I don't want to pressure you

Steve didn't go to the sofa to rest; he wasn't tired. Right now, he was overwhelmed with a jumble of emotions and needed to calm down.

A warm feeling of love filled his chest, and Chen Chao built an absolutely safe net for him, both strong and gentle.

Here he was given freedom and allowed to release himself, but at the same time he also felt pressure.

For Z-class agents, suppression and disguise are the norm, instincts honed through training. Achieving complete and undisguised exposure is no easier than achieving perfect disguise.

But he had to do it.

He needs to get better; he needs to truly return to Chen Chao's side.

Steve took a deep breath, trying to calm his chaotic mind. He slowly sorted out the jumbled thoughts in his head, feeling his most primal desires.

He began to allow his body to react directly to his consciousness and allowed himself to gradually adapt to the feeling.

In the safe haven that Chen Chao had built for him, he could expose his weaknesses without any reservations.

Chen Chao will accept all his hardships, and his boss will tell him the way forward.

Slowly, Steve's body began to tremble. The trembling he had been deliberately suppressing since his rescue finally broke free.

He began to feel scared, and involuntarily hugged himself and squatted in a corner, panting heavily.

He didn't know what he was afraid of. He knew perfectly well that he was in a completely safe place, but he was still afraid.

That white cell etched the fear of being alone into his very bones.

There, he couldn't clearly perceive the passage of time. He never knew when Karim would come, or what cruel instructions he would bring.

His mind was always on edge there; his defenses were breached, and he lived uncontrollably in fear.

He became afraid of being alone, very afraid.

Chen Chao didn't leave for long; when he returned, he was carrying a laptop.

He looked around the room and spotted Steve huddled in a corner. He didn't say anything, just silently walked over with his laptop and sat down on the floor next to Steve.

"I need to work on some documents for a bit. Shall we go down for lunch together in 40 minutes?" Chen Chao asked Steve.

Steve looked up at Chen Chao, hesitated for a moment, then instead of answering Chen Chao's question, he raised his most pressing need:

"Boss, I want to hug you."

Chen Chao immediately put the computer aside and opened his arms to Steve.

Steve rushed into Chen Chao's arms, nestled against Chen Chao's chest, and calmed his heart with the familiar body temperature and scent.

After a while, he felt his fear had finally subsided. He stopped trembling, and his breathing began to become steady.

He looked up into Chen Chao's eyes and reiterated his request: "These next few days, could you please not leave me alone? I need you."

“Okay, I won’t leave the villa for the next few days. I might need to go to the study to work occasionally. But no matter where I am, you can be with me.”

"Thank you." Steve felt he had returned to normal, so he took the initiative to leave Chen Chao's embrace and quietly stepped aside, not wanting to disturb Chen Chao's work.

Chen Chao looked at him and smiled: "You did even better than I expected. Lin Yu, you can make any request of me, whether it's for company, physical contact, or anything else. You don't need to have any reservations. I'll make the judgment, and if anything is inappropriate, I'll let you know."

“Okay,” Steve readily agreed.

"Do you still want to sit on the ground now? If you do, I'll sit here with you."

"No need. Boss, go over to the sofa. I want to kneel at your feet."

"Okay." Chen Chao got up and sat on the sofa.

Steve knelt quietly at Chen Chao's feet, letting his mind wander. He liked doing this; focusing all his attention on Chen Chao brought him peace.

This gave him a place to belong for all his attachments and vulnerabilities, freeing him from having to worry about himself all the time. He could temporarily forget the bitter, astringent, and unpleasant things he didn't want to face.

With Chen Chao by his side, he could gain true freedom.

Gradually, he began to get used to openly revealing everything. He allowed himself to panic, fear, cry, and even get angry anytime, anywhere.

He never knew where these emotions came from. One moment he would be immersed in Chen Chao's tenderness, and the next he would be filled with terror. He felt like he was probably broken, completely unable to control his emotions.

But Chen Chao calmly accepted it all. He never overreacted to any of Steve's actions; he simply stayed quietly by Steve's side, providing him with an absolutely safe embrace.

Whenever Steve broke down beyond control, Chen Chao would use unquestionable commands to calm him down.

"Kneel down, look at me, and take a deep breath."

"Focus your attention on me, don't speak, don't make any noise until I say yes."

"Good job, get up now."

"Okay, come hug me."

Chen Chao's voice was like a lighthouse in a storm, firmly guiding Steve home.

At the same time, Chen Chao was also very careful to protect himself. He never touched Steve unintentionally, so as not to trigger Steve's stress response. When Steve lost control, he would always keep his distance from Steve, guiding him only with his voice, and would not approach him personally.

He knew he couldn't afford to get hurt; any injury would only add to Steve's burden. He needed to create an absolutely safe haven for Steve, one that would leave him with no worries whatsoever.

Steve said he wanted to continue cooking for Chenchao, but hoped Chenchao could watch over him at the restaurant like before. Chenchao agreed, and so a piece of their lost daily routine was restored.

Steve suddenly broke down in tears while chopping vegetables, and the knife fell to the ground. Chen Chao immediately rushed over, and after confirming that Steve was not injured, he bent down, picked up the knife, and placed it on the table.

Chen Chao didn't say anything, but after Steve finished crying, he asked him, "Do you still want to continue? I can get the chef to come."

Steve shook his head and said he wanted to finish cooking.

So Chen Chao went back to the restaurant and quietly watched Steve.

Nights were the most restless, with nightmares following nightmares, making Steve's sleep anything but peaceful.

He would often unconsciously seek Chen Chao's body temperature in his sleep and snuggle into Chen Chao's arms.

Chen Chao also had trouble sleeping because of Steve's antics, but he never complained. He would just take naps during the day. While he was napping, Steve would quietly kneel by the bed and wait for him to wake up.

The mental and physical exertion of being the controller was immense, and Chen Chao knew he couldn't fall before Steve.

He never pushed himself too hard. He turned down most of his official duties, only handling urgent matters that he had to deal with. He devoted most of his energy to Steve while giving himself ample rest.

Steve's emotions became more and more stable over time. When he was finally able to go a whole day without having an emotional breakdown, Chen Chao sat on the sofa again and made Steve kneel at his feet.

"Lin Yu, tell me what happened in Karim?"

The broken wound has been disinfected and the bleeding has been stopped, but to truly heal, the necrotic tissue must be removed, and the wound must be cleaned and sutured.

Forgetting and escaping might be possible for ordinary people, but not for Z-type agents.

They must face it head-on and then step over it.

Steve looked at Chen Chao, trying hard to speak. But something in his subconscious was holding him back, preventing him from recalling the past. Whenever he tried to remember, large swaths of darkness would flood his mind, forcing him to escape.

He couldn't do it; he couldn't bring himself to reopen his bloody wound. Biological instincts were stopping him.

He began to regulate his breathing.

Lin Yu couldn't do it, but Steve could. As long as he detached his emotions, he could carry out any of Chen Chao's orders.

"Lin Yu, stop!" Chen Chao had clearly noticed Steve's change and sternly rebuked him, "What did you promise me?"

Steve bit his lip and lowered his eyes.

"Answer!" Chen Chao emphasized.

“I promised the boss I wouldn’t pretend and would show my true self,” Steve replied.

"What were you doing just now?" Chen Chao asked again.

“But boss, Lin Yu couldn’t answer the question just now. I can’t do it,” Steve tried to explain.

“Of course I know that you can force yourself to do anything once you get into mission mode. If I hadn’t canceled the review process this time, I should already have seen every minute detail you recalled in the review report. I need Z0002 to answer my questions, so why would I wait until now?”

"Boss, I'm sorry." Steve understood what Chen Chao meant. Chen Chao wanted him to truly face the situation himself, rather than using professional armor to pretend he could.

“If you can’t do it, just say you can’t do it. I won’t blame you. How to resolve it afterward is my problem. I’ve said I’d leave everything to me.”

"yes."

"Get up. Don't let me see you trying to switch to mission mode again."

"yes."

For three days in a row, Chen Chao asked Steve the same question every day. Each time Steve answered that he couldn't do it, he didn't force him. He would just let Steve get up and act as if nothing had happened.

He knew that the harder this task was for Steve, the deeper Steve's wounds would be.

This was never Steve's fault.

On the fourth day, as usual, he sat on the sofa and had Steve kneel at his feet.

"Lin Yu, I don't want to force you. But I think you understand yourself that you have to get over this hurdle, otherwise you will never be able to go back to the person you used to be."

“I understand.” Steve looked at Chen Chao, his eyes filled with unguarded openness.

Secret Service agents all need to take psychology courses, and Steve knew very well what true healing meant. He had to face it, he had to be able to talk about it himself, so that he could tell himself he was no longer afraid.

Otherwise, the wound will never truly heal and may become inflamed again at any time.

"So I will take some tough measures to give you strength, hoping to help you get through this."

“Yes, boss.” Steve roughly guessed what Chen Chao wanted to do. He accepted whatever Chen Chao wanted to do to him, and he also longed for Chen Chao to force him to overcome it.

He needs to overcome this hurdle; he needs to find his former self again.

"Alright, the same old rules apply. No matter what happens, you're not allowed to resist in mission mode, and you're not allowed to put on a professional disguise. I need the absolutely real you. In return, I'll be responsible for all the consequences, and it has nothing to do with you."

"Yes, boss."

"Remember, this command is absolute. You can break down however you want, but no matter what happens next, I don't want to see you hiding in the Z0002 shell. Obey my orders and don't let me down."

"Yes, boss." Steve looked at Chen Chao and answered with utmost seriousness. He promised that no matter how painful it was, he would not hide; he would not let his boss down.

"Okay, do you recognize what this is?" Chen Chao nodded in satisfaction and took out a box of syringes from the drawer of the cabinet next to the sofa.

Steve recognized the pattern on the box and knew it was an injection used in the training camp to train agents' pain tolerance.

One box contains ten vials. Five vials lower the threshold and increase bodily sensitivity, and five vials induce nerve pain.

“I know him.” Steve was even more certain of what Chen Chao wanted to do, and his hands involuntarily clenched at his sides.

But he would allow Chen Chao to do anything to him, even if he was afraid.

"Very well, let's talk about the rules."

Chen Chao placed the syringe on the sofa to the side and looked down at Steve, who was kneeling on the ground.