He was once the only light that shone into my bleak senior year of high school, and also the root of all my pain.
A closeness that began out of guilt blossomed into the most genuine悸动. Wh...
Scent of Grass
He carried a black backpack that looked insignificant, walked through the narrow aisle between the desks, walked over with steady steps, and sat down in the empty seat next to her.
The movement caused a slight movement of air, and a faint smell, like some kind of neutral laundry detergent mixed with the clean smell of sunlight, came faintly, and there seemed to be an indescribable, inexplicable smell in it, similar to the slightly astringent smell emitted by the roots of broken grass after rain, cool and unique.
"Hello, my name is Jiang Yile."
While he put down his schoolbag and took out his new textbooks, she looked at him again in a low voice and took the initiative to introduce herself.
Try not to disturb the math teacher who has already walked up to the podium and is about to start teaching.
She felt that as a deskmate and class monitor, she had an obligation to make the new students feel warm.
Gu Nanxiao's movements paused almost imperceptibly.
Then, he just nodded barely perceptibly and uttered an extremely soft monosyllable from his throat: "Hmm."
It's a response.
He didn't even glance sideways at her, his attention completely focused on the open math textbook.
His posture was upright, his back was straight, yet he gave off a strong aura of "do not disturb".
What a... strange person.
Jiang Yile thought silently in his heart.
Even more silent and closed than she had imagined.
However, she immediately thought that the transfer students would probably feel uncomfortable and wary when faced with a completely new environment and unfamiliar classmates.
Maybe he is just introverted and not good at expressing himself?
She tried to use understanding and utmost kindness to resolve the slight embarrassment and frustration caused by being ignored.
She didn't think about it anymore and focused her attention back on the densely packed formulas and symbols on the blackboard that looked like hieroglyphics.
The math teacher has begun explaining the final question of the last mock exam. His voice is loud and clear, his logic is rigorous, and the chalk taps out a rapid rhythm on the blackboard.
However, in the intervals of concentrating on listening to the class, she would occasionally catch an uncontrollable glimpse of the slender and bony right hand holding a pen on the desk next to her.
All I could see was his neatly trimmed nails, and the small, fan-shaped shadow cast on the side of his straight nose when he lowered his eyelashes, which had a fragile and focused beauty.
The math teacher's surname is Zhao. He is a middle-aged man with quick thinking and fast speaking speed.
He was passionately explaining a complex problem involving trigonometric functions and derivatives.
The chalk moved quickly across the blackboard, leaving behind white mathematical symbols and winding function graphs.
Jiang Yile focused his mind and forced himself to follow his teacher's train of thought.
She had good grades in science, but she didn't dare to be careless when faced with this final question.
The pen tip was recording quickly on the notebook. Occasionally, he would frown slightly when he encountered a key step, and then he would listen to the teacher's explanation attentively.
However, she could always catch a glimpse of the still figure beside her out of the corner of her eye.
Like her, Gu Nanxiao sat upright and listened to the class.
But he seemed... too calm.
Unlike most of his classmates, he did not bury himself in taking notes. He just occasionally wrote down a few simple formulas or keywords in a brand new notebook. His handwriting was fluent and slightly sharp.
Most of the time, he just looked at the blackboard quietly with a focused gaze, but seemed to be detached from the tense problem-solving atmosphere in the classroom.
It seemed that these difficult problems that gave countless high school students headaches were just ordinary paths that he was already familiar with.
Is it because you just transferred here and haven’t adapted to the progress yet?
Or does he have a good grasp of these contents?
A trace of doubt flashed through Jiang Yile's mind.
Time passed quietly with the rustling sound of the pen tip rubbing against the paper and the teacher's rhythmic explanation.
When the bell finally rang, the tense atmosphere in the classroom relaxed instantly, like a fully drawn bow whose string suddenly relaxed.
During recess.
The noise, the harsh sound of tables and chairs moving, and the laughter of students who couldn't wait to get up and move around immediately filled the originally quiet space.
Zhou Xiaowei turned around almost immediately, leaning on the back of her chair, her eyes sparkling with irrepressible curiosity. She lowered her voice and said to Jiang Yile, "Hey, Lele, your new deskmate seems quite cool."
As she spoke, she signaled with her eyes to Gu Nanxiao who was packing his books beside her.
Zhang Hao, the boy in the front seat, also came over after hearing the sound.
He was the class's sports committee member, a carefree person with a booming voice. "That's right, my self-introduction is just five words, even more concise than our principal's report. I don't look very approachable. Right, class monitor?"
He threw the question to Jiang Yile.
Jiang Yile smiled when he heard this. While sorting through his densely packed math notes, he said in a tone as objective as possible, "Maybe he's just new here and a little shy. Isn't that what everyone else feels like when they first start freshman year of high school?"
She tried to help out the new classmate.
"I don't think he's shy," Zhou Xiaowei pouted, her eyes stealing a glance at Gu Nanxiao, who was oblivious to the discussion and was taking out his next class textbook from his bag. "He looks more like... well, he's not interested in anything. You were talking to him just now, but he ignored you, right?"
She was referring to Jiang Yile's whispered self-introduction.
"He nodded." Jiang Yile couldn't help but defend the other party, although the nod was so small that it was almost negligible, and there was no eye contact.
"Tsk tsk," Zhou Xiaowei shook her finger with a 'you're so naive' expression. "Our class monitor Lele is beautiful and kind-hearted. Of course, he thinks everyone is a good person. But to be honest, he's really good-looking, but he's a little too cold. I feel like I'll freeze if I get within three feet of him."
After saying that, he hugged his arms exaggeratedly.
Zhang Hao chuckled and continued, "It's good to be a little cooler. Sitting next to him in the summer saves on air conditioning. Look at his aura that keeps strangers away. It naturally cools you down."
"Go to hell!" Zhou Xiaowei was amused by him and hit his shoulder with a smile, "You just talk nonsense."
Their discussions were not loud, but in the relatively noisy environment during recess, they could not be completely isolated.
However, Gu Nanxiao always maintained that head-down posture, concentrating on looking at the Chinese textbook for the next class in his hand, as if all the noise, discussions, and inquiring gazes around him had nothing to do with him. He was completely immersed in his own world, and that invisible barrier was indestructible.
Jiang Yile noticed that the Chinese textbook he was reading was also brand new, with the corners of the pages flat and no traces of notes.
This confirmed once again that he had indeed just transferred here.
Her eyes inadvertently swept over the dark blue-covered English novel he placed in the corner of his desk.
The edges of the novel's pages were slightly curled, in stark contrast to the brand new textbook, and it looked like it had been read frequently.
This increased her curiosity - at this point in her senior year of high school, most students would consider reading extracurricular magazines a luxury, but he actually had the leisure to read novels, and original English novels at that?
Before I knew it, the bell rang.
The second class is Chinese.
The Chinese teacher is a humorous, knowledgeable middle-aged man named Wang.
When he was teaching, he liked to intersperse some historical anecdotes and life insights when explaining ancient Chinese texts. The classroom atmosphere was usually quite lively, which was a rare change in the life of a senior high school student.
Today we will talk about Wang Bo’s "Preface to the Pavilion of Prince Teng".
Teacher Wang recited with great emotion: "... The mountains and rivers are difficult to cross, who will pity those who have lost their way? We meet by chance, and we are all strangers from other places..."
He particularly emphasized Wang Bo's situation of feeling that his talent was not appreciated when he wrote this article, and his feelings of wandering in a foreign land, meeting by chance but being separated from each other by worlds.
“
When he was explaining something emotional, his eyes inadvertently swept over Gu Nanxiao, a new student in the back row of the classroom. His eyes seemed to carry a hint of subtle inquiry and gentle encouragement, as if they meant something.
A few sharp-minded classmates also followed the teacher's gaze and looked at Gu Nanxiao, with a look of understanding and curiosity in their eyes.
But he still didn't react, just calmly taking notes and writing.
He still had that fluent and slightly sharp style, as if the possible implications in the teacher's words had nothing to do with him, and he was just a pure recorder.
Soon, it was time for physical exercise, and the students got up one after another, rubbed their sleepy eyes, and walked out yawning.
The tables and chairs in the classroom were clanging against each other.
As the class monitor, Jiang Yile needs to urge everyone to line up as quickly as possible.
She stood up and said to Gu Nanxiao, who was still sitting next to her and seemed indifferent to the broadcast instructions, "Student Gu Nanxiao, it's time to do the exercises during recess."
She tried to keep her voice calm, with a tone of reminder rather than command.
Gu Nanxiao raised his head and glanced at her, his eyes still cold, as if covered with a layer of mist.
Then he closed the English novel in his hand, stood up silently, and followed the slightly scattered end of the team.
On the playground.
The teams from each class gradually lined up in an orderly manner under the whistle command of the physical education teacher.
The familiar and rhythmic radio gymnastics music came from the loudspeakers, echoing throughout the campus.
Gu Nanxiao stood in the team with an upright posture, but his movements seemed a little unfamiliar and stiff, as if he was not familiar with this national unified radio gymnastics set.
He frowned slightly and watched the movements of the student in front of him, but he learned quickly. After just a few moves, he roughly caught up with the rhythm.
Although the movements were not large and some parts seemed perfunctory, there were no major faults to be found.
He still had no expression while doing exercises, his eyes looking straight ahead with a blank look, as if he was just completing a task that had to be completed. He was in stark contrast to the classmates around him who took the opportunity to stretch their muscles, secretly chatting and joking.
Jiang Yile stood in front of the team. As the class monitor, she needed to look back occasionally to check the orderliness and morale of the class team.
Her eyes would always glance over him inadvertently.
In the sunlight, his skin looked very white, a bloodless, almost transparent white, which contrasted sharply with his jet-black hair and eyes, carrying a sense of brokenness.
The early autumn sun was still quite hot. After doing a set of exercises, fine sweat soaked his overly fine black bangs. A few strands of wet hair stuck to his smooth forehead, which inexplicably gave people a feeling of fragility and diluted some of his coldness.
After the exercise, the team disbanded and everyone walked towards the teaching building in twos and threes, like the receding tide.
Zhou Xiaowei immediately took Jiang Yile's arm and chattered about which class had the funniest and most funny posture during the exercises, and which boy had his hands and feet in sync.
While Jiang Yile was listening to his friend's energetic complaints, he noticed that Gu Nanxiao was alone again, walking slowly at the edge of the crowd, forming a clear boundary between himself and the boys who were arm in arm, laughing and discussing games or basketball, and the girls who were arm in arm and whispering.
He was like an isolated island, floating silently in the noisy and turbulent ocean.
Back in the classroom, it’s time for a short break.
The morning class is not even halfway through, but the tense learning atmosphere has already spread again.
There was a girl—Lin Wei, the study committee member—holding a difficult extension question from the physics competition. She seemed to hesitate for a long time before finally mustering the courage to walk over to Gu Nanxiao's seat and whispered, "Gu Nanxiao, excuse me, this question...can you help me with it? I'm at a loss for ideas."
Gu Nanxiao raised his head and glanced at the question. He didn't speak immediately, and his face didn't show any impatience at being disturbed.
He directly took the draft paper handed to him by the girl, quickly scanned the question, then picked up his pen and wrote down a few key formulas and the final answer on the paper with just a few strokes.
The writing speed is fast and steady, and the clarity of ideas is astonishing.
The whole process was done in silence, without any explanation or inquiry as to whether the other party understood.
After finishing writing, he handed the draft paper back to the girl, then lowered his head and continued reading his book, as if nothing had happened.
The girl Lin Wei was obviously stunned for a moment. She looked at the clear yet extremely concise, almost jumpy steps on the paper, and her face flushed slightly. It was unclear whether she was embarrassed or surprised by the speed of solving the problem.
She whispered "thank you" in a voice as soft as a mosquito's hum, then quickly returned to her seat with the draft paper and began to ponder over the key hints.
"Wow, he's really cool," Zhou Xiaowei exclaimed again, this time with a hint of disbelief in her tone. "He doesn't even bother to talk, he just writes. Is this a real penny-pincher?"
Jiang Yile also found it a little unbelievable.
She has seen boys who are good at studying. Some of them are willing to help others, explain incessantly, and enjoy the sense of accomplishment of being a teacher; others are a bit arrogant and disdain simple questions.
But this was the first time she met someone like Gu Nanxiao, who solved problems directly with actions, decisively and efficiently, yet was so stingy that he was unwilling to even give a word of explanation or courtesy.
This is not so much pride as it is a...complete rejection of ineffective social interactions.
"But he's really fast at solving problems." Jiang Yile looked at Lin Wei, who was staring at her scratch paper, deep in thought, with a look of sudden enlightenment, and said softly, "I've seen that problem before. It's a preliminary question for the physics competition. It's quite difficult."
"He seems to be a true academic genius without a doubt," Zhou Xiaowei concluded with a hint of sarcasm. "It's just that personality... Alas, that face is wasted. From now on, anyone who wants to ask him questions will have to bring their own translator to translate his 'silent steps'."