Chapter 78

They can never go back to the past.

On New Year's Eve, thousands of lights shone outside the window.

Cheng Jiamo sat alone at the dilapidated dining table in her rented room, smelling the aroma of other people's food while eating the frozen dumplings she had overcooked.

She kept stuffing dumplings into her mouth until it was so full she couldn't keep them out, tears streaming down her face, falling onto the peeling, flaky dining table.

Just an hour ago, she received a call from her aunt.

My aunt's voice choked with sobs as she said on the phone, "Jiamo, your mother died in a car accident."

Cheng Jiamo felt a buzzing in her head and froze, her mind going blank for a moment.

Aunt: "I know you hate your mother, hate her for taking you to Thailand and making you suffer so much."

Aunt: "But actually she was also helpless. She didn't expect Yu Shijie to treat you like that. It's not that she didn't love you, it's just that she was too cowardly. She didn't have the ability to protect you, nor the ability to give you a good life. Her biggest mistake was her weakness and incompetence."

Aunt: "Your mother's body will not be brought back, nor can it be brought back. It will be cremated directly in Taijing. After the New Year, Yu Shijie will bring her ashes back to Qucheng. I hope you can come back and attend her funeral. After all, she is your mother."

After hanging up the phone, Cheng Jiamo cried so hard she couldn't breathe. She didn't know whether she was crying because she would no longer have a mother, or because of her own lonely and miserable fate.

In fact, even when her mother was alive, it was as if she didn't exist.

But now, she's completely gone.

When a person dies, no matter how many mistakes they made in life, it seems to vanish with their last breath.

She thought of her mother's kindness. At that time, she was still in elementary school, her mother had not yet married Yu Shijie, and she had not yet gone to Taijing.

She and her mother lived at her maternal grandmother's house. One year, there was an earthquake in Qucheng. It wasn't a very big earthquake, only a magnitude 3 or 4 earthquake, but the house still shook, mainly because the house was too dilapidated and old.

It was nighttime, and she was half asleep when the earthquake suddenly struck. The house and bed shook, and she cried out in fright. Her mother quickly picked her up, carried her outside, and patted her back to comfort her, saying, "Don't be afraid, Momo, don't be afraid, Mommy's here."

Thinking of those things, Cheng Jiamo buried her face in her hands on the dining table and burst into tears.

Her aunt asked her to return to Qucheng after the New Year to attend her mother's funeral. She neither agreed nor refused, and said nothing. She just silently hung up the phone because she was crying so hard that she couldn't speak.

Auntie might think she still hates Mom, but actually she doesn't. She did hate her before, but that was when she was in Taekyong.

She has been back in China for almost six years, and those six years have long since diluted all the resentment and hatred.

The TV was showing a festive Spring Festival Gala song and dance program, but Cheng Jiamo couldn't stop crying. Suddenly, as if possessed, she thought of He Qingzhao.

Last New Year's Eve, she spent it with He Qingzhao in Nanyuan.

On New Year's Eve, she had dinner with He Qingzhao. After dinner, she dragged He Qingzhao out to build a snowman with her. It got too cold afterward, so He Qingzhao forcibly carried her back into the house. She snuggled in He Qingzhao's arms to watch TV, and He Qingzhao held her hands to warm them.

Actually, she had thought about spending her life with He Qingzhao back then. After all, she lost her family at a young age and had been living a nomadic life. She longed for the warmth of a family and for someone to accompany her.

She was afraid of being alone, but she didn't like too much noise and bustle. She just wanted someone to be with her.

This is why she still helped Li Zhuyue even though she knew that Li Zhuyue was being kind to her while also taking advantage of her. It was because Li Zhuyue had been there for her during her two loneliest years in high school.

For four years—high school sophomore and senior year, and college freshman and sophomore year—Li Zhuyue always spent Chinese New Year with her. If it weren't for Li Zhuyue, she would have had to spend the New Year alone.

He Qingzhao spent the Lunar New Year with her during her junior year of college, and she even thought that she would spend every year with He Qingzhao from now on.

But later, she never imagined that those things would happen.

This year, her senior year of college, she spent the Lunar New Year alone in an unfamiliar city. Being alone wasn't a big deal in itself; she had already prepared herself for spending the holiday alone when she decided to escape Beijing and leave He Qingzhao on New Year's Day.

But then she received devastating news: her only blood relative in the world had passed away. From then on, she was truly all alone in this vast world.

Cheng Jiamo suddenly felt immense sadness, and cried so hard that her chest ached terribly.

When people feel helpless and desperate, they will dig out the only bit of sunshine and sweetness they have ever felt and savor it again.

She couldn't help but think of He Qingzhao, of how good he had been to her, and of the sweetness he had given her.

So she picked up her phone, dialed the number she knew by heart, and shamelessly sent the congratulatory text message. But she never expected that He Qingzhao was already married and demanding repayment.

In fact, Cheng Jiamo didn't take much money from He Qingzhao. He Qingzhao gave her a black card and a card with tens of millions of yuan in savings. When she left, she didn't take any cards with her, nor did she take any jewelry. She only had more than 200,000 yuan of pocket money that He Qingzhao had transferred to her in her mobile phone account.

She returned all the money to He Qingzhao. Originally, she didn't have to return it, but the moment she saw the message, anger surged to her head, and she agreed without thinking.

After reconnecting with He Qingzhao as a friend, Cheng Jiamo came to her senses. She felt that those words didn't sound like something He Qingzhao would say. Based on her understanding of He Qingzhao, even if he was angry, he wouldn't be so rude as to ask her to pay back the money. Or rather, given He Qingzhao's arrogance, he would never do something like asking her to pay back the money, since 200,000 yuan was nothing to him.

But if it's not He Qingzhao herself who can send messages using He Qingzhao's phone, then who else could it be? The answer isn't hard to guess.

Because when she was with He Qingzhao, she would take his phone to reply to messages for him, and she even used his phone to trick Secretary Li into revealing information.

Cheng Jiamo already had the answer in her heart, so even though she was full of questions, she didn't ask. She still transferred the money, deleted He Qingzhao again, and blocked all his numbers.

From this moment on, He Qingzhao became a thing of the past for her.

At the end of April, Cheng Jiamo returned to school after finishing her internship.

Four months later, she returned to northern Beijing. The moment she stepped out of the high-speed rail station and smelled the crisp, dry air of the north, she had a strange feeling of being in another world.

Writing papers and defending them kept them busy until June. On the day of their official graduation, all four of them cried.

A meal together, then farewell.

Cheng Jiamo didn't have many belongings; some were even left with He Qingzhao. Many of her books couldn't be taken with her and had to be sold as scrap.

When they parted at the school gate, her three roommates hugged her and saw her off to the car with tears in their eyes.

Ding Qiaoqiao waved to her with red eyes: "Cheng Jiamo, good luck!"

Zhang Wenqian waved goodbye with tears in her eyes, saying, "You must come back to see us!"

Xia Mei pouted and cried. She wiped away her tears, ran to the car, and said, "Mo Mo, happy graduation, and may your future be bright."

Cheng Jiamo forced a smile through her tears and said, "Goodbye."

Not far away, a black Hongqi car made of military-grade materials was parked. He Qingzhao, wearing sunglasses, sat in the car, watching Cheng Jiamo say goodbye to her roommates, watching her get on the bus and leave. He also left, rushing to the airport to go abroad for eye treatment.

Cheng Jiamo didn't look back; she left completely.

After that parting, she never returned to Beijing for the next five years.

-

When it rains, the area south of Beijing becomes Jinling, where "the old stories of the Six Dynasties have flowed away with the water," reminding people of the Qinhuai River where "smoke shrouds the cold water and the moon shrouds the sand."

Cheng Jiamo accompanied her boss to discuss business and took the opportunity to stroll along the Qinhuai River. Standing by the river, she watched young girls taking photos and checking in; some were groups of girlfriends, while others were young couples holding hands.

Actually, she's still young, only twenty-seven years old this year. She hasn't even turned twenty-seven yet, and her twenty-seventh birthday is still two months away, but she feels like she's already very old.

Looking at the groups of sisters or young couples dressed in ancient costumes, she couldn't help but smile.

She recalled some beautiful yet distant memories. Years ago, she and He Qingzhao had also visited Jingnan. It was shortly after they started dating; she was only nineteen then, which was eight years ago.

He Qingzhao always liked to maintain his status and would never hold hands with her while strolling around Confucius Temple, much less squeeze with her to take photos in the crowded Qinhuai River.

She met the least suitable man for a relationship at the best age of her life.

"Little girl, would you like to have your picture taken? You're so pretty, let's take a set. You and your boyfriend can take a set of couple photos of Chen Yuanyuan and Wu Sangui."

Nineteen-year-old Cheng Jiaming looked up at He Qingzhao, grabbed his hand and shook it: "Let's take a set, I want to take one."

He Qingzhao glanced at the dirty and cheap ancient costume, his brows furrowed so deeply they could trap a fly, his disdain undisguised.

He pulled Cheng Jiamo away, and only stopped after walking a long way. He said to her, "Those clothes are too dirty. If you really want to film, when we get back, I'll have He Lin bring over a few new costumes, and we'll go to the film studio and film to our hearts' content."

Cheng Jiamo wasn't happy at all after hearing this. What she wanted wasn't to take ancient costume photos, but to take a set of couple photos with He Qingzhao in this kind of atmosphere.

But she didn't show any dissatisfaction. She just forced a smile and obediently agreed, "Okay, I'll do whatever you say."

He Qingzhao patted her head with a gentle smile: "Momo is such a good girl."

Coming to her senses, Cheng Jiamo was about to leave when a woman in her forties stopped her and asked, "Young lady, would you like to take some photos? You're so pretty, why don't you take a set? You and your boyfriend can take a set of couple photos of Li Xiangjun and Hou Fangyu."

Cheng Jiamo smiled and replied, "Sorry, I don't have a boyfriend."

She had barely finished speaking when she looked up and froze completely.

Five years have passed, and she never imagined she would meet He Qingzhao in this way.

He wore white casual trousers, a white cotton shirt with Chinese knot buttons, a white top hat with a black brim, sunglasses, and a folding fan inscribed with the words "The world belongs to all"—he looked like a refined and elegant scholar from the Republic of China era who had stepped out of a book.

In that instant, she felt as if she had returned to the scene when she was sixteen years old and first met him.

Beneath the golden Bodhi tree, dressed in a white suit, he exuded an air of refined elegance, like a gentle breeze and a bright moon.

A deep, clear voice rang out, accompanied by a gentle smile: "Boss, do you have costumes for Chen Yuanyuan and Wu Sangui?"

Even the voice is just as it was back then.

The boss readily agreed, "Yes, yes, handsome, come with me."

Cheng Jiamo looked away, pretending not to see him, and turned to leave when a folding fan suddenly blocked her way.

He held a folding fan with long, slender fingers that had distinct knuckles, blocking her view: "Beautiful lady, since you don't have a boyfriend, coincidentally, I don't have a girlfriend either. Would you like to take a set of photos with me?"

Cheng Jiamo: "..."

He Qingzhao smiled elegantly, fanning himself with a folding fan: "Eight years ago, my girlfriend and I came here. She wanted to take couple photos of Chen Yuanyuan and Wu Sangui, but I didn't go with her. We broke up later, and now I want to take a set with her again. I wonder if I can make up for it?"

Cheng Jiamo suppressed the soreness in her throat and hurriedly turned her head away: "I'm sorry, I can't help you with this."

She turned and left, even looking somewhat disheveled.

They've been separated for five years, and even if he hasn't gotten married, they can't go back to the way things were.

Just like the area south of Beijing today, it can never be transformed back into Nanjing.