Chapter 37

An Hesu's confession, like an icy blade, pierced Feng Ling's entire understanding and trust with absolute ferocity. She suddenly sprang up from the sofa, as if fleeing from some deadly poison. She stumbled back several steps, her back slamming against the cold wall before she could barely hold her limp body together.

"You...are you crazy? Anhesu, do you know what you are saying?" Her voice was shaking, and every word seemed to be squeezed out from between her teeth with difficulty, with unbelievable horror.

"I'm clear-headed." An Hesu watched the ice wall that instantly formed in her eyes, the look that treated her like a stranger. His heart felt like it was being thrown into a meat grinder, the pain so intense that his vision went black. But he couldn't retreat; he had already come this far. He took a step forward, trying to get closer to her, his eyes filled with a burning anxiety and a desperate honesty. "From the moment Qiqi came back, from the moment he stood before me and told me clearly that he would take you away, I knew that those long-term plans wouldn't work! I don't have time, Ling! I can't wait even a day longer. I don't want you to have even the slightest chance of wavering!"

"So you're going to use this method?!" Feng Ling's voice suddenly rose, so sharp that it almost cut through the air, and tears flowed uncontrollably. "You crushed your own dignity and threw it out for people to trample on, just to force me to stand up and be tied to you?!"

"Anhesu, this isn't love! This is kidnapping! You're using your pain to kidnap my conscience! You've made me so unafraid I can't even be angry because you're doing it 'for me'! You've made me your only spectator and accomplice in this self-torture scheme!"

She looked at him, her eyes filled with the coldness of someone who had been completely calculated.

"You made me look like a complete fool! I was so worried about you I couldn't sleep all night. I ran around collecting evidence for you. I argued for you and your team... It was heartbreaking to see you being abused online, and what's the result?!" She waved her hand violently, pointing into the void, as if pointing at the invisible storm. "And you planned all this?! Ankhsu, what do you think of me? A pawn in your grand plan?!"

"No! You know it's not!" Anhesu finally couldn't maintain his feigned calmness and growled. Veins bulged on his forehead and his eyes were bloodshot. "It's because it's you! It's because I know how powerful and dazzling you are! I know the resilience and wisdom in your bones! I know that only you can accompany me through this tough battle and win without a doubt! I'm not using you. I'm handing myself, all my weaknesses, and my future into your hands without reservation! This is the only way I can think of, the fastest, most thorough, and most effective way to shut everyone up and let us stand in the sun!"

He looked at her tear-stained, repulsive face, his voice trembling and shattered with extreme pain: "Qiqi can give you ready-made, easy stability. But I can't give it to you! My path has been destined to be filled with thorns and prying eyes from the beginning! I can only use this drastic method to personally cut off the sharpest and most painful branches. Even if it means getting stabbed all over, I will carve a path for us! I can't lose you, Feng Ling, I can't..."

The last few words were almost a whine squeezed out from the depths of his throat, with a kind of despair on the verge of despair.

"But have you ever asked me?!" Feng Ling interrupted him sharply, tears blurring her vision and chilling her heart. "Have you ever asked me if I want this path full of calculations and risks? Have you ever asked me if I'm willing to watch you throw me out like a sacrifice, letting millions of people trample on your dignity?! An Hesu, your love is horrible! So horrible that it suffocates me! You keep saying you trust me, but everything you do is a lie, pushing me onto the path you've set, and you call it all for us!"

She looked around the apartment, once filled with their laughter and warmth, and now felt as if every inch of the air was filled with lies and manipulation. The feeling of helplessness and immense pressure she had accumulated over the past few days about life after the exposure, combined with the utter betrayal she felt at the moment of learning the truth, became a devastating torrent, sweeping away all her rationality and nostalgia.

"You're horrible..." She shook her head and retreated towards the door step by step. The light in her eyes was completely extinguished, leaving only bottomless fatigue and coldness. "Selfish, crazy, unscrupulous... I really... don't recognize you anymore."

These words, like a final verdict, completely pinned Ankhsu to the spot. The last trace of color drained from his face, and his lips moved, but no sound came out. He watched her turn decisively and grab her backpack, her fingers turning white from the strain.

"Feng Ling! Where are you going?!" He seemed to have finally woken up from a nightmare. He staggered over and tried to grab her hand, but his fingertips only brushed the corner of her clothes, leaving a cold feeling in his wake.

"We're over, Ankhsu." She paused at the doorway, still not turning back. Her voice was as cold as December ice, and every word carried the sharp edges of broken ice, scraping fiercely through his heart. "I'm leaving here...leaving you. Perhaps we shouldn't have been together from the beginning."

"No... Feng Ling, don't go... please..." He pleaded hoarsely, all his pride and strength shattered into pieces in front of her cold back, leaving only the most primitive and humble begging.

The answer to his question was a loud "bang"!

The door slammed shut, shaking the walls so hard that they seemed to tremble. The sound separated the two worlds and completely shattered the last light in his heart.

The whole world, at the moment the door closed, fell into dead silence and absolute darkness.

Ankhsu stood frozen in the entrance, like a statue without a soul. A few seconds later, as if all the strength to support him had been drained away, his tall body slid slowly and lifelessly down the cold door panel, finally curling up on the icy floor.

In the darkness, he hugged his knees tightly, burying his face in them. At first, only his shoulders shook violently and uncontrollably. Then, stifled sobs, like those of a trapped animal, escaped his throat intermittently, echoing in the empty, silent apartment, filled with boundless despair and a sense of brokenness. He had gambled everything on it: his reputation, his dignity, his future, but he hadn't calculated her reaction. Or rather, he hadn't dared to calculate it... and in the end, he had lost her.

After an unknown amount of time, the sobbing gradually faded, leaving only a deathly silence. He remained in that curled-up position, motionless, as if he had merged with the all-consuming darkness.

The neon lights of the city outside the window were still flickering, casting mottled shadows on him through the gaps in the curtains, but they could not reach his eyes at all. There was only a desolation spreading from the depths of his soul and alienation from the whole world.

He had turned back into the gloomy and lonely boy in the corner of the Xihe Dance Club. Even worse than before.