Chapter 38 He Collapses, Lou Yan Xu Tells the Truth, He Accidentally Causes Death...

Lou Yanxu sneered, her shoulders trembling. As she laughed, her lips grew paler and paler. "If I would die if I stayed by your side, would you still insist?"

She will die. Those were the only three words Xu Congjing remembered.

His hand hung limply, his face a turbulent mix of blue and purple. If that were truly the case, how was it any different from driving her to her death? Dejected, he knelt down again, the light in his pupils sparse and fragmented. "Wanwan, how can you forgive me?"

Before she could utter a sound, he pulled a knife from the rack and shoved it into her hand, the blade pointing at his own heart. He gripped her hand tightly and said, "Come on, stab me once. Will stabbing me make you feel better?"

Lou Yanxu was not one to kill on her own initiative. Her eyes widened in shock, and she instinctively stepped back. However, she couldn't pull her hands away; the hilt of the knife she was holding felt like a hot potato, burning and scalding her skin.

"You're insane!" Seeing the flesh tear open and blood seeping from the knife tip, the blade piercing deeper and deeper, she screamed in terror, "You're a madman! You're a madman!"

He didn't know where the strength came from, but with a flick of his wrist, the knife flew out and smashed into the porcelain bottle with a thud, landing hilt down.

Seeing this, Xu Congjing's face turned ashen, his facial muscles twitched, and he gripped her shoulders, shaking her back and forth. He growled, "I'm going crazy! I'm going crazy because you're not by my side!" He had searched the world but found no trace of her. He prayed to gods and Buddhas every day and was plagued by nightmares every night. How could he not go crazy from this torment?

The sharp edge of the knife flashed before his eyes, and Lou Yanxu was still trembling, her eyes frighteningly empty. She said something that stunned him, "So, keeping me by your side means locking me up? Is confining me to this mansion for the rest of my life what you want?"

Xu Congjing froze, his hands loosened, and a look of regret flashed in his eyes. "I won't do it again. I swear, I will never do anything you dislike again."

She looked at him calmly, let out a barely perceptible sigh of relief, and suddenly laughed, "Then let me go now."

She'd finally come back, how could he let her go? A look of intense helplessness flashed across Xu Congjing's face, his hand tightened suddenly, and he stammered, "Wanwan, don't go, let's be like before..."

"There's no going back." Lou Yanxu interrupted him, shaking her head with a bitter smile. "There's no going back."

How could she go back? She remembered that the breakfast on the day he set the wedding date tasted bland, and that the sky in the four corners of the courtyard was small and gray. The Pisces pendant that she had smashed could never be repaired.

Xu Congjing thought she was bothered by the marriage, so he hurriedly explained, "I did not marry Sheng Jin. Her crimes of seducing women are notorious. What's worse, she even drugged and seduced Rou'er in the brothel and offered her to other men for sexual purposes. Rou'er refused and that's why she committed suicide. I never thought of marrying her."

He spoke a long string of words, but Lou Yanxu could only think of two: Qilou.

Yes, it's Qilou.

She suddenly raised the corners of her mouth in a bitter smile. As she smiled, her eyes turned red, tears welled up, and she cried until she covered her eyes with her hands and couldn't say a word.

Xu Congjing was momentarily flustered and frantically tried to wipe away her tears, but his hand was violently pushed away.

"Do you know why I sent Sister Rou to the brothel in the first place?"

Her gaze was so intense that he was momentarily stunned, as if he had been stabbed in the heart, and for no reason wanted to run away.

But as she parted her cherry lips slightly, the truth that she hadn't had a chance to utter that night spilled out, "That year, just before your birthday, she wanted to give you the Taixu chessboard that you had always longed for, but she couldn't find it anywhere, so she had to ask me for help..."

Before she finished speaking, he panicked and dared not listen any longer. But she was ruthless, tearing him apart with every word she uttered, shattering him into pieces.

“The seller was in Qilou, which is why I wrote to her to pick up the chessboard, and that’s why I got into trouble.”

Overwhelmed with shock and grief, Xu Congjing lost his footing and collapsed to the ground, unable to breathe for a long time.

He had hated and resented for so long, but in the end, he was the "culprit" who caused his beloved to suffer. He truly deserved to die! The truth that he had accidentally caused the death of his own sister was too cruel for him. His head was throbbing and his ears were ringing. Finally, he lay down on the ground and stared blankly at the patches of mold growing on the wall.

Lou Yanxu shed two tears, turned her head away to wipe them, ignored him, and pushed open the door to leave.

My mind is heavy.

She never expected that, by a twist of fate, her sister Rou would be targeted at Qilou. If she wasn't mistaken, her brother died saving her sister Rou. The fact that he didn't reveal the truth and allowed the misunderstanding to continue must mean that the villain was either rich or powerful and not someone to be trifled with, and he was afraid that she and Xu Congjing would be implicated again.

Suddenly, the words "a noble lady of Chang'an" mentioned by the coroner popped into her mind, and her eyes turned icy cold.

She will not let any of the real culprits get away!

Listlessly, I walked back to the inn. When I reached the arched bridge, I saw a handsome young man in white standing on the top of the bridge. He was tall and slender with a gentle and clear face.

Unexpectedly, Lou Yanxu saw Lu Hengzhi, who should have been in Chang'an, in Jiaozhou. She was slightly surprised.

“Young Master Lu,” she forced a smile, “what a coincidence.”

Lu Hengzhi walked down the bridge and stopped in front of her, smiling gently, "Madam Lou, I've come to find you."

Does he look like he's that short of money? Lu Hengzhi lowered his head and smiled, "I'm not here to collect debts."

“Back in Chang’an, I saw you living in the same house as Minister Xu, and I knew you were deeply connected with him. Now that he’s here, I also want to compete for him.” Looking up again, his smile had faded, and he expressed his feelings word by word, “What I mean is, if you don’t accept him, could you consider me?”

Back in Chang'an, he had witnessed her entanglement with Xu Congjing. When he learned of her death, he felt as if something was missing. Now, upon learning she was still alive, he pondered all night and immediately rode at full speed to Jiaozhou. This was the first time he had felt such attraction, and he wanted to fight for her again, no matter what.

Right now, he's pleading with her to be his second choice.

Lou Yanxu was stunned for a moment. Lu Hengzhi was the heir of the Duke of Yingguo. What did she do to deserve his going to such lengths to ask for her affection? It would be a lie to say she wasn't moved, but matters of the heart cannot be forced. If she wasn't moved, she simply wasn't moved. She could deceive others, but she couldn't deceive herself.

“Your Highness, there are countless women in the world, and even more noble ladies in Chang’an. I am not worth your trouble.” Lu Hengzhi was a good person, and she did not want to delay him. As the saying goes, a short pain is worse than a long one, so she hardened her heart and refused him outright.

The autumn wind rustled, and dark clouds obscured the moon. Pedestrians on the bridge hurried along, their sleeves wrapped tightly around their sides. Lu Hengzhi glanced at them casually before turning his gaze back, repeating this several times before finally lowering his head and falling silent as if resigned to his fate.

Just when Lou Yanxu thought he was going to give up, she saw him raise his eyes and ask again, "Then...we've helped each other, so we can be considered friends, right?"

"Yes," Lou Yanxu answered decisively. In her heart, she truly considered him a friend.

Such unwavering acceptance delighted Lu Hengzhi. "Now that we're friends, you can just call me Hengzhi."

It doesn't matter what you call him, but some things need to be made clear: "Hengzhi, you need to know that I have no feelings for you and don't want to delay you from finding someone else."

But he couldn't listen to any of that. He had already imagined how the two of them had gone from friends to lovers, and his face lit up with joy. "Let's not talk about this. I'll take you somewhere."

The mysterious atmosphere made Lou Yanxu have some guesses, but she was wrong. Lu Hengzhi led her through the streets and alleys to a shop. Stepping inside, she was greeted by all sorts of cats, some lying obediently, others lively and playful, which delighted her. She unconsciously smiled, and her previous annoyance vanished.

Lu Hengzhi could see her joy and felt secretly pleased. "This place is specifically for taking in stray cats and taking good care of them. I heard you like cats, so I figured you'd be happy."

"Thank you." She was genuinely grateful that he knew all her preferences and that he was thoughtful.

Just then, a snow-white cat ran to her feet, looking very much like the one she had previously kept. Lou Yanxu stroked the smooth fur of the cat, feeling a deep sense of worry. She had left in such a hurry that she hadn't been able to find it and had left it behind, not knowing what had become of it.

Seeing how engrossed she was in touching him, even though he was always afraid of cats, Lu Hengzhi couldn't resist reaching out. However, he timidly extended his hand ten parts and withdrew it five parts, repeating this process over and over again. On the last occasion, he accidentally touched Lou Yanxu's fingertips. Their eyes met, and they both jerked back abruptly, turning their heads away.

A strange feeling spread through his body. He was tempted, yet timid, afraid that she would find it disgusting, so he had to suppress his desires.

Behind them, a pair of misty eyes seemed to want to pierce through them. They had followed each other all the way, chatting and laughing, but now, even the slightest hint of intimacy was enough to crush Xu Congjing.

But he had done so many wrong things that he was too ashamed to face her, so he could only follow her in a despicable way, watching from afar as another man brought her happiness. But he overestimated his own heart, and the next moment he could hardly suppress his impulse, his hair standing on end as he rushed forward to snatch Lou Yanxu back.

The wind grew stronger, causing the lanterns in front of the door to sway. On the way back to the inn, Lu Hengzhi took off his cloak and draped it over Lou Yanxu's shoulders. From Xu Congjing's perspective, it looked as if he was embracing her from behind, an extremely ambiguous scene.

His eyes were tightly closed, his neck felt as if it were being gripped by a large hand, his chest felt increasingly tight until he could not breathe, he was tormented but powerless.

He was the one who pushed his beloved away; at that moment, he dared not do anything, and felt unworthy to do anything.

As we approached the inn, a light drizzle began to fall, making the bluestone path glisten with moisture, and the fine raindrops clinging to our toes.

After they parted ways, they turned around together, but a few steps later, Lou Yanxu called out to Lu Hengzhi, "It's raining, let me get you an umbrella."

"Okay." Lu Hengzhi smiled. That was good. He would have another reason to come looking for her next time.

After taking the umbrella, Lou Yanxu turned around, glancing at the half-length robe peeking out from the corner of her eye, and quickened her pace back to her room.

The rain grew heavier and heavier, until it became a downpour, and the streets quickly turned into winding rivers. Xu Congjing lay down on the ground, the large raindrops hitting his face painfully, but the more painful it was, the more enjoyable it felt. He hoped the pain would penetrate to the bone, so that he would never forget it for the rest of his life.

Her eyes slowly closed, and she kept muttering, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry..."