, who was lying in bed in a daze due to a high fever, and wanted him to play with her.

Fortunately, Chen Nanyi pulled her back in time and managed to coax her to forget about Xu Xiaomeng and go to sleep.

Therefore, Chen Nanyi was able to sit leisurely downstairs drying clothes one by one, immersing herself in her own world.

Occasionally, she thinks that she might actually be fascinated by the feeling of being a traditional housewife.

After all, she is a self-disciplined person who tends to be conservative, and she really enjoys the feeling of accomplishment that comes from managing her small family well.

It's just that when she comes into contact with people and things outside the home, and they don't match her expectations, she can suppress that longing very well and become "unapproachable".

Indeed, if it weren't for the pressures of life, who would be willing to silently endure such hardship?

Thinking this, Chen Nanyi reached out and folded the clothes.

Just as she was folding the paintings, Xu Xiaomeng silently walked down the stairs and accidentally bumped into the oil painting hanging on the wall, making a sound.

Hearing the sound, Chen Nanyi turned around sharply and saw him come down. She nodded slightly and asked, "What would you like to eat?"

She thought Xu Xiaomeng was starving, which was why she forced herself to get up and go downstairs. She stood up and was about to go into the kitchen.

Xu Xiaomeng smiled weakly, her face pale, "No need. Thank you for your help these past two days. Goodbye."

Chen Nanyi was clearly taken aback. Her lips moved, but she didn't say anything. She nodded involuntarily and pursed her lips slightly.

However, she pursed her lips too hard, which revealed her dimples on the left cheek. Moreover, because her lips were thin and droopy, she looked expressionless and indifferent.

Xu Xiaomeng's eyes flickered, she tightened her jaw, and then concealed her expression.

He remained silent for a long while.

He strode out the door with his long legs, and Chen Nanyi followed, standing still until Xu Xiaomeng's figure disappeared from sight, before silently closing the door.

It wasn't that she didn't want him to leave. Even though Xu Xiaomeng really hoped she could persuade him to stay, she probably did too—she was just used to doing it that way. After all, who wants the host to close the door immediately when they leave a place?

This is generally considered impolite.

The real reason was that she wanted to watch his back until the very last second he disappeared, so that she could imprint his image in her mind.

Chen Nanyi grew up in a traditional family environment, but she never felt happy.

She once thought her decision not to marry was shocking, but only after growing up did she realize that it was nothing special—just like the tumultuous waves she imagined were as insignificant as a grain of sand.

The world will not care about a lonely soul; only those who are equally progressive innovators will remember her.

Even if Xu Xiaomeng leaves now, because she had already prepared herself mentally for so long, she wouldn't feel anything after that moment of disappointment.

She has always been a very easygoing person who doesn't demand anything. Sometimes she is very sentimental, but at other times she is an extremely cold and indifferent person.

It was probably the kind of place she often walked past where luxury stores were being demolished, with elderly vegetable farmers setting up stalls in front of the ruins on one side and glamorous luxury saleswomen on the other, like two parallel worlds, a stark yet real sight.

People should actually marvel at the value they create—it is precisely because everyone creates different value that the world is so different.

Just like the order that this world maintains, it is the most primitive biological instinct, but it has become more acceptable to people through the beautification of the human heart.

Even the smallest, most insignificant, and most unappealingly simple thing can, when imbued with a specific meaning, evoke the strongest emotions and influence others—it's just that the limited capacity of human thought restricts our opportunities for such reflection and discovery.

Chen Yiwen once laughed at Chen Nanyi after she chose the Chinese Department, saying that how could such a cold-hearted person take on the so-called responsibility of spreading culture in this society, and that she might even mislead young people.

She spoke so truthfully that even Chen Nanyi would occasionally feel frustrated when she thought about it.

She originally thought that with so many people in the world, she didn't need a big place; a small area would be enough for her to live in.

She initially thought she could do it easily, but she later discovered that, no matter what, there was no place that truly belonged to her.

When she feels pain, she's afraid of disturbing others; when she's exhausted and wants to collapse on the ground, she's mindful of her manners; and when she's in pain and wants to do something, she can't help but worry about what others think.

If one day she says she wants to commit suicide, then the people in this community will look at her with disbelief and shock. The station manager might find a psychologist to treat her until she promises to live a good life.

She has always been a stubborn but not strong person. She never talked about her illness, not just because she didn't want to trouble others.

It was because she knew that if she spoke out, a doctor would treat her, and someone would care, even if it was only superficially...

But that's not what she wanted!

Although she didn't know what she wanted, she simply lacked something to hold her heart, felt no sense of belonging, and then made a casual decision, drifting through life.

Even just two days ago, Xu Xiaomeng appeared in her world in a disheveled state, breaking free of her chrysalis and trying to pull her out of the dark, damp, and sticky place—but she couldn't agree to it.

Her values, her cowardice, and the life she had already decided to give up prevented her from granting his request.

In other words, perhaps the world is still at peace, but the corruption of people's hearts has made her picky, which is why she recklessly wastes her life and has no will to live.

Admittedly, all she needs to do now is prepare a backup plan for Chen Yijing; there's nothing else to worry about.

But if she were to be with him, everything she had painstakingly decided before, her world, would have to be rebuilt from scratch to adapt. But she no longer had the strength to do that—the sudden collapse and the feeling of utter defeat had completely overwhelmed her.

She didn't receive proper family education on how to handle various matters from a young age, and she lacked care from others. That's why, even now, she's still childishly risking her life out of spite, and doesn't want to care about anything that's broken... So, it's not entirely her fault, is it?

The scheduled surgery time between Chen Nanyi and the hospital had passed, and she deleted all the notification text messages from the hospital, deciding to stop worrying about it.

At this point, Chen Nanyi no longer believed in the existence of a God's hand or a paradise. She only felt that if she didn't affect others, then besides the vastness of the world, she was the most important person.

If people could truly abandon everything and live so freely, everyone would want to continue living.

Unfortunately, this is a privilege reserved for those who are completely disregard for the consequences—like her attitude towards Xu Xiaomeng.

She could so coldly reject his humble and desperate pursuit because she clearly understood that their lives would never intersect again, which was why she was so resolute...

Heh, but this damn privilege seems to have some side effects too!

Otherwise, why would her heart ache so much?

From then on, Chen Nanyi almost never went out.

Firstly, she was afraid of seeing people, and secondly, she was in poor health, had a fragile nerve, and lacked a sense of security. Even in familiar places, she had difficulty falling asleep, let alone going to other places. Therefore, Chen Nanyi became even more isolated and stayed on the mountain.

Secondly, she didn't have a strong will to survive to begin with, and she didn't have many friends.

Since she rejected Xu Xiaomeng, she has inevitably become more depressed. She often feels short of breath and has heart pain, and she can hardly hope for anything more.

However, at nearly twenty years old, her heart was already as broken as withered wood.

She also occasionally felt a strange sense of sentimentality.

I always feel that everyone should have at least one trip in their life that isn't just for the sake of the trip, but to see every inch of this land, every green leaf, and every ray of sunshine—so that they won't be so easily distracted by a fleeting glance that they can't fully appreciate all of this.

After all, many exquisite things have existed in this world long before one's eye can perceive them, and are more worthy of being treated with care and appreciation.

Chen Nanyi had always dreamed of sitting in an airplane in the sky, soaring through clouds and mist, flying over sand dunes, watching a straight train smoothly cross the green grasslands of the plains, seeing rows of tall buildings, cars driving under iron bridges... and under the same sky, those people who cannot look directly at the sun.

She understood that the country bestows everything upon those who are capable of enjoying it, and those who contribute the most to the country are also the people who give the most.

And this country of theirs, with a perfect order they created, showed people their grand achievements—except that she was rather unlucky, it seemed that after everything was ready, problems arose.

The world she lives in, the country she lives in, and even everyone in her community will continue to move forward amidst the ever-changing world. It's just that she's a car that runs out of fuel and can't reach the conventional destination.

Chen Nanyi once had many ambitions in her youth, but those lofty aspirations were gradually extinguished in the short yet long river of history as she gradually lost her wealth and her ordinary life.

In the daily grind, I've also discovered that humans are truly contradictory beings.

When she feels that she is not noble, she will follow the noble thoughts that she yearns for in her heart. When she has to live a vulgar life, she finds that she has been suffering and desperately trying to maintain that nobility, but ultimately succumbs to the baseness and depravity.

Ultimately, people are selfish, but because of their inherent fragility and limited abilities, they subconsciously choose to live in groups.

In the beginning, Chen Nanyi thought that as long as she learned to restrain herself, act cautiously, and gradually reduce the selfishness and stubbornness she was given, she could live a good life. But in the end, she found that any preparation was superfluous when facing the fear of unknown risks.

People often interpret the insurmountable and ineffable as divine retribution.

Ironically, this is an excuse people make because they cannot admit that they are bound by some kind of inner nihilistic force, but the purpose is to better implement this principle.

Of course, everyone chooses a different way of life, and in Chen Nanyi's eyes, the most unacceptable thing is to take things for granted.

She always felt that wherever one is, it's best to approach it with the same sense of wonder as if it were the first time, with eyes that are filled with admiration, caution, and scrutiny. This is especially true when visiting places created by others and touching upon their spirit; one must be even more respectful and cautious.

In a life where most people are accustomed to being "unclear," regardless of whether you consider yourself special, you can never get the most truthful answers from others. Only time can tell you the truest decision—because you never know what kind of world you will encounter in that region where the ratio of good to evil is unclear.

Of course, you may not know that the person who loves you in this life is so charming, yet you ignore and trample on such a heart—just like what she did to Xu Xiaomeng. She didn't even dare to give herself a chance to understand him!

In the end, that was all she could do, living in the world of her own mind, worrying endlessly.

Small Theater

In her memory, Xu Xiaomeng cried for the first time in front of Chen Nanyi because during the few days she stayed at his house, Chen Nanyi always went out during mealtimes.

Then every time she came back, Xu Xiaomeng would ask her if she had eaten, and Chen Nanyi would always answer that she had, so Xu Xiaomeng would have to eat by herself.

Finally, one day, he secretly followed her out and watched her walk around on the beach, away from the crowd, until the sun went down. She did nothing and went straight back.

Xu Xiaomeng was already sitting at the dining table before she returned. When she saw her come in, she sat demurely, knowing full well what was going on, but still asked her with a smile, "Have you eaten? Let's eat together!"

Without even looking up, Chen Nanyi said, "I've already eaten, you can eat." Then she turned to go upstairs.

Xu Xiaomeng heard a slight gurgling sound from Chen Nanyi's stomach and couldn't help but shed tears. "If you didn't eat, you didn't eat. Why did you lie to me and say you ate?"

Chen Nanyi was immediately at a loss, "You...you shouldn't do this! I, I just..."

Xu Xiaomeng cried like a child, “I know you don’t want to eat with others, and you don’t know how to be with others. But you can’t do this, not eating, going to bed hungry by yourself, that makes me… sad and upset.”

Chen Nanyi, "What are you trying to do, acting all girly...?"

Xu Xiaomeng wiped away her tears as she looked up and helped Chen Nanyi towards the bedroom, sobbing as she said, "I want..."

Chen Nanyi (⊙o⊙), "What are you going to do!"

Xu Xiaomeng~, "You asked me—what? I want it! You don't even cherish yourself, so I can just force myself on you. Since you don't care, why should I? Waaaaah..."

Chen Nanyi exclaimed, "What kind of twisted logic is this?!"