Chapter 36 His Atonement: "I will not forgive you."

Lou Yanxu did not respond to his overwhelming joy, calmly averting her gaze and standing to the side with her hands at her sides.

Like a bucket of cold water poured over his head, Xu Congjing's rationality returned abruptly. His past actions flashed through his mind again and again, and he was immediately ashamed and had no face to see her.

The two monarchs sat facing each other, and the discussion began. Lou Yanxu spoke eloquently. Xu Congjing was in a daze, recalling the days when she was imprisoned in the mansion, spending her days in tears. Now, he seemed to return to Lou Yanxu before she came of age, bright as a flower and radiant.

I regretted not being able to slap myself twice right there, so when no one was paying attention, I turned around and hurriedly stepped out the door as if I were running away. I leaned against the wall and indeed slapped myself several times in anger.

Clutching her chest, she calmed herself, then reassured herself that at least she was still alive, and he still had a chance to atone. She turned and went back inside.

The negotiations went very smoothly, and Lou Yan finally had a chance to put her lifelong learning to use. When the King of Annam left, Emperor Xiaokang was still smiling.

"You did well today." His handsome face was unusually relaxed, and he didn't hold back his praise. "Tell me, what reward do you want? If you refuse again this time, you will be disrespecting me."

Lou Yanxu's heart pounded, and a voice roared and howled in her ears.

But she was uneasy, wondering what Emperor Xiaokang was planning. Whether his words were a test or sincere was still unknown. After a moment's thought, she smiled faintly and said, "I come from a merchant family and am just an ordinary person. Your Majesty, why don't you bestow some more gold and silver jewelry upon me?" As the saying goes, haste makes waste, and besides, emperors are inherently suspicious. Acting too hastily might not be a good thing. She decided to remain still.

Which merchant would complain about having too much money? It would be reasonable for him to ask for more money after being rewarded last time. But Emperor Xiaokang smiled mysteriously and said, "But I do not wish to bestow gold and silver jewelry upon you today."

"?"

What does this mean? Lou Yanxu was stunned, her fingers unconsciously tapping her thigh, her eyes flashing with a deep light.

Xu Congjing looked up and, based on his understanding of Emperor Xiaokang, knew that this was definitely not a good thing. Just as he was about to smooth things over, Lou Yanxu spoke up, "Let the Emperor decide."

"If I were to bestow upon you the position of Director of the Court of State Ceremonial, would you dare to accept it?" Emperor Xiaokang was still smiling, but this smile was not as genuine as before.

Wave after wave of attacks caught Lou Yanxu off guard. She slightly raised her eyes and saw Emperor Xiaokang's lips curving into a long smile, a smile that chilled her to the bone.

She knelt down nimbly. "The Emperor wants to bestow an official position upon a commoner like me? But all officials in the court are men. I am a woman, and the daughter of a merchant. This is probably inappropriate." Although things were developing exactly as she wished, who was Emperor Xiaokang? How could she be easily manipulated? Bringing up the matter of an official position now was probably an attempt to use her for personal gain.

But what could one possibly gain from her? If one couldn't figure it out, then one shouldn't fall into the trap. But if the emperor had made up his mind, and others refused, they would be considered ungrateful.

"Our Great Jin Dynasty has always selected officials based on their abilities. Whether you are a woman or a merchant, if you have the skills, who dares to question you?" Emperor Xiaokang's face darkened with displeasure, and his voice grew colder. "You dare not accept?"

These words seemed to be a show of support for her, indicating that Emperor Xiaokang was determined to have her accept the decree. This was for the best; it was different from the emperor personally issuing the decree compared to her requesting it. With the emperor's backing, she could stand a little taller.

Xu Congjing frowned. There were precedents of women holding official positions throughout history, but breaking with tradition always came at a price. The officialdom was a den of wolves and tigers, a place of fierce competition and bloodshed where one wrong move could leave nothing but bones. He looked worriedly at Lou Yanxu, who was just about to step forward when she readily agreed, "His Majesty himself has spoken; it is my good fortune to give it a try."

"Good, I didn't misjudge you." Emperor Xiaokang chuckled with delight, his eyes sharper than those of a tiger or wolf.

Lou Yanxu wasn't oblivious, but if she refused again, she might be killed in no time. Besides, a woman's safety depended on power; this was her grandmother's wish, and the wish of countless women across the world. She wanted to forge such a path, to find out the true culprit who murdered her brother and her sister Rou, and to earn her own place in the world.

Therefore, she had no choice but to accept this imperial decree.

"Your Majesty, please forgive me, but I dare to ask a few more questions." Her eyes were bright. "There was a trial implementation of a female official system before. I wonder if Your Majesty intends to do the same? In the future, will women be able to become officials through the imperial examinations, just like men?"

Xu Congjing looked over suddenly and, in a flash, understood the magnitude of her plan.

Turning her head, she saw Emperor Xiaokang meet her gaze. Suppressing her myriad thoughts, she said in a deep voice, "Whether women can take the imperial examinations in the future depends on your career path as an official."

Thus, she understood.

On the day of the Empress Dowager's birthday banquet, when Yue Zong proposed setting a precedent for "severing ties of righteousness," Emperor Xiaokang's eyes gleamed with a shrewd light, eager to make her a figure of great historical significance. As before, he was using her self-sacrifice to save the Emperor to raise the issue of female officials, sending her to spearhead the effort. If successful, it would establish a precedent for women's imperial examinations, ensuring Emperor Xiaokang's lasting fame, and she would also benefit; if it failed, she would be the source of all evil, and everyone would want her dead.

In the end, he distanced himself from the situation. If he succeeded, he would be basking in glory; if he failed, he would proceed step by step. He had made a good plan!

She had no choice but to admit, "This humble woman understands, thank you, Your Majesty."

"Step down."

Xu Congjing frowned, unable to hide his worry, and said, "I will see Lady Lou off."

Lou Yanxu didn't react and turned to leave alone.

He strode after him, "Where have you been lately? I've searched everywhere for you but can't find a trace of you."

She scoffed, "If I easily let you know, wouldn't you drag me back and lock me up in that four-cornered sky for the rest of my life?"

Don't even think about her being a dutiful mistress! Since returning from Annam, she has become incredibly wealthy and has a royal decree on her side, so she figured he wouldn't dare to act recklessly. Nevertheless, she quickened her pace and left.

When asked about his past mistakes, Xu Congjing was speechless and could only offer a dry reply, "I was worried about you."

But the person in front of him was no longer Lou Yanxu, who had eyes for him. She wouldn't hug him to comfort him, but would only give a mocking smile, "No need, you should worry about yourself."

Although Emperor Xiaokang is not pursuing the matter of his dereliction of duty now, he keeps it in mind. If he makes another mistake, it is not impossible for him to be punished for multiple crimes.

These words were clearly sarcastic, but to him they sounded like words of concern. A surge of joy rose within him, and he almost disregarded the stares of those around him as he reached out to take her delicate hand, "Wanwan..."

However, at this moment, Lou Yanxu saw Yun Bing and interrupted him, "Someone has come to pick me up, Xu Situ, please wait."

Looking up, I saw a young man waiting by the carriage. He was wearing a light blue round-necked robe, his posture was as upright as a pine tree, and his nose was high and straight under his black turban.

Xu Congjing froze, his ears ringing, the two sentences echoing in his mind: "Someone picked me up again, someone..."

She has someone else by her side.

At this moment, he finally realized that he had lost her.

She could no longer lift her feet, her hands dug into her flesh, her breathing became increasingly rapid, and she could only stare blankly as her graceful figure walked towards her lover and disappeared from sight.

Lou Yanxu sat in the carriage, lost in thought. When she saw Xu Congjing again, she thought she would feel wronged and resentful, wishing she could remove this thorn in her side. But that was not the case. She remained indifferent and did not want to have anything to do with him again.

She never brought up the matter again. Yunbing was unaware of the past and did not take Xu Congjing to heart.

The next day, when Lou Yanxu went out, she was startled.

Xu Congjing was leaning against the edge of the corridor. As soon as she stepped out, she straightened up and softly called out, "Wanwan."

It had been so long since she'd seen him so guilty and ingratiating. She smiled bitterly to herself, but her handsome face remained icy. "What is it?"

He awkwardly folded his hands behind his back, licked his dry lips, and after a long while, finally managed to utter a sentence, "Is your injury any better?" At first, he only knew that a woman had risked her life to save him, but after learning about it yesterday, he realized it was her who had come early in the morning after a long night.

"If Situ has nothing else, then you may return." What difference does it make whether it's good or bad? Lou Yanxu had no intention of wasting words with him and was about to leave, but he blocked her way firmly. "Can we talk in detail?"

"There's nothing to talk about between us." What was there to talk about? How he had deceived her feelings, how he had imprisoned her in the house. Belatedly, her emotions finally stirred, and she gritted her teeth, her fingertips trembling.

"It was my fault." There was no one around in the corridor. He stepped forward and took her trembling fingertips, his voice also trembling. "I misunderstood you. It's all my fault."

A commotion arose downstairs, but his pleading voice was exceptionally clear, "Could you give me a chance? I promise I will..."

"Don't even think about it."

Lou Yanxu suddenly felt like crying. How long had she waited, how much suffering had she endured for those two sentences? He had painstakingly deceived her, causing a rift between them, and now that he knew the truth, he had changed his mind. With just a few words, he wanted to beg her for a chance to change her mind. Why should he?

“Even if you say a thousand wrong things, it can’t erase the deception and hurt you caused before.” She looked up at Xu Congjing. “There’s no reason for that. I will not forgive you.”

Hatred was evident in her eyes, and her eyelids began to twitch. "You want to atone for your sins, but that's just to ease your conscience. That's your choice. I don't accept it, and that's my choice." The wound in her heart was only temporarily shelved, not healed. She wasn't so self-deprecating as to demean herself like that.

Finally, she stated her position: "I don't want to see you."

Xu Congjing was stunned for a moment. These words were like a barrage of arrows, piercing his heart and causing it to bleed. But he still wanted to, still wanted to fight for it, so he stepped forward, "Wanwan..."

A sharp "slap" interrupted him, and a five-finger mark suddenly appeared on his handsome face. Lou Yanxu's hand trembled violently as it fell, showing how much force she had used. It turned out that the hatred hidden in her heart had never dissipated, and now it poured out, almost bursting out of her chest.

She glared at him fiercely, and when she saw Yun Bing rush out, she kicked him, yelling, "What are you doing!"

Caught off guard, Xu Congjing was kicked to the ground. When he got up, he lost his balance and tumbled down several steps. Looking up, he saw Lou Yanxu's husband pointing at him and saying angrily, "If you dare to bother her again, don't blame me for being impolite!"

"Let's go."

Xu Congjing collapsed against the armrest, his robe stained with dust that wouldn't come off, a clear indication of his disheveled state. He pressed the palm print against the back of his hand, then suddenly chuckled softly.

Extreme joy turns to sorrow, and extreme love turns to hatred. It is precisely because the love is as deep as the sea that hatred is so intense.

The more you hate him, the more you love him.

That's fine.

Author's Note: The male lead is going crazy! [frightened]