Chapter 6

Zhao Yanqi's affection for Sang Sui increased dramatically starting from the last incident where the novel was confiscated.

She and Sang Sui would chat occasionally before, but it was just ordinary conversation, or polite exchanges like "excuse me" or "hand in homework".

After all, Sang Sui always seemed indifferent to everyone, and she wasn't willing to fawn over anyone.

But ever since the filter was added, even when faced with Sang Sui's cold face, Zhao Yanqi would think she was cute with a cold face, and then she would take the initiative to talk to her with a smile.

Sang Sui was simply quiet, but not indifferent. If Zhao Yanqi was enthusiastic and proactive, she would give some feedback.

After spending more time together, Zhao Yanqi discovered that although Sang Sui seemed very well-behaved and quiet, and sometimes even had a cold and unapproachable vibe, he was actually quite endearing in a contrasting way.

Zhao Yanqi thought Sang Sui would be a bookworm who only reads books obsessively, but in fact, she would also enjoy reading the ambiguous scenes in the romance novels that Zhao Yanqi recommended, and even blush.

Occasionally, Sang Sui can also have a very cute side. She will secretly bite her fingers, deliberately step in puddles on rainy days, and occasionally tell some abstract, lame jokes.

Qiao Chunchao realized something was wrong: "When did Zhao Yanqi and Sang Sui become so close?"

“Who knows? Zhao Yanqi borrowed a new copy of ‘Purple Years’ from the used bookstore, but she won’t let me read it. She gave it to Sang Sui first.” He Lili shook her head: “My position in Zhao Yanqi’s heart is in jeopardy.”

Zhao Yanqi comforted her, saying, "It's a tie for first place. You're all my best friends."

"Bullshit." He Lili twitched her lips: "You've already changed your mind, you stinky Qiqi."

In truth, Sang Sui never imagined that she and Zhao Yanqi would become so close, even secretly reading romance magazines during class. Zhao Yanqi held a copy of "Angel," while Sang Sui held "Purple Years," reading the heart-wrenching love stories of youth, projecting her own experiences onto them, sometimes struggling with conflict, sometimes bursting into tears.

She had a feeling of "falling into depravity".

But high school is when the "artistic obsession" is most intense; internal remorse only accounts for a small part, while enjoyment accounts for the majority.

Imagine yourself with a melancholy expression, feel the bubbles rising from the depths of your heart, and savor the heart-wrenching sorrow in the words.

Sang Sui suddenly understood why Zhao Yanqi loved reading so much, and was willing to save money on meals to borrow a bunch of books to read.

During one evening self-study session, Sang Sui suddenly had a very nonsensical conversation with Zhao Yanqi.

Zhao Yanqi said, "Actually, I want to be an artistic woman, the kind with long flowing hair, wearing a white dress, holding a book in my hand, and speaking in a very ladylike manner. Sometimes I even fantasize about whether I can write my own book in this lifetime."

Sang Sui: "But why did you cut your hair short?"

Zhao Yanqi's appearance is completely different from what she wants to become.

Zhao Yanqi said with some regret, "Because my grades weren't good, if I focused solely on academics, I definitely wouldn't get into a good university, so I could only be a sports student, which meant I had to cut my hair short."

If Sang Sui were in his twenties, he would definitely say some more realistic things.

But Sang Sui was only fifteen years old at the time.

The youth are fearless, sincere, and passionate.

So Sang Sui rested his chin on his hand, stared intently at Zhao Yanqi, and said in a very serious tone, "Life is still long, why can't we become the people we want to be?"

“But I’m a sports student now,” Zhao Yanqi sighed.

Sang Sui: "As long as you are willing, you can write whatever you want anytime, and maybe you will become a best-selling author in the future."

"I wish I had met you sooner." Zhao Yanqi said in a tone of regret for not having met her sooner: "They used to say that I was having a relapse of my teenage years, after all, I'm someone who barely passed Chinese."

"Maybe so, but having dreams is a good thing."

Zhao Yanqi: "Is there anyone you want to become?"

Sang Sui said almost without hesitation, "I want to be a doctor in the future."

"Why?"

Sang Sui replied playfully, "Because of love and peace."

It's often said that you start to resemble your friends more and more as you spend time together, and there's some truth to that.

Under Zhao Yanqi's influence, Sang Sui read many romance magazines and literary books.

Sang Sui also shared the playlist recommended by Liang Fengshen with Zhao Yanqi. At first, Zhao Yanqi didn't like it, but later she fell in love with the song "Creep".

Zhao Yanqi: "The songs you chose are all so good."

“It wasn’t my choice, it was…” Sang Sui thought of Liang Fengshen, but dared not say his name directly, and said in a very soft voice, “He is a friend.”

"This song sounds so sad, but I really like it."

"Me too."

Do you know what this song is about?

Sang Sui said, "It's about unrequited love and the pain of unrequited love."

A one-sided love that cannot be obtained.

It was indeed very bitter.

The wind in mid-to-late May carried a hint of coolness, causing the red banners fluttering in front of the teaching building. The first monthly exam mobilization meeting was about to begin, and students from each class surged into the auditorium like a tide.

Sang Sui deliberately slowed her pace, trailing at the very back of Class 7's line. Her gaze pierced through the throng of people, landing precisely on Class 6's line.

She did see him.

Liang Fengshen stood in the middle of the line, wearing a neatly pressed school uniform, with a section of his slender neck showing through the collar of his white shirt.

"I heard that the last math question in this monthly exam was at competition level," Cheng Xiao whispered in Liang Fengshen's ear.

Liang Fengshen casually twirled the pen in his hand: "Don't be too nervous, the other questions are only as difficult as last week's mock exam."

"Of course you think it's easy." Cheng Xiao sighed dramatically. "By the way, what are your plans for the college entrance exam break in June? Want to go out and have some fun?"

"I need to prepare for my piano exam. Also, my music teacher recommended I participate in the city's solo competition."

Their conversation drifted intermittently into Sang Sui's ears. She pretended to adjust her collar, but her eyes kept following that figure out of the corner of her eye. The slight upturn of his lips when he spoke, the slight furrowing of his brow when he was thinking—every subtle expression made her unable to look away.

Cheng Xiao suddenly nudged Liang Fengshen with his elbow and said in a low voice, "It looks like there's a girl in Class 7 looking at you."

Sang Sui's heart skipped a beat, and she hurriedly lowered her head, her cheeks burning. She could feel her heart pounding in her ears, as if trying to break free from the confines of her chest.

Liang Fengshen didn't even look up, calmly saying, "You're being too sensitive."

Cheng Xiao curled his lip: "I think you don't care because so many girls like you!"

At that moment, Sang Sui couldn't tell whether she felt relieved or disappointed. She was like a thief, secretly collecting every moment about him, while he didn't even care about her existence.

After the mobilization meeting ended, the crowd surged toward the auditorium exit like a tide. Sang Sui was pushed forward by the flow of people, and at the corner of the stairs, she inadvertently caught a glimpse of a familiar figure.

Lin Shuning stood under the sycamore tree, her hands clasped nervously in front of her. Her long hair swayed gently in the autumn breeze, and the setting sun cast a soft glow upon her.

Liang Fengshen stood opposite her, maintaining a just-right distance.

"I like you." Lin Shuning's voice was soft, yet it reached Sang Sui's ears clearly. "I've liked you ever since I first saw you speaking on the podium at the beginning of our first year of high school."

Liang Fengshen listened quietly, his face showing no change in expression.

He spoke only after Lin Shuning finished, his voice gentle yet distant: "Thank you for your appreciation. But I'm sorry, my mind is currently focused on my studies and music."

Lin Shuning's eyelashes fluttered slightly, but she quickly smiled politely: "It's alright. I just wanted to tell you how I feel."

Her back was ramrod straight as she turned to leave, like an elegant swan. After a few steps, she turned back and smiled at Liang Fengshen: "I will definitely make you fall in love with me!"

There were quite a few onlookers, but Lin Shuning showed no embarrassment whatsoever. He left with those words and turned to walk away with an air of nonchalance.

"How embarrassing, to be rejected in public," a girl nearby whispered.

"Exactly, if it were me, I'd want to crawl into a hole and disappear."

As Sang Sui watched Lin Shuning's retreating figure, a complex mix of emotions welled up within him.

Unrequited love is a grand and joyful secret in youth, but if you don't bravely express it, it's nothing more than a one-person show of self-indulgence.

She admires Lin Shuning.

She also aspires to be like Lin Shuning.

Even if you are rejected, it's not a shameful thing.

She just happened to lack that courage, so she felt regret and bitterness, tossing and turning at night, unable to let go.

That afternoon, Sang Sui and Zhao Yanqi went to the used bookstore again.

The stall owner was a kind old man who always sat in a wicker chair reading a newspaper, a pair of reading glasses perched on his nose. The bookshelf was very simple; the bookshelves made of a few wooden planks were yellowed and densely packed with old books, and the air was filled with the musty smell of paper and the fragrance of ink.

Zhao Yanqi skillfully navigated the romance novel section, while Sang Sui strolled towards the literature section. As she carefully browsed the spines of the books on the shelves, she suddenly heard a clear, crisp voice nearby:

"Boss, do you still have 'Gen Bird' here?"

Sang Sui's heart skipped a beat.

The voice was all too familiar, it had appeared in her dreams countless times, like a gentle spring breeze that easily stirred her heartstrings.

She quietly turned to the side and saw Liang Fengshen standing in front of the counter, his white shirt sleeves casually rolled up to his elbows, revealing his smooth forearms.

The boss took out the book "Gen Bird" from the drawer. The cover was worn and the corners were slightly curled.

Liang Fengshen took the book, his fingertips lightly tracing the cover. Sang Sui saw the corners of his lips slightly upturned, a very faint smile, yet it made her heart skip a beat.

She hurriedly turned around, pretending to look for something on the bookshelf, and only dared to raise her head after Liang Fengshen's figure disappeared at the alley entrance.

"Was that Liang Fengshen just now?" Zhao Yanqi approached unnoticed, holding two romance novels. "He actually came here to borrow books too."

Sang Sui didn't reply, but instead walked to the counter and asked, "Do you still have 'Gen Bird'?"

"The last one has already been borrowed by a boy," the shopkeeper said with a smile. "Cao Wenxuan's books are always in high demand."

"I see." Sang Sui's tone was a little regretful.

The shopkeeper looked up, adjusted his reading glasses, and said, "Why don't you take a look at Cao Wenxuan's other works? 'Bronze Sunflower' is quite good too."

Sang Sui hesitated for a moment, then nodded gently.

The shopkeeper pulled out a copy of "Bronze Sunflower" from the bottom shelf. The cover featured a golden sunflower field that shimmered in the sunlight.

"Why did you suddenly want to watch Cao Wenxuan's videos?" Zhao Yanqi asked curiously on the way back.

Sang Sui hugged the book to his chest, gazing into the distance: "I just wanted to take a look."

At the time, she did not know Cao Wenxuan.

Just thinking about it, this is probably the only chance I'll have to cross paths with him.

2013.05.16

Today, I witnessed a courageous confession. The girl named Lin Shuning, knowing she might be rejected, still resolutely expressed her feelings.

And I could only hide in the shadows, secretly gazing up at that radiant boy. My affection would never see the light of day.

Perhaps that's what youth is like—always leaving behind some regrets. Those unspoken words eventually transform into the spring breeze.

But I so wish that one day I could be as brave as her. Even if I'm rejected, at least I tried.