Bai Ye was still a little unaccustomed to this class, as Yao Yuyan had been by his side in every class before.

She would bother him from time to time, making Bai Ye feel worried. Now that she was gone, he felt lost and helpless.

I couldn't help but wonder what she was doing right now.

I habitually took out my phone and looked at my WeChat Moments.

I haven't checked my WeChat Moments for several days, and there are tons of posts from my friends there.

Some of my high school classmates posted a lot of updates on social media, showing off their relationships on anniversaries that were several months or even half a year old.

Others travel around, attending concerts, visiting tourist destinations, and enjoying local cuisine.

Bai Ye silently gave it a thumbs up.

He actually envied his classmates who traveled everywhere.

He wanted to travel but was short of money and couldn't afford to go.

He knew his classmates who traveled everywhere well during his three years of high school; their family circumstances were far beyond his own, and he couldn't afford the expenses they incurred while traveling.

Bai Ye could ask his parents for money to travel, but after entering university, he was less inclined to ask them for money. Apart from basic living expenses, he advocated not troubling his family as much as possible.

When he graduated from high school, he went to the summer vacation because he was short of money. Luckily, a good friend of his was promoting blood donation, and he could get a commission for each person he recruited.

So I went to donate blood plasma, and the first time I donated 200 units.

In the end, his parents found out and gave him a good scolding, telling him to ask them for money if he needed it, and not to get involved in things like blood donation. (I actually went, and got a real dressing down. (?_?|||))

He once asked a good friend how they could be so carefree, and the friend replied that they naturally asked their parents for money when they went on trips!

The matter-of-fact tone silenced Bai Ye.

When he was very young, his family was not well-off. His parents worked as food vendors. He was taken care of by his grandmother for a while when he was young. Later, his parents returned to their hometown to work, and he was taken back with them.

Back then, his parents always said he was immature, always wanting this and that.

Over time, Bai Ye gradually learned about the family situation and stopped hoping for more.

Later, when he saw the things his classmates had, he was envious, but he didn't ask for them.

He understood this concept when he was in the second or third grade of elementary school.

Because of his family situation, his parents never hid it from him. You could say they were carefree or indifferent, but it felt like the message they conveyed was that the family was poor.

Every time relatives come back for the Chinese New Year, Bai Ye always remains silent.

He knew that all of these relatives were richer than his own family, so he was always careful when he went to their houses for meals, and his inferiority complex would unconsciously show.

They care a lot about what their relatives think of their family.

His relatives always said he was quiet and not lively, but Bai Ye would just smile.

Her parents told her not to accept red envelopes from relatives.

Bai Ye was very obedient and always refused when offered the food. His relatives said he was very sensible.

No one understood the bitterness in Bai Ye's heart. He didn't really look forward to the New Year, and the so-called festive atmosphere had lost all its charm at this moment.

Even in elementary school, he learned to control his emotions and was quiet and reserved in front of his parents, which they interpreted as a sign of shyness.

Then ask the teacher to take extra care of your child.

The excessive care and attention from teachers was just a burden to him. He didn't need too much attention from teachers; he only hoped that school would be a passing phase, just a part of his journey through life.

As he grew older and entered junior high school, although his family's financial situation improved, his poor grades forced him to attend extra classes with his parents and teachers.

His classmates joked that his family was rich, which is why he had so many tutoring sessions.

Bai Ye remained silent, too lazy to bother with her.

Every time his parents picked him up from school, they would tell him that they hoped he would study hard.

His parents will give him whatever he wants. Your only goal is to study hard. You don't need to worry about anything else.

Bai Ye listened silently and nodded.

But parents will never understand what they are thinking.

He wanted many things, but he knew his family wasn't wealthy enough, and his parents still had to pay the teachers who tutored him.

And those teachers who tutored him, even though they were school teachers, also demanded exorbitant prices.

That's why he hates tutoring and those teachers.

He wasn't so lucky to encounter good teachers who truly cared about their students.

(When I went to the office before, I overheard my English and math teachers saying that those students came from wealthy families, so it was fine to charge higher tutoring fees. It wasn't that they disliked the teachers without reason. At the time, I was getting tutoring from these two teachers. The math teacher was new and didn't know how to set prices. I overheard them talking by the door when I went to hand in my homework. When I went in, both teachers tacitly fell silent.)

He never asked his parents for anything again. Every time his parents asked him what he wanted, he would just shake his head and say that he didn't need anything.

He was actually quite envious when his junior high school classmates played together in the city back then.

However, he didn't have much money, and he was still in the countryside, so the city was unfamiliar to him.

Although he attended junior high school in the city, his parents would pick him up and take him back home as soon as the holidays started, so he had no chance to stay.

My impression of the city has always been somewhat hazy.

He felt like a country bumpkin, completely out of place.

The Ugly Duckling always dreamed of being a swan.

His relationship with his parents has always been a peculiar one.

He found it hard to describe, which is why he really liked what Professor Luo Xiang said.

Their love is just right, not so good that it makes you grow up happily, nor so bad that it makes you treat them cruelly. This love is mixed with a dull pain, and I hate their outdated views.

My parents always say that if they don't study hard at their age, they'll amount to nothing when they enter society.

They also said that if they had the same resources back then, they would have studied like crazy.

Bai Ye wouldn't argue, because his rebuttal would only earn him a disappointed look.

When you feel wronged, no father stands up for you, and no mother comforts you.

In their eyes, there seem to be only children who are talented, studious, and strive for excellence every day.

He envied the children of wealthy families, who didn't have the same worries as him, and didn't have to suppress their desires for certain things like he did.

People often play a role they don't want to be. In the eyes of teachers, they are well-behaved and sensible students; in the eyes of friends, they are unrestrained and interesting madmen.

He wouldn't confide his troubles to his parents.

Let me quote Professor Luo Xiang again.

With no one to support you, you've been like a weed all these years, making your own haven, enduring hardship and burning passion.

Seemingly independent but actually quite vulnerable, she prefers to shoulder burdens alone, and is both insecure and sensitive.

Often, you feel like you're always alone, and home isn't that important. You can go back often, but you can't stay long. (I saw this video while watching today, and it really resonated with me. I feel like I'm saying the same thing as Professor Luo Xiang.)