Chapter 227 Zhu Shi, Lacking Love

Upon hearing my reply, Zhu Shi showed an expression that was both surprised and unsurprised.

Judging from the description alone, such a change in expression seems hard to imagine. I believe Zhu Shi has a clear and objective understanding of her appearance and how easily she can be liked. Simply put, she's not the kind of naive girl who's completely unaware of her own charm. Before hearing my reply, she should have been mentally prepared accordingly.

On the other hand, she might have wanted to portray a reaction of complete surprise at hearing such a response. This acting might have been unconscious; it could have been performed more naturally. Perhaps she also hoped to communicate sincerely, and the reflexive acting didn't completely mask her true feelings.

She seemed to hesitate for two seconds before saying, "You actually admitted it outright!"

“Didn’t you say before that I just need to speak my mind as always? Lies and acting don’t suit me. So I’m just being honest,” I said.

She laughed and retorted, "If you have feelings for me, just say it directly. But if you have feelings for Ma Zao, you're just saying one thing and meaning another?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said seriously.

I never mentioned to Zhu Shi that Ma Zao had feelings for a girl, after all, she was far more sensible in this regard than I was. Even I myself find it somewhat perverted for a nearly twenty-year-old adult man to have feelings for a thirteen-year-old girl. Although Zhu Shi probably had some idea of ​​my true feelings, if I were to be honest, she would definitely nag me about it repeatedly.

“But now that you say that, I’m relieved,” Zhu Shi said.

"Don't worry?" I asked.

“You don’t actually have those feelings for me,” she said relaxedly. “I’m even thinking about what I should do if you really like me and want to get married.”

I deliberately said, "Your words actually hurt me a little. Is it really that hard for you to accept the idea of ​​marrying me?"

"That's not how it is," she said. "As for whether I want to marry you, Senior Brother Zhuang, I'm going to get married sooner or later anyway, and I would be more than happy to marry you. There are many things about you that I can't ignore, Senior Brother Zhuang, and being with you in the future would make it easier for me to take care of you closely."

What does it mean to "take care of me"... How am I really being viewed?

“But, how should I put it… it would be very unfair to you, Senior Brother Zhuang, if you were to marry me,” she said.

“It’s unfair—why?” I quickly thought of several possibilities.

“First of all, from an outsider’s perspective, you are destined to become a Great Impermanence sooner or later, while I am just a descendant of a fallen demon hunter family. Even if our ancestors produced a Great Impermanence, that is the glory of the past. You have far more suitable partners to choose from than me, and choosing me would inevitably mean missing out on a lot,” she said.

"That's the most illogical reason. If I become the Great Impermanence, wielding power that transcends common sense, yet I still have to consider the background of my partner when choosing a mate—how utterly vulgar that is! How can I be worthy of calling myself 'Great Impermanence'?" I answered without hesitation.

Upon hearing this, she smiled and asked in return, "Senior Brother Zhuang, you wouldn't be starting to seriously consider marrying me, would you?"

"This is just one possible explanation," I said. "And then, there must be other reasons, right?"

She nodded: "And then there's the most important reason, which is that I can't develop romantic feelings for you, Senior Brother Zhuang."

"You can't fall in love with me, but you'd be more than happy to marry me?" I felt her words were incoherent.

However, it's perfectly reasonable that she didn't have romantic feelings for me. She possessed pure kindness and a strong sense of morality, which were the complete opposite of someone like me who considered myself a villain and had no taboos. Although some fictional stories feature the classic plot of "a chivalrous woman falling in love with a villain," regardless of whether reality is fiction or not, we never experienced anything special that would allow us to develop romantic feelings for each other.

Rather, I would say that she has probably figured out by now that I am of questionable character, but she is still willing to confide in me, which is enough to surprise and delight me.

She shook her head, then added, "It's my way of expressing myself that's not good. Not just with you, I can't feel romantic feelings for anyone."

"What's going on?" I asked, puzzled.

"It means exactly what it says. I'm not capable of experiencing romantic love between men and women. It's not a personality issue, but a problem at the fundamental level," she said.

"I still don't quite understand. No love... even if that's true, how did you come to that conclusion?"

Having experienced so many incredible events, I was able to quickly process Zhu Shi's sudden statement.

Let's assume for now that Zhu Shi really is someone who lacks the ability to love. But unlike simple and clear emotions like fear and anger, love is an elusive emotion.

If a person is born without fear or anger, it is easy to make a self-diagnosis. But if a person is born unable to experience love, how can one accurately diagnose this, instead of continuing to hold onto the possibility that "I just haven't met someone who makes my heart flutter"?

After much thought, I felt like I had grasped a possibility: "—Don't you have a sex drive?"

"Huh?" Zhu Shi was stunned. "Why would you think that?"

“I’ve heard that love between men and women is a mixture of friendship and desire… I don’t know if that’s true, but if you can treat me as a good friend but can’t develop romantic feelings for me, then it probably means you don’t have that kind of desire for me… or for any other man, right?” I asked.

"No, no, no, that's really... uh..."

As she refuted, she seemed to be racking her brains for evidence to object, then fell silent for a moment before continuing, "It seems...it seems that's really the case, um...I don't have that kind of desire for men."

“What about women?” I asked.

"Then it's even more impossible!" she said, her face flushed.

I asked curiously, "Since you only found out about this now, how were you so sure you weren't in a romantic relationship before?"

“I wasn’t born incapable of romantic feelings; rather, I lost them after experiencing a certain event. Because I had a clear understanding of the event itself, I also knew what I had lost in it,” she said.

"Is it a strange incident?" I couldn't help but be concerned. "Does Mr. Zhu know about this?"

“It’s not entirely a strange event,” she shook her head. “As for Grandpa… he doesn’t know about it. None of the other family members know either. You’re the first person to know, besides myself. Because Grandpa always wanted to bring you and me closer, I felt that at least you should be informed.”

"You said you wanted me to know, but it seems you didn't intend to tell me the details of that incident." I caught this emotion in her voice.

"Given your ruthless pursuit of bizarre events, if I were to tell you everything, you would definitely try to delve deeper into the matter."

As she spoke, she became annoyed and continued, "No, I've already brought it up with you. Even if I don't say anything more, you might still try to dig deeper..."

“It’s not just for that reason; I also want to help you,” I said. “You are a very important friend to me, and if you have lost a part of yourself because of strange events, then I will do everything I can to get it back for you.”

“You’re really cheating in this respect, Senior Brother Zhuang. If you really help me to that extent and even help me regain the ability to fall in love, what if I turn around and fall in love with you?” She joked first, then said, “Let’s make it clear beforehand, it doesn’t matter if I lose the ability to fall in love. Not only will it not pose any danger to me, but it can also be said to have saved me from a lot of troubles related to it.”

"If you want to know the details of that incident, I can tell you, but I can't tell you right now. It will take some time."

I cut to the chase and asked, "When can you tell me?"

“At least…” she hesitated for a moment before saying, “At least until things settle down with my brother. Also, I hope you won’t mention what I told you today to anyone else.”

"I see."

As I agreed, I felt a surge of happiness. She had shared her secret with me, a secret now known only to the two of us. Even if I couldn't yet know the core information I was most curious about, this was enough to satisfy me for the time being.

"So, do you have any other questions for me regarding Asahi?" she asked.

Yes, there really is.

I'm just unsure whether I should ask Zhu Shi for help. The atmosphere between Ma Zao and me is currently awkward, and Zhu Shi, being a woman herself, might offer some helpful advice to break the ice. However, the whole thing stems from my almost confessional "hint" to Ma Zao. As mentioned before, Zhu Shi is a sensible person; if she finds out the truth, it might actually become an obstacle.

After careful consideration, I decided to seek help in a roundabout way.

“Zhu Shi, let me make an assumption, just an assumption… In order to avoid Ma Zao knowing my true motives for pursuing her, I said some things before that made her think I liked her…”

I briefly described what had happened, and concluded by saying, "...We're having a really awkward time together right now. What do you think I should do?"

Zhu Shi was dumbfounded.

"You actually said that kind of thing to Asaho?"

“Suppose, suppose,” I said.

“Okay, let’s just say it’s hypothetical. But there’s nothing I can do to help with that, because I don’t know what Asaho is thinking either. Her common sense is completely different from ours, you know that, right? So it’s hard to say whether she hates you or just doesn’t know how to face you.” She said, “However, you’d better be prepared to be disliked. A large portion of women dislike lolicon, so it’s not surprising that Asaho thinks that way, and…”

"And?" I had a bad feeling.

"Besides, I used to say a lot of bad things about lolicon to Asao when we chatted on the phone before." Zhu Shi coughed. "Like, lolicon usually has tendencies towards shota fetish, because lolis and shota both have flat chests, and a good-looking shota can look almost like a loli if he dresses up a little..."

"Congratulations, Junior Sister."

"...Um, Senior Brother Zhuang? Why did you specifically call me Junior Sister at a time like this?"

"You really are my good junior sister." I couldn't help but emphasize my words.

My junior sister snapped out of her daze and quickly changed the subject. At this point, I couldn't muster the energy to pursue the matter further. After all, I was the one who was truly at fault.

I played along and changed the subject: "Has Xuanwu replied recently?"

It has been about ten days since Mr. Zhu sent a message to the naval commander Xuanwu using the token, and according to the previous statement, the latter should reply in about half a month. In other words, it would be normal for him to reply now.

The elixir of the Navy's Genbu is the key to healing Asaha's soul trauma. Although Asaha is currently using ordinary soul healing medicine, its healing effect is quite limited, at most preventing Asaha from fainting easily when using her powers. Moreover, leaving the soul trauma to persist for a long time may pose significant risks, and there might even be a so-called "optimal treatment time," which could be missed if she continues to delay.

Zhu Shi replied that he had not yet received a reply, but it should be within the next few days.

We should have ended the call soon enough, but Zhu Shi couldn't hold back any longer. Even though no one was listening, she lowered her voice and whispered, "...Senior Brother Zhuang, you're not really a lolicon, are you?"

I don't think so.

At least I have never had those kinds of thoughts about other girls my age, and I also have healthy desires for Shushi.

Zhu Shi then said in a serious tone, "That's what people with a lolicon complex usually say."

"So what do you want me to say?" I thought to myself, and then ended the call.

Turning my head, I saw Ma Zao still standing not far away, enjoying the night breeze. She hadn't spoken to me during my conversation with Zhu Shi. Although she wasn't usually talkative, this behavior wasn't surprising, but it made me think about it.

Just then, a faint and unfamiliar fluctuation of magical power came from afar.

Mazao and I both looked in that direction at the same time.

The source of the fluctuation is slowly approaching us.

Things are different now. In the past, I was probably too powerful, and I couldn't sense the mana fluctuations of those below the Great Completion level because they were too weak. Now, I can sense the mana fluctuations of others normally. I was able to sense the mana fluctuations of the demon hunters who conspired with Lu Youxun to kidnap Ma Zao last time, and I have also incorporated the mana fluctuations coming from now into my perception.

Based on this, I have a gut feeling that the source of this magical fluctuation has the potential to truly threaten my life.

The newcomer is at least a Grand Master.

(End of this chapter)