49 Chapter 49

First of all, we must make clear one fact. Although Nakajima Atsushi still has a lot of room for improvement, his current achievements and progress over the years cannot be ignored.

Next, we need to further dissect Nakajima Atsushi's inner world.

Although he left the orphanage under the pretext of running away, he has also interacted with some outstanding people who do not conform to the secular sense over the years. For example, he has maintained contact with the former leader of the Leibo Street gang, the Sheep King Zhongyuan, for many years, and has also had intersections with the leader of the port mafia. He has also cooperated with the famous heartless dog, Ryunosuke Akutagawa for two months. His behavior has seriously disrupted the normal order of the vegetable market.

But even so, in Nakajima Atsushi's heart, he is always a good citizen.

Because of this, no matter how softly Bailibian used to describe his fairy-tale past, he still could not face the essence of the story - he killed someone.

"…At the end of the story, Dazai obtained Shibusawa Ryuhiko's bones and successfully lifted the curse, and Nakajima Atsushi and Hyakube returned home together."

Although according to the agreement, this problem, which was obviously Nakajima Atsushi's psychological confusion, could be handed over to Dazai Osamu to solve, Bailibian still chose to do it himself.

This was not a clear choice, especially when Baili knew clearly that not only was he not as good as Dazai Osamu at controlling people's hearts, but his way of thinking was even somewhat incompatible with the whole world.

So he asked Dazai Osamu to stew an extra bowl of energetic clear chicken, but it didn't happen.

He just asked the other party to listen and make up for it in time.

In fact, sometimes Baili Bian couldn't understand why the people around him seemed to always be pursuing the illusory so-called meaning of life.

Not to mention Dazai Osamu, even Nakajima Atsushi would occasionally say things that led him into a dead end.

Perhaps this will break the hearts of many people, but for Bailibian, the meaning of life they pursue is no different from that of the red-eye and rabid people in City A.

The bottom line is that they have had it too easy, so they actually have such naive ideas about life.

It's easy to imagine that a place where alleys are filled with the living dead, where airplanes and cannons can be privately controlled, and where an atomic bomb can be dropped at any time, will never be safe.

For ordinary citizens of City A like Bailibian, they never have time to think about the meaning of life. It is already very difficult to ensure that they have no regrets at the moment.

Did the new world's richest man remember this? Who can influence the global economy with a stomp of his feet? Who can change the direction of the economy with a clap of his hands? Who is the real hot traffic?

Also, when walking, do you accurately avoid all strangers? Have you accidentally touched anything unfamiliar? Are there any strange marks on the door of your home? When you push open the door, you should also carefully observe to see if there are any strangers lying at the door.

Living is already so tiring, so if we still want to pursue meaning, it would be too much to ask.

In the beginning, survival in City A wasn't as harsh as it is now. At least by Bailibian's standards, he could still be considered a protagonist.

But thousands of years passed, and servants like Xiaohong and Xiaolu were beaten to death for failing to pronounce the nicknames of the new nobles in the court. The three thousand secret guards were decimated in the struggle, half and half, until all were finally wiped out. Then wouldn't the next person responsible for serving tea and water have to choose from those names that were also required to be memorized?

City A is a prosperous place with many people coming and going.

On Bailibian's first night in Yokohama, he couldn't sleep because it was too quiet.

The sporadic gunshots, faint shouts, and empty roads made Bailibian realize that he had come to a good place, a safe, peaceful and harmonious place.

Especially on the next morning, he asked the same question to Nakahara Chuuya, "Is there anything I need to remember?" And the other party gave him the same answer.

Their mortal enemy hadn't changed at all after one night!

Their most powerful mafia hadn't changed at all after a whole night of competition!

Even the information dealers here would be shocked by such a small thing as an unknown doctor becoming the leader overnight.

This is also one of the important reasons why Bailibian was able to accept the fact of time travel and live seriously in Yokohama - perhaps he left his relatives and friends forever, but he enjoyed a stability he had never had before.

"Are you feeling bad, A'dun? But what are you feeling bad about?" Bailibian leaned forward slightly and took Nakajima Atsushi's hand, which was resting on the table. He stared into those purple-gold eyes and asked Nakajima Atsushi the question he could never understand. "You clearly did a very good thing. You bravely stood up against those who hurt you, and you even saved Yokohama from five years ago."

Why was he embarrassed? Nakajima Atsushi asked himself, but the more he thought about it, the less he could find the answer he wanted. Just like Bailibian said, killing Shibusawa Ryuhiko was a good thing no matter what, but why did he still feel uncomfortable?

Nakajima Atsushi couldn't find the answer, but Dazai Osamu knew it, but he didn't say anything.

Dazai Osamu did not think that Bailibian could understand Nakajima Atsushi. The reason was not that Bailibian was not smart enough, but because he was too selfish.

No matter how much Bailibian shows respect for Nakajima Atsushi's ideas and how considerate he is to the life of his beloved big cat, it cannot change the fact that he is essentially a person who sticks to his own world.

Being unaffected by the surrounding environment can probably be praised as being steadfast, but being like Bailibian, who is always out of tune with the surrounding environment and not even influenced by anyone, can be said to be too stubborn.

Speaking of stubbornness, Dazai Osamu inevitably thinks of his disciple, the silent rabid dog, Akutagawa Ryunosuke. He had long been troubled by his stubbornness, his relentless determination to persevere even when faced with a wall, and perhaps still was, but if you really counted them all, Hyakuri Bian was even more incomprehensible than Akutagawa Ryunosuke.

It’s just that Baili Bian looks too normal and too powerful, so it’s difficult for people to notice that he is the real king who sticks to his own world.

He never worries about hitting a wall, nor does he ever think that he will hit a wall, because he has his own wall.

He never abides by the rules of this world, he only abides by his own rules.

However, it was precisely because of this that Dazai Osamu was unwilling to give Bailibian any hints. He wanted to see how the ideological confrontation between Bailibian and Nakajima Atsushi would play out.

"You can't figure it out, can you, Adun? You think you're weird, but you can't get rid of that annoying feeling."

As if he had already guessed that Dazai Osamu would not lend a helping hand, Bailibian continued to talk to himself.

"Then don't think about it for now, just listen to me, A-Dun."

As if feeling guilty for what he was about to say, Bai Li stopped looking at those ignorant, expectant purple-gold eyes. He lowered his gaze to the hands clasped with Nakajima Atsushi's.

"Because you have been indoctrinated with wrong ideas. Your father, maybe you don't want to call him that, but now at least at this moment, I want you to look directly at this name, even if it makes you painful."

"To prevent you from hurting other children, to prevent you from causing him irreparable pain, he chose to tame you, suppress you, and restrict you. He made you fear your own strength, made you dread your own desires, trapped you by the gazes of others, and made you forever shrink back."

"He raised you, that's a fact. I can't refute that he loves you, that's also a fact. But he doesn't love you enough, at least he doesn't know how to truly love you, that's also a fact."

"You may not agree with what I'm going to say next, but please don't refute it. Don't refute it until you are sure you have gotten rid of his influence."

"You deserve a life a hundred times, a thousand times better than the one you have now, but your father has thwarted your happiness and hasn't truly recognized his mistake to this day. He might give you a gift to show his approval of who you are today, but please know that what he's approving of isn't the real you; it's only the fantasy of you he's created through the words of others."

"I'm not encouraging you to forgive him, but I'm still going to give you this thing he gave me. You can change your attitude towards him at any time. Maybe three days from now you'll laugh at yourself for cherishing it, and a month from now you'll regret destroying it. But I hope you're happy, because every change represents your growth and means you've saved yourself again."

It was not until Bailibian patted Nakajima Atsushi's arm again that he woke up from his trance and shifted his attention to the watch on the dining table.

Nakajima Atsushi had no expertise in watches. In his opinion, the watch in front of him was no different from the watches placed in glass cabinets on the street that he often passed by.

But he still looked at the watch for a long time.

Just looked at it for a long time.

Just like a person with a high fever who refuses to close his eyes and stares stubbornly at the light on the ceiling, even though his brain is unable to think and his eyes are sore and tears are flowing, he still refuses to look away.

Without any purpose, just looking, weirdly.

Early morning is the perfect time to enjoy birdsong. The cool sunlight pierces the warm vapor, silently summoning its most loyal horn. Now, this inimitable sound penetrates the concrete barrier and pierces directly into Nakajima Atsushi's ears.

So, what did he hear?

Maybe it’s just birdsong, just like Bailibian.

Or perhaps, it's the ticking of a clock.

【Author’s words】

Military training is really hard...