Hell's Angels

Lu Chenyang had a very long dream.

In his dream, he stood alone in the middle of the apartment's living room, looking down at another version of himself lying on the sofa. Blood was gushing from his wrist, dripping.

He didn't see the stars he remembered, but he was greeted by the angel he had been waiting for.

The apartment door was suddenly kicked open, and Yu Sheng rushed in.

His Ah Sheng stood in the halo of light, truly like an angel with broken wings fallen to earth. When he saw the scene inside the room clearly, those always affectionate eyes suddenly shattered, and he staggered and knelt on the ground, crawling towards him.

His pain was so intense, it was as if he were being punished by heaven for failing to protect the creatures under his wings.

At that moment, Lu Chenyang felt as if his soul was being torn apart.

Half of him was imprisoned within that gradually cooling body, while the other half was involuntarily drawn to, bound by, and controlled by his angel. He followed him willingly, like the most devout believer.

Unfortunately, his angels could not see him. And he was not a conscious believer.

He seemed to be parasitizing Yu Sheng's body, half-dreaming and half-awake.

At first, Lu Chenyang thought this was great. He no longer had to worry about not finding Yu Sheng, no longer had to fear not seeing his lover. Like a greedy maggot, he burrowed into her bones and blood, coexisted with her soul, and bound himself to Yu Sheng's side forever.

However.

He felt an overwhelming exhaustion, torment, drowsiness, and confusion. It was Yu Sheng who stayed by his bedside all night, without eating, drinking, or sleeping.

He felt a devastating agitation, madness, and loss of reason. It was Yu Sheng rushing into Yu Zhengcheng's house like a madwoman, hysterically smashing things, as if she wanted to take everyone down with her.

He felt his blood rushing and bursting with each impact, felt the biting cold. It was Yu Sheng flooring the accelerator, letting the car crash into the guardrail, then crying and laughing, her face covered in blood.

Finally, he felt a profound and empty sense of loss. It was the emptiness that followed after Yu Sheng had used every means at his disposal to send everyone who had hurt him to prison.

All these feelings, all these emotions, come from Yu Sheng.

The angel eventually became a demon, trapped in hell, repenting to this wandering soul day after day.

He finally opened his eyes inside Yu Sheng's body and saw that Yu Sheng's black hair had turned snow-white.

At that moment, the wandering soul only wanted to embrace him and tell him: I will never say I forgive you, because I have never resented you. Whether you schemed or used me, how you use me is your choice, and my only responsibility is to love you.

But Yu Sheng couldn't hear what the wandering spirit was saying. The wandering spirit couldn't embrace her either. Lu Chenyang regretted it; he wanted to wake up. He just wanted his angel to be happy.

*

In mid-November, Beijing was blanketed with its first light snowfall of the winter, a dazzling spectacle.

Lu Chenyang opened his eyes as the first snow fell.

His lover was not by his side.

"..." He opened his mouth, his throat dry and tight, managing to squeeze out only a muffled syllable. His limbs felt heavy and weak, as if they were filled with lead.

He didn't know how long he had slept, but he was clean, his hair was fresh, and he had been well taken care of.

He let out a long sigh and threw back the covers. He tentatively moved his wrist; it didn't hurt, but a centipede-like raised scar lay there, its healing appearance somewhat grotesque.

Then, he noticed the plain ring on his ring finger.

He stared at it intently for a long time, then his heart skipped a beat.

Yu Sheng! He remembered that Yu Sheng had returned! In those chaotic dreams, he heard Yu Sheng say so many things! He had to find him, he had to see him!

"Creak—" The ward door was gently pushed open.

His angel appeared.

The snowflakes outside the window continued to fall silently, and the sunlight shone through the snow curtain, illuminating the ward with a brightness that seemed almost unreal.

Lu Chenyang couldn't tell if this was reality or a final, beautiful dream bestowed upon him by his dying mind. He needed to confirm it for himself. He needed to hold him tightly in his arms; he needed to feel that heart beating for him.

He struggled to get his feet on the floor. His knees buckled, and his body fell forward uncontrollably…

There was no pain; he fell into a thin embrace. Two arms tightly encircled his armpits, supporting his entire weight and preventing him from being bumped or bruised.

Lu Chenyang looked up and saw white, exactly the same as in his dream.

“…Ah Sheng.” He swallowed hard, trying to moisten his parched throat, and finally managed to squeeze out those two words.

The large hand that had caressed Yu Sheng countless times slowly rose and finally gently landed on Yu Sheng's head. Once, and again... Lu Chenyang's tears rolled down silently.

The feel of the hair beneath my fingers was no longer that of the soft, black curls I remembered. Now, the hair was dry and white, a dull gray, with only a few stubble strands of lifeless black hair mixed in.

How long had he been asleep? Yu Sheng's hair had turned so white. If it weren't for Yu Sheng's gaunt but still youthful and wrinkle-free face, he would almost have thought he had woken up decades later.

But this realization did not make him feel relieved; instead, it made him feel even more heartbroken and in great pain.

His dream was real. His angel did not abandon him, but the angel did not fare well; he had been through hell and was tormented to this state.

Looking into Yu Sheng's vacant eyes, Lu Chenyang felt an overwhelming pang of heartache, and tears welled up in his eyes once again.

He greedily pulled the person into his arms, repeatedly rubbing his cheek against his regained lover. His lips trembled, overwhelmed by immense joy, briefly robbing him of the ability to form words.

"Don't go." He kissed the top of her snow-white hair again and again, repeating it over and over. "Don't go, I was wrong. Don't go."

"You've been asleep for four months! A full four months!" Yu Sheng cried, gasping for breath, her hands gripping Lu Chenyang's hospital gown collar tightly. She roared, "You're not allowed to go see that Xingxing anymore! You can only come with me! Wherever I go, you go! I... I'm going to tie you up, lock you up, hide you away..."

Lu Chenyang had just woken up and his muscles were still weak, but he still used all his strength to lift his hands, cupped Yu Sheng's tear-reddened face, and kissed her tenderly, panting heavily, "Okay, tie me up. Don't let me lose you again. I don't want to go anywhere, tie me up."

Yu Sheng gazed longingly at his beloved, whom he had lost and regained, his eyes unwilling to look away for even an inch, as if he wanted to absorb his image into his pupils and engrave it in the deepest part of his heart. He tilted his head back and kissed the lips that had been kissed countless times while he was asleep.

This time, his lips were no longer pale, no longer cold, and no longer went unanswered. His lover was returning his kiss, with the same tenderness and affection.

"Holy crap—!"

Yu Sheng was startled by the sudden exclamation behind her. She released Lu Chenyang in annoyance and turned around to see which clueless guy it was.

There are quite a few clueless guys. Lan Yi, Lan Zhong, He Wei, and Bai Hua stood dumbfounded at the door. A Jiang, who came in last, turned around and ran to find the doctor while yelling.

Her initial excitement was dampened by these people, and she calmed down considerably. Yu Sheng then realized that she had been so caught up in her joy that she had forgotten to notify the doctor immediately.

Fortunately, after the doctor arrived and examined him, he said that Lu Chenyang waking up was the best sign, and that his body was fine for the time being. He only needed to stay in the hospital for observation for a while longer.

The visitors were also considerate and didn't linger in the ward, thoughtfully giving their time to the young couple who had just been reunited after experiencing life and death. But Bai Hua was an exception. After seeing everyone else off, he directly locked Yu Sheng out of the room and talked alone with Lu Chenyang in the inner room for more than two hours.

Yu Sheng could only sit in the living room of the hospital suite and wait, her palms sweating profusely.

He remembered Bai Hua saying: 'Memory loss is the brain's self-protective mechanism. When the mind suffers unbearable, devastating trauma, it blocks the source of stimulation before consciousness can react. Forcibly stimulating recovery is like trying to pry open a welded-locked safe; no one knows if it contains the truth or an even more terrible disaster.'

The excitement he had just felt over Lu Chenyang's awakening was now completely consumed by panic. Unfortunately, the hospital room was too soundproof; even clinging to the door like an octopus, he couldn't hear a sound.

When Bai Hua finally came out, Yu Sheng immediately rubbed his hands together and went to greet him, like a prisoner waiting for the final verdict, trying to read a trace of pity or luck in the judge's eyes.

"How is it?" he asked nervously.

Bai Hua patted his shoulder and pulled him to sit on the sofa. "According to the preliminary assessment, after regaining his memory, Lu Chenyang experienced significant traumatic memory flashbacks, accompanied by anxiety disorder. Given his professional training at the police academy and his superior psychological qualities compared to the average person, this should have been a positive factor for a good prognosis, and he could have been stabilized through standardized medication and psychological intervention."

He then changed the subject, his tone becoming serious, "But the problem is that the incorrect medication regimen he subsequently received not only failed to control his symptoms, but also induced and exacerbated the deterioration of his condition. The hallucinations he experienced, and the resulting...self-destructive behavior, were involuntary phenomena under the influence of the drugs."

Yu Sheng glanced worriedly at the closed door of the inner ward, "Then what about him now...?"

“The current diagnosis is ‘moderate phobia disorder’ and ‘severe separation anxiety’,” Bai Hua stated succinctly, then sighed and reassured him, “But this is already a very good situation. After discontinuing those inappropriate medications, the hallucination symptoms have significantly lessened and are not expected to pose a long-term problem. The core issue now is the phobia disorder, which could lead to significant behavioral disturbances, such as social withdrawal, unwillingness to be in certain environments, and accompanying somatic symptoms such as palpitations and shortness of breath. You’ve experienced this yourself, so I don’t need to elaborate.”

He paused, his voice softening considerably: "Ah Sheng, don't worry too much. His condition is much better than yours back then. Once the physiological causes are corrected, as long as he adheres to the prescribed medication and combines it with systematic cognitive behavioral therapy, the prognosis is relatively optimistic."

"Then... what is this separation anxiety?" Yu Sheng already had a vague guess in her mind, but she still asked out loud, hoping to get a different answer.

However, Bai Hua's words effectively sentenced him to death.

“The core trigger was you.” Bai Hua looked at him, her eyes filled with pity and heartache. “During the stage when he was most vulnerable and needed ‘object relations’ for support, your absence was interpreted by his personality system as ‘abandonment.’ I asked his assistant, A Jiang, and he described some of Lu Chenyang’s later behaviors, such as searching for your scent and using your clothes to build a nest… This was essentially an attempt to maintain his connection with you and alleviate the immense anxiety caused by separation by establishing ‘transitional objects.’ He was constantly deceiving himself, fantasizing that you were still by his side. So…”

"I understand!" Yu Sheng interrupted Bai Hua, no longer having the courage to listen. This was no different from a crime; each one was enough to sentence him to death.

After seeing Bai Hua off, Yu Sheng sat alone on the sofa, unable to come back to her senses.

After an unknown amount of time, the door to the inner ward clicked open.

Yu Sheng looked up at the sound and saw Lu Chenyang standing at the door in a hospital gown, barefoot on the floor. His reddened eyes stared straight at him, his chest heaving with rapid breathing.

"What's wrong? Why did you come out without shoes?" Yu Sheng immediately got up and went over, taking his hand and leading him back to bed. "Weren't you asleep? Did you have a nightmare?"

Ignoring everything else, Lu Chenyang pulled Yu Sheng tightly into his arms and dragged him onto the bed, using both hands and feet to firmly imprison him on his body.

“I woke up and you weren’t there,” he buried his face in Yu Sheng’s neck, his voice muffled, carrying lingering unease, “I thought you left again. You… didn’t want me anymore.”

Yu Sheng let Lu Chenyang strangle him until he could hardly breathe, without struggling at all.

“…I won’t leave,” he hugged the trembling body in his arms, “I’ll never leave again.”