38. Interpersonal Relationships

On the last Saturday of May, Zeng Xiasheng took a temporary leave from the hotel. After being scolded by his supervisor, he had his entire day's salary deducted and was fined 20 yuan. However, at least he did not lose his part-time job.

He looked in the mirror before leaving and noticed his hair was a little long, but there was no time to cut it. After all, Tang Sizhuo had called unexpectedly at three in the morning, wanting to meet up. Almost a whole year had passed since they'd last secretly gotten together to make lanterns. While Zeng Xiasheng should have been excited and happy to see each other again, he felt quite heavy-hearted.

Because when the call came, Tang Sizhu was crying.

With the high school entrance exam less than thirty days away and the finals drawing near, their contact had been dwindling. Something must have happened in the past few days, something that had forced her to stay awake until three in the morning and finally snap, forcing her to run to him, even at the risk of being discovered. Zeng Xiasheng was vaguely worried that she was upset about going to high school in another city. Although Tang Sizhuo didn't want to go, and her parents seemed uninterested, she had excellent grades and a wide range of options, so there was always room for change.

She probably had a lot to say, and needed a quiet place to spend time together. Zeng Xiasheng had originally thought that since the students were all going home or heading to the city for the holidays, he could find an empty classroom at the vocational high school. Anyway, the campus had changed hands several times, and the planning was a mess, with many abandoned and neglected buildings. But then he remembered that the school had already eagerly sold a lot of land, and the construction team had moved in after the Qingming Festival, working overtime on weekends to demolish buildings and dig the ground. The noise and dust were so loud that it was hard not to disturb her mood.

He stayed awake until dawn, finally remembering a village in this valley. A few years ago, they'd made a big push to develop agricultural tourism, but it hadn't taken off. All they had was a sunny slope and a few strawberry orchards. It was sparsely populated, making it a perfect place to take Tang Sizhuo. The village was served by only one bus line, which was the terminal. Tang Sizhuo naturally wouldn't take the bus, so Zeng Xiasheng had sent her the station name and approximate location in advance so she could tell the taxi driver.

Unaware of Tang Sizhuo's excuse, and therefore unsure of her expected arrival time, Zeng Xiasheng had been waiting at the bus stop since dawn. It wasn't until a little after ten that he saw a taxi pull in and stop at the bus stop. Tang Sizhuo, unusually for the occasion, wasn't wearing her school uniform. Instead, she wore a light pink tracksuit, a cropped top and skirt. Her exposed skin glowed brightly in the sun. Zeng Xiasheng's attention was momentarily distracted, and he quickly averted his gaze when Tang Sizhuo approached.

Seeing her outfit, he vaguely remembered that she had mentioned earlier that the school would have a fun sports meeting at the end of May to relieve the stress of the candidates, and she might have taken the opportunity to sneak out by deceiving both sides.

Before leaving, Zeng Xiasheng mentally prepared himself for a long time. If they couldn't see each other for a year, they could also not see each other for three. It was natural for Tang Sizhuo to be nostalgic, but if she reconsidered and was willing to go to a better school, he must not show any reluctance or hesitation. He should congratulate her, comfort her, and send her off happily. But when she actually stood in front of him, the mere sight of her downcast eyes and trembling eyelashes disturbed him. His base selfishness finally took over, and he screamed in his heart that Tang Sizhuo was shy and not good at socializing, and that going to a new environment alone might not be a good idea.

Zeng Xiasheng took a quick look and found a few faint red marks on the sides of her ears, as if she had been slapped.

The mark was so faint that if it weren't for the strong light outside, one might not have noticed it at all. Zeng Xiasheng frowned, anger rising, his eyes fixed on the small piece of skin, and he realized that he had reached out and lightly brushed it with his fingertips.

Tang Sizhuo looked up at him, tears welling at the corners of her eyes. She'd regretted disturbing him the moment she'd hung up the phone last night. But the greetings and small talk every night had already carved a path through her heart. The pain didn't need to be allowed to overflow; it would naturally surface, seeking him to confide in. Zeng Xiasheng's subtle touches were an invitation to retreat into a safe haven. The grievances welled up in her, controlling her body and sending her tumbling headfirst into his arms.

Zeng Xiasheng had gotten up that morning, showered, and was wearing a newly bought black short-sleeved shirt. He put his arm around Tang Sizhuo, patting her back soothingly, feeling the fabric on his chest slowly getting wet. She didn't cry out, but tears continued to flow.

The bus runs three times a day, and if they wait any longer, the noon bus will arrive. They'll have to move to another station to avoid villagers passing by. Zeng Xiasheng bent down to wipe the tears from her eyes. Without her cooperation, he turned around, raised his arm, and held Tang Sizhuo firmly on his back.

He would be seventeen in two months. He was taller than many adult men, with a strong and broad back. Even as he walked along the path leading into the mountains, his steps were steady and his sway was slight. Tang Sizhuo put his arm around his neck and smelled the warm and familiar scent of laundry detergent. His tears gradually stopped. He leaned over to whisper in Zeng Xiasheng's ear, but the first thing he asked was, "Did I delay your work?"

Sun Changming taught her that relationships can only last if there's give-and-take. But from childhood to adulthood, it seemed like she always dumped her own unresolved emotions on him. Knowing he was struggling financially and needed a part-time job, she couldn't resist asking him out anyway, even bursting into tears the moment she got out of the car, creating no positive expectations.

"I won't cry anymore." Tang Sizhu sniffed and whispered, "I'm sorry."

Zeng Xiasheng paused, suddenly realizing the sun was too bright to open his eyes. He took several deep breaths before starting to walk again.

"No. You can take a leave, it's okay." He spoke slowly, trying his best to hide his nasal voice. "I'll take you to the grass. You can get some sun, and you'll feel better."

Xiangyangpo, a flat, south-facing slope, was perfect for picnics and gatherings, and it was popular for two years when it was first developed. However, urban residents bought cars at an unexpected rate, and soon no one was willing to take the nearly hour-long bus ride, opting for more convenient parking farther away. Now deserted, the grass has grown lush.

Zeng Xiasheng carefully set Tang Sizhuo down, regretting not bringing extra clothes. He was used to sitting on the floor, but he hadn't expected Tang Sizhuo to wear such light-colored clothes, with bare legs. Even with the weeds covering them, mud marks were inevitable, and he'd have a hard time explaining himself back home. After a few seconds of hesitation, he simply took off his short-sleeved shirt and placed it on the floor for her to sit on. He sat beside her in his black tank top.

Originally, he was worried about his new clothes and didn't want them to get stained by sweat and have to be washed frequently, so he found a sweat-absorbing vest he wore while working and put it underneath. Unexpectedly, it found a new use, avoiding the embarrassment of being shirtless in front of others. Zeng Xiasheng looked down and confirmed that the vest was still decent, a little frayed, but fortunately not damaged.

Whether it was a childhood habit of physical contact, or perhaps a subconscious aversion to gender differences, Tang Sizhuo, even after entering puberty and experiencing physical development, remained undeterred, naturally gravitating towards him once they sat down. Zeng Xiasheng was about to intervene, but then he remembered that the girls at vocational high school also loved this kind of affectionate huddling. Perhaps this was simply girlish nature, and Tang Sizhuo's lack of same-sex friends was the reason she was so submissive. So, he figured, let her be, as long as she was happy. After all, she wasn't someone who approached everyone, and he certainly wouldn't make any advances.

After walking along the road, Tang Sizhuo calmed down a lot, and couldn't even understand why she was crying just now. Maybe it was really like Xiao Tong said, she was raised to be pampered, psychologically fragile, and unable to withstand anything. Every child was beaten, scolded, and scolded by their parents, but she was the one who cried at the slightest provocation.

Zeng Xiasheng used his pinky finger to gently push her tear-soaked hair back to her forehead, revealing a pair of clear eyes. Her amber pupils stared back at him, as beautiful as pebbles washed by river water. He suddenly realized how absurd his previous fears had been. The person he'd been thinking about day and night was right here, half-curled up in his arms, yet there was no room for any evil thoughts in his mind. Even more powerful than the desire to touch her skin, to press against her body, was his desire to make Tang Sizhu never cry again.

"What happened?"

Tang Sizhuo hesitated for a moment, feeling a little embarrassed. "It's nothing. It's just that Eighth Middle School also had pre-admission quotas, but I didn't get them. However, I should be able to pass the exam. It doesn't have much impact." She spoke lightly, but her eyes wandered, and it was obvious that there was more than just this problem.

Zeng Xiasheng responded without saying anything. Sure enough, after a moment of silence, Tang Si reached out and tugged at the grass stems on the ground. Amid the intermittent cracking sounds, he muttered almost to himself, "Mom was so happy. She said if I got a spot, I wouldn't have to spend so much time studying for the exam and could focus on playing the piano. But I didn't get it."

The grass was untended, and some weeds grew very tall. Zeng Xiasheng saw her trying to pull at the prickly leaves and quickly pulled her hand back. Tang Sizhuo seemed completely oblivious to his movements. He was simply feeling irritated and uncomfortable without touching something, so he took the opportunity to pick at the calloused, dead skin on his palm. Zeng Xiasheng simply spread his hands out for her to play with while she continued, "In addition, we gave three schools recommendation spots, 10 out of 15. Of the five people recommended by No. 8 Middle School, I was the only one who didn't get one. It was even announced, so everyone knows about it."

When Zeng Xiasheng went to pick her up from the affiliated high school, he often saw the honor roll at the school gate. Tang Sizhuo's grades were ridiculously good. She got first place because that was the highest she could get, often leaving a gap of tens of points between her and the runner-up. So he quickly realized that the selection criteria weren't solely based on grades. She was proficient in sports, the arts, and good character. If anything held her back, it was probably her relationships.

Zeng Xiasheng asked tentatively: "Is it because of what your classmates said?"

Tang Sizhuo's eyes flashed with surprise. She had just told him the result, and she wondered how he had guessed this. After a pause, she nodded, "Yeah. The requirements for students from other schools are stricter. There's a comprehensive review, and classmates have to anonymously grade them. Mine is too low. They're all at least above 95, and I'm not even 90..."

After experiencing the misfortune of the Affiliated High School, Tang Sizhuo no longer dared to interact closely with any classmates after transferring to No. 8 Middle School. She wanted to reduce her presence and smoothly finish her studies, but this only led to a new round of criticism. As she spoke, her voice gradually lowered, "I have friends. It's not like I don't have friends. Why do I have to make friends at school? They don't like me."

Tang Sizhuo lost control of her emotions, digging her nails into her tender flesh, but Zeng Xiasheng remained silent. He remained motionless, listening to her sobs as she complained about how everyone else had been laughing at her these past few days, saying it was no use being a good student, that she couldn't socialize and wouldn't make it anywhere.

Xiao Tong's rapid rise in social circles has long been frowned upon by some, but they've been silenced by Sun Changming's momentum. Now, however, they've finally found their chance. At last night's party, many people deliberately asked about her pre-admissions, not even bothering to hide the truth, saying things like, "I went to a parent-teacher conference, and they laughed. They said, 'Why does she need this place? She's already planning to study abroad!' They look down on her in this small city. They like this kind of person abroad—what's it called? A lone genius? By then, I'm afraid she'll be marrying off a foreign son-in-law."

It was difficult to save face in front of others. Xiao Tong was furious after returning home. She immediately pulled Tang Sizhuo out of bed and beat her, complaining that she had attended so many dinners with her parents and met many important people, but she still couldn't learn social skills. She was taught to say one thing to different people and another thing to different people. She couldn't even handle such simple interpersonal relationships between students. She was as stubborn as Tang Jiahua and deserved to be humiliated everywhere.

Tang Sizhuo spoke very restrainedly. She had actually thought about it all night and was no longer so sad. After calming down, she felt more confused.

She'd seen Sun Changming and Xiao Tong socialize before, but it was always for business or reputation. Tang Sizhuo had previously thought none of this mattered to her, but the pre-admissions review had put her in the same position. She figured her parents were right; to succeed, you must first establish connections. But if you're only connecting with classmates to secure a spot, if you're only engaging and socializing to achieve your goals, what happens when there's nothing left to fight for?

For example, Zeng Xiasheng, why did he accompany her, comfort her, answer her call in the middle of the night without getting angry, and be willing to carry her such a long way?

So she asked Zeng Xiasheng: "What can I give you?"

Zeng Xiasheng's Adam's apple rolled, and he looked into her uneasy and guilty eyes, unable to make a sound.