Monsoon Diary

Friday, August 1, 2025

I met a girl today.

I don't know what was on her mind, but she actually wanted to jump into the sea to commit suicide.

I'm not a busybody, I just think there's too much trash in the ocean.

And if you're not afraid of death, what else is there to be afraid of?

In another sense, she was quite courageous.

It's just that courage was misplaced!

Saturday, August 2, 2025

It's been a long time since I've seen Chen Baoran and Huang Keke. They're still the same as ever, always full of energy.

I almost said I was envious.

People tend to focus on what they don't have.

There's really nothing to envy.

My head still hurts occasionally, and painkillers don't seem to help much.

My mom is still trying to persuade me to go back, but I don't want to.

What problems can be solved by going back?

I can also do a good deed here, so I guess I'll consider it an act of kindness.

Sunday, August 3, 2025

The old saying, "A dog catching a mouse is meddling in other people's business," is absolutely true.

I actually got angry.

Forget it, what does it have to do with me?

It had nothing to do with me in the first place!

However, since we're just killing time anyway, coffee is no crime.

Monday, August 4, 2025

It must be very painful to lose a family member, no wonder she is unhappy every day.

But who doesn't want to be healthy and live a long life?

If only the world had no aging, no illness.

Let's think about it another way. What if humans, like cheetahs, didn't live to old age and maintained peak physical condition until death? Would that be better?

Will he remain a boy until death?

It's a bit like hell.

Tuesday, August 5, 2025

I had insomnia again last night, so I just stayed up all night in the workshop.

When Zhong Yan asked if she was sick, she was quite startled, but it turned out she just looked unwell.

He couldn't help but say a lot of things, which she didn't like to hear.

I hate that she doesn't fight back, but I also feel sorry for her.

Wednesday, August 6, 2025

The farewell party for Wu Yuan was very lively.

I just can't help thinking about it.

After all things die, do they have souls? And where do these souls go? Will the soul still take the form of a dog?

Can a person still think after they die?

Speaking of Xiao Haiyan, she actually mentioned "You are not a fish" to me. Although I don't know if Xiao Haiyan would like to be a duck, I can still see that she is unhappy.

When her face was filled with surprise, a strange sense of satisfaction welled up inside me for no apparent reason.

It's really strange, could this be considered a disease?

Forget it, I'm mentally ill anyway.

Thursday, August 7, 2025

How could she be so naive? She believes everything I say. How did she even get into university? If I were a bad person, she would be in big trouble.

Fortunately, I am a good person.

My head hurts so much, I wish I had never grown a head.

This reminds me of a joke I saw online where someone asked why they only saw the lower half of the body cut off, but never the upper half.

If a person could live without a head, like Xing Tian, ​​wouldn't that be pretty cool?

Friday, August 8, 2025

I honed my ability to read people's expressions in the hospital; I could tell from the doctor's expression that Lily was alright.

Fortunately, nothing serious happened, otherwise there would have been another heartbroken mother in this world.

It was my first time visiting a girl's house, and I thought it would be very uncomfortable, but I was overthinking it. There was absolutely no human presence, and it was impossible to tell if it was a girl or a boy.

I don't know whether I should breathe a sigh of relief or hold my breath in anticipation.

Saturday, August 9, 2025

How long has it been since you last swam?

The doctor said that my condition is not suitable for exercise. I can't run or play basketball. Any excessive or strenuous collisions or shaking could trigger a "bomb." It's like I've stepped on a landmine, with only a 50% chance of survival.

Fortunately, swimming isn't considered strenuous exercise, right?

Floating on the water, empty your mind, don't think about anything, don't worry about anything.

I wish I could just drift away to the end of time.

Isn't this practically the same as being "dead"?

If death is like this, then there's nothing to be afraid of.

Sunday, August 10, 2025

Why would I want to touch her face?

I swear I didn't think too much about it, but it was precisely because I didn't think too much about it that I felt more uncomfortable, or perhaps "uncomfortable" isn't quite the right word.

I don't know how to describe the feeling of closeness that welled up in my heart.

It might be like encountering a soaking wet dog or cat; you'd feel pity for it and want to protect it.

Can these be considered the same?

Monday, August 11, 2025

Why do some people always emphasize ownership of items, with all these "yours" and "mine"?

This is a very strange phenomenon, much like the territorial behavior of animals.

mine……

If even "I" cannot belong exclusively to me, then what else can be "mine"?

Or is it that you can abuse it as long as you want to?

Then I could also say: My Earth, my launch pad, my Niling Island, my... Little Petrel?

She said, "Comforting others can also bring you a good mood."

I suddenly realized, "Oh, I see."

Making an unhappy person happy again is as miraculous as making a terminally ill patient recover.

Tuesday, August 12, 2025

When they found her, it was like a drowning person grabbing a piece of driftwood.

It's hard to describe her eyes.

It suddenly and abruptly lit up, like a person in an anime whose soul had been taken away and who had recovered, with bright highlights in their eyes, coming back to life.

It seems like I just suddenly realized that she is a very beautiful girl.

She's not a puppet; she's a girl with a real soul.

She's just sick.

The illness resides in the mind.

Wednesday, August 13, 2025

A bee flew by, and the flower knew.

A flower blooms, and the wind knows.

A breeze blows by, and your beautiful hair knows.

Your beautiful hair drifted by, and my eyes knew it.

Thursday, August 14, 2025

If even a little petrel can overcome its fear, you certainly can too, right?

Everything will perish with the wind, but you can rise with it.

Friday, August 15, 2025

This might be my last summer.

But it will definitely not be your last summer.

Saturday, August 16, 2025

You're so close, so close I can count your eyelashes, so close I can hear your heartbeat.

Your fingers are on my skin, separated only by a thin layer of paper.

Is that considered wiping? I feel it's more like touching.

Are you taking this opportunity to touch my face?

Am I nervous?

I don't even know what it's like to be nervous. I suddenly became very talkative.

This doesn't mean anything.

After all, professional things are very complex and require a lot of explanation.

All I know is that my face is burning hot and my ears are hot.

But I immediately saw through your lie.

Biting your lip while lying is a very bad habit; don't you know it makes people think too much?

Well, maybe it's just making me overthink.

Sunday, August 17, 2025

Chen Baoran is right, she looks beautiful when she smiles.

I want her to keep smiling.

Be a happy and joyful person.

Monday, August 18, 2025

What is liking?

I like your smile, I like your proximity, I like your company, but I dare not say it out loud.

Tuesday, August 19, 2025

Some parents are the root cause of their children's "unhappiness".

But as an outsider, all I can do is sit by a window that never lights up and try to guess her feelings.

I dare not get too close, yet I don't want to stay too far away.

Wednesday, August 20, 2025

I want her to grow up quickly so she can bravely face all the storms and obstacles in the world, but I also don't want her to grow up so fast and have to face those pains alone.

Thursday, August 21, 2025

Can time wait for me a little longer?

I want to tell her a secret.

Friday, August 22, 2025

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Saturday, August 23, 2025

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Sunday, August 24, 2025

If you're mean to me, then be nice to her.

Monday, August 25, 2025

When a person has a dream, they will have an obsession with it, letting the obsession stay with them and letting the dream encourage them.

This is all I can do for her.

Tuesday, August 26, 2025

How could I possibly leave before we've truly shared the table together?

Wednesday, August 27, 2025

Although it's a pity we don't have a single photo together, I've already pictured her face countless times in my mind.

My eyes are my camera.

Thursday, August 28, 2025

I don't know if it's a case of feeling homesick, but my headache is getting worse.

Sometimes I can't even see the phone screen clearly, and I can't hear people talking.

The brain tumor progressed more rapidly than expected, and there was nothing that could be done about it.

Now, the purpose of the treatment is more to comfort my parents and her than to treat myself.

Even when you're at your wit's end, there's still a dangerous narrow bridge; it's better than having nothing at all, right?

Friday, August 29, 2025

I know I shouldn't have said that.

But I also wanted her to know that I wanted to keep talking to her.

Will she be able to guess what I'm thinking? Will she understand my feelings?

Let me just be willful one last time.

Saturday, August 30, 2025

The surgery was forced to be moved up, so I probably won't have time to write today's diary entry tonight.

What should I say? The day hasn't even really started yet, but to make a summary is really asking too much of a question.

In these final moments, I was calmer than I had imagined.

Besides myself, the attending physician knows my physical condition best, but we are both "helpless."

He has to save lives, while I must be treated.

He comforted me, saying he would do his best to improve my chances of survival.

I said: Thank you for your help, doctor.

I really caused the doctor a lot of trouble.

If he saves me, he'll still be earning the same salary; if he doesn't, he'll face my mother's tearful onslaught.

I'm so afraid my mom will cry; even the Great Wall wouldn't stand up to her.

And then there's my dad. Every time he cries behind my back, I have to pretend I don't know. In my heart, he will always be the strong pillar of support.

I'm also worried about Xiaoyan.

My belated understanding is why some melodramatic romance dramas always have to include "breakup" scenes before a life-or-death separation.

Because a living bastard is always easier to accept than a dead love.

However, our situation is a little different.

Even though she guessed/sensed my feelings, we never actually started anything...

Time has been too harsh on me, but kind to her.

I hope she won't be sad for too long.

Because I said goodbye properly.

Sunday, August 31, 2025

(From the fixed deposit box)

My little petrel, has it taken off yet?

Monday, September 1, 2025

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Tuesday, September 2, 2025

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Wednesday, September 3, 2025

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