Want to die

Miao Xingzhou was so tired at work that he had no energy left.

He gradually gave up writing novels after that.

If she had a choice, she wouldn't want it to be this way.

Mom said, "Life is so good now, but we just don't know how to be satisfied."

She watched the raindrops on the eaves... and gradually fell asleep.

High-tech mom: "What do you want to do now?"

Miao Xingzhou's eyes were glazed over. "I want to work and earn money."

Dad: "You clearly don't like working."

Miao Xingzhou: "What will I eat if I don't work?"

Sister: "Are you going to give up on your dream?"

She began to say, gradually, "How many people actually achieve their dreams?"

Sister: "Do you really think this way? Are you being fair to yourself?"

Dad: "Life shouldn't be about giving up on your dreams."

Miao Xingzhou: "I have to give it up for the sake of food!"

Looking at the novel she had once written, she said, "I can no longer pursue my dreams."

Mom: "Don't you like it?"

“I’m not suited for this job. I haven’t earned a single penny over the years, and the work is too hard. I can’t keep it up.”

Her mother touched her face. "Don't be afraid now."

Miao Xingzhou: "I'm not afraid."

Mom said, "Then go play."

She started looking at the entire simulation game pod, went inside, and soon saw countless huge monsters, including mermaids and giant seashells, looking down at them.

He and his family fled quickly, and suddenly came across a small shop where Miao Xingzhou bought a pack of instant noodles.

Then the older sister said, "We have to escape from here!"

In a dormitory, a monster was sleeping on top of her. She started to fight the monster, but instead, she started bleeding herself.

The older sister watched as she tore off the paper from the monster and stuck it on Miao Xingzhou's body, after which he stopped losing blood.

It said "Rebound" on it, then they tore off another sheet and stuck it on him...

As he saw the end, Miao Xingzhou began to wake up from his dream.

Mom said, "Go to work!"

Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."

They began to leave their cramped rented rooms to make a living.

If I could, I wouldn't want to do this.

But she felt extremely tired.

Mental exhaustion leads to physical exhaustion.

But the dream within that glory continues to illuminate itself.

She gritted her teeth and resigned again.

The look of disappointment on my mother's face when I went back home to farm was truly frightening. This fearful dream kept me from finding peace.

She returned home and looked at the novel, but couldn't write a single word; she had already passed the vibrant energy of her youth.

Mom: "Miao Xingzhou, you're really disobedient."

Miao Xingzhou: "How did I disobey?"

Mom: "You don't understand your mother at all."

Miao Xingzhou: "I want to pursue my dreams!"

If you don't see eye to eye, even half a sentence is too much.

She is still writing.

But it seems like we've fallen into a whirlpool.

My sister called.

Are you alright now?

Miao Xingzhou: "What do you mean?"

Sister: "Are you following my example and taking a break after working for a few months?"

Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."

During their conversation, Miao Xingzhou said, "I don't know whether I should continue writing novels."

Sister: "Write it if you like."

But……

Looking at my hands, I realize I'm already so big, but why do I still act like a child?

Should we give up on our dreams?

No... I can't give up!

Even if we're so poor we have to eat dirt, we must persevere!

He made up his mind and began writing novels and drawing every day.

My sister said, "You might succeed in ten years."

She smiled and said, "Ten years from now is also a good time."

The older sister looked on without saying anything.

Miao Xingzhou slowly said, "It's getting late, you should hang up and go to sleep."

Dreams are always distant and unattainable.

It became a constraint.

As I pondered how I should live, my father came over that evening and said, "Let's go sift the grain together."

Miao Xingzhou looked at the windmill, began to fill it with millet, and then started to let the millet go down by hand.

The windmill has three outlets: one for already threshed grain, one for grain that needs to be threshed twice, and one for empty grain.

They worked on it until eight or nine o'clock.

I worked for four or five hours.

Mom said, "Miao Xingzhou, the factory set a time today, saying that from now on everyone will get off work at 5:30."

Miao Xingzhou: "Okay."

She did the math and said, "Four thousand a month is pretty good."

Mom: "More than five thousand."

Mom: "Xiaojia doesn't work overtime, even when she's busy."

Miao Xingzhou: "My hand is bleeding."

Mom: "You should use a stick to make the millet go down!"

Miao Xingzhou: "No, the stick is no good."

Mom: "I don't know."

Miao Xingzhou: "Did you use a stick when you were making the windmill?"

Mom: "...Yeah, you're so silly, you're using your hands."

Then his mother urged him to take a shower quickly.

Miao Xingzhou: "Take a bath?"

He went into the bathroom, looked at the power cord of the electric fan above, and shouted, "Dad! I've got my hair done!"

Dad called from a short distance away, "Wait a minute!"

She lingered for a while, then chatted with her mother for a bit while her father was still not ready. She used a bucket to prop open the door, and then started taking a shower.

Mom: "The plug is made of iron wire, it's not safe for you to take a shower."

Miao Xingzhou said, "I used water from a bucket to wash myself, so I shouldn't have come into contact with the electric shock."

Mom: "Then I'll hang up."

Miao Xingzhou: "Don't hang it up, let's chat for a while."

After washing her hair, her mother wanted her to blow-dry it, but she said, "Just use the fan for a few seconds, I'll dry my hair."

Mom: "It's so cold, you can't use the electric fan at night!"

Miao Xingzhou sat down next to the electric fan and said, "I'll dry it with a little blowing."

When she tried to twist her hair, she realized it was dry a bit too early, and it was already nine o'clock. She said, "I'll just blow-dry my hair."

Mom smiled and said, "Mm."

After drying her hair, she scrolled through her phone for a while before finally going to sleep at 10:40.

If you can be content with what you have, you will be happy.

Even if you're imprisoned, you must try your best to live.

She watched countless people pass by; life is full of passersby.

They brushed past us...

If life just goes by like this, maybe it's not so bad.

She started looking at the computer.

When will my dreams be able to take flight?

Flying to the clouds in the sky, back to my hometown?

My mother called in the evening.

Mom said, "Aren't you going to work now?"

Miao Xingzhou: "I want to realize my dream."

Mom: "What a load of rubbish!"

She had always been rejected, so when did she start to reject her own dreams?

She looked at the game that was always played offline.

Like a person in distress who swims forward with all their might, only to lose their life in the valley.

She slowly began to stand up.

I'll continue writing then.

Suddenly, Dad came home.

She watched, and then her father left.

She lives alone.

Does she not know whether she should go all out for her dream?

For a long time afterward, she looked at her work and still felt sorrow in her heart.

After a long time, she became depressed and stayed at home, doing nothing but playing.

Her parents didn't approve of her and urged her to start working soon.

She started looking at her phone and giggling to herself.

Gradually, she began to feel lost and anxious.

There's always an emptiness in my heart.

She said slowly, "Are you really going to give up?"

Giving up your dreams for a living?

This is what they mean by things reaching their extremes and then reversing.

She slowly began to fall asleep.

Life is so depressing.

What kind of life do I want?

Is it vulgar and unbearable?

She began to feel anxious.

Is this really how life is going to turn over a new page?

No, I want to realize my dream.

Prove yourself!

She started writing novels again.

While I was sleeping, I saw countless children talking.

"Adults these days are really boring."

"Yes, people will do anything to pursue fame and fortune."

Little did they know, the present moment is the most beautiful...

Miao Xingzhou looked up and saw a huge candy above her, which then turned into a bomb and crashed down. She closed her eyes and found herself surrounded by ruins.

She began to crawl out, and a bayonet began to pierce her body. She awoke from her dream, chilled to the bone and dazed.

She slowly walked downstairs, feeling utterly worthless and full of flaws.

I guess I can only support myself by doing farm work.

She began to look at the book and write in it.

Life went on and on, with no clear path to hold onto.

When she went outside, she found that there was no hope left in her life.

Suicidal thoughts overwhelmed her, and she told her mother about them.

Mom frowned, "Why are you trying to commit suicide so comfortably at home? You're not sick, and those who are worse off than you don't even want to die!"

Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."

Mom: "You've already done very well. You didn't look at others!"

She started laughing. "You don't support me writing novels?"

Mom: "Whether you write it or not is none of my business, as long as you're doing well."

She began slowly, saying, "I am indeed very happy."

The father sitting next to me said, "Live well."

The gloom on her face vanished instantly.

She continued writing novels.

Sometimes doing farm work is unavoidable, and even if you don't have time to write novels or your progress stagnates, there's no need to be afraid.

As long as you hold fast to your dreams, even if you have to stop sometimes, you can still be happy.

You should figure out what kind of life you want.

Isn't what I want to be able to support myself and then do what I like?

It's already been achieved, shouldn't we be laughing?

She continued writing.

In the dream, the technologically advanced parents asked, "Do you want to write a novel?"

Miao Xingzhou went inside and looked at his novel, which had been adapted into a TV series.

Countless wonderful stories.

Supporting one world after another.

Miao Xingzhou began to awaken, and the infinite possibilities of the future were sure to be realized.

It's like running on a rainbow with childlike innocence, a rainbow lollipop in your hand...

When she was doing math, she couldn't solve a single problem for ages, which was really terrible.

The mother asked, "Miao Xingzhou, are you alright now?"

Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."

Mom: "Do you still want to die now?"

"I don't want to think about it anymore."

Many years passed, and after countless moments of despair, I finally woke up with a firm dream.

When she went out to the market, those people looked at her with veiled glances and spoke softly in a mocking tone.

But she's very oblivious.

Go home after shopping.

Dad is playing chess.

She started cooking.

Thinking about it, I'm pretty amazing. I've persisted in writing novels for decades while also doing farm work and housework.

These cannot be denied.

She smiled and said, "Dad, dinner's ready."

Dad mumbled a reply, and only started eating when Miao Xingzhou was almost finished.

Dad said, "I only need to cook dinner for you tonight."

Miao Xingzhou: "Hmm."

She finished cooking and started reading.

Life is getting back to normal.