Chapter 247 Grab My Heart

I slowly walked up to Ma Zao.

She remained silent, her head bowed, hands on her knees, her gaze fixed on her toes, completely absorbed in her own thoughts, seemingly unaware of my approach. I considered my next words, and could faintly hear my own heartbeat.

Zhu Shizhen was right about me. It's at crucial moments like these that I easily lose my composure. Even though I've already spoken my true feelings once before, I still feel uneasy saying it again.

Perhaps the reason I can speak my mind so frankly in most situations is because I'm indifferent to most things. The opinions of those around me and the reactions of the people I talk to are secondary; I can even disregard my own life sometimes. Just like many people who appear brave haven't truly overcome their fear with courage, but rather they weren't truly afraid in the first place.

At this moment, fear undoubtedly gripped my heart; I was afraid something unexpected would happen. What if Asa really believed my words and still rejected me? What should I do then? However, at the same time, I also believed that true courage existed within me. Since I was confident that I could overcome the terrors that accompanied adventure with my own willpower, there was no reason why I couldn't frankly offer my true feelings to a girl trembling in the darkness of her heart.

Whenever someone gets close to her, she feels anxious, afraid that others will hurt her and that she will hurt others; but when people stay away from her, she feels lonely, and it is said that she sometimes secretly sheds tears alone.

Those days are over now.

I slowly knelt down in front of her and placed my right hand on the back of her hand. She seemed to realize this at that moment and looked at me blankly.

"Ma Zao, are you thinking about the patients with amnesia?"

I was still working out my plan, first in a questioning tone, then changing to a declarative one: "You want to save them, even if it means sacrificing yourself."

“…Mm.” She nodded.

"Then what about saving the world?" I asked.

“I want to stop the apocalypse… but does this really require my power? Perhaps I am simply incapable of continuing to contribute to such a grand mission. The fact is, compared to you who have already accessed so many clues, I have yet to achieve anything. So I should at least start with other things I can do,” she said.

“But I need you. Without you, I can’t even catch a glimpse of the strange events. Don’t you already know that?” I said. “And what about Little Bowl? Without you…”

“Even if I were here, I couldn’t reach Xiaowan right now and couldn’t help her at all,” she said dejectedly. “Besides, you don’t necessarily need my company to access the supernatural world. Since so many powerful beings and those qualified as powerful beings have been able to access the supernatural world normally throughout history, it means that there must be some simple method.”

The name "Little Bowl" didn't even lift her spirits, which surprised me somewhat. However, I quickly realized that this was probably just wishful thinking on my part. Unlike me, who could enter the virtual realm, Asahi had only known of Little Bowl Number Two's existence through my descriptions. Even if my retelling of Little Bowl Number Two's words matched Asahi's understanding, it still lacked authenticity. That indirect connection wasn't always enough to stir her emotions.

"Haven't you always tried your best to protect the little bowl?" I asked.

"Did I protect Xiaowan...?" Mazao said self-deprecatingly, "Actually, it's not like that, Zhuangcheng. It wasn't me who protected her, but rather she who protected me. Before I met her, I had already planned to die; it was because of her that I temporarily found a reason to live. But..."

"Maybe all I want right now is a way to die that suits my own preferences. What value would someone like me, who only attracts misfortune, have if I lived a long life? If I were to die to save the world, that would be the best; even if I couldn't, dying on the path of saving others would be good too. I wouldn't have any complaints about that."

"And what about me?" I asked. "Without you, I'll just go back to this dull and boring world..."

"Is it that again? I've already said it, how could anyone give up a safe life and choose to actively jump into danger, or even a desperate situation? You must be the one comforting me. I'm glad you comforted me, but I won't believe it," she said.

"Looking at it this way, you really are quite similar to me," I said.

"Similar?" she asked, puzzled.

She herself was someone who desperately wanted to die, yet she still said, "I don't believe there are people who are fearless in pursuing adventure." It's just that, although we are both heading towards death, our inner thoughts are completely opposite. I increasingly feel that perhaps we complement each other not only in terms of talent, but also in many other similar yet opposite ways. What a coincidence!

Just as she had said in the past, she was a girl who would constantly attract danger and fall into distress and despair because of it, while I was a man living in a different era who just happened to love dangerous things. She just happened to travel through time and space, just happened to come to my side, and just happened to become my partner. With so many "coincidences" combined, and it happened to happen to her who was often accompanied by misfortune, she naturally could not easily believe it.

But that's how it happened. There are eight billion people living on this planet, and even a single city has hundreds of thousands, millions, or tens of millions of inhabitants. The probability of any two people meeting is extremely low. Yet, from childhood to adulthood, we encounter all sorts of strangers, friends, classmates, colleagues… Discussing probabilities after the fact is just hindsight. It's like telling someone who has actually suffered misfortune how low the probability of that misfortune is—it's pointless. Now that I've truly come before her, I hope she can accept me with equanimity.

I reached out my other hand and cupped her left hand in mine. This gesture was much more intimate than before. She paused, then seemed to try to pull her hand away. I didn't let her escape, but held her left hand firmly. She opened her mouth, but no words came out, and her cheeks flushed red, revealing her shyness.

This was an emotion that Asahaya wouldn't have shown in the past. Sure enough, I don't know when it started, but Asahaya developed feelings for me. Originally, I didn't have any particular thoughts, but seeing her become shy, I actually became shy too, and at the same time, I felt an inexplicable joy.

I slightly loosened my grip on my left hand, the black cord-locked heart ring clutched in my palm. Looking at her expression, she seemed puzzled as to why I had taken out the ring. In the current atmosphere, the fact that I was showing her the ring likely meant only one thing. Perhaps she didn't understand what it meant for a man to present a ring to a woman in modern society.

Actually, I didn't mean to confess my love; I just wanted her to believe my words. But when the time came, I was at a loss. Which finger should I wear this ring on? I only knew that wearing it on the left ring finger symbolized marriage. Not knowing that was one thing, but knowing it and still wearing it there seemed inappropriate. So, in the end, I put it on her left middle finger. Perhaps wearing it there also had some special meaning; I decided to ignore that for now.

The black rope heart-locking ring turned her left hand into a phantom shape. I pulled her left hand and guided her to pierce my chest, actively delivering my vibrant, beating heart into her palm.

In that instant, a cold and cunning magical power appeared, binding my heart like stiff, thin chains. I could feel that I could resist this magical power at any moment, but I didn't. Instead, I cooperated to allow it to take effect.

Mazao then realized what I was doing and was shocked.

"Zhuang Cheng, you..."

“Now, Ma Zao, you’ve captured my heart,” I said. “From this moment on, I will no longer be able to remain silent to you, nor will I be able to lie to you.”

She must have already felt the feedback from the black rope heart-locking ring and realized that what I said was true.

"Why do you do this?" she asked.

"Of course, it's to make you believe what I'm saying," I said. "No matter how many times I have to say it, I will keep saying it until you completely believe me."

"Good morning, I need you, I want you."

"You may indeed attract endless misfortune and calamity, but no matter what others say about you or how they view you, at least to me, you are definitely not a jinx. My world used to be bleak, until I met you, and my story finally began. You are the lucky star that illuminates my destiny."

Even if everyone in the world denies you, and you deny yourself, I will still affirm you, yearn for you, and consider meeting you the greatest fortune in my life. I will never let you escape from my side.

"—How was it? Could you feel my heartbeat? Do you still think these are insincere words?"

I poured out all my true feelings.

Admittedly, I understand perfectly well where Mazao's real problem lies. The reason she didn't believe my honest words last time wasn't because I lacked persuasiveness, but because she didn't want to believe that good fortune would happen to her. She was afraid of experiencing signs of happiness. Therefore, the real strategy should obviously be to first find a way to subtly resolve her inner conflict.

But I'm just not good at subtle things. All the flowery words I've used to rack my brains to say have always ended up causing me trouble in some way. My nature is to be direct, straightforward, and forceful, so what I need to do now is simple. Since simply strengthening my persuasiveness isn't enough, then I'll continue to strengthen it, until she has absolutely nowhere to escape, no way to refute it, and can't find any loopholes, forcing her to accept that I, Zhuang Cheng, am indeed the person I claim to be.

This is what I do, this is my true feeling, this is who I am.

Now, Ma Zao, you're holding my heart, looking into my eyes, listening to my words—can you still say I'm lying?

Ma Zao stood there stunned, as if her computer had crashed.

Seeing this, I once again expressed my true feelings in a different way. Just like I said before, I will say it no matter how many times. Because she might think that I am using clever rhetoric to mislead her thinking by only stating part of the truth, so it is meaningful to keep changing the angle. It is a kind of saturation bombardment of language, ensuring that she cannot find any loopholes to hide in.

When I said it for the fourth time, she seemed to finally come to her senses and said helplessly, "I'm not a jinx...?"

"Yes." I was certain.

She asked hesitantly, "You want me?"

"Yes," I affirmed again.

She remained stunned for a long time before speaking again: "Um, I...I don't really understand..."

“I can say it a few more times,” I said, “to me, you are not a jinx. You are the light of my life, the fire of my desires…”

"No, no, no..." she quickly said, "That's not what I meant..."

"So what is it?" I asked.

"...Could you give me some time alone?" she stammered. "I...need time to sort out my thoughts..."

Did I push her too far? Perhaps my advances were too intense, leaving her breathless. Listening to others' words also requires time to think and digest; perhaps I was too hasty and forgot to consider her convenience.

"How long will it take?" I asked.

After hesitating for a moment, she said, "An hour will be enough."

Looking at her expression, she didn't seem to be contemplating suicide, so I nodded and let her pull her left hand out of my chest. Her left hand changed from its phantom form back to its normal human hand form. I stood up, stepped back, turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.

After she walked away, I immediately began monitoring her using the thermal energy signals in her body.

She said she wanted to be alone, yet I was still secretly monitoring her—it was certainly inconsiderate of me. However, I hadn't forgotten that this base wasn't absolutely safe. Letting her be alone out of my sight, let alone for an hour, not even for a minute, was unacceptable to me.

I silently observed her every move in the room. After I left, she sat on the edge of the bed, lost in thought, and even touched the ring on her left middle finger before continuing to stare blankly. After a while, she suddenly turned and burrowed into the covers, curling up into a ball. Then she jumped off the bed and started running and skipping around the room.

Finally, she quieted down, sat back down on the edge of the bed, hugged her pillow, and stared at her toes, seemingly lost in thought.

(End of this chapter)