16. “When I went away in the past”

The car sped into Irkutsk under the dark blue sky; night had already fallen.

The two settled in a small hotel where Fang Kaixuan had stayed one night before. It was an inconspicuous three-story building in the city center, with two single rooms.

Return to the civilized world and become a polite and respectful normal person.

"And you?"

The next morning, the two strolled along the Angara River, and Fang Kaixuan asked.

As the weather warms in the city, the urban heat island effect makes the temperature here significantly higher than on the island. A sizable group of ice sculptures that once graced the riverbank to celebrate the New Year has now collapsed into a jumble of unrecognizable ice blocks. Although the temperature remains below zero, the ice on the river has melted, and the deep green water, already carrying the scent of early spring, rushes eastward.

Ducks are indeed animals that are not afraid of the cold. Wherever they are, they are a sign that the spring river is warming up, and they come and go in groups of three or five.

Teenagers frequently passed by on bicycles or scooters along the riverbank. They were dressed smartly, as if enjoying springtime. How come teenagers everywhere in the world seem so unfazed by the cold?

When I departed, the willows were swaying gently. It was the perfect time for farewell.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to stay a while longer,” he replied.

"Are we going back to the island?"

He hesitated for a moment: "Not necessarily."

"You can't tell me the specific job details, right?"

He nodded shyly, as if embarrassed.

Fang Kaixuan wasn't unhappy about this at all. She just thought with regret that it would be better if it were in a novel, in which she could stay regardless of everything.

Who hasn't fantasized about risking everything for love? Just like every time Fang Kaixuan rewatches "The Bridges of Madison County," he prays loudly in his heart: "Aunt Mei, please go with him!"

In the film, Meryl Streep plays a housewife who, of course, doesn't elope with the handsome photographer she meets. She ultimately watches him drive away alone in the rain before returning to her bleak home, becoming a wife and mother who sacrifices everything for her family.

At that time, women could not simply leave their homes, because if they left their families, they would fall into hardship, having no foothold in terms of economics or social status.

Today is certainly very different, but unfortunately, there are no longer any reasonable scenarios in life that require eloping. Fang Kaixuan also cannot do what she hoped Meryl Streep would do, to elope with the man she met by chance and fell in love with.

Because at crucial moments in life, one cannot lose their job, and life must remain on track. A woman cannot be both divorced and unemployed; otherwise, she would truly become a complete failure in the conventional sense.

In that case, she would truly be considered crazy by her family and friends.

I absolutely cannot be the first person in my social circle to go crazy, because I'll quickly become everyone's gossip, the object of lamentations like "It's such a pity about her..." and then be subjected to speculation and criticism under the guise of pity.

No one cares about the real predicament; everyone just uses it as an excuse to sigh and feel fortunate, "At least I'm not that bad off."

Fang Kaixuan felt a chill run down his spine just imagining that scene.

So she could only repeatedly check that the ticket information was correct.

*

The next morning, they went to the airport together.

Irkutsk Airport is small, and online check-in isn't available yet; you have to arrive early and queue for a long time. The small waiting area is packed and noisy. The two of them are swept along in the crowd, constantly being jostled and stumbled. Fang Kaixuan, dragging a large, dirty suitcase, looks quite disheveled.

After finally reaching the front of the line, the Russian woman checking his documents looked impatient and launched into a tirade of incomprehensible words. Fang Kaixuan cautiously glanced at her for a signal, hurriedly handed over his documents, and inexplicably walked through the gate.

He had imagined how to say goodbye gracefully, but who would have thought it would be so rushed, without even a proper farewell. Fang Kaixuan could only turn around, shrug at him, and spread his hands.

Both of them were a little flustered and started grinning at each other until a staff member shouted something at Fang Kaixuan.

Gu Qiye waved his hand, gesturing for her to go inside.

Fang Kaixuan turned back every few steps as he entered the room amidst the impatient complaints of those behind him.

"It's been so many years since we've had this kind of elaborate farewell scene," Fang Kaixuan said with a self-deprecating laugh. Such pure and tender affection was something from at least ten years ago.

Oh my god. She suddenly realized that the last time she did this was when Chen Zhilun took her to the airport.

At that time, Fang Kaixuan lived in Shanghai and had just graduated from university and started working. Chen Zhilun had also just graduated, but his first job was an overseas assignment to the distant and unfamiliar African continent.

Fang Kaixuan rushed to Beijing to see him, but it wasn't a private meeting. That day, a group of old classmates and friends were seeing Chen Zhilun off, and they all went to a karaoke bar together. Before the party ended, Fang Kaixuan's flight back to Shanghai was approaching, and she had to leave early. Chen Zhilun offered to take her to the airport alone.

Nobody thought anything of it, because they had always been good friends.

Fang Kaixuan still remembers that day, her mind wandering, and having to pretend to be natural in front of a group of old friends, which was particularly difficult. Reluctantly, at the urging of her friends, she sang that one and only song.

I've traveled across the ocean to see you.

It is said that this song was created because Taiwanese singer Wawa fell in love with a man from Beijing and traveled across the ocean to visit her lover every time, thus writing this classic work.

Fang Kaixuan arrogantly thought that this seemed to be written for them, so fitting and heartbreaking.

I even practiced my breathing repeatedly for this reunion.

Before the song had even finished, Fang Kaixuan got up. Chen Zhilun silently accompanied her downstairs and hailed a taxi. In those days, ride-hailing services weren't popular; there were only yellow and green taxis, and the drivers were often exceptionally talkative, knowing everything about astronomy and geography.

Even the driver remained silent that day. The car quickly entered the airport expressway. Fang Kaixuan vividly remembered that it was the transition period between late autumn and early winter in Beijing. The tall poplar trees along the roadside had lost all their leaves, leaving only bare branches against a backdrop of a vast, gray-blue sky, resembling a meticulously painted scene. The cries of crows were particularly mournful.

The two sat silently in the back seat of the car. Fang Kaixuan felt he had countless words in his heart, but didn't know where to begin; any words at this moment seemed too frivolous.

Chen Zhilun remained silent. He knew Fang Kaixuan's feelings perfectly well, but with Fang about to embark on a long journey, he had nothing to say.

If she had no feelings for him, why would she travel so far to see him?

If he had no feelings for her, why would he deliberately create an opportunity to see her off alone?

But I have to leave just like that.

Upon arriving at the airport, Chen Zhilun escorted her to the security checkpoint. She still couldn't speak, but tears flowed silently.

Neither of them uttered a word, but at the final moment of parting, it was truly a grand send-off, with them turning back again and again.

Of course, it was painful at that time, but Fang Kaixuan knew in his heart that he also missed her. So on the flight back to Shanghai, although she couldn't stop crying, what welled up in her heart was a complex emotion mixed with bitterness and happiness.

If the story had ended there, Fang Kaixuan might still be savoring those complex emotions.

If only life could always be like the first time we met, how wonderful that would be.

Just like on this day, Fang Kaixuan hurriedly joined the boarding queue, the plane soared into the clouds through the snow and ice, and Irkutsk receded further and further away. She couldn't help feeling sad, but she had no regrets.

That's enough, that's all. There's no need for any further developments, because life is unpredictable, no one can withstand the trials, and everyone inevitably becomes ugly over the long years.

So it's best to stay here.

Back in Beijing, Fang Kaixuan's first task was to do her research, trying to find a perfume that could perfectly recreate the scent of ice and snow. The northern landscape of Mentitulosa, Byredo's Supercrust, Serge Lutens's glass wool and cold water—even though perfume manufacturers know how to use ozone to mimic the smell of cold air and fatty aldehydes to create a clean, soapy feel, in the end, it's always too sweet, too warm, too delicate. No one can replicate the unforgettable scent of ice and snow she had smelled in the frigid north.

That's the taste of the ends of the earth and a cold wonderland. It's something money can't buy, something that can't be mass-produced; it's something you can only experience by investing your heart, time, and traveling thousands of miles—a truly unique experience.

///

I got to eat something good this weekend! So happy!

I suddenly realized that during the "new work signing" period, I need to update "at least every other day," so I quickly updated a chapter.

I love it so much!!!