out of control

The angry, commanding tone, coupled with the intimate instruction to sit on the edge of the bed, caused Lin Yu to hesitate for a moment. He hesitated for a second, only to be glared at by Chen Chao. Chen Chao's gaze made him dare not delay any longer, so he could only endure the tingling and itching in his calves, stand up, and sit on the edge of the bed.

"Hold me," Chen Chao commanded again.

Lin Yu hesitated for a moment, then pulled Chen Chao close, letting him lean against his chest.

"Did you sense I was angry?" Chen Chao asked him.

Chen Chao was exhausted and had no strength to maintain his composure in front of Lin Yu, so he simply let his emotions run wild.

"Mm," Lin Yu replied cautiously.

"Do you know what I'm angry about?" Chen Chao asked again.

"Boss, you don't want me to blame myself." Lin Yu was never stupid; he could understand Chen Chao's thoughts with just a little guidance.

"That's just one point." Chen Chao let himself lean against Lin Yu's chest. "Do you remember the condition that I felt comfortable venting to you?"

Lin Yu remembered. He remembered that Chen Chao told him that everything was based on Chen Chao's belief that he wouldn't actually get hurt in the process, and that he would also find happiness.

"Even if you're not wrong in this matter, and even if you want to punish yourself, you can't hurt yourself. Don't you think I have enough to worry about already?"

Lin Yu was taken aback; this was something he hadn't expected. It was just kneeling; he didn't think it was a big deal. It was the reassurance he needed from kneeling beside Chen Chao.

"Lin Yu, I'm very tired right now, and I'm very angry. So I don't want to deal with your guilt first; I need to deal with my own state first. I ask you to just hold me like this until I say it's okay."

"Yes, boss." Chen Chao's words immediately put Lin Yu at ease. He suddenly felt a warm current flowing into his heart, washing away the guilt that had been overwhelming him.

Chen Chao wasn't feeling well. He leaned against Lin Yu's chest, asked in a low voice about the aftermath and daily affairs for a while, and then unknowingly fell asleep again.

Lin Yu held the sleeping Chen Chao in his arms, leaning against the headboard for a long time without moving.

He had promised Chen Chao that he would keep holding him as long as Chen Chao didn't tell him to stop.

Chen Chao loathed hospitals, so as soon as his health improved slightly, he immediately asked to be discharged.

The doctor didn't quite agree with the suggestion, but given Chen Chao's status, he could only offer gentle persuasion:

"Your back wound still needs frequent dressing changes, and the dosage of anesthesia needs to be strictly controlled. It would be more convenient to be hospitalized."

Chen Chao remained unmoved: "I have someone at home to take care of the dressing change, and I don't need anesthesia."

The doctor glanced pleadingly at Lin Yu, who stood beside Chen Chao's bed, hoping he could help persuade him. Chen Chao wasn't a special agent; he was someone who had been pampered since childhood. How could he endure such a wound without anesthesia?

"Thank you for your trouble, doctor. I've seen the eldest son's medical records, and I can handle the basic daily care without any problems. I also have a way to manage the pain. If anything happens, I'll send him back immediately."

Lin Yu didn't help the doctor's advice. He knew that for Chen Chao at this moment, returning home to rest was the most important thing. In the hospital surrounded by strangers, Chen Chao simply couldn't truly relax.

Moreover, given Chen Chao's workaholic nature, he started working from his hospital bed as soon as he felt a little better. However, a hospital room is not the same as home; the office equipment is incomplete, making many things troublesome and increasing Chen Chao's stress.

It's better to go back sooner rather than later. He, a field agent, is probably more skilled at wound care than a nurse.

Seeing that Lin Yu shared the same attitude, the doctor had no choice but to sign the discharge papers. After all, within the special security system, only Chen Fei could forcibly change Chen Chao's will, and Chen Fei wouldn't interfere in such a trivial matter.

On the way back to the villa from the hospital, Chen Chao said to Lin Yu in the car, "If I stay in the hospital, people will become unsettled. The people below don't know why I'm in the hospital, and the rumors will spread like wildfire, eventually getting out of control. I need to get back to normal work as soon as possible to quell the doubts below."

While driving, Lin Yu reassured him, "Boss, the Special Security Bureau's discipline is guaranteed, so you don't need to worry too much."

"Hmm." Chen Chao barely suppressed his inner anxiety and turned his gaze uneasily to the window.

These past two days, he had clearly felt that he was not as calm as before. He knew that this was the beginning of the side effects of the humiliation he had suffered at Song Zifeng's hands, and that his deep-seated sense of security was starting to crumble.

That's why he was in a hurry to go home; the hospital couldn't cure him.

Chen Chao had previously told Lin Yu that his true nature was not that of a controller because he genuinely did not derive pleasure from control and did not enjoy the process of control.

But he is indeed used to being in control of everything.

He dislikes the feeling of being out of control, even with himself.

The first thing Chen Chao did upon returning to the villa was to call Lin Yu to his side and have a serious conversation on the sofa.

"You should have noticed my recent emotional problems." Chen Chao was never one to run away from things, and he got straight to the point in his first sentence.

Lin Yu nodded and tried to comfort Chen Chao: "Boss, after going through something like that, everyone needs time to recover. Besides, I don't think your emotional problems are serious. At least so far, no one has been affected."

“But I can’t let this problem go unresolved.” Chen Chao didn’t accept any consolation; his self-judgment was almost ruthless. “I need to adjust as soon as possible. You know, my decisions involve lives.”

"So, boss, what are you planning to do?" Lin Yu realized something and stopped trying to comfort him.

"I need to let loose and vent for a while, and the way I vent might be quite intense. I need to release the pressure and regain a sense of control."

This will be a tough time for you. I might become unpredictable and unreasonable. I will only use my reason and self-control when it comes to official duties. You might get hurt, but I hope you will try not to resist me unless my actions would cause irreversible harm to you or myself, in which case I need you to act as my safety valve.

Chen Chao's tone was not a command, but a request. He was asking Lin Yu for help and leaving Lin Yu the right to say no.

Just like assigning a task, he clearly told Lin Yu what he wanted him to do and how to do it, without avoiding any potential risks.

Even in personal relationships, he still hopes that all sacrifices and costs are clear and voluntary.

Lin Yu smiled at Chen Chao and gently pulled him into his arms: "Boss, you don't actually need to discuss this with me. You can do anything to me, and I won't resist. I've said I'm yours. This is my own choice, and it has nothing to do with anything else."

Chen Chao relaxed in Lin Yu's arms and replied, "I don't want you to feel wronged. I know my nature; I might be very unreasonable if I really lose my reason and self-control. This isn't the usual kind of venting; it might mean you have to endure my unreasonable behavior from the moment you wake up. I don't want you to doubt your own worth because of my problems."

“Okay, boss, I understand. Please feel free to lose control, I will wait for you to come back.” Lin Yu looked into Chen Chao’s eyes and answered seriously.

"Thank you." Chen Chao closed his eyes, finally able to calmly remove the last shred of reason that had been suppressing his inner anxiety.

Chen Chao's breakdown wasn't as terrifying as he described; he simply became silent and lost some self-control and empathy.

He stopped communicating with Lin Yu and simply issued orders in silence. Then, when he felt uncomfortable, he allowed himself to express it directly and without any restraint.

He would smash cups, ornaments, and bowls, and if he didn't like Lin Yu while Lin Yu was tidying up, he would kick him. Faced with Chen Chao's attacks, Lin Yu did not dodge; he would simply adjust his position to prevent the attacks from hitting any vital points.

Lin Yu took the initiative to stop the housekeeping service that would come to the villa regularly to clean and tidy up, giving Chen Chao an absolutely private space to vent his frustrations, and then took on the responsibility of maintaining the entire villa all by himself.

Lin Yu wasn't a professional housekeeper, so it was inevitable that she would have various shortcomings as a beginner. Chen Chao usually wouldn't pay attention to these minor issues; he would just smile and tell Lin Yu it was fine, leaving those imperfect details to themselves.

In private, Chen Chao is never a perfectionist or obsessive-compulsive.

But now, all problems have become sins.

The water stains on the table, the haphazardly arranged documents, the water at the wrong temperature—every detail could become a reason for Chen Chao's rage.

Lin Yu finally understood what Chen Chao meant when he said he didn't want him to feel wronged. Anyone would feel wronged if they were criticized like this for no reason, especially when the target of the criticism was Chen Chao, who used to be so tolerant.

If Chen Chao hadn't warned him beforehand, he would have indeed started to doubt himself.

Now, all he feels is heartache for Chen Chao.

He knew that Chen Chao would never have allowed himself to lose control like this unless he was truly at his breaking point.

Just as Chen Chao had requested, Lin Yu never resisted. He silently endured Chen Chao's anger and tried his best to do everything perfectly.

Chen Chao is perfectly normal when handling official business, but his anger erupts the moment he cuts off communication. He reserves all self-control for official duties, but displays all his loss of control to Lin Yu.

At night, Chen Chao would suddenly kiss Lin Yu's lips with such force that it felt like biting, completely disregarding Lin Yu's feelings.

One night, Chen Chao was awakened by a nightmare and immediately rolled over onto Lin Yu's body. Lin Yu's muscles tensed for a second, but he quickly forced himself to relax and let Chen Chao take what he wanted.

Lin Yu's body instinctively wanted to pry Chen Chao's hand away, but he realized something when he touched Chen Chao's fingers.

He stopped moving, forcing himself to clasp his hands behind his back, supporting his body weight only with his shoulders and cheeks, accepting everything Chen Chao gave him without resistance.

Chen Chao looked at Lin Yu, his gaze unreadable. He turned and pulled the belt from the pajamas on the bench at the foot of the bed. He bent down and threaded the belt around Lin Yu's neck, then pulled it back. Lin Yu was forced to tilt his head back, his entire upper body weight supported only by his shoulders. He gradually felt suffocated, his fair face turning red, but his hands remained clasped behind his back, offering no resistance.

Chen Chao, holding onto his belt, observed Lin Yu's every reaction, a flicker of something finally appearing in his cold eyes. Then, he abruptly released his grip.

The sudden influx of oxygen amidst the suffocating pain brought a sense of relief to Lin Yu. He remained dazed for a long time before finally regaining his senses, and then he began to cough violently. His face was flushed, and he was covered in sweat. Chen Chao watched him get out of bed without a word and turn to go to the bathroom to take a shower.

Lin Yu knelt on the bed for about two minutes before he had the strength to stand up and change the sheets.

After changing the sheets, Lin Yu went to the bathroom to clean himself.

Aside from the violent intercourse at night, the most difficult part is cleaning and changing the dressings.

Because it was impossible to precisely control the dosage of anesthesia at home, Chen Chao simply stopped using anesthesia and only applied pain-relieving gel for a short time when he needed to concentrate on official business.

Changing dressings without anesthesia is bound to be painful, which makes Chen Chao more likely to get angry. He will struggle and even resort to violence.

Lin Yu is at his most dominant when changing the dressing. He will use absolute force to hold Chen Chao down, even if this will lead to him suffering even more violent attacks from Chen Chao after the dressing is changed.

Even though Chen Chao rarely communicated with Lin Yu except when he was angry, Lin Yu could still sense that Chen Chao was not completely out of control and that Chen Chao always knew what he was doing.

Chen Chao simply chose to let her emotions run wild in front of him, giving herself room to heal.

Lin Yu thought that Chen Chao really needed a complete breakdown in control. After all, Chen Chao had always pushed himself too hard and had never truly relaxed.

Chen Chao was indeed slowly getting better. As time went on, Lin Yu clearly felt that Chen Chao was getting irritable less often, and Chen Chao's always tense brows were gradually relaxing.

That evening, Chen Chao, unusually, took two bottles of wine from the refrigerator and invited Lin Yu to go to the bedroom terrace.

"Have a drink with me for a while."

"good."

Lin Yu sat down on the bench on the terrace and opened the caps of both bottles of wine with his fingers.

This was the first time since Lin Yu had known Chen Chao that Chen Chao had been drinking outside of a social engagement.