Chapter 43 "Let me kiss you."...

You Xin clutched the diary tightly in his hand, trying his best to control his expression and body language so that the person opposite him wouldn't notice that he was trembling slightly all over.

In fact, the moment he suddenly had the idea to use his birthday to open the combination lock, his mind was completely blank.

An emotion called "ecstasy" instantly washed over his entire body, causing him to tremble uncontrollably.

...What did he see? What was written on it? He never imagined he would be so thirsty for words. He read about their shared experiences from another person's perspective, seeing how the other person held him dear in their heart, yet never said it aloud.

He was fully aware of his overstepping his bounds—his excessive possessiveness and unreasonable demands—and yet the other party… was willing to accept everything from him without any reservations.

You Xin stared at the words on the diary. He couldn't believe it was all real.

“I saw you say that you like me.”

Nan Zhiyi said he liked her.

You Xin felt his heart pounding, but he knew he must appear perfectly calm. He had always been this way. He absolutely couldn't show any excitement now… Calm down, calm down… It was just that little bit more, just one more step…

Then he saw Nan Zhiyi take a step back.

Nan Zhiyi looked up at him. His eyes were filled with fear.

You Xin felt as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over his head. Suddenly, he stopped trembling.

"Wait... listen to me." Nan Zhiyi struggled to organize his thoughts, each word forced out through gritted teeth. His first reaction was denial, but his flustered response betrayed him completely. "You've misread it, the person I wrote about isn't you..."

"Really?" You Xin regained her usual expressionless demeanor. "It seems you received a gift from someone else for Valentine's Day."

Nan Zhiyi twisted the hem of her clothes tightly with her hand.

"You also went to see the stars with other people in April."

"..."

You Xin glanced down at the diary, and read aloud in an oddly calm tone: "'He is my good friend'?"

"Enough!"

Nan Zhiyi suddenly shouted, his chest heaving. Then he saw You Xin immediately put down his diary, a crack appearing in his calm expression, revealing a mixture of regret and helplessness.

The tension that had gripped his body suddenly dissipated.

“…I’m sorry.” Nan Zhiyi closed his eyes and said awkwardly, “I don’t know what you’re thinking…You can pretend you didn’t see anything today, or if you feel disgusted, I won’t come looking for you again. You can do whatever you want.”

You Xin looked at his expression as if he had just told a huge joke.

“‘I’m sorry’?” he repeated.

Nan Zhiyi was taken aback: "What?"

Why are you apologizing to me?

"..."

Why?

How should he answer?

Say that because I'm a man and you're a man, this kind of feeling is "unconventional"? Say that because you treat me as a friend, but I secretly harbor other feelings for you? Say that I don't actually know what my feelings for you are, but I presumptuously categorized them as "liking," and now it's troubling both of us?

Nan Zhiyi took a deep breath.

"Um... let me explain." He forced himself to calm down. No matter what, he had to make things clear to the other person now to avoid making a bigger mistake. "It's like this, um, what I meant by 'like' was just my one-sided feeling. I won't demand anything of someone just because I like them. You can just pretend it never happened, I promise I won't bother you..."

You Xin had originally held his diary in front of him with one hand. Now he put both hands down.

"Why?" He asked this question for the umpteenth time today. "Should I pretend this never happened?"

Nan Zhiyi suddenly realized that her thoughts and the other person's thoughts might have diverged on some level.

So he asked, "So... what do you want me to do?"

You Xin: "I hope you'll be with me."

The words were as shocking as a bolt from the blue, yet the tone was as casual as discussing the weather.

This answer caught Nan Zhiyi completely off guard. All the answers he had prepared and arranged in his mind suddenly got stuck in his throat.

"Why apologize? Why not ask me what I think?"

You Xin put down his diary and took a few steps closer to Nan Zhiyi, his tone almost soft, yet carrying a hint of caution, as if afraid that he might take another step back.

"If you ask, I'll say I like you too."

Nan Zhiyi stood motionless at the doorway. The distance between the two had shrunk to just one step.

You Xin was clearly younger than him, yet he was a head taller. He looked down at Nan Zhiyi's face, his words tinged with hesitation: "You...don't you have anything to say?"

Why?

The other person's reaction was not what he had expected.

Shouldn't he be happy?

The female protagonist has long harbored a secret crush on the male protagonist, who accidentally discovers her feelings. They confess their love to each other, then embrace sweetly, leading to a fairytale ending.

He watched You Qing's TV series with a stiff nose. That's how she was portrayed in those shows.

"I like you too." So he said it again.

Nan Zhiyi felt her mind was in complete turmoil.

He had imagined the moment when his feelings would be exposed. But it would never be like this.

Now—You Xin stood half a meter away, openly and honestly uttering the words he had only dared to secretly write in his diary.

He liked it. He liked it. He chewed on the word over and over again.

Then he said, "No."

"I can't...be with you," Nan Zhiyi said with difficulty. "I'm a little...a little unprepared."

You Xinfei quickly replied, "I can wait for you. Is three days enough?"

He completely failed to grasp Nan Zhiyi's meaning. Nan Zhiyi raised a hand: "That's not the issue... You Xin, you're still too young, do you understand? I can't treat you like this, it would seem too immoral of me..."

“I’m not young anymore,” You Xin calmly pointed out. “You’re only two years older than me, not eighteen.”

"You're still young!" Nan Zhiyi raised his voice and retorted loudly, "You're still young, you don't understand what this relationship means! Have you thought about the future? I'm going to school this year, and in two years you'll be going to a place even further away. Have you thought about what will happen after that? Have you thought about your family? Have you thought about how they will treat you?"

"My affairs are none of their business," You Xin said arrogantly.

Nan Zhiyi ignored her: "Have you ever thought that you really... really like me? Have you ever thought carefully about your feelings? Have you forgotten that last month we were discussing what kind of girl you like? Did you even consider, for the very first time, whether you are a lesbian?"

“No,” he said firmly. “You just… just had a flash of inspiration after reading my diary. You said you liked me… because I’m the only friend you have, and no one else, that’s all.”

Nan Zhiyi closed her eyes.

“I don’t need you to respond to my feelings like that,” he said.

You Xin listened quietly to his long speech.

“So,” he said, “you mean you like me, but you only want to be friends with me?”

"Then I'll say the same thing to you. Do you truly like me?"

Nan Zhiyi opened his mouth. He wanted to say something, but not a single sound came out.

You Xin moved a little closer to him. Now they were only half a step apart, and he could almost feel the heat emanating from the other person.

He said, "So you are? Gay."

The topic shifted abruptly.

To be fair, if Nan Zhiyi were to answer honestly, his answer would be "I don't know," because in the first eighteen years of his life, he had never been attracted to either the opposite sex or the same sex. He had only ever been attracted to one person, and that person happened to be the same gender as himself.

But he had already made his statement, so he had no choice but to bite the bullet and say, "Yes, I am."

"You've always known who you are?"

"……Um."

“That’s great,” You Xin said softly. “Then you must know how to tell the difference.”

He suddenly moved again, and Nan Zhiyi subconsciously took a step back, bumping her back against the wall in the entryway, but You Xin just walked past him.

For a fleeting moment, Nan Zhiyi thought he was going to slam the door and leave—but in reality, You Xin reached out and grabbed the doorknob, slamming the door shut in front of him, and then skillfully turned the deadbolt.

Then, she turned around.

The two bodies were squeezed together in the narrow entryway. Nan Zhiyi instinctively turned her head to dodge, but a hand blocked her way.

“You said I don’t like the same sex, I don’t like you, and I haven’t thought carefully about my feelings.” You Xin stared into his eyes and said, word by word, “What you said actually makes sense. Right now, I don’t know if I like you or if it’s just out of dependence on a friend.”

Upon hearing this, Nan Zhiyi breathed a sigh of relief: "I did say that..."

“Maybe a kiss will tell.” You Xin interrupted him, his pupils dark and unfathomable, as if no light could penetrate them. “Let me kiss you. If I don’t feel anything, then I must not like you.”

Nan Zhiyi's eyes widened immediately.

"Varied……"

He didn't get to finish his sentence because You Xin pressed down on him.

Nan Zhiyi now believes that what You Xin told him last month, that he "had never been in a relationship," was true, because the other person's kisses were completely haphazard. Rather than kisses, it was more like venting by randomly rubbing his lips against Nan Zhiyi's face.

Meanwhile, You Xin didn't close his eyes. He rubbed against them haphazardly a couple of times, then slightly raised his eyes to meet Nan Zhiyi's gaze—something in that gaze seemed to enrage him again. He suddenly reached out and covered Nan Zhiyi's eyes, kissing her once more.

Darkness suddenly descended, and in her panic, Nan Zhiyi opened her mouth, trying to speak to stop the other person, but she happened to bump into You Xin's warm lips and tongue.

Nan Zhiyi's breath hitched. At the same time, he felt the person pressing down on him stiffen.

Everything else spiraled out of control, hot and chaotic, churning his entire consciousness into a jumbled mess.

Five minutes, or maybe ten minutes, later, Nan Zhiyi finally pushed away the person pressing down on him, coughing as he did so. His legs went weak, and he almost slid down the wall, but a hand caught him firmly around the waist.

Nan Zhiyi's short-sleeved shirt collar was pulled and slid to one shoulder, while You Xin's shirt also had a button pop open in the chaos. The two of them looked at each other, panting, and neither of them spoke for a moment.

You Xin stared at him silently for a moment, then suddenly leaned closer.

Nan Zhiyi almost thought he was going to kiss her again, but this time he just affectionately rubbed his nose against hers.

“Now I feel that I truly like you,” he said. “I also feel that since you’ve said you like me, you should take responsibility for me.”

After a long pause, she confessed in a low voice, "I've always liked you, Xiaoyi, since a long, long time ago... I didn't tell you because I was afraid it would scare you, I was afraid of losing you... Can you promise me? Please... Just take pity on me."

You Xin wrapped his arms around him, resting his head against the crook of his neck with a look of dependence, his voice almost a whisper. Nan Zhiyi felt a numbness in his heart, as if he were about to die.

He had imagined ten million possibilities for them. But he never imagined such a dreamlike ending.

a long time.

Nan Zhiyi cleared her mind of all thoughts and simply followed her own will, softly and helplessly humming in agreement.