Chapter 38

Time passed slowly in agony.

Feng Ling moved back to her small apartment. She blocked out all news about Ankhsu and tried to fill every inch of her life with work and trivial matters. However, the man's broken eyes and the words "I can't lose you" would always uncontrollably break into her mind in the dead of night.

One day, during her lunch break at the company, she casually clicked on an entertainment news feed. It showed a live video of Ankhsu attending a business event. He was impeccably handsome in his expensive suit, and he addressed the media's questions with a polite yet distant air. But Feng Ling's breath suddenly hitched.

He'd lost so much weight that his suit even looked a little hollow on him. As the camera zoomed in, his eyes, once softened by sparks of light because of her, now seemed like two dry wells, bottomless and covered with a layer of icy gloom and indifference even deeper than before. It wasn't the coolness he displayed on stage, but a deep, inward-looking isolation and dead silence from his surroundings.

Her heart felt as if it was being tugged at by something, causing a sharp pain.

That night, she once again suffered from insomnia. Lying on the cold bed, she replayed every detail of the argument. As the anger and heartbreak receded like the tide, she revealed deeper, more disorienting emotions.

Was she really just angry because of his concealment and calculation?

No.

When she saw him standing alone in the darkness, trembling helplessly, and when she saw his broken yet forced indifference in front of the camera, she finally understood that beneath the surging determination and resentment, there was actually overwhelming heartache.

She felt sorry for him.

She felt bad for him shouldering such a heavy burden alone. She felt bad for him putting himself in the center of a storm, subjecting himself to the wrath of millions just to keep her, all for an uncertain future. She felt bad for him, so terrified of losing, yet resorting to the most clumsy, cruel means. She blamed him, why he wouldn't discuss it with her, why he shouldered all the pressure on himself, why he... loved her so much that he could hurt himself so recklessly.

His love for her was deep, obsessive, and even destructive, but it was also pure and passionate, transcending his own safety and reputation.

The moment she realized this, Feng Ling curled up, buried her face in the pillow, and rubbed her fingers against the wind chime ring she had never taken off. Silent tears instantly soaked the fabric. All her pretense and disguise crumbled at this moment.

She missed him.

Miss him like crazy.

However, seeing his true feelings doesn't mean seeing the future. The rift in trust between them and his disturbing, overly passionate way of loving her still made her feel confused and helpless.

She needed to make a break, not only for Ankhsu, but also to clarify her own chaotic heart.

So she called Qiqi.

***

They met downstairs at Fengling Company. The afternoon sun filtered through the leaves, casting dappled shadows. Qiqi was already waiting there, still as calm and composed as ever, but deep in her eyes, a subtle hint of nervousness and anticipation lingered.

"You look... thinner." Qiqi looked at her with a gentle and concerned tone.

Feng Ling smiled, without exchanging pleasantries, and went straight to the point. His voice was calm but firm: "Qiqi, I called you here because I want to talk to you seriously."

She looked at him, her eyes clear and honest. "Thank you for coming back. Thank you for still being willing... to give me a choice. The future you described—stable, free, blessed by everyone—was truly beautiful, and it was something I once longed for."

She paused, took a deep breath, and continued, "But I can't accept it. It's not because that future is bad, but because... my heart is no longer there. It's with someone else, in that stormy, uncertain, and even terrifying world, where he is the only one."

The smile on Qiqi's face gradually froze, eventually transforming into a deep, silent sadness. He was silent for a long time, so long that the light and shadows beneath his feet shifted slightly.

"Is it him?" he asked softly, although he already knew the answer.

"Yes." Feng Ling nodded without hesitation. "I know his methods are problematic, even... dangerous. But I can't deceive myself, and I can't deceive you." Yes, she loved him. This love contained many complex things, including heartache, fear, but more importantly, a concern that could not be let go no matter what.

Qiqi lowered his head, staring at the weeds by the tree, a bitter smile curling his lips. "I understand," his voice cracked. "I've worked so hard for so long, trying to improve myself, thinking I could finally give you a perfect future... but I'm still one step too late." He looked up, his eyes slightly red, revealing undisguised pain and loss. "No, maybe it's not that I'm one step too late. From the very beginning, the moment I chose to leave, I was destined to lose the qualification to compete."

His brokenness was quiet, a respectable adult's, yet all the more heartbreaking because of it. Feng Ling looked at him, her heart filled with guilt and regret. He was so good, worthy of all the good things in the world.

"Qiqi, I'm sorry..." Apart from this, she didn't know what else to say.

"No need to say sorry." Qiqi shook her head and tried hard to force a smile, but it was more painful than crying. "There is no first come first served in love, there is only love and not love. I respect your choice." He looked at her deeply, as if he wanted to carve her appearance into his heart.

Qiqi approached her and gently embraced her. The embrace was restrained and brief, without a trace of transgression, only endless regret, blessings, and farewells. Feng Ling could feel the warmth of his embrace and the slight trembling of his body.

"You must be happy." He said in her ear in an almost inaudible voice.

Then, he loosened his grip and took a step back, his face forced to hold together a broken calm. "Let's go," he said in a low voice, "I'll watch you go."

Feng Ling's throat choked with sobs. She took one last look at him, imprinting that elegant yet lonely figure in her mind. Then she resolutely turned and left. She knew that this was the real end of their relationship.

***

Just as Feng Ling walked into the office building, a black nanny car stopped quietly at the corner of the street.

Inside the car, Ankhsu wore a hat and a mask, revealing only a pair of bottomless eyes. He struggled for a long time, the pain and longing nearly swallowing him. Today, he finally mustered the courage to come find her, even if it was just to glance at her from a distance, or perhaps... to ask for a chance to speak.

His gaze subconsciously turned towards the office building where Feng Ling worked, but suddenly stopped at the entrance of the building.

He saw Feng Ling coming out.

Immediately afterwards, Qiqi also appeared in his sight.

Then, he saw Qiqi reach out and gently embrace Feng Ling in her arms.

That hug, in his eyes blinded by despair and paranoia, was infinitely magnified, turned into attachment, turned into reluctance, turned into... what he feared the most, reconciliation.

Time seemed to freeze at that moment.

Ankhsu felt his blood suddenly flow backward, rushing to his head before freezing in the next second. His heart felt like it was being gripped tightly, then torn apart, the pain nearly suffocating him. He stared fixedly in that direction, his nails digging deep into his palms, leaving crescent-shaped blood marks, yet he felt no pain at all.

So...that's how it is.

It turns out that she left not to figure out the problems between them, but to... return to Qiqi.

It turned out that all his pain, all his struggles, and all his desperate madness were nothing but a joke in her eyes.

It turned out that he had finally lost her...completely and without any room for remorse.

She really... didn't want him anymore.

A crushing sense of despair and betrayal washed over him like a tsunami. He slumped back in his chair, feeling as if every bone in his body had been drained away, even breathing becoming difficult. His lips beneath the mask had lost all color and trembled violently. The eyes that had just shone with a glimmer of longing to see her now dimmed completely, becoming hollow and lifeless, as if all life had been drained from them.

He watched her leave, and watched Qiqi stand there for a long time before turning around.

The world collapsed around him, leaving only boundless, icy darkness. He didn't even have the energy to be angry or question anything. All that was left was a numb, bone-deep collapse from being abandoned by the whole world.

"Let's go." He uttered two words hoarsely to the driver, his voice as dry as sandpaper.

The car slowly started, driving away from this heartbreaking place. He curled up in the shadow of the back seat, buried his face deep in his palms, and his shoulders shook violently and uncontrollably. This time, there was not even a suppressed sob, only a silent, complete devastation.