episode 80

Even though He Xun was right in front of him, Mo Shilin inexplicably felt that He Xun was now very distant.

It was as white as a fog, as if it would be blown away at any moment, and a dense sense of panic crawled around my heart like ants.

He couldn't help but reach out and pull He Xun into his arms, whispering in He Xun's ear, "Go ahead, I'm listening."

"Be serious." He Xun pushed him away and asked, "Do you hug and kiss people like this when you're discussing work?"

Mo Shilin: "..."

A wife with clear soup? That's really not an option.

“Then, Mr. He, please speak.” Mo Shilin immediately sat up straight. “I’m listening.”

He Xun stared at him for a while, then burst out laughing, pointing at his chest and saying, "You're crazy."

"You should know that I've always had a hard time staying rational in front of you," Mo Shilin said, meeting his gaze intently.

“…Hmm.” He Xun was not yet completely immune to Mo Shilin’s sudden barrage of sweet words. He looked away uncomfortably, but his red ears still betrayed his hidden shyness.

Mo Shilin didn't expose him, but just raised the corners of his lips and stared at him.

After a long pause, He Xun turned his head and said softly, "I grew up in a village. There weren't many entertainment options in the village. My family only had one TV. I didn't like to go out and play, so at home, besides doing my homework, I would sit on a small stool and fight with my grandfather for the TV remote."

Mo Shilin didn't interrupt, but listened attentively to the story he recounted.

"My favorite channel is a local TV station that broadcasts documentaries by undercover reporters every weekend from noon to 3 pm."

He Xun rested his elbows on his knees, his eyes and eyebrows slightly curved, a barely perceptible hint of nostalgia flashing across his face, as if he were immersed in that old television set. "What impressed me most was a documentary about a TV reporter who went so far as to disguise himself as a mentally disabled person and infiltrate a black brick kiln to rescue its mentally disabled workers."

"An investigative journalist?" Mo Shilin asked at the opportune moment.

“Yes,” He Xun continued, “that was the first time the profession of journalist left a deep impression on my mind.”

"He pretended to be mentally disabled on the roadside, didn't shower for days and nights, and ate other people's leftovers on the street, just to make his performance more realistic and get the people in the illegal brick kiln to notice him."

"But his journey inside wasn't entirely smooth. He experienced many dangerous moments, including being beaten by the overseers of the illegal brick kiln. In the end, he escaped with a hidden camera after going through countless hardships."

“I guess most people—especially in this utilitarian age—would be puzzled at first when they see a documentary, and then they would be filled with respect.”

He Xun paused slightly, then said, word by word, "But strangely enough, my first instinct was that it was the right thing to do, that it should have been done. Reason told me that such an action was absolutely dangerous, but my emotions soared to the heavens. My throat tightened, my blood rushed to my head, you understand? It felt like all the blood in my body had rushed to the top of my head. My feelings for that reporter were nothing but admiration and envy. I thought, if I could do something like that, even if it cost me my life, I would die without regret. Isn't that the meaning of life? We only live a few decades on earth, we can't just live a muddled and meaningless life, can we? Being able to do something insignificant for the majority of people in this world who suffer their whole lives at the bottom, to do something for the few remaining principles of justice and social responsibility in this world, that would be enough to make my life worthwhile."

"This is the life I aspire to."

He Xun looked up at Mo Shilin and smiled calmly: "Tell me, am I sick?"

Every word the young man uttered pierced Mo Shilin's eardrums like a rock, and beneath Mo Shilin's seemingly calm exterior, the earth was already shaking.

The boring and tedious ancient poems in the Chinese textbooks of my school days have begun to take on a concrete form many years later. The words that I memorized by rote and never really paid attention to in order to pass the exams are coming in like snowflakes.

The lotus leaves stretch to the sky, an endless expanse of green; the lotus blossoms, bathed in sunlight, are a vibrant red.

Its trunk stands tall like a mountain, its branches slant like flying snow. When will I be able to summon a crane to carry me, so that I may escape the shackles of worldly life?

Heavy snow weighs down the green pine, yet the green pine stands tall and straight.

He Xun was like a pine tree that suddenly broke through the rocks and paved road under thick snow and dirty mud, and has stood proudly forever in the biting wind and frost ever since.

I fear nothing, even if my bones are crushed and my body is shattered; I would gladly die for anything.

Mo Shilin's throat tightened. He kissed He Xun's palm, his tone both appreciative and devout, "I don't think so. He's clearly very great."

“In an era where people either fall into the trap of nihilism or are obsessed with utilitarianism and know nothing but money, you are not sick at all.”

I admire people like you.

He Xun seemed unable to believe that he had actually used the word "great." His almond-shaped eyes, which had been lowered, widened for a moment, and then he couldn't help but laugh out loud: "What are you doing? Why did you suddenly elevate the theme so much?"

He frankly said, "No matter how you look at it, it's the desire to 'not have lived in vain' that drives me to do everything, so it can't be considered selfless."

Upon hearing this, Mo Shilin couldn't help but sigh, "If someone truly had no desires, they wouldn't be human; they'd be a god."

“Yes, so I’m not a god.” He Xun laughed for a while and continued, “Later, a reporter came to our village to investigate the trafficking of women. Her name was Xu Fei, but she died right in front of me.”

"She is the truly great one, the true martyr."

"At that time, I was about to graduate from elementary school, and I was certain that being a journalist was my dream job. I couldn't think of doing anything else."

He Xun's tone was calm and composed. "Later on, my parents died one after another indirectly because of unscrupulous media."

Upon hearing this, Mo Shilin frowned and subconsciously tightened his grip on his hand.

He Xun shook his head, smiled faintly at him, and gestured for him not to be nervous: "I'm fine now. Dying early might not be a bad thing. The human world is hell, so dying early means being reborn early."

“From then on, I could feel that my thoughts were becoming more or less extreme.” He continued, “I felt that many people deserved to die, and the way I exposed the news became more and more reckless. My colleagues who had worked with me since graduation left very quickly. My parents died early, and at that time I did not understand them. I thought they had betrayed their ideals and morality and deserved to die.”

"But—after being with you, I've come to understand a little bit more."

As he said this, he stared intently at Mo Shilin.

A weakness.

Yes.

That's its Achilles' heel.

The reason he so recklessly exposed the dark side of the world in his past life was simply because his parents had gone to paradise, and he had no more attachments, so he could do whatever he wanted all by himself.

Now that he has a lover as a weakness, he naturally doesn't want her to get hurt because of him.

But he didn't want to give up his ideals.

What if he didn't love Mo Shilin that much?

If he doesn't love her, then he can stay by her side with a clear conscience and accept whatever she does for him without feeling guilty.

—But he loved her, and loved her very much.

Sensing his unspoken meaning, Mo Shilin's breathing quickened, and he suddenly grabbed He Xun's shoulders: "Are you telling me all this because you want to leave me?"

He Xun paused for a moment, then turned his head away and said, "That's not true."

"Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I can't tell? I'm not tired at all when I'm with you, really. I want to do some things for you, so don't worry about it getting in my way." Afraid of losing his newly acquired wife, Mo Shilin even resorted to desperate measures. "Is it because of what happened earlier... Yes, I said I wouldn't do it earlier just because I was mentally exhausted today. Actually, I really wanted to do it with you, but I didn't want to use you as a tool for sexual release. Don't overthink it, baby, darling, my dear wife."

He Xun was both amused and exasperated upon hearing this. What was all this about?! How did they end up on the highway in the middle of a conversation?

But seeing the other's anxious expression, he still snuggled into Mo Shilin's arms, his voice muffled: "But... how do you know I don't want to be a tool like you?"

He Xun's cheeks, pressed against the man's chest, felt slightly hot. "You can do anything to me except make me break my principles."

This statement was just too... Mo Shilin's throat tightened, and it took a lot of self-control to suppress the urge to strip He Xun naked immediately.

Just then, He Xun added sullenly, "You keep telling me that love is mutual, so why don't you appreciate what I do for you?"

Mo Shilin was silent for a few seconds, then suddenly pushed him down onto the bed, his voice low and hoarse: "Then let's do it now."

"Hiss." He Xun nimbly dodged his hand and snorted, "Don't try to change the subject."

Mo Shilin: "..."

Tsk, I've been found out.

Just as Mo Shilin was about to say something more, He Xun suddenly looked at his wristwatch and said, "It's late, go to sleep. I know you're really tired today."

He gently stroked the junction of the man's eyebrows and eyelids.

Cool, delicate fingers touched his skin. Mo Shilin's brow twitched. He nodded, pulled He Xun into his arms, and lay down together. "Okay, then I'll hold you."

After saying that, he reached out and turned off the bedside lamp.

For a moment, only the sound of their breathing could be clearly heard in the darkness.

After a long while, He Xun sighed softly and took the initiative to wrap his arms around Mo Shilin's waist, his fingers slowly tightening.

—A peaceful night's sleep.

—The next day.

Before dawn, Mo Shilin's subconscious unease prompted him to suddenly open his eyes.

He scooped her into his arms; she was soft and squishy.

My heart immediately settled down.

Thankfully, the person is still alive.

He carefully moved his body, just about to give the person in his arms a sweet good morning kiss.

But the next second, he froze on the spot as if struck by lightning.

There was no one else around; all he was holding was a huge bunny plush toy staring at him blankly!

He took a deep breath and suddenly sat up in bed.

Then I lifted the covers again.

It's cold.

Empty.

Staring at the silly rabbit doll that had been shoved into his arms without him noticing, Mo Shilin laughed in exasperation, his back teeth almost grinding to powder.

Okay, very good, excellent.

His wife, whose zodiac sign is donkey, ran away again.